[sinclairfan]

[Editor's note:  today's Millennials, with access to texting and social media, often underappreciate how hard it was for Boomer and GenXer women to start catfights.  Today is the 40th anniversary (1983) of this classic letter from a lost soul at a loss as to the where/when/why of catfighting a neighbor.]

Dear TABSK--My name is Susan.  I'm 19 years old, which is almost how long I've been reading your column (I was a childhood reading prodigy).  For my entire teen years, the two prettiest, smartest, most-desired-babysitters on my cul de sac were Kristy and me. 

So, needless to say, Kristy and I were never friends.  And, for certain parts of our childhood, the tension between her and I could be cut with a knife.

One of those times was a few months ago, when I began dating an ex or hers, Scott.  I didn't date him because she was his ex, alghough her vanity causes her to believe that.

I'm not one that believes, that ex-gf's and current gf's are always destined (doomed?) to catfight.  But for the above stated reasons, I think it's where Kristy and I are headed.

Scott wants me to play coed touch football this coming Saturday, knoeing Kristy will be there.  If she and I fight as part of the game, do I stll protect my neighborhood "goid girl" reputation?  I REALLY don't wanna lose babysitting $$$ to her?  Susan

Dear Susan--You said you were smart, and you just proved it.  Yes, if you and jealous Kristy fight during the game, it was clearly just friendly football tempers boiling over.  And everyone will be watching, do she needs to fight fair.

Won/win if you ask us.  (Which, you just did.)  Good luck!  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK:  Bethany here; a lifelong reader (and utilizer!) of your column.  And like Susan from 1983, a child of the 1980s!  Boy, did that letter of hers ever bring back memories.  I think I remember actually reading it when it first appeared in 1983--and thinking, thinking, thinking about it.

So many memories!

> 1980s cul-de-sac rivalries:  who on the block was as pretty as you?  Who had kissed what boy on the cul de sac?  So much drama!  And as Susan alludes to, so much drama if you and another girl had another boy in common.

> Babysitting!!!  That was ACTUALLY A THING in the 1980s!  Do parents even hire babyitters anymore?  Being in a catfight could be mud on your babysitting rep ..... OR ..... it could burnish your reputation for defending yourself!  It all depended on how the fight when down.

> Finding your column, as a reading prodigy, in high school/ middle school:  There was no ehere to go for catfight advice in the 1980s!!!!  Maybe an older sister or cousin, and even that ran the risk of being age-inappropriate.  Your column was a God-send for those of us who found it!

Thank you, TABSK!  Bethany


Dear Bethany:  We aim to please!  Some things never change.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK:  Hello from Amanda--another lifelong reader, and an even longer lifetime, at 64 years [where does all the time go?  maybe someday your articles can answer THAT question].  You, and Bethany, brought back so many memories that past two days with your vintage letters from many decades ago.  I echo what Bethany stated about the dearth of reliable resources for young women in the 1970s and 1980s trying to navigate the schoolday and weekend shopping mall party scene, with all of it concimbinant labyrith of catfight bear traps.  Do I let a building catfight happen, ... or do I make it happen?  In front of friends, or alone?  Why does such and such a girl make me feel such and such a way? 

Girls today can watch 30 minute videos of what to do in a fight and hear descriptions of fights which went down.  In the 1970s, unless you had an older sister or mentor, it was just you, the other girl, and your hormones and adrenaline.

Which brings me to what prompted me to write:  flag football, and sports in general.  Hard as it is to believe today, in the 1970s and even the 80s, a girl even on a playing field was still .... downright exotic.  Can you believe:  full court basketball wasn't allowed for girls at my high school until 1977.  We were considered to delicate to run up and down a court for an hour.

So, whenever the football started getting tossed around the neighborhood park or road, the girls would all inch up to watch .... and then a stray ball would head for the crowd, and a girl would retrieve it and throw it back--with a comically incorrect throwing motion.  Which would cause a helpful boy zo show hrr "the right way" to throw ... then hold the ball when running .... and she would join the game.  Meaning the OTHER team now needed a girl to join.

So, on passing routes or blocking routines, the two opposong girls would pair off.  And, TABSK I don't need to tell you, Mother Nature would do the rest.  With the whole block watching, both girls would be "all in" in their determination not to be embarrassed by the other.  If they were best friends before joining the game, that friendship would go out the window.  And ..... if there was even the slighest sliver of pre-existing drama between them, that drama would surface and bubble over like a middle school science volcano project gone awry.  Hands would be slapping hands on pass plays, elbows would find breasts on blocking schemes, and touch football morphed into tackle on every other play .... then eventually every play.

And, girl, the trash talking:  pro sports hadn't developed a culture of trash talk yet.  But we made up for it in amateur coed touch football, laying in each others' hair and complexions and clothes snd scent and socio-economic status.  Sometimes loud enough for bystanders to hear, sometimes not.

Suffice to say, TABSK, if there was any tension between you and a girl, you two would be on the ground catballing during or after the game, sometimes both.

Those were the days.  Amanda


Dear Amanda:  Sincere thanks for the walk down memory lane.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Tatiana here, another lifelong Gen-X reader of yours, who feels touched and motivated enough to write to you about juvenile-years coed touch football (or, even better, powder-puff [all-female] football--anyone remember that??).

The clutching and grabbing which accompanies touch (or flag) football, and which makes it such erotic foreplay to a catfight, really hit home for me, believe it or not, in my mid-40s.  I had just gone through a devastating divorce, and was dating a man who I thought would make a wonderful husband.  Unfortunatrly, so did a rival of mine, Debbie.  Debbie and I played cat-and-mouse with each other for a few weeks, when I made the somewhat reckless decision to confront her in her own home--I was trying to show her I was quite serious in my affections for our mutual boyfriend, and somehow assumed she would fold under the seriousness of my staring her down.

As Debbie and I had our standoff in her dining room, our hands began probing into each others' personal space, making glancing contact with each other and then with each others' biceps and shoulders.  Which of course escalated our standoff beyond the point of no return.

When two rival women start poking and pushing, a verbal joust inevitably turns physical.  Well, I had an Epiphany that that's what the blocking of touch football is--fight foreplay of two girls (good girls, at that, from the dedcription of the 1983 Kristy/Susan battle) who don't expect to fight.  It's a gateway to a fight sudden seeming .... natural.

Quick postscript of my standoff with Debbie:  I won the catfight, but she won the man.  Oh, well.  Tatiana


Dear Tatiana--Oh, to be a fly on that dining room wall when xou and Debbie threw hands!  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Anna here, (yet another) lifelong Gen-X reader.  I was sssooo excited and aroused by Tatiana's letter on the fraught first-touch moment between 2 women who are romantic rivals (Thank You, Tatiana!!!!).  Susan's original 1983 letter says that she didn't believe that ex's and current gf's need to fight--but I wonder if she still believes that 40 years later.  Because, let me tell ya TABSK, if an ex and a new girl are in a room together ....  IT .... IS ..... SO ..... ON.  And that first handshake, or push, or slap .... TOTAL HORMONE OVERLOAD!  The jealousy hormone!  Catfight time, TABSK.  Anna.


Daer Anna--Just to be safe, can you send us a listing of your ex's??  Because if we dated any of them, sounds like we better avoid you at all costs, lol!  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Morgan here, and although I'm Gen-Y, not a Boomer and not Gen-X, I'll join the bandwagon here.  I was too young to read the original Susan vs. Kristy letter in 1983, but I remember many good girl vs good girl rivalries having their gears greased by you troublemakers (he he) over the years.

But what I REALLY remember (and wanted to thank you for) is good girl vs BAD girl advice.  Because, TABSK, speaking for us good girls:  YOU WERE OUR SECRET WEAPON!!!  Like Susan, all of us good girl/babysitter types had found your column, and the inspiration it provided.  And all the bad girls were running on bullying fumes in their pathetic engines. 

In my neighborhood, the bad girl was a foster girl named Diane.  She had been wanting to fight me for years.  Through you, I knew that:
> she and I would inevitably fight, and
> she would fold as soon as she got hit.
So .... , I bided my time, caught her shit-faced at a Halloween make out party, and humiliated her in front of her friends.

Also thanks to you, I knew she would try and ambush me for the rest of the school year, so I never let her catch me vulnerable.  Our rrmatch was a more even, vicious fight.  But she realized the best she can score against me was an indecisive draw, and that was that.

Morgan 1.5, Diane 0.5.

And I never heard from her again.  Thank you for that.  Morgan.


Dear Morgan--too bad there's no cellphone footage of that vicious draw!  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Hey TABSK, Kari here.  Lifelong reader--that seems to be the theme on this vintage topic--so many of us out here who found you early, and have stuck with you!  That's saying something!

I, too, remember reading Susan's letter about her impending cul de sac fight with Kristy ...... and then never hearing the outcome!!  Which was par for the course in those days--all letters to you were sent thru U.S.Snail, so followup just wasn't realistically feasible. 

But I do remember thinking to myself:  ok, yes, Susan and Kristy tangled Saturday in a touch football pileup/scrum.  But then what?  Would they each have been satisfied to leave the outcome at that?  Morgan's lifelong foe Diane certainly wasn't ..... and sounds like Kristy and Susan's bad blood ran even deeper, what with a common boyfriend (and babysitting revenue!--that spare cash was precious in 1983!!) between them.

I pictured, at the time, the girl who got the worst of Kristy-Susan Round 1 wanting a Round 2 away from the drama of the touch football players and audience.  Maybe meeting privately to hash things out.  And then maybe a Round 3 tiebreaker.  No, I don't have an IRL story to share--but neighbor fights were always ripe for serial fights, not just one-time showdowns.

Susan:  are you still out there?  Am I reading your situation correctly?  Kari

Dear Kari (and Susan .... or Kristy, for that matter):  I think many of us are wondering.  Susan:  you out there?  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK:  Until a few weeks ago, when you reprinted my letter from 40 days ago (yes, it's me--Susan from 1983), this letter is one which:
> I never thought which would get written, or
> if written, I thought I would never send, or
> if sent, which I assumed you would never print because you didn't remember me, or
> if you rembered me, you would never read or print because nobody would care.

So, thank you TABSK for reprinting my 1983 letter.  And thank you fellow lifelong readers for your words of reflection on the introductory portion of my 1983 soap opera.  I want to share with you, and with all of your readers of ALL ages, the middle and ending of my flag football story.

Now, my standoff with Kristy did not play out in a textbook manner, because, ....., well, because of me.  I didn't perceive it at the time, but my 19-year old self was very naive.  Which would have been a strange thing to tell my 19-year old self, because I had always thought of myself as a prodigy / old soul / woman-on-the-way-up, well-informed on the ways of the world, as described in TABSK, the Orlando Sentinel, Sunday morning new shows, Time Magazine, Teen Cosmo (it's where I learned my best babysitting tricks), National Geographic. 

But, it was all book learning.  I had no street learning.  And in fighting, altho my eyes were peeled onto every new column of TABSK, ... I had never been in a catfight.  I had seen catfights .... mostly of the backyard after-school variety.  But I had made it all the way thru my high school diploma without actually fighting.  If anything, my TABSK reading had PREVENTED my getting into catfights, as it had taught me who to show strength to bullies, and how to "read" catfight tension building between 2 women--so my behavior and posture and demeanor tended to head off situations whivh might have otherwise resulted in a spontaneous catfight.

So, when Football Saturday arrived, and the clutching and grabbing started between Kristy and me .... well, Kristy wasn't going to baited, and was going to wait for me to take the first swing.  Which, I told myself I would do...
...after the next play...
...then after the NEXT play....
....then after the NEXT play....
by which point, the other female players notice there's tension between Kristy and me.  Amd zhey start watching .... waiting .... watching .... and of course I'll be MORTIFIED if we square up and throw hands, and my punches bounce harmlessly off my rival's face .... or if she swings and drops me in a 1st round KO.

So we jostle somd more each play .... and now the chatter starts.  And the're like:
-Kristy's the ex, Susan's the side chick.
-They're both Scott's bitches.
-Kristy cheated on Scott when they dated; Scott wanted someone more submissive.
-Kristy's not 'an honest woman'.
-Scott asked Kristy back out last weekend, but she wants to stay friends.

Wait, what??  I'm submissive??  Kristy isn't??  Kristy cheated??

Kristy and Scott are still friends??!!???

Scott still wants to date Kristy???!!!!?

TABSK, I felt total vertigo.  A liitle sick to my stomach.

Was Scott wanting me to fight Kristy in retaliation for her turning him down??

Was he hoping my fighting her would make her say yes to HIM to get even with ME???

Was Kristy elbowing me in flag football to punish him?? 

Why would she come to a flag football game knowing HE would be there??

Was she serious about still wanting to be friends with him??  Was she trying to show him that was still possible??

Was she trying to show ME???

TABSK, I felt in over my head.  I just didn't understand the players, their motivations, and their relationships with each other.  I didn't understand, if a catfight broke out, who'd be rooting for who, who had whose back.

The girls calling me the side chick--were Scott-Kristy still a couple, and I was the interloper?  Was I keeping the other side of Scott's bed warn "for now", until Kristy was ready to stop being friends and to revert to being his girlfriend again?

So, I decided I wasn't in a frame of mind to fight Kristy that afternoon.

BUT .......

I was too hormoned up to not fight.  The pushing and slapping and pinching with Kristy....TABSK, I was horny as a sailor on shore leave.

And .... I thought it made knock some sense into Scott and Kristy to watch me kick some ass in a catfight.

So, I listened to the girls yapping their traps about Kristy and me .... and I picked a younger, cockier one, ....  Michelle, looked at her, and said, "You seem really interested in Kristy and me, ... are you all talk, or do you ever actually DO something???".

It was an incredibly chessy call-out line.

But it was unmistakably exactly that ... a call-out line.

And Michelle couldn't just not respond to it without losing face in front her friends.

AND....... just as importantly, maybe more so.....

She was just as horny as me.  She had obviously been watching all afternoon, hoping to see Kristy and me fight.

Now SHE was getting called out to fight.

So, she handed her bracelt to her friends, strided up confidently to me ....

And Michelle and I went at at.  Three or four punches each, but then a total complete catball.... hands in hair, tearing, digging ..... knees in chest, then face ... kicks to the shins.  Down to the ground, rolling and clawing....
-Kick her ass,,Michelle!!
-Get her, Susan!!!
-Break them up!!!   Break them up!!!!
-No no no.  Let'em ginish, they're fine!!
-Catfight!!!  Catfight!!!!
-Is the game over???
-Coed football always end in a catfight.
-Yea, girls are crazy bitches.

So, basically, TABSK, I had lost all control of the situation.

I was in a fight ....
.... not against the girl I WANTED to fight....
.....and making a total spectacle of myself.

Michelle and I did a number on each other.  Scratches everywhere.  On both of us, but the neighborhood only had sympathy for Michelle's.
 Scott didn't walk me home.

Or have the courtesy of breaking up with me before he started seeing Kristy again.

And I lost babysitting jobs, and references, for "picking a fight with a younger girl".

And I lost respect from the girls and boys in the neighborhood for having a draw with a younger girl.

TABSK, honestly, that afternoon was the kick in the butt I needed to "grow" up, get back on track with my education, and stop hsnging around people like Scott and Kristy.

And I don't regret fighting that afternoon.  I just should fought Kristy, not Michelle.

And it wasn't my last catfight.  But in my later one's, I did some pre-fight intel gathering days before the fight, not minutes before.

And .... big picture, I've outgrown the humiliation of the fight.  To this day:
> I masturbate to the vicious fight with Michelle,
> I masturbate to the fight that didn't happen with Kristy and
> I masturbate to the sex with Scott.

So, there you have it ladies.  What happened to Kristy-Scott at the flag football game.

Thank you for listening.  Best of luck to you all.  Susan


Dear Susan.  Thank you for your honesty, your refections, your openness.  Sounds like you and Michelle had a helluva fight.  And sounds like you found out you were with Mr Wrong.  That, by itself, is a good afternoon in our book.  Stay well.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK (and, Dear Susan!!!), It's Kari.  Thank you sssooo much for writing in and giving so many of us from the 1980s closure to your situation with Kristy.  I, for one, do not think you should have any feelings of regret about the fight that ended up happening that afternoon ..... nor, about the catfight that DIDN'T happen.

I know, .... yes, from personal experience .... what a bummer it is to get all amped up about fighting a long-time rival .... and, then, pffffft, nothing ..... it falls thru.  But, Susan ..... better to find out the way you did that your and Kristy's relationship with Scott wasn't what it seemed.  If you had gotten into it with Kristy, with Scott wanting Kristy to kick your ass ..... well, Susan, that wouldn't have been a catfight ..... it would have been more like an ambush.  An ambush hor the whole neighborhood to see.

Speaking of which .... I'm glad you DID get into it with Michelle.  She seems like the type of girl I've ABSOLUTELY LOATHED my whole life .... the instigator girl who lurks on the fringes, and wants a good show of two evenly-matched girls tearing into each other, but never puts herself out there.  I'm glad you called her out.  And it sounds like you and her really went at it.  Hopefully the reason you and her never had a Round 2 is that you gave her plenty the think about for however long you two were locked up on the ground.  (Either that, or the reason she wanted to watch you fight is that she was crushing on you for years ..... <wink>  Maybe you weren't the only one doing some post-fight masturbating, ha!)

Susan, I really do hope the last 40 years have treated you well.  Thanks for sharing!   Kari

Dear Kari--I'm sure Susan will appreciate reading this!  We agree with every word.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK/Dear Susan/Dear Gen-X TABSKers:  This trip down Memory Lane is such a hoot!  It's Bethany  again.  Susan, I'm so glad to get closure on a episode of your life .... and mine ..... which always sort of sat there half-opened.  Truth be told, that's always been an Achilles' Heel of TABSK (amiright, ladies):  that, sometimes, you hear all about a catfight which badly needs to happen ..... but then we never hear if it does or not.  Kinda like when you were in high school and hear about two bitches you hate throwing down under the bleachers at 4pm, but you have an away softball game.  So frustrating!!

Susan, you touched on a catfight Rite of Passage, the I'm-your-biggest-fan-/-admirer catfight:  a younger lurker girl looking up to an older role model, watching her catfight .... and wishing it was you who could be rolling on the ground with her. 

I'm with the consensus of TABSK-'dom on this one:  that Michelle had a crush on you, Susan.  You made her day by challenging her that day.  Good for you!  So sexy!  Bethany

Dear Bethany--Well said.  Many of our letters over the years have been from younger rookies wanting to battle their elders.  Our advice, if memory serves, is to "be around" and let it happen--the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  Michelle got some that day.  Duly noted.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK:  Gretchen, here; another Gen-X lifelong fan of yours appreciating to good vibrations of reflecting on the '80s.  Although, unlike others writing in, I don't specifically recall the 1983 Susan-Kristy letter (sorry!  I must have gotten up late that morning and missed the column before my Dad threw out the evening paper, lol), I do recall letters like it, with the theme of sports, organized or unorganized, being a proxy for sexual contact.  Because, TABSK, while your four-decades-ago has rightly touched on the technological differences we Boomer and Slacker women faced relative to today's Millenial young women, no one has yet brought up a darker change:  the early 1980s were the Stone Age if you were a LGBTQ+ youth. 

TABSK, I was living in a house with analways-working school teacher Mom, a distant Dad, and three stinky gross brothers.  I CRAVED female companionship--the feel of a girl's hair and skin, how her breasts looked thru her clothes, her ass, whether she shaved her legs.  Thru the lens of time, I can see that I was working out whether I was bi or lesbian (or straight, but just repulsed by my gross brothers, or missing my Mom).  But 1983 suburban society didn't equip women with the language and tools to grasp those feelings.

So, we'd play sports like coed flag football for the same reasons the inexperienced straight boys were playing it, I suspect:  to touch a girl's hair or chest "by accident", to get pushed or tackled by her.  To watch her catfight another girl.

And, if the stars all aligned:  to catfight her ourselves.  Either at the game, or later in the week after school.

It was the closest we were going to get to any socially accepted "action" until our 20s.

TABSK, it occurs to me writing this:
 you were always a safe space, as LGBTQ acceptance progressed from the Stone Age to the Dark Ages to at least now out of the shadows.  Catfighting and LGBTQ have always been partially-overlapping Venn Diagrams, and you've had a knack for alluding to that, without outing us to the general public.  I thank you and your readers for that.  It helped a lot.  Gretchen


Dear Gretchen:  Well, thank you for the kind words.  Not to brag, but our older material does stand the test of time moderately effectively, doesn't it?  But it was also thanks to our readers being so candid with us.  Keep it up, and maybe we'll last another 40 years!  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Bethany here, again.  Sorry for beating a dead horse ..... but I've been marinating in this Kristy vs Susan 40-year old cul de sac drama.

Did we all just miss the forest for the trees???

While there certainly was a moral to the story from the unexpected/ironic Susan vs Michelle catfight which happened that fateful Saturday in 1983, it took several weeks of deliberation for Dawn to Crack over Marblehead (apologies for obscure Massachusetts South Shore figure of speech):  is it just me, or does Susan still have unfinished business with Kristy, 40 years later??

I mean, gimme a break, Susan almost walked into an ambush!!  Now that she knows who-was-who and what-was-what in her Rite of Passage love triangle, isn't she entitled to find out who the better woman was between herself and her first rival?

TABSK, it sounds like Susan and Kristy lost touch after their cul de sac childhood.  But they're both stll under 60--young enough for a physical trial of each others' woman-hood. The internet is an amazing thing--if Kristy is out there somewhere, she can likely be located.  Perhaps she, like Susan, is seeking closure of this episode from their mis-spent youth.

TABSK, if Susan is game, are you?  I'm certain your readers are.  Bethany


Dear Bethany--as a long-time reader, you are no doubt aware that TABSK has a long-standing policy of not intervening (beyond listening, and advice) in catfight scenarios brought to our atrention.  Catfight situations are plenty combustible without us adding accelerant.

For Kristy vs Susan, we broke this policy.

Although YOU may have missed the forest for the trees in the initial chain of Kristy/Susan Redux letters, WE did not.

It took some persistance.  But we found Kristy.  She was living in California, recently fired in the spate of Facebook ('Meta') tech firings in 2022.  She has grown children, and was divorced in 2014.  She has no obligations preventing her from a catfight.

And she remembers Susan.  And hates her guts.  She was open to .... renewing acquaintances.  As was Susan.

On President's Day Weekend 2023, at a neutral site, Kristy and Susan 'got together'.  And TABSK's camera were there.

We've packaged the "Meeting" into a two-hour streamable movie.  It includes pre-fight interviews with both ladies, where they recap their lives from 1983 to 2023, reflect on their thoughts about each other ... and then do battle.

The streaming can be found on ____.  All proceeds will benefit the hard working team at TABSK.

Enjoy!  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Kristy vs Susan
Streamed Interviews and Catfight
Part I--Interview with Kristy

TABSK:  Kristy, Kristy, Kristy.  After 40 years, we finally meet the elusive Kristy.... [Kristy blushes] ....... How are you today?

K:  Oh, you know.  Pre-fight butterflies.  But, no, I'm good.  Here to do what I need to do.

TABSK:  And, we'll get to that soon enough.  But first, Kristy, we all want to get to know you a little bit better.  Because, so far, the bits and pieces we do know have come from Susan.  Every story has two sides.  Tell us yours.

K:  Yes, trust me, you don't want to go to Susan for a story.  Still the same backstabbing bitch she always was.

TABSK: So, that bad?  things between the two of you?

K:  It's that bad.  And it's her fault.  Susan and her family moved to our neighborhood a little over two years before everything that went down between me and her .... moved to the neighborhood, moved to the town, the school .... and, of course, moving to a new school in the middle of high school was mortifying back then ..... you had to find your was in the school social hierarchy .... where would you sit at lunch ..... This is Mean Girls, Times 60.... and my mother MADE ME .... I admist she made me do it, but I got Susan "in" with my clique of girls .... and this wasn't just any set of girls .... we were THE attractive, THE popular girls .... we won AL the Student Council elections, ran all the Dance Comittees, were allowed into the Teachers Lounge and the Principals Office .... and I'm not talking to get disciplined, I'm talking to do office work....

TABSK: ....so, Kristy, I'm getting a picture.....am I to assume that, over the course of time, Susan usurped some of the privileges and authority you had built up?

K:  Well, I don't know abour usurping of whatever, but she climbed over MY back and MY shoulders to take some of MY positions and MY place of the totem pole, which was pretty high up.

TABSK:  So, did you ever EXPRESS these concerns, these feelings to her?

K: She would shut me down.  She would know when I had something to say to her as it was happening .... or when I had taken back my seat ar the school lunch table.  Susan is passive-aggressive in a major way.  She would always get sympathy points, till ...... well, you brought up usurping .... until the other girls and the adminstration thought I was usurping HER.  It became counterproductive to stand up to her.  So we just stopped talking.  To save what little status I had left.  And to save my sanity.

TABSK:  Kristy, let's take a break right here.  Let me tell all out viewers that Susan is watching this live,and will respond in about 10 minutes.  But first, Kristy will give us her side of the romantic interlude the two girls had with the mysterious Scott.

To be continued.....

[sinclairfan]

TABSK: So, Kristy....it sounds like there was some girl-drama between you and Susan even before you became rivals in the bedroom.  How did the two of you become involved with Scott.

K:  Ok, so, the thing is ..... by the time I got to senior year of high school, I was pretty much stumbling over the finish line.  My academic performance became, well, non-Honor Roll.  I ended up being in very few clubs and even less sports.  I started getting acne at 18--nothing terrible, but I had totally clear skin thru age 16.  My life felt .... thoroughly mediocre.  And, I was a virgin.  Not that I wanted to give it up early or be a Teen Mom; but a virgin?  Really?  I was NOT going to check into my freshman dorm as a virgin--no way!  Gross!

TABSK:  So Scott sounds like .... not Mr Right, but Mr Right Now.

K:  You might say that.  He knew how to do it .... and he wouldn't get all creepy stalkerish after we were done--he'd be on to a new girl, which is what I wanted him to do.  Wham-bam-do I know you ma'am?  That sort of thing.  If anything, I was the clingy one, doing date 2, date 3, date 4..... I think we did it 4 times .... just making sure I understood how everything worked [air quotes] 'down there'.  For when I met a college boyfriend.... so that I would impress him that I was 'good at it'. 

TABSK:  So others found out you and Scott were doing it?

K:  Well, like Susan said in her letters .... one of the few things she got right .... Scott's car needed a new muffler.  So someone, probably Susan, heard his car in my driveway at night ... and then blabbed about it.  Yes, it was true .... but do we need to gossip about it?

TABSK:  So, how long between the last time you saw Scott, ..... and the last time Susan saw him.

K:  Well, since keeping tabs on Susan wasn't my priority .... THEN or NOW .... I just don't know.  Don't know, .... don't care to know.

TABSK:  But .... and don't let me put words in your mouth .... you suspect she started seeing him specifically because she knew you had previously been seeing him.

K:  No offense, but I believe the flippant response to that is, "No shit, Sherlock."

TABSK:  And this was a source of tension between you and her.

K:  Was at the time.  Is now.  Big reason we're here today.  Not the only reason.  But, yes, she has some things to answer for.

TABSK:  Susan will give her side in a few minutes ..... but my guess is she'll say something along the lines that Scott was a 'player', and he went to you and got some, then went to her and got some.

K:  Which would be .... unlikely.  Scott was not the type of guy you bring home to the parents.  He didn't 'woo' girls or 'court' them .... every girl knew what getting in his car meant.  He didn't get with girls that required attention.... it was about the sex.  Did Susan want to lose her virginity pre-college?  Maybe.  Could she have found someone other than Scott?  Yes.  She got the idea from me.  She was trying to BE me.  It was creepy.... it still is.  I'm gonna kick her ass for it.

TABSK:  Quick break.  Kristy will tell us why these girls took 40 years to setzte things.  And Kristy will share her activities .... including pugilistic one's, from the past 4 decades.

To be continued....

[sinclairfan]

TABSK:  Ok, Kristy .... down to brass tacks .... or, brass knuckles, if you will.  It's Game Day at the infamous cul de sac touch football field, where Susan ends up catfighting her younger 'admirer' Michelle.  Susan EXPECTED to catfight you that day .... but has told us she's grateful she didn't, because you and Scott had set her up for an ambush.  Kristy, for decades, TABSK's readers have been down for a good girlfight .... but only one held under the rubrik of what our Founders' generation used to "Fair Play".  Kristy, .... the floor is yours .... what say you:  did Susan almost step into an ambush on Touch Football Saurday?

K:  Well, as usual, the self-centered Susan has cherry-picked a set of truths and half-truths and made it 'all about her'.  So, the grain of truth IS that after Susan started sleeping with Scott, she WAS getting on his nerves.  For two reason.  First being, she sucked at it.  Sex.  I mean, we were all young ... none of us were Baryshnikoff yet in bed ..... we listened to Doctor Ruth on AM radio on Sunday nights, and did our best to take bits and pieces of what she said.  But I have it on good authority ... from Scott himself .... that Susan was a cold fish in bed, ok?  So he was through with her.  The second problem he had with her was that she was possessive.  I mean, if you went to Scott for sex, it was just a given that he had side chicks, ok?  He wasn't relationship material.  So, Scott got tired of Susan's nagging, and he knew I was her neighbor and her friend-slash-frenemy.  And he knew our cul de sac had football games.  So, did he ask me to push her down, rough her up a litzle, at one of the games?  Sure.  Might she stand up for herself, give me dirty look?  Probably.  Would she challenge me to throw down?  His guess was as good as mine--I actually was kinda curious to know myself.  And this is the part that was NOT an ambush.  This was 100% solo Kristy.  If Susan and I had rumbled that day, it would have been pure 1-on-1, mano y mano, (femano y femano, I guess) Kristy versus Susan.  Let's see who's the badder bitch.

TABSK:  And instead she fought Michelle.  What did you think?

K:  Well, first .... Michelle, like you said, was a younger girl.  Only a year, but at that age, one year is a lot.  Michelle was in trouble a lot ... semi-broken home, not the two-parent suburban home, with a dad with a corporate job, like Susan and I had.  She was "punching down" .... Susan was .... calling out Michelle.  Was it a good fight?  Yeah, it was a feisty fight .... everyone watched it, including me.  I won't deny that.

TABSK: ..... but it was the undercard, not zhe Main Event?

K:  DEFINITELY NOT the Main Event.  Susan didn't get taught the lesson she needed.  Which is why so many of your readers sensed a gap ... an unrequited catfight .... that's lasted 40 years.  Until today.

TABSK:  Yes, we will be .... filling that gap .... shortly.  Kristy, wrapping up .... you mentioned our readers.  DID you follow our column during our life?

K:  Yeah, I did.  I hadn't yet in 1983 .... if I had ever seen Susan's letter in 1983, trust me I woulda been pounding down her door.  But I found it later .... any woman who says she hasn't thought about writing in at least once is lying.  But, yeah, Susan doesn't have an advantage on me later from her years of TABSK insights .... I've picked up a few tips myself.

TABSK:  Kristy, good luck.  Next, we'll interview Susan.

to be continued....