This is just a silly, (hopefully!) entertaining little thing I wrote up after a chat with T.D. Apologies to the ''Night before Christmas'' folks.
‘Twas the night before Xmas at casa de Marsh,
Where all season’s greetings could be rather harsh.
In the basement the curses and blows they did fly,
While outside swirling snowflakes dotted the sky.
‘SUBMIT!’’ hissed Vanessa, wrenching back on her foe,
A young woman she’d lured there, though NOT with Mistletoe.
“FUCK YOU!’’ Replied T.D., and thrust back her arm,
The elbow sank deep in one of ‘Nessa’s two ‘’charms’’.
Toppling backwards, the blonde howled in rage,
‘’Damn it! You’re far too skilled for your age!’’
The two rivals sat panting, waiting to clash,
When there came from the chimney a violent CRASH!
‘’It’s Santa!’’ Gasped Marsh, her eyes wide with delight,
‘’He fell for my trap, it’s Merry Xmas, alright!’’
‘’I’ve dreamed of this moment, all the gifts, all the cheer!
Hell, I’ll even confiscate all 12 reindeer!’’
Their battle forgotten, they raced to the stair,
Expecting to find the elf caught in the snare.
What they witnessed instead was quite the surprise,
A black, horned monster with glowing red eyes!
“It’s….Krampus?!” Gasped T.D., her eyes growing wide,
Vanessa’s response though, was predictably snide.
“The fuck is a Krampus, this goat headed prick?
Get lost, buddy! That trap’s for St. Nick!’’
“Santa’s not coming, do you think he would dare?’’
Snarled the demon as he ruined the snare.
“You’re a foul mouthed harlot, social graces you lack!
Wicked bitches like you two belong in my sack!’’
“I’ll take you to Hell where catfighters belong,
No Xmas carols, wails of pain is the song!’’
My demons will stretch you, make you weep by the gallon,
Have you ever had you pussy clawed by ACTUAL talons?’’
‘Nessa and T.D. exchanged a quick look,
And Krampus soon wished he’d remained in a book.
The two women pounced, snarling with anger,
One struck his legs, one with Jesus’ manger.
They made quite the tag team,the blonde and brunette,
And in no time poor Krampus did feel deep regret.
Battered and bruised, he fled into the night,
Clearly HE didn’t come to Vanessa’s to fight!
Krampus defeated, they exchanged pats on the back,
Only then did they notice he’d abandoned his sack!
‘Nessa opened the bag, it contained just one thing,
An elegant gift box! A bracelet? A ring?!
They glanced at the box, they glanced at each other,
Only ONE present, after all of this bother?!
T.D. held out her palm, said determinedly “Well?’’
“If it wasn’t for me, you’d be jobbing in Hell.’’
“Who said i needed YOUR help?!’’ ‘Nessa retorted,
“Besides, your own deeds are sufficiently sordid!”
‘’Krampus came here for you, as much as for me,
Consider that gift box my fight hosting fee!’’
The detente was over, that much was clear,
Four eyes they did narrow, for lips they did sneer!
Both lunged with a fury, both unleashed a roar,
With a CRASH they collided, then collapsed to the floor!
The house was so peaceful with the battlers out,
Even Santa did notice, he let out a shout!
“The Marsh house is silent, thank Krampus, no doubt!
No more Xmas traps, no more knock down drag outs!’’
Spurring the reindeer, he continued his rounds,
From the unconscious catfighters there came not a sound.
In the morning no doubt, they’d continue the fight,
But for now, Merry Xmas! And a sweet, Silent Night!
