DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Debbie, a 41-year old divorced brunette. Debbie is very attractive and could pass for 25 years old.
Bernard, her 44-year old divorced boyfriend.
Susan, Bernard's 42-year old blonde MILF friend going 10 years back.
Susan is Bernard's only friend that he and Debbie haven't socialized with yet. Bernard tells Debbie it's because of Susan's 2 young children, who she is raising with their Dad. Debbie took this explanation at face value until a couple weeks ago, when Susan's disproportionate presence is Bernard's life triggered her women's intuition.
Debbie and Bernard are spending a lazy Saturday at home. They are going out to dinner tonight and then likely having sex, which will stretch into Sunday morning.
D> You were away at the grocery store longer than usual. Everything ok?
B> I realized I forgot to get bottled water [Debbie's staving off of the aging process includes hefty volumes of bottled water; Bernard gets irritated with paying for something that's free from the faucet.]. I had to go back and get some. [hesitates on whether to terminate the conversation here .... but he betrays guilt at something .... Debbie always knows when her dating partners are lying to her; her first husband was a pathological liar]
> And?
> And .... what?
> And, what happened when you got bottled water? That's five minutes tops.
> Ok, it's longer than five minutes. I needed a cart--that stuff is too heavy to lug.
> [Debbie rolls her eyes. She and Bernard have debated this many times. Maybe she should just drop it. She wants to .... but Bernard is leaving somethong out. She wants to know what it is.] Ok, 6 minutes, gheezh.
> Don't take the Lord's name in vain. [Bernard became a strict Catholic after his divorce. If and when he marries Debbie, he wants them each to get married in the Church. He blames THAT on the failure of his first marriage.]
> Don't change the topic. Something ... else .... happened inside zhe grocery store.
> [They're arguing now.] It wasn't INSIDE the grocery sore, know-it-all.
> Aha! BUSTED! What happened, Bernard. [Debbie now uses carrot, not just stick. She caresses his neck, hinting at massaging thrre if he'll just tell the damn truth.]
> [Just wanting the damn argument to be over.] Someone I knew was driving by in a car. We got to talking.
> [air quotes] 'Someone you knew'?? Well?? Who??
> [Blushing uncontrollably] .... just ... someone.
> It was Susan, wasn't it. WASN'T IT?
> [snaps] Dammit, why are you obsessed with her, Debbie???
> Because her husband might not appreciate all the socializing you do with her, Bernard!!!!
> Dammit, Debbie, SUSAN ISN'T MARRIED!!!!!!!
> [dead silence for 1-2 endless minutes] Wait ...... Susan isn't married?
> She and her husband are .... separated. Their divorce has been dragging on for years because he has a family business.
> You .... never told me that. Why not?
> Because you get crazy when she comes up in conversation.
> I get crazy because you lie about her.
[Bernard and Debbie sit on the couch, both feeling pity for themselves ]