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Kiva’s Fight Journal

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Offline Kiva

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Re: Kiva’s Fight Journal
« Reply #210 on: September 01, 2024, 01:59:48 PM »
Thank you all for your Likes and comments. I realize this chapter explored some new ground (Lol!), so thanks for hanging in there. I’m surprised this thread received 1200 views in 3 days and thrilled that readers are still interested enough to check in. For my American friends, hope you are having a wonderful Labor Day weekend!
« Last Edit: September 01, 2024, 02:03:47 PM by Kiva »
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend thirty seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

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Offline The speech prof

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Re: Kiva’s Fight Journal
« Reply #211 on: September 01, 2024, 05:04:44 PM »
 ;D safe to say that I wasn't expecting that turn of events and a hell of a twist. Anyone else wants to see Cynthia perform a naughty forfeit after Kiva under goes a wrestling bootcamp?

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Offline Tiberius J.C.

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Re: Kiva’s Fight Journal
« Reply #212 on: September 10, 2024, 01:45:41 AM »
I loved the bit about the cockroach. Totally inspired!
(I'm sure I said this earlier but I can't for the life of me find my comment. Perhaps I forgot to click the 'Post' button. Either that or I did and the comment is floating in limbo somewhere and will return. Better give it a few days…)

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Offline papillon

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Re: Kiva’s Fight Journal
« Reply #213 on: September 13, 2024, 08:33:43 PM »
This story is exquisitely constructed, with an exciting and totally convincing fight scene, preceded and followed by two long plaques of silence. By enumerating the few exceptions to the near total stillness inside the house before the fight, and the extraneous sounds – the Amazon delivery, the message left by her mother, the friends ringing the doorbell then going away … – that at the end of the fight impinge upon, without ever bursting, the bubble within which the drama is gestating, as Kiva (poor sweet Kiva!) is lying fully conscious but unable to move (like someone suffering from locked-in syndrome), the writer artfully makes the sense of unreal closeness to, yet isolation from, the outside world even more vivid.
Then we see her trying to keep her morale up and fuel her patience by thinking positive thoughts – only for one nightmarish vision after another to rise up from the depths of her subconscious, until eventually they combine in a kind of maelstrom of delirium to drag her under.
Next come the scenes of intimacy, which were described tastefully and imaginatively, followed by her sudden but totally understandable empathy for the cockroach trapped on its back in the glue waving its legs and antennae.
All of which reminded me that in Ancient Greece, the performance of a tragedy was often followed, after the interval, by a comedy that in effect parodied and made light of what had gone before. This is the origin of the saw that history repeats itself, the first time as tragedy, the second as farce.
In short, brilliant!
(You write a lot better than you fight  ;D)

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Offline Kiva

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Re: Kiva’s Fight Journal
« Reply #214 on: September 14, 2024, 10:38:15 PM »
@papillon: Thank you for taking the time to post that very thoughtful review. This story was one of my biggest efforts in trying to create psychology in a story, so I’m honored you enjoyed it. I didn’t realize I was following a tradition from Ancient Greece, but I’m happy to do it. Now do you think Aeschylus ever wrote a female fight story?
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend thirty seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

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Online sinclairfan

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Re: Kiva’s Fight Journal
« Reply #215 on: September 15, 2024, 01:26:54 AM »
@papillon: Thank you for taking the time to post that very thoughtful review. This story was one of my biggest efforts in trying to create psychology in a story, so I’m honored you enjoyed it. I didn’t realize I was following a tradition from Ancient Greece, but I’m happy to do it. Now do you think Aeschylus ever wrote a female fight story?

Aescylus's 'Archer-Women', 'Cretan Women', and 'Phrygian Women' are all lost to history, but are all thought to have contained fights.

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Offline papillon

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Re: Kiva’s Fight Journal
« Reply #216 on: September 15, 2024, 11:09:06 AM »
Now do you think Aeschylus ever wrote a female fight story?

Aeschylus's 'Archer-Women', 'Cretan Women', and 'Phrygian Women' are all lost to history, but are all thought to have contained fights.

Yay, Aeschylus!  Father of Greek Tragedy: The man who put the cat in catharsis! The Church probably burnt most of them, the way they did most everything else. But one day some kid will be wandering in the hills with his pet ferret, and they’ll discover a cave …
« Last Edit: September 15, 2024, 11:10:32 AM by papillon »