[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--My name is Lynn.  I'm a 43-year old happily married homemaker, caregiver, and hands-on Mom to two teenagers in a well-to-do Midwest suburb.  My husband has his own business that has been doing well for over a decade, and counting now, so the two of us count our blessings regularly, but at the same time try and not have a chip on our shoulder about our success.  I recently came across email evidence on our home computer that 6 years ago, in the spring of 2013, while I was spending a weekend in the city with girlfriends from school, my next-door neighbor, let's call her Georgia, another housewife a few years older than me who was always hot-and-cold with me, tried to get my husband alone with her in her house, very late at night after both households' kids were asleep.  My husband politely refused, and I don't think there was ever any follow through by either Georgia or my husband.  In 2017, Georgia and her family move 2 states and 275 miles away, and any communication between Georgia and me has been confined to superficial Q&A about what the new neighbors are like and what, if any, improvements the new neighbors have made to the house.  Here's my question.  Even if Georgia 2013 pass at my husband was a one-time drunken late night flirtation, it doesn't set well at all with me--the consequences could have been life-altering.  I never did like Georgia's bitchiness and stiffness to me, and I feel there is unsettled business between she and I.  But what's protocol on the statute of limitations?  Am I unfairly re-opening 6-year old history because the incident happened in 2013?  Or did "the clock start" when I discovered the incriminating emails?  Lynn

Dear Lynn--We at TABSK admire your attention to the niceties of fair play and ethics, even in the context of a potential love affair catfight.  If you choose to engage Georgia, things could get messy, and it's important that there be proportinality between the consequences and the stakes.  And, yes, the clock is ticking, and at some point if enough time goes by, you should suck it up and let the betrayal go (and, make no mistake, yes, you were betrayed by your neighbor).  And, no, the 2013 date is not the relevant measure of the start of this timeline--the moment you discovered the email is.  This case is now "hot".  You are entitled to a period of discernment on how, as a woman, to respond, and writing as was part of that process.  It sounds like you know where Georgia now lives.  An in-person visit to her would not be out of order, if undertaken immediately.  We guess when your eyes meet hers, she'll know why you're there.  Candidly, she's likely been half-expecting this moment since that fateful night in 2013--no woman ever forgets a gentleman declining an open offer of no-strings sex.  But that's only if you act immediately.  If you brood about it, and then act, then, yes, Lynn, you become the unhinged housewife who's stuck in the past.  Best of luck with your choice.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--My name is Kelly.  I'm now 48, and wanted to give encouagement to Lynn to confront her back-stabbing ex-neighbor Georgia.  There was something very true if your reply to her--as soon as Lynn and Georgia lay eyes on each other, especially if that happens in Georgia's new backyard, the latent scab from the damaged relationship will reveal itself immediately, and it will be on between the rivals in a flash.   I ran into similar circumstances last summer that had many of the same ingredients, just that the underlying conflict was over a work promotion, not an affair (although it was a F-M-F work triangle, which contributed some spice to the recipe).  An executive assistant work rival of mine named Lina, about my age and size and looks and education, with whom I had maintained an icy truce for years in our Pittsburgh office, unexpectedly received a promotion over me in 1994, after which I was exiled to our upstate New York home office (this was at a cable TV company which went bust in a semi-famous accounting scandal in 2002, about the same time as Enron and WorldCom).  But karma bitched back at Lina when she was sent to the home office 3 years later, in 1997, when she was sent ahead to set some set-up work for a corporate summit meeting.  I caught wind of the job she was in and put two and two together of how she had gotten the job by backstabbing me three years earler, and there was no way I was letting the opportunity for revenge pass.  I knocked on her hotel door at a Courtyard by Marriott on a Sunday afternoon in my gansta-ish looking jean jacket and permed hair, and she knew in an instant why I was there--and the strings I must have pulled to figure out her room number.  She motioned me into the living space of the suite, latched the door behind us, tossed aside her sweater and hair scrunchy, and we wordlessly got down to the business and tearing each others' blonde hair out and scratching each others' faces with three years' worth of pent-up frustration.  The fight was probably technically a draw, although I spent more elapsed time on top.  But, ooohhhh, the satisfaction I received, TABSK.  Totally cathartic.  I still masturbate to it, 22 years later.  It gave me the confidence to leave that company before their stock options went to zero--I think Lina was still there.  So, Lynn, do it, just do it.  Go confront Georgia.  It will be ssssooo damn satisfying.  I guarantee.  Kelly

Dear Kelly--  Well, ahem,......, bear with us while we, ..... , errr, .... clean up here.  Just let us,  .... , here, .... pull up my pants, and ...., yes, I believe this is my belt here, .... third hole, .... , there we go.  All right-y then, ..... ,   a-hem.  So, Kelly, thank you for that, ..... , climactic .... story.  It was good for us.  Hope it was good for you, re-telling it.  And for our readers.  And for Lynn.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Lynn here, again, the woman with the ex-neighbor Georgia who attempted to get my huband to betray me a few years ago.  I made the 3-hour drive over to the opposite shore of Lake Michigan to confront her and have it out, based on the (normally sensible, no doubt) advice that upon seeing the anger in my eyes, Georgia would know the intent of my visit.  Well, Georgia is a bit off-center-from-normal in some social situations, and this normally is one of them.  I pulled up to her new rural house, with its plentiful wide open spaces, and thought to myself, "Wonderful, lots of room for some long overdue 'girltalk'."  I walked up to the house, which was all decked out with fall and Halloween themes, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.  Georgia answered, and we did indeed made intense, aggressive eye contact, both commuicating with our body language.  She motioned for me to come into her mud room, and she locked the door behind us.

- You home alone?

- I am.  Is that important?

- For what I came for, it is.  You know what that is?

So far, so good, I thought to myself.  Right on script, any minute the fur will be flying and I'll be getting satisfaction for Georgia's adulterous stunt when we were neighbors.  She came at me, and I tensed up .... and ... she ... KISSED me.  I kid you not, TABSK, my blonde ex-neighbor who, even under the best of circumstances, I had only had stiff, awkward, terse conversation with, was passionately kissing me on the mouth and was being all hands-y with my butt, and pressing my body with her in the tight, compact mudroom.  I went along, partly because I was hoping it was one of those Michael-kissing-Fredo-in-the-Godfather kisses, and we could then get down to kicking ass instead of feeling ass.  But, then, as minutes went by and that clearly wasn't Georgia's intent, I went along to see how far she would take it.  And to see if she could arouse me--I don't have much f-f experience.  Or, I didn't.  I do now.  We finished, and not by fighting.  She finished, and I did too.  My question is ..... is it "normal" to be able to be aroused by a woman rival?  Lynn

Dear Lynn--Lynn, if our column proves anything, it's that arousal and confronting a rival go together like chocolate and peanut butter (to continue with the Halloween theme).  I think what you're really asking is ... is it possible to get aroused WITHOUT the actual confrontation part.  And we think you're exciting afternoon answers that question.  TABSK

[Fortran Wrench]

"arousal and confronting a rival go together like chocolate and peanut butter"

Quote of the week right there.

Maybe the only thing better than confronting a rival is doing while you are both covered in chocolate and peanut butter...

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Lynn, here, again.  The married woman who lost my dignity to my ex-neighbor Georgia.  Before this whole episode, my normal reaction to this emarrassing "affair" (no pun intended) would have been to hide under a rock and stew in Catholic shame.  In a way, I guess writing to you after it happened was a form of penance in search of redemption.  Well, wouldn't you know it, I guess we'll never know what would have happened next, but I'm writing to tell you that we now know how Georgia behaved.  She decided to act like a jack-ass.  Check this out:  she decided to tell my husband, via text, that I had driven 3 hours to "fool around with" her.  I have no idea what her intention was, and more importantly, neither did my husband.  He could tell Georgia was trying to stir a pot, so he didn't engage.  He told me not to angrily confront me, but to bask in Georgia's flakiness.  (I don't think he thinks she and I actually 'did anything' while I was over there.)  So far so good; Georgia trolls my husband, my husband ghosts her, my husband and I get a good chuckle out of the whole thing.  So, I should have let it go right there, right?  Well, rightly or wrongly, I didn't.  I engaged.  I fed the troll.  By text.
Lynn-Why did u tell my husband about us??
Georgia-Oh, sweetie, married couples shouldn't have secrets.  What other secrets do u and he have??
L-So, basically, u were trying to cause trouble between him and me.  To get a chance at him.
G-So u really want to do this, Lynn?
L-I do. 
G-Fine.  I prefer my husband to yours, sweetie.
L-That's bullshit, bitch.  And I can prove it.
G-I'll bite.  Whatchya got, hot shot??
L-You drunk emailed him in 2013.  When I wasn't home.  Obviously to fuck him.  And he declined.  How pathetic lol.
G-He told u this???
L-He doesn't even I know.  I saw the email, darlin'.
G-More secrets.  Quite the rock solid marriage u and he have, sweetie.
L- Don't change the topic, slut.
G-What IS the topic, dumbass?  First u fuck me, then u say u wanna fuck me.  Which is it, Sybil.
L-I drove there on Saturday to fight u.
G-Well, u were here, and we didn't fight.  And good thing for u, Lynnie.  Trust me, sweetie, you don't want to fight me.
L-I actually do, G.
G-Ok, fine.  But if I win, a get a roll in the hay with ur husband.
L-He already turned u down once, darlin'.  But maybe if I get him really drunk he can close his eyes and pretend it's someone else.
G-Ya, like one of his mistresses.  Don't doubt he has 'em, sweetie.
L-I doubt it.  So, u know where we are.  When can we expect ya, hun?
G-Soon.

That was a couple of days ago.  My question for you, TABSK, is:  Is this gonna happen??  Lynn

Dear Lynn-- Well, Georgia does have at least one point:  you WERE there, and it, the fight, didn't happen.  So you gave up control to her.  Our guess--she's prepping for some fightin' AND some fuckin', so she's gettin' her hair done and buyin' some nice clothes and perfume for the "paydirt" part of the deal--the long-unrequited consummation of her pining for your husband.  This fight WILL happen, and soon.  But Georgia will pick where and when, so get ready for the ride.  TABSK