Rachel Bilson v. Leighton Meester
The final match of the first round was between two undeniable jobbers, Rachel Bilson and Leighton Meeser. In the first rounds, each girl was pitted against the so-called juggernaut opponents, Katherine Heigl and Jessica Biel. Both Biel and Heigl were hired to be big draws for the event, as the audience was hoping to see each girl decimate their respective foe. Unfortunately for the audience, Biel and Heigl made a bet in the back, with each girl wagering that she could beat her opponent in a shorter amount of time. This ultimately led to two blink-and-you’ll-miss-it matches, with Heigl chokeslamming Meester and Biel powerbombing Bilson before the echo of the bell had faded.
In the end, Kat was the loser of the bet by a few seconds. The enraged Heigl took out her frustration on her dressing room, destroying a vanity mirror with a plasma television. Biel was equally upset when she found out that her decision to not go for the humiliation bonus cost her a significant paycheck. She too let her displeasure be known in the form of public destruction, but instead of her dressing room, she decimated the catering table. Ultimately, the promoter was so furious with both women for not delivering quality matches and for causing massive repair bills that he docked them their full pay for the night.
Leighton Meester was furious. First, she was roped into this stupid tournament. Second, was put in the ring with Katherine Heigl. Third, after the match was over, she was utterly humiliated and used as a sexual plaything and no one came to save her. Fourth, no one remembered to come out and help her to the back after her match. At least at the end of the night she was able to get some semblance of revenge when she took advantage of a weakened Rachel Bilson and successfully implemented a facesit. This of course upset…
Rachel Bilson, who couldn’t believe that she was assaulted in the middle of the ring after her match and that no one came to her aid. She was promised that this was going to be a safe environment, and after her sanctioned match that she signed up for was finished, she was jumped and smothered out by Leighton Meester. Rachel, through her attorney, demanded that there be fines levied and that security measures be taken. Rachel was not going to let that happen to her in her real match.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final match of the second round. Introducing first, Leighton Meester.” Meester came through the curtain, but instead of her theatrical show from round one, she was much more subdued. Sure, her hair was still professionally done and she was wearing a specially designed custom made pink bikini, but to her this was understated.
“And her opponent, Rachel Bilson.” Bilson came out in a white top and black shorts, hoping that if she dressed like a fighter that she would actually become a fighter. It was akin to putting on a cape and hoping you could fly. Rachel slid into the ring and immediately charged Leighton.
The startled Meester leaped out of the ring as the referee restrained the surprisingly aggressive Bilson. “You wanna pull that crap and I’ll disqualify you, ya hear me?” the ref shouted. “Not go to your corner and wait for the bell.”
Rachel paced back and forth in her corner like a caged lioness, waiting to strike. Leighton, on the other side of the ring, was trying to calm her nerves by reminding herself that Rachel Bilson is not a true threat and that she herself is one. The ref rang the bell and Bilson once again sprinted across the ring and Meester. Leighton stuck her torso between the ropes, once again prompting the ref to restrain Rachel. “Get her back, ref, get her back.” As the ref held back the irate Bilson, Leighton kissed her hand and playfully slapped her own ass. “Don’t worry, it’ll be on you soon enough…even though you don’t deserve something as nice as my perfect backside.”
Rachel calmed herself enough for the ref to let her go, and once again she lunged at Leighton. Meester managed to get herself out of the ring, but Bilson grabbed hold of her hair. With no other choice, Leighton allowed Rachel to pull her back into the ring. Bilson maintained her grip on Meester’s hair with one hand and used her free palm to start smacking Leighton’s face. The swats didn’t have much impact, but they were enough to startle Meester.
“You stupid whore-slap-thought-slap-you-slap-were-slap-gonna-slap-get-slap-away-slap-with-slap-sitting-slap-on-slap-my-face?!” Rachel yelled.
Meester swung her foot forward, kicking Rachel in the shin. Bilson maintained her hair pulling as Meester continued her shin kicking. The crowd became restless, as it was clear that neither of these women could engage in any fighting above common catfights.
The referee looked nervously as the two women were now rolling around on the floor, each girl tugging at the other one’s hair. “Jobbers,” he huffed as he watched the ‘action’.
Rachel and Leighton were cursing up a storm as each girl yanked and pulled at the other’s tresses. Neither woman could get an advantage, but the constant rolling drowned out the chorus of boos emanating from the crowd.
After a few more rolls back and forth, the girls were both tangled in the ropes. The ref called for them to break the “holds”, but neither woman would relent. “Keep it up and I’ll have to disqualify both of you,” he said, not even sure if it was a valid threat. Neither girl was showing any signs of relenting, so the ref was faced with a quagmire. He could either let them continue this pathetic display of girlie wrestling and risk turning the crowd into a riot, or he could disqualify them both in direct violation of his orders and possibly get fired.
The ref looked to the back, hoping that someone was going to come down and tell him what actions he should take. Just then, the curtain flung open, and out walked a vision of pure destruction. Dressed in a white thong and matching bra was Katherine Heigl, and she looked pissed. Following behind her in black was Jessica Biel, also wearing a scowl. Neither woman was fond of the other, but it was clear that they had a common purpose.
Heigl and Biel climbed into the ring before giving a nod to the referee. He took this as an opportunity to flee the ring, and did just that. “I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but it’s because of these useless little jobbers that we didn’t get our money. I think we go earn our money back,” Jessica said.
Katherine nodded in agreement. “Which one do you want?”
“Doesn’t matter. Let’s just go fuck them up.”
With that, the two powerhouses approached the blissfully ignorant girls who were still rolling around on the mat. Katherine reached down and grabbed onto Rachel Bilson, while Jessica Biel pounced on top of Leighton Meester.
Heigl grabbed Bilson by the throat, and it looked like she was going to execute a chokeslam. “You little losers are in for the longest night of your lives,” she hissed as she leaned in and kissed the terrified Bilson. “But if you think I’m going to go easy on you because you beg, you’re horribly mistaken. Oh, and I do hope you beg.” With that, Heigl hoisted Bilson up in the air and drove her to the mat with a thunderous chokeslam. Like Meester in the first round, Bilson was out upon impact.
Biel, meanwhile, had a squirming Leighton Meester pinned underneath her. “You thought you could just slide in there and take what wasn’t yours? You thought that you deserved that?” Biel asked, her icy cold delivery terrifying Meester.
“No…I…I just…I….” was all Leighton could say as she feverishly shook her head from side to side.
“You just thought that you could steal from me. You stole my humiliation. You didn’t beat her, I did. No one does that and gets away with it.” She then climbed off of Leighton and yanked the girl to her feet by her hair. Unlike Bilson, however, this pull was forceful. Jessica looked over at the lifeless body of Rachel Bilson and decided to give her contribution. She kicked Leighton in the stomach, doubling her over. Then, like countless women before, she jammed Meester’s head between her legs. Once she had Leighton in position for the powerbomb, she decided to wait. She wanted Meester to think about what was about to happen to her. Jessica rested her elbows on Leighton’s back, as if she didn’t have a care in the world. She then reached down to the trapped girl’s bikini bottoms and decided to have a little fun.
Jessica grabbed a handful of the pink designer briefs and signaled to the crowd, looking for their approval. The eager audience roared with excitement, anxious to see the haughty Meester humiliated again. With a nod of agreement, Jessica pulled back, giving the “Gossip Girl” star a vicious wedgie. The force of the pull actually lifted Leigton’s legs off of the ground as the weaker girl screeched in pain. Jessica then wrapped her arms around Meester’s waist and hoisted her upward, setting her up for the powerbomb.
With Leigton’s thighs pressed against her ears, Jessica once again hooked her hands in Meester’s bottoms. The dazed and defenseless girl’s eyes bugged out as she was paraded around the ring while sitting on Jessica’s shoulders. Then, Biel hoisted her by the bottoms and executed a Biel Bomb. Leighton’s body bounced off of the mat like a stone skipping across a pond until it came to a rest near Rachel’s.
Satisfied, Biel and Heigl both looked at each other with a “What next?” glance. Katherine stepped towards Leighton and peeled her body off of the mat. She wrapped her hand around Meester’s neck, signaling that she was going to chokeslam her. Sensing what was going on, Biel grabbed the semi-conscious Bilson and jammed the brunette’s head between her legs. It was clear now that this was a dueling banjos situation, as each girl was looking to one-up the other one.
Kat hoisted the lifeless body of Meester up as Jessica flipped the limp frame of Bilson up, and both girls now simultaneously paraded their jobbers around the ring to the applause of the crowd. Finally, each girl decided to execute, so Heigl chokeslammed Meester and Biel powerbombed Bilson. The overpowered ladies collapsed again on the mat, neither one showing any signs of a fight.
“Well, what do you wanna do to them next?” Katherine asked.
“I don’t know but I know whatever I do is going to fuck them up way worse than you.”
“Oh, is that another challenge?”
“Well since I beat you in the last one, I don’t think I have anything to worry about.” Heigl and Biel were now nose to nose, and the audience was anxious for this powder keg to explode.
The tension was broken when Rachel Bilson began to stir. “Hmm,” Kat scoffed, “I guess your little powerbomb isn’t as good as my chokeslam.” Heigl then walked over to Rachel and lightly kicked her with her foot, rolling her on her back. Biel then approached Meester, who was still motionless.
“You just keep fucking up my day, you know that?” Jessica said as she grabbed Leighton’s cheeks. She slapped Meester in the face a few times, hoping to revive her. After about six or seven smacks, Leighton started to stir. “You awake? Good. Now you’re in big trouble.”
On the other side of the ring, Katherine laid down next to Rachel, toying with the girl. “Hey!” she yelled as she shook Bilson’s arm. “Wake up. You’re in a fight, remember? If you don’t do something…snicker…Leighton’s gonna kick your cute little ass.” Rachel’s eyes fluttered open, and upon seeing the larger blonde lying next to her, became very frightened. Her instant reaction was to try and slide away, but Kat saw to it that she wasn’t going anywhere by grabbing her wrist. “Oh no, I’m not done with you yet. Don’t tell Jessica because she’ll take away all of my fun, but I kinda have a little thing for you. I mean, you’re so cute and so pathetic, that the thought of having my way with your body kinda makes me tingle. I know, I know, I shouldn’t say stuff like that because I’m supposed to be a serious competitor, but I won’t tell if you won’t.” Katherine then snaked her long legs around Rachels’ waist, synching in a leg scissor.
Jessica heard Bilson bellow in pain and immediately saw the leg scissor. Biel then yanked Meester to her feet before tossing the near lifeless girl over her shoulder. “Hey Heigl, watch this,” she yelled as she propped Meester on the top rope. With the dazed Leighton sitting on the turnbuckle, Biel climbed to the second rope. She then flipped one of Meester’s arms over her shoulder, and it was clear that she was going for a superplex. Katherine looked on in amusement as she playfully crushed Bilson between her thighs.
Once in position, Biel hoisted Meester over her head, with Leighton’s body and Jessica’s body forming a perfect vertical line. Then, thanks in part to gravity, both girls came crashing down to the mat in a picture perfect suplex.
“I just don’t get it,” Kat said to a trapped Rachel, “Why the hell would she do that when she could have actual fun? I mean, I know she’s a great wrestler, but you guys aren’t opponents. You’re like toy dolls. Here, see,” Heigl said as she reached over and latched onto Bilson’s breast. “If you were an actual wrestler, there’s no way I could just grab your tit like that. I mean, real wrestlers have self respect and fight back. But you, you’re just a tiny package of fun. Right?” Katherine then clamped down, her large hand engulfing the smaller woman’s breast.
Jessica climbed to her feet and adjusted her thong, which had inadvertently ridden up even higher on impact. She looked over at Katherine fondling Rachel and shook her head in disapproval. “Is that all you want to do?” she asked.
“Yeah, kinda,” Heigl replied before acting surprised at discovering that Rachel had another boob she could mash. “Ooh, let’s see what this one can do.”
