[gameking]

Trying something different, a more abridged story.

“I happened to know a friend of a friend who hooked me up with an invite to a party at Sydney Sweeney’s place. It was a great time, the drinks were plentiful, the food was expensive and excellent but the friend told me that the real party would start after the party is over. I was told to stay because I was in for a treat. It was around midnight and Sydney brought the group into her workout room. It was quite big and mats were down as we sat down. There was maybe twenty people and a man walked in. He looked quite average, in decent shape and it was obvious by his attire (Gym shorts, t-shirt) that he wasn’t an invited guest. Sydney had left the room and came back wearing a silk robe that she slowly took off. Sydney was wearing a blue and purple flowered bikini and looked amazing! I wondered what we were seeing but the friend said we were in for a treat. What type of treat are we talking about?

Well, this dude apparently goes around wrestling celebrities and the treat is that Sydney was going to put on a show for everybody. I realized that I was the only male in the room and realized that Zendaya had slipped into the room. The two were warming up and the guy didn’t even see Zendaya sneak behind him and lock him in a sleeper! The dude was totally shocked and tried to break free but Sweeney slugged him in the stomach a few times. I could see that he was in pain as he fell to his knees as Zendaya kept the hold locked on. Syndney sat on the floor as the two were perfectly in-sync. The guy was out completely before she pushed him right down into Sweeney’s crotch. I’d love to be that dude! Except for the fact that Sweeney clamped her legs around him and started choking the life out of him. It was quite amazing to see as she flexed her leg muscles as the dude groaned out a submission. Nothing could be done as Zendaya walked over to his legs and stood over his lower back. She grabbed his legs into a painful Boston Crab and Sweeney had raised herself off the floor. The guy was hollering at this point as his body was being bent at such as awkward angle.

Sweeney relented but Zendaya was methodically wrenching this poor guys back. She finally let go and they backed off letting this guy get back up, you could see that he was shell shocked but Zendaya wasted little time driving her foot into his stomach with a teep kick. The guy bent over as Sweeney grabbed him by the chin and dropped him with a brutal punch. He went down by Zendaya and she responded by grabbing his hair and sticking his head between her legs and squeezing the life out of him. The guy was on the farthest corner of dream street within seconds, as she lacked any emotion while sapping his life. Zendaya brought him back to life with some STIFF slaps, this fella looked like he had just been woken up out of a coma. Zendaya slithered those long legs of hers around his waist and began squeezing him. The guy was screaming in pain as Sydney kneeled down and grabbed him by the hair. She pulled his head up and we saw the look of agony on his face. He tapped the mat frantically as Zendaya let go. Sweeney dragged him up and demanded he kiss one of Zendaya’s legs. He did out of fear, kinda pathetic. Sweeney scooped him rather easily into a bearhug, trapping his arms. Sweeney brought up giving him a first class view but if I have to go through that for this view, I’m not interested. The guy passed out as Zendaya walked by and pushed his face into her breasts. Sydney dropped the guy like a sack of potatoes and mock tagged Zendaya. She brought her foot up and debated where to stomp before settling on his crotch. You could see he was in real pain and the two gleefully posed over the dude but they weren’t done.

Off came the shirt and he looked to be in decent shape. Zendaya stood over him as Sweeney mounted himand woke him up. First, she just let looose with a series of punches to the chest, each blow traveling through the room. Sweeney placed her beasts over him and stared smothering him with them but any pleasure was a moot point. Zendaya had mounted him and had her back to Sydney’s antics. Her job was to inflict pain and she had a handful of crotch! Zendaya just seemed annoyed and woke him up and dragged the poor dude to his feet. He was barely standing as Zendaya  SMASHED him with a left hook that had him stumbling and pushed him into Sydney’s breasts. They both smiled as Sydney stepped back as he stumbled like the village drunk. Zendaya turned him around, slugged him hard in the stomach and he looked ready to vomit. He was bent over as Sydney stepped in-front of him, put his head between her legs (LUCKY) and wrapped her arms around him. With Zendaya’s assistance, she hoisted him up and you could see the fear in this guys eyes. Zendaya held him by the hair as Sweeney went her knees, DRIVING THIS POOR BASTARD INTO THE MATS. He took the brunt of it on his neck and shoulders, the move was so powerful he flopped onto his stomach. His loud screams were snuffed out to whimpers, as he held his neck in pain. He must’ve passed out from the pain because he just went limp. Somebody called it a double powerbomb as the crowd just erupted into cheers as Sweeney counted him out.

Sweeney got up, walked over to her handler and took out a wad of crisp hundreds and stuffed it in his mouth. The duo put their feet on his face and posed for the crowd. What a show they had put on! I hope that dude was okay as the two posed for a variety of pics. The last had Sweeney sitting on him, with her ass near his throat, you could see that he was up but he didn’t want to do anything as the dominant blonde flexed her biceps.

Helluva show!

[gameking]

Salma Hayek called me up and told me to bring the fight. Just because she’s fifty-six years old and breaking the internet every time she posts a picture in a bikini, she doesn’t want me to lay down for her.  I had about two weeks to prepare and I treated this like a heavyweight title fight, eating right, getting a stable sleep schedule and exercising for hours on end. This was about proving to Hollywood and most importantly myself that I could still go.

Fight day arrived and I was ushered to a large empty room by Hayek. We exchanged pleasantries and it was hard to take my eyes off her. If she was playing head games before the match, it was certainly working. A tight low-cut t-shirt showing off her legendary cleavage and a pair of tight shorts to show off her underrated ass. Hayek wanted to spice things up, the match could only win via submission. Nothing new but the winner would have the pleasure of being able to put the loser to sleep with any submission they wanted. It seemed like a fun time so I agreed. To show how serious I was taking this, I put on a rash guard and a pair of Thai fighting shorts with blue tigers on them with ankle socks.

Hayek entered the room robed and quickly de-robed to show off her legendary body. I tried not to stare but got a few peaks in that drew a sly grin from her. She was wearing a barely covering bikini top with a string design in the middle that was barely holding on. It was a beautiful Aztec diamond design with a variety of colors: turquoise, white, black, yellow and red. The bottoms were the same design and quick turn from her showed off a thong leaving very little to the imagination. Every movement she had resulted in a suple part of her body bouncing and this was certainly a tactic.

We faced off in the middle of the room, slapping away attempts to initiate a lockup. Finally Hayek lunged for a headlock, the type that wrestlers used to do when people thought it was real. Less of a warm-up move and more of an attempt to rip somebody’s head off. I struggled attempting to slip out but she reinforced her grip. I wasn’t worried the thought of her transitioning to a Bulldog choke began rearing it’s ugly head. I tried to push her off and we almost went to the floor, but she got back up. I didn’t want to exert any energy trying to lift her off the ground so I went the cheap route. Selma didn’t put her hair in a bun she I grabbed a hold of it and pulled down. I could hear a yelp and what I presume what a swear in Spanish but I broke out. Selma had her back to me for a split second and I grabbed her by the waist and dragged her down. I tried for a clutch but she quick to counter. Hayek was consistently trying to throw me off so trying a body lock or choke was difficult. I settled on paint brushing her hair and trying to push her head into the ground before getting up.

Hayek was back up and scowled at me as we circled. Every step she took her breasts jiggled a tactic of hers. Distract the white boy and then attack. This time we engaged in a test of strength, the old knuckle lock battle of the greeks. I easily overwhelmed her, even spewing some trash talk, bringing Hayek to her knees. Then I realized “Oh shit she’s using her body to distract me.” I took one look, lost my concentration and found my grip broken and punch veering towards me. I backed up and lost my footing, foolishly falling to the floor. Hayek pounced on me like a cougar (get it?) and took full mount. I blocked a grapevine attempt of two before I noticed Hayek’s breasts were looming over me like those giant swinging axes you’d see in a horror film. Hayek was smiling in this attempt to psych me out and tried to pin my hands to the floor. From there it could be a grapevine and just stretch my legs out until I couldn’t rise. I could see that she was setting up for an armlock but I fought out of it. I made enough room to turn over and she jumped at it, much like I had earlier. I slipped out but grabbed her ankle on the way out. I could see some panic as I climbed up her body, locked the ankle around my hands and took a seat on her back.

I began pulling back in a half crab, groans emitting from the trapped actress. I didn’t want to exert too much and risk gassing out but I kept my foot on the pedal. I cranked back as Hayek attempted to push me off but I stayed upright. I got greedy, instead of keeping the half crab, I tried grabbing for the other leg and going full Boston. Hayek knew it and in the process got her hand around my ankle and toppled me. We were entangled and Hayek quickly got free. I was up and darted forward, grabbing a bearhug but she clapped my ears right away. I stumbled backwards as Hayek grabbed my arm, twisted underneath like she was trying for a fancy hammerlock and planted her bare foot square in my chest. I didn’t go down but the shot hit hard and knocked me backwards. I could feel stinging pain as Hayek wasted little time. I could see her fists up as she threw a straight right I barely dodged. I shot a rather crappy double leg that she blocked easily and we ended up in sprawl. Hayek wrapped her legs around her my head, beginning to choke me with a scissors. My throat was protected but she has the sides of my head screaming like a dog outside during fireworks. I knew what was coming next, grip around the waist and forcing me to the floor, on my side preferably. I was battling her hands and finally managed to rise up after a struggle. The blinding pain around my head was gone as I rose enough to almost backdrop her off. I wasn’t free though, she grabbed my ankle while escaping.

Hayek was up and dropped her elbow on the back of my right knee, something I’ve never nor never ever want to experience again. I tried to get back up and could see her charging to wipe me out with the old chop block. I barely side stepped it and went towards the wall to shake it off. I didn’t want to be trapped against the wall and take a buffet of punched so I kept moving. Luckily, I lead with my left knee, I’m a southpaw at heart so she’d have to take some punishment to get to said knee. The fun and games were over, we both scowled as we circled. Hayek attempted a slap but I caught it and folks, I hate to say that I used the Crippler Crossface but I did. I don’t like to use the move because of you know, Chris Benoit. I dragged her down, locked the arm between the legs and locked my hands around her chin. I began to pull upwards on her neck, crank it while stretching the locked arm. Her feet kicked up and down off the floor as I continued pulling back, hoping to emit a quick submission and possible apology.

I wonder if she has dogs where they are? Are they enclosed? Maybe in the pool area?

OH GOD I’M SORRY.

I tried to modify my grip, this time getting my hands around the mouth and nose, to uh…smother. I could see her knees rising trying to roll me off and maybe it was the implication but it worked. She rolled me off and got free before standing up and dropping a brutal full force elbow on my navel. The blow took the air right out of me, as Hayek drilled it in before getting up. I rose apprehensively expecting a flurry by Hayek. We grappled a bit before I noticed her stomach was in prime position. Much like the Armas Assault, I launched a full force knee into her stomach, the gasp on pain echoing through the empty room. Hayek didn’t have a six pack nor was she flabby but the blow took her foot off the floor. Hayek was a sitting duck for another and that’s what I did. Another brutal blow this time aiming for the upper section, right by the sternum. A scream of pain filled the room as she was barely upright, holding onto me. I could have pushed her off and watched her crumble but I called for one more blow. This got a resounding “FUCK YOU” in one last act of defiance. I didn’t go for a knee but darted behind and landed a nasty shin kick across her lower back. Hayek yelled in pain before falling to the floor, not knowing what to nurse. The stomach that just received two RPGs or the lower back that just took a nuke. It could’ve been worse, I was thinking of a boot to the breasts.

I wasted little time grabbed Hayek and forcing her up to her knees. I locked my arms around her throat for an old school sleeper hold. Her nails were digging into my arms, attempting to break the hold. I didn’t know how much fight she had left so I went all in, perhaps a mistake. I could feel her fading when suddenly she launched elbow after elbow into my sides. I finally broke the hold but the blows did their damage as she recovered. Hayek went all in trying a handstand scissors, the type that Gia Primo used to pull off. She isn’t Gia Primo, but she did unleash hell on my throat. I could see her struggling to maintain the stand and began grabbing at her hands, attempting to break. We eventually fell into a puddle of humanity, barely escaping a figure four attempt by the actress. We had been battling in a warm room, sweat covering our bodies. Hayek’s perfect body glistened and I presume this was another mind game. We locked up and I forced her against the wall, trying to tire her out against it. I wasn’t exerting that much energy but I knew her escape attempts would wilt her gas tank.

I think she knew my plan and responded with trash talk in Spanish calling out my weak strategy. She tried to go down to take me down and I was a second away from catching a fight ending guillotine. Hayek scurried out from against the wall and jumped on my back for a piggyback sleeper. Big mistake. I stumbled backwards and then struggled to turn around, her back to the wall. Hayek knew what was coming and let out an “OH SHIT” as I crushed her frame against the wall. It broke the hold as I turned and began peppering her stomach with blows. I wanted to turn that core of hers from strong to mashed potatoes. Hayek was fighting back, my blows weren’t these epic shots, these were speedbag blows. Every punch was countered with a stinging McMahon-style slap to the face from Hayek.  I could see red marks developing on her stomach, I wanted to look like Anne Marie’s stomach in a 2003 belly punching video for Sleeperkid. Hayek took them but I knew she was struggling so I went for a big kick. The type that he launched with the shin and she’d lay over it. I didn’t go for the stomach.

I WENT FOR THE BREASTS.

My shin bounced off her legendary bust as her screams of pain filled the room. She went down to both knees, her hands massaging them. I stood over her and pulled her back up by the hair but was met with a vicious low blow that my cup barely protected. We were both on the ground, writhing in pain from the sensitive area blows. We both were up to our knees, staring daggers into each other, exchanging vicious slaps all over. We both grabbed hair in attempt to gain dominance. I could see Hayek balling up her fist but I dodged the big punch. Hayek dove in and I blocked it. I stood over her, grabbed her arms and pushed back with my feet. I was going for the standing surfboard, trying to force up. I sat down and locked both feet on her back and pushed up, the type of image that fetish sites would kill to use a selling point. This breasts of hers out at a maximum angle but my god she broke free. I got back up but she pushed me off before undoing her bikini top.

I got a good look before she threw the top at me and charged. I moved to the side and locked in a reverse bearhug. Remember the first rule, never go front bearhug, especially against a celeb that’s endowed like Hayek. I lifted her off the ground and squeezed away, sensing the energy in her body fading away. Nudity was her Hail Mary but intercepted the pass. I held her high as her legs kicked up and down, groans filling the room. Finally I lowered her quickly switched a normal bearhug. I went full force, squeezing whatever will she had left in her body. I even shoot lifted her off the ground, my arms digging into her ribs. All she could do was scream in pain as she painfully passed out from the hold.

Right?

Right?

Of course not! Hayek launched a low blow and connected with a knee right to the crotch. Good lord I felt ready to throw up from the pain. I let go and was going to one knee when Hayek grabbed my chin and pulled my head up to face her. The sight of her was an incredible turn out, her eyes filled with rage, heavy breathing and the breasts heaving. Hayek launched another slap that had my right cheek feeling numb. Another slap, followed by a third one and I could barely keep my head up. I saw her hand being balled into a fist and knew the killing blow was coming. I just barely dodged it and tripped her to the ground.


I snared my legs around her exposed breasts and began pressing down on them in a painful body scissors variation. They’re already quite big and now they looked comically large as she screaming in pain from the hold. Hayek was doing everything she could to escape, punching at my legs, digging her nails in and trying to bridge out. I had her trapped as I went full force with the hold as she finally screamed a submission. I let go of the hold right away as she held up her end of the bargain, telling me to put her out with whatever I wanted. Salma was on the ground still, tending to her wounded and no doubt sore breasts. I dragged her up and I could see that the fire in her eyes from earlier had disappeared. I decided to put her out the old fashioned way with a beathug. I lifted her off the ground and squeezed away, sensing the energy in her body fading away. Nudity was her Hail Mary but intercepted the pass. I held her high as her legs kicked up and down, groans filling the room. Finally I lowered her quickly switched a normal bearhug. I went full force, squeezing whatever will she had left in her body. I even shoot lifted her off the ground, my arms digging into her ribs. All she could do was scream in pain as she painfully passed out from the hold. The site of her exposed breasts heaving up and down while being locked in was a pleasant surprise. I also knew they were in serious pain from being pressed against my chest. Helluva turn-on Ill admit, as her head slumped against my shoulders, she had passed out from the hold. I gently let her down, I could see that she was completely knackered from the squeeze.

I put on foot on her legendary breasts, staring down as she slowly came to. She was staring up at me as I did a quick bicep flex over her defeated body.

[gameking]

I really need to stop picking fights with bigger women.

I am not a giantess killer.

I am somebody who gets killed by giantess’s.

Why not go fight Jenna Ortega? Or Mia Goth? Or that new girl from Fallout with the Furby eyes that’s the new queen of the internet. Just why in the blue hell did you accept a match against Hannah Waddingham from Ted Lasso? Curves for days, big legs, big bust and a big attitude. That vibe that she’ll enjoy tossing me around before trying to pop my head between her legs like a teenager desperately trying to pop a pimple before prom. I could already feel the pain in my ribs from the inevitable rib crushing I was going to receive.

Thank god this wasn’t in a ring, those rings seem to be like catnip for these celebrities. “Ooh it’s just like that tv WrestleMania stuff, I can really toss this poor guy around!” I end up being bounced that ring for an eternity. Instead, it was a local gym that was kind enough to take a nice payday, close up shop and shut their mouthes. Make sure the mats are sanitized so we don’t end up with a staph infection, you know the deal. The mats gave me little relief since I remember Anna Kendrick taking them off and slamming my knee into them. Speaking of that, why am I not fighting Anna Kendrick? SHE’S SHORT. Should I go fight her right now? Sounds great or even Dua Lipa. She’s my height but skinny, we could have a fun SK vs Keri style ma-

Just get to the beating.

You don’t care about what I wear stop feigning interest. You pervs only care about what the female is wearing and wowza she’s a knockout. A tall glass of water wearing an bubblegum pink sports bra/pants combo that highlighted her long legs and curvy hourglass physique. You know maybe Christina Hendricks should represent the good old US of A and fight her instead of me. With a smile that lured me into her trap and flowing blonde hair, she certainly gave off a 1940’s glamour vibe. We chit chatted and she seemed very enthusiastic and excited for all this and it was the complete opposite of the dread filling my brain.

And then the bell rang.

We circled a bit and I could see her smiling, baring her teeth. Beautiful teeth but it felt like staring at a smiling shark. I tried to grab but she slapped my hands away and dared me to come inside which is just a stupid idea. So I refused to and backed up, daring her to come to me. I could see a roll of the eyes and a look with a tinge of annoyance. Hannah pursued and I went for a leg to only get caught in your everyday garden variety headlock, brining the squeeze. One look up and I could see that she was enjoying herself as I tried to push my way out. I even tried to lift her up which got a laugh and an increase in pressure. Was I panicking? Absolutely not, I was panicking the moment this match was agreed to, now I was super panicking. There’s a big difference. I went for a handful of hair and that just angered her and she took me to the ground. Now if this was a pro wrestling match, I would flatten myself out and let the ref count me out so I could escape but nope. Suffice to say, I wasn’t starting to feel the hold, my held felt like it had a thousand gallons of water in it and my ears were burning. I could see her staking out her next hold.

She moved to a mounted position and tried to pin my arms down, I gave those up. However, I had my legs closed up and was refusing to fall victim to a grapevine. My hope was to annoy me way out of it and it did the trick, I laughed internally at her frustration. I wasn’t laughing when she decided to use my chest as a bouncy house, bouncing up and down. Don’t get me wrong the visual of her bouncing was quite hot but she was thumping my chest pretty hard and I took the chance to buck her off. That was a mistake as I did get her off for a millisecond but she stayed on-top and was now on my back. I could feel those legs wrap around my waist and then…pain. Hannah turned it into a bodylock and began constricting my abdomen. I found myself in a seated position, it was straight out of a python/prey video from Veve Lane. The males facial expression is one of anguish, mouth open wide, face turning red while the dominant feel smiles in the background. Guess what? There’s more! Hannah grabbed a Full Nelson also to trap my hands leaving me with no escape. No escape, no choice to blurt out a quick submission. Hannah let go and slithered away as I held my abdomen in pain, I was so close to going out it was scary.

To say that I wanted this to be over after two moves is a massive understatement. Hannah was on her knees and motioned be over in that sexy voice of her. We faced out in a bearhug challenge and while my hold affected her, she just bullied me with her size. She won and I was subjected to another painful abdomen constriction. I tried to break free but Hannah used her position to put me on the mat. From there she easily maneuvered her body and took a seat on my throat. She very easily could’ve put me out with a pubis choke but instead wrapped her legs around my head and brought the pain with a mounted triangle choke. I had no real means of escape as she sat back and ratcheted the pressure. I tapped out as my neck felt like it was being snapped in half from the pressure.

Hannah stood up and was relentless, rolling me over and hook my legs. I knew what was coming, a Boston Crab and I hoped she stayed standing. She did for a moment and the pain was manageable. I feigned an escape attempt by grabbing at the ankles and tried to push up but it was futile. Finally she sat down and that’s when the screaming began. She had brought her full 145 pound body onto my back nullifying any escape attempt. I howled as she pulled back on my legs as I finally tapped the mats like crazy. I felt like my back was being pushed to its absolute limit with that hold and I hoped this was the end.

It wasn’t.

Hannah was up and crushed my body into the mats with a big splash. My head comically darted up as I unleashed cries of pain. I was rolled over and watched, nearly paralyzed in fear as she took and crushed my abdomen with a running splash. My legs comically kicked up in the air, no air left in my body. Hannah stared a mock count but pulled my arm up before the three. She dragged me up as I looked into her radiant eyes. I couldn’t do much, I was only up because she pulled me up. I pushed her away and began to back up. I was I full panic mode when Hannah killed me with a boot to the gut, doubling me over. The blow worsened my already destroyed core as I was bent over, holding my stomach. She moved behind me and wrapped her arms around my throat for a sleeper. I’ve rarely been the victim of this but I began to panic, first a desperate escape. I began to scream as I felt very light-headed. I finally embraced that no escape was possible as my eyelids began to flutter and my vision blurred. Finally, I was out, my body almost melting into hers. Hannah brought me to my knees and let me down gently. My face felt the warm embrace of the mat and I could feel a little drool escape.

Is it bad that I liked this?

[gameking]

I got the email around 2:00 PM in the afternoon. Like right at two o’clock and that’s when I realized the clandestine and precise nature of what this upcoming match would be. It was a very simple email, Taylor Swift wanted a match with me and the payoff was going to be very generous. My payoffs are nice, years of hustle and reliability had my payoffs in the high four figures and some in the low five figures. This was a high five figure payoff, with the payment going in right after I accepted. I began to realize how different this was from my usual matches. I’d just get in my car, drive to the agreed location and just have the match.

Not with Taylor.

Due to Taylor being the most popular musician and possibly public figure, everything was being done with a cloak and dagger mentality. I was even sent a burner phone for communication that would be incinerated after this. I was to be outside of my place at 4:00 AM on the dot to be picked up and driven to a private airfield. Very little conversation was had as I signed some last minute paperwork and went over instructions with a handler. The only rule was no blows to the face which I agreed to. It would be in a mma ring and the way to win was by submission or knockout. I flew on a private jet for the ninety minute flight to San Fransisco and I’ll give her credit, everything was first class. I had the best Eggs Benedict I’ve ever tasted, had a few mimosas and just relaxed. We landed at another private airfield, drove to a private marina and took a yacht to a island off the coast of San Francisco. A private island. That she rented for a week. A level of wealth that I could never reach in five lifetimes, and the house that she rented was massive. There was a mother-in-law cottage that was my quarters for the next three days. I had full access to the gym and complimentary room service. Taylor was arriving that night and we’d have the match the next night. I worked out, ate some great food and slept. I did meet with her briefly and we had a few minutes of chit chat before she was ushered off to her place. She was very straightforward with what she expected out of me come match time. I was worried that her football player boyfriend was going to pop out from a room and beat me up if I won. That got a chuckle.

I spent most of the next day strategizing after a morning jog and a solid nap. Taylor had the height advantage by about three inches and had the legs to keep me at bay. To get in close was to be subjected to a buffet of kicks and knees and once the hit the ground, avoid getting those legs wrapped around me. I got the call to head to the main building around 9:00 PM. The room with the ring in its own building with large floor to ceiling windows, the views of the ocean were breathtaking. The building had smaller wide open windows and the cool California breeze filled the room. I went into a small changing and geared up, a pair of tight shorts and a black long sleeve shirt. I made my way to the ring to see Taylor already warming up, stretching those long legs of here. Taylor had her hair in a bun and wearing a shiny spandex one piece swimsuit/leotard combination. The swimsuit was a deep shade of purple and the leggings were dark blue. It most certainly accentuated her legs and tight body. If Hayley Atwell wore it, I would most certainly be distracted to a point of drooling a puddle.

The room was empty save for handlers and a bodybag who could probably kill me thirty-eight different ways with a Q-tip. The handlers and friends said nothing as they munched on popcorn and drank overpriced bottle water. I got in the ring and warmed up opposite of her. When she stepped to the middle of the ring, I came forward as a ref (No doubt well compensated) went over last minute instructions. We both shook hands and before we went back, Swift backed up a bit and lifted her right leg onto my shoulder. She kept it there for a few moments with a cheeky grin. I looked at it, sarcastically smiled and gave a a sarcastic golf clap as she took it down. This was a good old fashioned intimidation tactic and folks, it worked. We went back into our corners as the anticipation built to a crescendo and the bell (Well a YouTube video) finally rang.

I came out and Taylor flicked kick my way, I backed up. I didn’t want to show fear of her legs as I sidestepped a quick one and caught a push kick. I walked forward and forced her against the ropes before backing up. I bluntly stated that I wasn’t afraid of those long legs of hers. We reset in the middle as Swift went for a grab and I ducked under, snatching a hammerlock. I cranked it high and drew first blood with a grungy and a yell. I forced her stomach first against the ropes, keeping her there for a few seconds. The plan was to get her in the corner but those legs came into play when she extended her leg and blocked and pushed back. We stumbled but I locked in a choke and almost had her. It was a Bulldog variation and I planted my foot on the back of her knee to push it down. I had her down to one as an audible shock filled the room from her handlers and friends that it could be over. It wasn’t as Swift was back up and drove me backwards into the corner. The corner was well padded so it had little impact but her body crashing into me took the air out from me. I figured Swift would tee off on a vulnerable jobber but I think she was a bit shell shocked and even winded. I know most musicians have intense workout regimens since their job is to perform every night but this was a new environment.

I grabbed a Full Nelson and even used the corner to my advantage. With both feet on the middle rope, I had the statuesque singer on her knees quickly and had her facedown on the mat. I was setting up to end this with the dreaded Full Nelson Clutch but she quickly escaped and almost landed a standing headscissors. I got my head out of the way and tried to pick her ankle for a low takedown. She stepped out of it and I got back up, resetting yet again. Taylor amped the aggression by a few levels throwing a few kicks, one that grazed my knee. I winced and backed up a bit and she darted towards but I grabbed the over-under and placed her against the ropes. She was squirming trying to find an escape and I was content to wall-and-stall for a bit. Let her expend some energy, let that has tank empty a bit as she tried to fight her way out. I tried to grab a leg and go for a takedown but she blocked it. I had my arms wrapped around one of her stems but it was futile. I made the mistake of trying a lifting takedown when a simple single leg would’ve been the answer and we crashed to the ground, an entangled mess of limbs.

A mad scrambled ensued with the two of us battling for a dominant position. I damn near had her up in a fireman’s carry but Taylor dead-weighted me and now I was flattened out on my stomach. Bad. Bad. This is bad, get your knees up and get up.m, but Taylor had trapped one arm between her legs. I refused to give up my other arm as she began to squeeze and I felt the power of those legs. I could feel a numbing pain at first that slowly turned into a searing pain as Taylor placed her elbow in the side of my neck and began grinding it in. An unusual tactic but it did get result in some painful discomfort on my end. I finally snaked my arm out, got the knees up and managed to just barely hit a fireman’s carry. It felt great but Taylor snaked those legs around my side so fast I stood up and backed up.

Taylor stayed on the floor, those long and luxurious legs wide open, daring me to come play. I tried to shake the numbness off as I approached the devil. Taylor had those legs up trying to push me away as I tried to go in. I wanted side control taking the legs completely out of the picture, but I settled for half guard even if she could squeeze a leg. I got into half guard after some gutsy maneuvering and felt great..until she swept me almost right away and now she was on top and took a mounted position. Taylor looked down and smiled at her plaything, trying to snag those long legs around mine for a grapevine. What ensued what the most painful game of footsy in human history as her legs slowly tore my legs open and snagged the dreaded grapevine. She slowly but even more slowly and surely begins the process of stretching my legs apart as she tried to turn them into jelly. I began to howl out and was also fighting to keep my hands from being held down. If that happened, she could very easily keep me there until the end of time but I won that battle and snatched a bottom bearhug.

It isn’t half effective as a standing one but it did the job. As the battle of the stretch vs squeeze ensued, I could feel some much needed relief as her legs let mine go. My legs had that feeling when you try to sprint with your friends without stretching, a feeling of on fire that eventually subsided. I used the hug to roll her over like A COMPLETE IDIOT and realized she had me trapped. I blame the heat of the battle. I was in her guard and those legs I had desperately avoided? They were not wrapped around my waist. It was scissors time, population one dumbass Hollywood Jobber. I panicked and tried to brute force my way out of it but the tightness was real. Taylor was slowly constricted my sides like a boa constrictor and the worst part? Taylor’s face was expressionless like an absolute psychopath taking no pleasure in killing. I tried to undo the ankles but that was a methodical process and time was not on my side. I was breathing heavily, the breathes were haggard and becoming harder and harder to come by. I even began driving my elbow into her knees hoping that was the trick. It gave me some needed relief but she just wrapped them around tighter. I felt a bit woozy, like a drinker feeling a light buzz except this wasn’t a good feeling. I finally pressed the nuclear option as my breathing was being constricted.

I smashed a fist into the shiny one piece of hers. Swift let out a helluva yell and I felt some relief. My body wasn’t released so I smashed a good forearm lifter into her stomach once more, another cry of pain. I launched two more and finally a double hammerfist and her legs were finally undone. Swift was hurt, I could see her hands wrapped around her stomach, and I wasn’t any better. I was breathing hard but I was up when I grabbed a leg and wrapped mine and drove my body weight into it, planting that leg into the mat. Another cry, this one a hellacious one as I could see the h color left the handlers face. I imagine them being sent to the gulag being forced to watch that awful Lorax film if I lost. I wanted to crank back but Swift’s lanky nature came into play again. She almost caught me dead to rights with a rear naked choke from the bottom that I just barely escaped. I kept her down though and grabbed her legs in a wishbone once more this time to play tribute to The Funker. I grabbed that wounded knee and went for the spinning toe hold and nailed it. I wrenched as she groaned but when I went to rotate again but Swift booted my behind when I was turning and I went careening into the corner. I stopped myself but backed up into Swift who tripped me to the ground and snagged those legs around my head.

No. No. Goddamnit. Swift went for a garden variety headscissors and went full force, hoping for a quick submission. Her legs were so far away that grabbing the ankles was hopeless and she snuffed out a bridge. I hadn’t recovered from the body scissors and now that lightheaded feeling was taking over. I realized my only solution was to pound my way out. I began punching her legs, thighs and knees in hopes of breaking free. All meanwhile trying to stay awake and possibly alive depending upon her mood when this ends. I finally freed myself but unlike last time, I was in no hurry to get back up, I felt washed. Swift however was back up and on the attacking smelling blood in the air. Swift ripped me off the floor and forced me into the corner. Taylor undid the bun, letting her trademark long blonde strands free. It caused a murmur that feeling on “now it’s torture time”. A big knee sliced through my core, my feet jumping off the mat. Followed by another sharp blow just below my rib cage. Breathing was more a luxury and I had a wallet with expired Wendy’s coupons in it. Two blows and my body was washed over with pain as Swift measured a landed a perfect shin kick into my stomach. My knees were buckling but these weren’t full force kill-shots, she was holding back. This seemed more like a cruel tapas, a taste of what’s to come, a couple more jackhammer stomps had me on the floor, Swift hauling me up. She extended that long leg in the money shot a video maker would cream his gym shorts over. Her foot was choking away and not since Stacy Keibler at No Mercy 2001 was the visual so impactful. My feet kicked off the ground as I choked on my saliva when the ref finally had enough and broke it up. Swift scowled but agreed and backed off leaving me a shell of a fighter in the corner. I finally got it together and I was barely out of the corner when she attacked again. Using the ropes to keep herself up, she jumped and wrapped those legs around my weakened waist but I fought back. Not with the stomach blows but by pulling those blondes strands of her. I began pulling like a violent cat fighter. It was finally enough to get her off me.

I could see eyes filled with anger as she kept me in the corner and this time decked me a left hook. My head flew backwards at this blatant rule violation as she climbed on the second rope and began to violently choke me. She even took her singlet strap and pulled a late 1980’s Andre the Giant. The ref was trying to pry her off me after the blitz I had just endured. I was barely upright and barely alive when she went to the apron and tepidly climbed to the top rope, taking a seat. Her legs wrapped around my head but I WAS READY. I slipped out dragged her down, grabbed a body lock and lifted her high. I drove her down and we both hit the barely padded mat hard with a back body drop. Drastic times call for drastic measures, Swift was nearly unresponsive as she groaned. I took a good brunt of it but this was it. I had my opening. I rolled Taylor over as the blonde was quite loopy as I wrapped her shin around mine, grabbed her arms and lifted her off the ground for the dreaded ceiling hold. I had very little time as her frame made it shockingly difficult to keep her up. You think with how skinny she is it would be was easy but this move was all me. The ref was asking to see if she was ready to give and she called him well a word I can’t say. Taylor was screaming in pain but I just couldn’t keep her up there and brought her back down. If that was earlier, I would’ve been content to keep her up there forever but I just lacked the strength to do so. I hauled her up by those blonde locks and scooper her up and I mean this was shoot lift in the air for a bearhug. When you see Sleeperkid lifting a girl in the air she’s going for the ride, but I was lifting her 122 pound frame high in the air. I also didn’t have to worry about the legendary stare down at the cleavage and get distracted however the strength was wearing down. I brought her down as her anguished cries filled the room but she was rallying back. She clapped my ears twice and disoriented me enough to force an escape. Swift pushed me off the ropes and hoped to connect with a killing blow. I grabbed the leg though and left her hopping. I then hit the worst ever dragon screw leg whip, one so bad that if Hiroshi Tanashi the greatest wrestler to master the move saw this in person he’d leave the room in silence go home and go to his room and just sit at the edge of his bed for three days in complete silence.

It did the trick for me as Swift held that wounded leg of hers as I grabbed it and told her we’re going to school. I locked in the figure four leg lock and had her dead to rights in the middle of the squared circle. I cranked as hard as possible hoping to hear her hand tap that mat or scream a submission. We were both sitting up as her reach AGAIN came into play, getting her hand around my throat to start strangling me. She even slapped me a few times to force a release. The blows stung and we were both up with feral looks in her face. Swift went for a kick but I caught it right away. I wanted to drag her down and stretch it out some more but in a show of dazzling athleticism, she leaped in the air and NAILED me with a beautiful enzuigiri. I crumbled to my knees, my head on fire from the head, my vision all distorted. I’d later find out the blow netted me a concussion and a migraine so horrendous that I wanted to die. I don’t say that often as I found myself at Swift’s knees. Swift began to undo the straps on her singlet, revealing a sports bra that cost the average Joe three months salary. If the hair going down was torture time this was a signal she was going for the kill. Swift forced me up and grabbed the dreaded Thai Plum. I was hopeless fighting to break free out of instinct.

Her knee went up and in, crushing my airflow with three or four impactful knees. I tried to block but it was like my body was signaling for me to give up the fourth and fifth blows saw Taylor letting go as I crumbled to the mat below her. Find the will to fight Jobber, you’ve down bad like this before and always found a way to win I kept telling myself as she hauled me up. I thought of a great quote from Rocky Balboa: “Italian food cooked up by a bunch of Mexicans doesn't sound so special to me, Rock.” Wrong quote dammnit as she held me up and looked for the grand finale. She tried to do the old Gia Primo handstand scissors but she most certainly lacked Gia’s legendary technique. Trust me, she could boast about having me out in the hold within a few squeezes. First the legs were too far apart and that gave me the opening I needed. I looped one arm around a leg and stopped her momentum, grabbing the other one, I was able to force her down into an elevated Boston crab. Her lanky figure was on full display and I even had my knee on her neck as I tried to break her in two. Taylor was screaming trying to figure a way out as I squeezed away, but her length came into play. Taylor contorted her body and she moved herself onto her shoulders, breaking the hold. I was not having it as I maneuvered her back in and began cranking hoping she would finally give in but she just as quickly found a way out. I didn’t want or break my grip around her legs so I let her have with a few choice gut kicks my foot making a heavy indent on her toned abs. This time I went with the sit down crab hoping that I could keep down for good. If I had to, I was willing to bend her back so hard those feet of her touched the mat. This was a struggle as she got her hand around my ankle to push me off. I was fighting with her trying to keep my balance until I lost out and I both went tumbling to the mat. I cursed myself for being so wounded that she knocked me off. It had been a grueling thirty-five minute battle. We were both exhausted, Swift was back up and I dove for a takedown, it was sloppy and I left my head wide open.

Taylor snared a guillotine choke, getting the legs wrapped around me. I thrashed and tried to brute force my way out, the arm was in so that gave me a bit of relief. Taylor was digging it in and I found myself on the verge of passing out as she went on her side and she eventually had my back on the mat in a no-win situation. Taylor was trying to pull my head off and even snared a grapevine as I realized that escape was not on the menu. So I finally tapped the mat three times since I was on the verge of passing it. Swift let go showing she was a class act as she collapsed beside me. Her long blonde hair was a sweaty mess as she stomach heaved. I was half expecting some humiliating victory pose but she too was ok the verge of exhaustion. Swift was the first one back up and offered a hand. I was reluctant as I rose, expecting a surprise headkick or some other violent goodnight kiss. Instead it was a handshake and a look of respect from her. We were both two wounded warriors and respect had been forged in combat. I think Swift believed that this would be a quick night but I had my made her night hell. I later found out she came close to cracking a rib with some of her blows and scissors. Swift even held the ropes open for my when I went to exit the ring.

[Slowakei222]

What is the real Height Weight of Taylor Swift and measurement?

For me she doesnt Look skinny

[gameking]

The Forbidden Door had been opened.


Standing before The Jobber warming up in their bikinis were the two opponents that stepped through said door. One, a short sexy Italian that..what was that Internet meme? Thicker than oatmeal? That’s how The Jobber would describe Deonna Purrazzo, from AEW. Deonna was wearing a blue bikini with a flower pattern. The cut on the bottoms accentuated here powerful legs that the Jobber dreaded feeling the wrath of. It also helped that Deonna’s bottoms were a thing showing off a rather plump ass.

The set of legs on her partner weren’t no slouch either. One would say she had legs for days and a few weeks to spare. Others would say she was sex on legs and that it made her seem taller. At the height of 5’7, she neared the Jobber in that department and towered above other female wrestlers. It didn’t help that the her blue and red-striped one-piece swimsuit was a high cut that showed them off. With that cut of clothing, her legs seemed like stilts compared to the normal female. This was Chelsea Green from the WWE and on top of the killer legs, Green was well-endowed in the ass department and her breast implants were phenomenal. They weren’t comically large like some, they were the perfect fit for her frame.

This was a handicap match and the Jobber knew he was cooked. This wasn’t a normal tag rules style of handicap match. The jobber could strategize and keep the match on his side. Also, this wasn’t in a ring. All the jobber worried about was not being put against the wall. As the match (or slaughter to be precise) began, The jobber avoided the wall. Instead he found himself frozen and moving backwards from the two. The man was in a trance staring at his pursuers. The way Chelsea’s moved towards him like a runaway model. Deonna’s body was that perfect mix of soft and muscle. The Jobber considered diving at the closest one, but he stumbled backwards and fell on his ass.

Let the slaughter begin. Deonna offered a helping hand and like the idiot he is, The jobber took it. The man is, was and forever will be a fool because he took it and Chelsea grabbed the other hand. In one quick motion, the two grapplers had the man in stereo arm wringers. With the jobber immobilized, his eyes went wide. It wasn’t the fact that both of his arms weren’t being bent at an angle that the human anatomy never intend. The jobber knew what was coming as both wrestlers landed dual kicks to his unguarded abdomen. The jobber wanted to go down as his knees buckled, but he could not. Deonna’s was right on the belly button and Green was right above her’s. Which one hurt the worse? Green has the long legs but Deonna’s felt like getting a cannonball to the gut. The jobber worried that another dual kick would pierce his core as he helplessly stood there. You know that old adage, what goes up must come down? Well, The jobber was going to find that out the hard way.

With one fluid motion, Chelsea and Deion’s scooped the jobber up and body-slammed him onto the thin and unforgiving gym mat. This wasn’t your basic scoop slam you’d see in most videos. The jobber wasn’t held precariously a few feet above the ground before being dropped, he took a full force body slam. Besides the fact that whatever wind left in him from the kick taken out of him, his back felt like it’d been been thrown on a hot flattop. White hot pain up and down his back and going down the back of his leg. Deonna forced him up and locked him in a Full Nelson. The jobber worried about a stomach bashing but it was something far worse. You see, once the jobber found out these two fine ladies would be wrestling in swimwear, he agreed to work shirtless. It was very stupid move on his end once he realized these girls would chop his chest raw if they had the opportunity.

CHOP
CHOP
CHOP
CHOP

Four unforgiving knife-edge chops pierced the jobbers chest as he tried to kick Chelsea away between wails of pain. Followed by three more that had his chest turning beet red, he desperately tried to escape. Chelsea came in a bit too close for the killing blow, BOOT TO THE GUT! Chelsea stumbles backwards, Deonna is shocked and loosens her grip. The Jobber slips out, turns and takes her down with a double leg! To only had those powerful legs wrapped around his waist. Those legs, filled with the fury and anger of someone having just watched their friend get hit. Chelsea was back up and thanks to being ungodly tall, locked in a standing camel clutch. As Deonna crushed the jobbers ribs with her legs and Chelsea wrenching his spinal cord, the jobber was in hell. He could feel the oxygen being cut off and was on the verge of going under before mercifully tapping the mats. Deonna let go but now it was Chelsea’s turn to play. Chelsea continued to pull back on the jobbers chin, twisting his back to its breaking point. It didn’t help when Deonna decided to lock in a Boston Crab, bending the already tender and compromised spine to its max level. The jobber was full-on squealing and screaming to his opponents delight as the two had elevated the poor bastard off the ground. He finally muttered a submission before being dropped right on his face.

The clutch/crab accomplished its goal of pushing the jobbers spine to its absolute limit. The man became a human lowercase u and now the two females were plotting out further destruction. Each one grabbed an arm and cranked back on dual fujiwara armbars. The jobber screams filled the room as it felt like the vivacious duo were trying to rip his arms off. With the both elbows being hyperextended, the jobber painfully cried out a submission. Up next was a cruel one as they both laid beside the jobber, grabbed and leg and began pulling the jobber like two kids fighting over the wishbone. The jobber finally tapped the mats after what felt like an eternity. By the time the duo let go, the jobbers arms and legs felt like jelly.

Chelsea mounted him and locked in a punishing grapevine, as if his legs didn’t hurt enough. Her stature made it impossible to escape but she failed to lock the hands. Well, Deonna was on the case using the jobbers arms to strangle the poor bastard into a deep sleep. In the many sleeps that the jobber has undergone against female competition, this might’ve been the most agonizing. With his limbs being restrained, he found himself violently fading into the void before going limp. The two dominant females released their respective holds and surveyed the damage they had inflicted on their pathetic opponent. Deonna developed a wicked smile and whispered into Chelsea’s ear. The jobber was beyond oblivious to what was coming next but could feel his body being positioned, being rolled over. From a blurry corner of his eye, he could see Chelsea scooping Deonna up for a body slam Had they turned on each other?

Nope, Chelsea just body slammed Deonna’s 165 pound frame onto the jobbers back. Deonna landed perfectly and took minimal damage but that couldn’t be said for the man underneath her. It felt like the jobbers spine had been bent in half as his screams and cries of pain filled the room. The jobber was hauled up and could barely move, the damage done with the slam turned his lower half into mush, his knees buckling as he was moved to the wall. From there, he was subjected to a buffet of blows. More chops, the open hand and knife edge variety. Those echoed throughout the room and continued to turn the jobbers chest into dark shades of red. Then came the stomach blows, first some dual punches and knees from the duo. Hard enough that hot bile went up his throat, but alas nothing. Each individual blow from the duo had the jobber bouncing off the wall to only be pushed back. It was a chorus of groans as each blow pierced his flesh. Diana was going for the kill with big knees and hip blow to decimate his core and having his abdomen feel like mush. As her knee pushed into his organs, he could only feel the inflammation. Green was specializing in kicks using her long legs to pulverize the male. The classic stand at his side and letting her shin bone do the work. She also straight up booted the jobber in the stomach, keeping the foot in there. Chelsea even pelted the jobbers tender chest with those cheesy martial arts kicks that Sable used to perform. Except these hurt and it felt like the jobber was having his chest caved in. One final big kick to the chest had the jobber gasping for air and clutching his chest, which had begun to resemble the ground beef section of the super market. Deonna took the jobber off the wall signaling an end of this cruelty. Of course it wasn’t as Chelsea grabbed the other arm and they whipped the jobber face first into the wall. The jobber hit it going fifty miles and hour and crumbled to the floor upon impact. The man wasn’t knocked out as groaned and held his head as Chelsea dragged him to the middle of the room.

Chelsea laid by his head and slithered her long legs around his head. It was your garden variety headscissor as Chelsea enjoyed the visual of the jobber squirming. Green began elevating herself off the floor with her hands, increasing the pressure. It was a visual that any producer would’ve killed to have. Chelsea’s long legs on full display, the jobbers face a mask of agony. The elevation showing off her breasts and the devious grin she wore. Blood was being cut off to the jobbers brain but it wasn’t time to go out. Chelsea let go and tagged Deonna in. It was now Deonna’s turn to choke the poor bastard silly. Deonna began squeezing harder than ever, the jobbers face turning a shade of red it was never meant to be. Deonna was flexing those thighs and quads of hers to increase the pressure tenfold as the jobber faded into oblivion.

The duo stood above the jobber eyeing up their work. His reddened chest, the red splotches on his bare abdomen from their blows, red marks from their legs choking the fight out of him. Most of all, just how would they waken him from his slumber? Was that drool? HOW DARE HE! In one cohesive move Deonna leaped while Chelsea everted a leg up and down they crashed on the jobber. Chelsea’s leg right on the chest and again, the jobber felt the 165 pound fury of Deonna. This was the wake up from the eight-hundredth circle of hell and the jobber was jolted awake in pain. The view however of Chelsea’s ass? A nice consolation prize. First prize? Well, that was a double snap suplex, that prize sucked.

The jobbers back had already been tenderized when his back smashed into those mats. A low dull groan escaped from his mouth as he laid on the mat, not moving at all. Chelsea went to pin him but according to senior referee Deonna Purrazzo, the jobbers should was just a bit off the ground so the punishment continue! Upon further review, the jobbers shoulder was done so let’s chalk that up to biased refereeing. The jobber wanted to stay on the ground, if he got up, he was certainly in for a world of hurt.

Well, he was dragged up and walked to the center of the ring. DOUBLE DROPKICK sent the jobber stumbling onto the couch. Chelsea dragged the jobber off who was clutching his reddened chest as Deonna scooped him in a bearhug. Deonna squatted and squeezed the jobber as he cried out in pain, his already destroyed back taking more damage. What he didn’t see was a charging Chelsea! HART ATTACK! CHELSEA NEARLY TOOK HIS HEAD OFF WITH THAT CLOTHESLINE! The jobbers head bounced on the mat like a basketball. There wasn’t a moment to waste as Chelsea stretched the jobber over her knee. It was a backbreaker but luckily no backs were being broken. However with Deonna standing on the couch, he might wish for that. DEONNA OFF THE COUCH WITH A BIG ELBOW, DEMOLTION DECPAITIATON. The duo were in sync as the jobber had to recover being dragged back up and being bent over. Thank you ladies for not abusing his stomach any more, but A DOUBLE POWERBOMB? The jobber was high in the air and slammed down with fury on the mats. The man was clutching his neck, THATS MAN HAS A CAT DAMMNIT STOP THE DAMN MATCH. WHAT ARE YOU TWO JEZABELLS DOING, A SPIKE PILEDRIVER? Not just any as Deonna hauled him up and Chelsea jumped off the couch driving his head right into the mat. It was the Arn and Tully special as the jobber did the old Terry Funk seizure sell on impact before going out. Chelsea and Deonna took turns with mock pins with the other playing ref. Ultra close counts to mock the possibility of a comeback.

Finally, the massacre was over.

The door had been closed.

[gameking]

"Quite simply, she's not famous enough for me to face."

When a match with Kate Upton was pitched, those were my exact words. It might sound pretentious, but I was facing legit Hollywood stars! Lawrence! ScarJo! Alba! Not some model who might be relegated to the "used to be relevant" pool in two years. Boy, I was wrong and now, I'm going to take a well deserved ass kicking. My past had finally came to haunt me and I agreed to face her in a ring match. I don't know why since I've won three matches in a ring (Dennings, Portman Lawrence) and have lost more than I count. Mostly against woman that I am very overmatched against, like Jade Cargill. Not thinking much, I just wore normal gear and came into the ring barefoot. When I saw Upton, I had to stifle a chuckle. Yes, she looked incredible wearing a pink and black striped bikini, the top barely doing it's job of containing her legendary breasts. No doubt that would be a factor in distracting me and I was hoping for a match ending smother. What? I've been smothered by the following:

-Daddario
-Dennings
-Hendricks
-Sweeney

Besides that, she wore elbow and knee pads plus wrestling boots. Why? Well, I found out why when we locked up, no words were exchanged and I sneaked at her breasts. Upton saw, smiled and stomped her wrestling boot on my exposed toes. I'm not going to lie but the pain was quite awful as Upton slugged me with a big cross to the jaw. Now everything was going haywire, I stumbled backwards as Upton came after and pushed me against the ropes. I almost fell out on could've cracked my head on the apron or the mats below. Upton sized me up and faked that she was going to hit me in the stomach but instead drove her knee straight into my crotch. The same crotch that had taken a brutal beating in the Plaza match, and I did what any person would do and put my hands on my crotch. I was sitting on the middle rope, barely keeping my balance when I realized the grave mistake I had committed. It left me wide open for another cross that sent me tumbling out of the ring, I barely had enough time to land properly. I could see Upton standing above me and tried to get ahold of her ankle and pull her down but she dodged and stomped her foot on my hand. Yay! I was already woozy from the two punches, the knee and now my hand was hurting like hell. Upton came to the outside, scooped me up and slammed me on the mats.

First, that hurt. Second, who the hell taught her how to do a bodyslam? I'd later find out that she got some pro-style training just for this match, which is true dedication to holding a grudge. Of course, I highly doubt she paid for the training, being a celebrity and all. Upton pulled me back up and rolled me back into the ring, before coming back in and laying on my back. I could feel her breasts on my back and the prospect of a potential smother made all this just a bit worthwhile. I could feel her arms wrapping around my mine and she was locking in a full nelson. As she slowly gained position, I knew what was coming. The inescapable Full Nelson Camel Clutch. Sometimes an opponent will rear back and bring their foe down but Upton wasn't playing games. She pulled me back and kept pulling back, the pain in my lower back was excruciating. I finally screamed out a submission and Upton finally let go, but the damage had been done as I rolled over. The relentlessness continued as Upton stood above me and dropped all of her weight onto my stomach, deflating me comically. I never like those photos and videos when somebody gets hit and they comically puff their cheeks and act like that but this was legit. Upton stared down at me and put one finger out, then two and for some stupid reason, I put my shoulder up.

"Oh well, more pain for you," Upton said in a giddy tone. Upton grabbed my ankles, spread my legs and mercilessly stomped my crotch twice with her wrestling boot, I could do nothing but howl and curl into a fetal position. Upton wasn't done, not by a longshot. Upton dragged me to the ropes and slumped me on the middle ropes and whispered "That was my attempt at a mercy kill you dumb bitch," before taking off, leaping and full weight on my shoulder blades. That drew a scream as messed with my pain and even added a few paintbrush slaps. I was powerless in the face of her power as she got me up and forced me into the corner. First, she used the tag rope (I'm not even asking anymore) and choked me a bit with it. Not enough to put me out and thank god not enough to kill me, just enough to hinder me. Upton reared back her forearm and smashed it three times into my chest, while she lacked the chest caving power of Jade Cargill, she packed the quite the punch. I was holding my chest as Upton delivery a couple boots into my stomach, each one just as powerful as the last. I was on autopilot so the stomach pain wasn't registering in mind, or it was and I just forgot about it. I was barely standing at this point, knees were incredibly weak when Upton playfully slapped me back to reality. Then it finally happened.

The smother.

While I prefer a grapevine smother (If I absolutely have to), this was Upton grabbing my hair and forcing my face into her breasts. Exhilarating. While it lacked the build-up of some of them, having those things on my face? Man, that was amazing. Sure, I was losing air, but getting smothered by Kate Upton? Awesome. Finally, Upton relented, I wasn't going out until she said I was going out. Upton stepped out onto the apron, climbed up the ropes and was seated right above me. She wrapped her legs around my throat and began to violently squeeze with a figure-four headscissors. It was a slow agonizing session of pain as I found myself gagging on my own spittle. I could see that Upton was supporting herself with her hands, so she couldn't increase the pressure by grabbing her foot. I knew at the end of the day, she had thoroughly dominated me at this point and I had finally gone out.

The image looked like something you'd see on any mixed wrestling website. A vanquished male, passed out, a body language reading that he had been outclassed by his female opponent. Ensnared in the legs of the female conqueror, a voluptuous blonde woman, dressed skimpily, breasts barely contained by the fabric over them. The female warrior, flexing her biceps in a confident victory pose...

BUT IT WASN'T OVER YET!

"Fall one goes to me," Upton said while checking on me. I was out, as she got off the top turnbuckle. "Fall two was set to begin...RIGHT NOW!"

Upton said confidently as she smashed her knee into my stomach, waking me out of my slumber. I was slumped over her knee, trying to catch what little breath I had left in my body. I could feel Upton taking my shirt off, but I gave little to no resistance. Bad memories of what happened against Plaza began to flash but I couldn't linger on those as I saw Upton tying my hands up against the ropes. She was using the tag ropes! Upton also stomped on both feet, eliciting screams but it was a good tactic. It nullified me trying to block any blows as my stomach and chest took a buffet of kicks, shoulders punches and knees that hadn't been since Fayth took on Sleeperkid in Mixed Dreams: Losing Fayth. I could do nothing but take the blows, groaning as Upton drove the breath out of me with each strike. I knew that giving up couldn't do anything since the last time I did that, the match continued. Upton finally finished the barrage with you guessed it, a karate chop to the neck. While I may have overhyped the effects of the move, a precision strike to the side of the neck is still a bitch of a move to take. The restraints broke as I crashed to the mat, the areas of my body that hurt were just too many to count. Upton even did a mock boxing count before dragging me up at the count of nine, "saving the day". She dragged me to the middle of the ring, told me to put up my dukes and promptly brought down her bikini, telling me to hit her with one. While her breasts did look magnificent, it was a ruse as she bounced around, avoiding my sluggish and distracted punches. This was Kate having fun with me and the fun ended with another powerful cross that I was left open for. It sent me into the ropes and I had fallen onto the bottom rope. Upton walked over and place her boot on my throat. No pressure, just another show of dominance. Upton pushed me out of the ring and I hit the mat with a splat. Upton finally followed, waited till I was up and holding onto the apron and launched a wicked kick into my exposed stomach. By now it was putty, redder than a fire hydrant and the blow put me down right away. This was truly the worst pain I had felt as Upton stood above me, wearing a menacing grin. She grabbed my hand, dragged me to up and rolled me back into the ring. I got back back up and saw that Upton had taken off into the ropes and smashed me with a lariat, which is quite different from a clothesline, a clothesline is when you hold your arm out. A lariat is your opponent throwing their arm with all their might and I took it right in the face. I just fell to the canvas, holding my face as I felt the increasing pain in my mouth and nose. Upton paced around my body, telling me to get back up and finally lost patience and forced me and right into a match ending bearhug. All I could do was holler and groan, I was firmly in her control as she lifted me off the floor. The only consolation prize was staring at her breasts, a little bit of pain and pleasure she said. She dragged it out as she continued to squeeze whatever life I had left out of my body, I finally passed out on her shoulder. Upton wasn't satisfied with the drawn out dominance and kept the squeeze on for a bit more. She finally dropped me to the floor like a sack of potatoes and placed her boot directly on my face. I thought it was over but Upton lifted that boot up and smashed it into the side of my face. The pain was staggering, but she forced me up, looked in my eyes, unloaded one last boot that bent me over. She placed her legs over my head, got her hands around my waist, lifted me up and smashed me into the mat, head-first with a piledriver. Now, I was out. I did as much as humanly possible to protect my neck, but the move finally put me out of my misery. Upton seemed happy, kneeled down and lifted my arm three times for the 1,2,3. No pose, just her soaking in the dominance of an opponent who said she wasn't famous enough for a match.

[gameking]

1995.

The New Generation is running on Diesel power and I’m running to my phone when I got a beep on my beeper. My job is very interesting, some would say it’s unique and others would so it’s grotesque. My job, it to quite simply do the job. Celebrities, mostly females need a way to relive their stress, sometimes it’s hitting a heavy bag and most of the time…I’m said heavy bag. The call was that Jennifer Connelly, star of Labyrinth and later adult and very attractive star of The Rocketeer, Of Love and Shadows, The Hot Spot and Career Opportunities wanted a “session”. I wasn’t going to deny the raven haired voluptuous beauty the opportunity.

I jumped in my car, went to her place and was welcomed in by my future destructor. Folks, I’m not hear to have a competitive match, I’m hear to get my ass kicked. Pin me, pay me, except I’m not getting pinned. After I’m knocked out or some form of a victory pose. Jennifer was pleasant enough, the first few minutes of chit chat and tour are always nice memories, it’s usually the ensuing match I try to forget.

I ventured to a large empty room with gym mats already on the floor. It seems like a cliche that most celebrities have these, but then again this series is full of cliches. I wore what was comfortable so not spandex wrestling gear but a pair of shorts and a t-shirt with socks. Jennifer came in wearing a silk robe as she stood across from me as she disrobed. A black lace pair of bra and panties and when she bent over to pick her robe up, folks it was a thong (She has a nice posterior for a white girl in the 90s). I remember the picture of her in a magazine shoot, her bare breasts covered and pressed against a mirror, you know what I’m talking about.

You know, THAT PHOTO

I’m pretty sure I gave my computer the computer equivalent of a heart attack when I first downloaded that photo in all its glory. Now, I’m having a heart attack seeing this, my heart racing as I saw her hands reach behind. With one swift move, she had undone her bra and now, I was staring at a fully topless Connelly, a devilish grin on her face. As she stepped forward, I already knew the match was lost. The bounce had me entranced, even more as she warmed up staring at me the whole time. Yogi Berra once said: “Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."

Yogi Berra never fought a topless Jennifer Connelly.

We began our little match and in the first few moment, I knew the match was lost. I tried to shoot in you know yo give the poor old Jobber some hope. It’s an agreed upon ass whooping, but even the guys on TV get some offense. Well this wasn’t that type of TV match, Connelly met my takedown attempt with a straight up knee to the head. Her knee connected with my forehead and I went down in a heap. I could hear an “OH SHIT” and I choose to believe it was an accident. In fact it was as she backed off and I desperately tried to gain my bearings. I could’ve faked getting really woozy, called it a day and walk the way with the memory of seeing Jennifer Connelly topless, but that’s bad customer service. Instead, I got back up and shook it off. This is the 1990s dammnit! Concussions aren’t real and only used as an excuse by lazy football players! We restarted again, this time I withheld the urge to dive in and again get a knee to the head. I could see a bit of apprehension on her face but I gave the I’m good signal.

I shouldn’t have done that.

Connelly grabbed my wrist and threw me to the ground with a fancy wrist throw. I blame Judo Gene Lebell for that. Why couldn’t he set up in Wisconsin and not California? I tried to brace myself but my back hit the mat hard, the padding was little, the pain was a lot. The lower end of my back took the brunt of the blow and little pockets of pain erupted. I got back up and that look of apprehension had dissipated. She grabbed a headlock and my face brushed against her breasts, a rather nice feeling compared to have my head squeezed like a grape. I was trying to break free when she transitioned to a hammerlock, using both hands to rip my arm to an angle that God never intended. I was trying to break outburst felt her foot on the back of my knee, pushing it to the ground, soon the other followed. I could feel my arms being wrapped around my throat for a strangle hold, a self serve of pain. I could feel my throat being slowly crushed my by own arms, Connelly pulling upwards to increase the pain. I valiantly and by valiantly I mean completely fail to get upright. I began to feel woozy, the blood being cut off to my brain, my eyelids feeling heavier than a sumo wrestler. Connelly had planted her foot in my back, digging into my back just to add more pain. I finally blurted out a submission as she let go, leaving me to try and soothe my burning throat.

I got back up and faced off with her, Connelly bouncing around with enthusiasm, using her body to disarm and distract and it certainly was working. Between the knee, the throw, the lock and the strangle hold this was turning into a spectacularly bad day. This time Jennifer took me down, a very low ankle pick and I now found myself staring upwards at her. She was wearing the “I thought you were put some effort into this” smirk as she took a seat at my side. Connelly grabbed my arm and locked in that old armbar before the UFC came around. You know, one foot at the end of each shoulder and you just pull on it. It doesn’t hurt, at all just a mild strain if you can call it that. I no sold the hold, Jennifer no doubt cursing whatever huckster told her it would be a good hold, but I paid for it. I could see her measuring me and I was absolutely confused, just kill me already. Jennifer waited my stomach was fully expanded from breathing and dropped both knees on it. I almost threw up from the pain, that was a calculated and cruel move. My face was beet red and any attempt to ball up was snuffed out as Jennifer straightened me out, this time dropping that ass of hers on my chess. It didn’t hurt like a Yokozuna bonzai drop as he has a few hundred pounds of her, but the impact on my chest still made breathing tough. The fact that she didn’t land on her feet and her legs splayed out made the impact even worse. Full on impact on my chest. Connelly’s beautiful legs wrapped around my head for a seated headscissors. It made the chest pain even worse as she planted herself on it, pushing down even more. Connelly leaned back as she any fight left in me was sapped out by her shockingly powerful legs. The only positive? I got to stare at her breasts as I slowly went out. You might wondering, why not just tap? Well that little minx grabbed my arms preventing it. I finally eked out a verbal submission, this time though she wasn’t releasing. I went out.

It wasn’t over yet. I was out for mere moment before I could feel myself being pulled up by her. I had felt my shirt being taken off and thrown on the floor. I was a bit fuzzy as you could guess as I found myself pinned against the wall. I could see her bra in one hand and saw a coat hook above me. The dread was building in my mind as my hands were tied up. Not being able to defend myself is quite the scary predicament, a nightmare scenario. Jennifer measured me for a swift kick to the stomach, one of those kicks you’d see on a video cover. The leg fully extended pushing into my stomach causing my insides to scream. Which caused me to scream. Connelly finally let go as I thrashed and tried to free myself, a useless endeavor. This time it was a buffet of blows to the stomach and chest attempts to block with my legs failed, but it annoyed her. She grabbed her robe and used that to tie my legs together leaving me completely defenseless. I was exposed watching her legs, knees and fist penetrate my body leaving a variety of red marks, each blow coinciding with cries of pain bellowing out. Any fight left in me was gone, dead and buried in some unmarked grave. I was hanging there like a piece of meat that just happened to be brutalized by Rocky Balboa. Jennifer stepped back and took it all in, my eyes staring down, I could barely keep them open. Pain racked throughout my entire body as she stepped towards me. Jennifer pinned me against the wall, like a rock and a hard place but the rock didn’t place her breasts on my face. Unlike some smothers that have you feeling your on cloud nine, this was a painful smother. Maybe because of my bound predicament that I found my body fighting everything. I could see that Jennifer was enjoying it, perhaps this was the plan the whole time. After a painful smother session, my body and mind finally gave out and I mercifully passed out. The restraints were undone and I felt my body crashing to the floor to a seated position as Jennifer placed her foot on top of my head and flexed the biceps, looking down at a defeated and dominated jobber.