So, you finally decided to do it. After weeks, months, or years of rivalry, bitterness, and tension, it needs to be settled. You both chose a time and place, maybe a secluded field, an abandoned warehouse, or a barn.
Have you considered having a medical professional on site? We all know things can get out of hand. Let’s face it, you’re trying to hurt each other. Even “safe and sane” catfights can result in unintentional injuries.
I am certified in Emergency and Critical Care Nursing and have many years of experience. I’ll help assure safety and proper care of both fighters’ injuries.
I will clean and dress wounds. I can splint fractures. In case of dehydration, I bring IV equipment and offer infusions of normal saline and Lactated Ringers. I have an automatic defibrillator in case of cardiac arrest, and I can intubate your airway if you are unable to breathe. I know the concussion protocols and if in the event of a brain hemorrhage, I can drill a burr hole into your skull and relieve high intracranial pressure, hopefully saving valuable brain cells.
I am strictly confidential and closely follow HIPAA regulations. I am not cheap, but you will not find better service. Below are pics of some of my previous jobs.
