[Glamour Fights]

Click here for current standings and won/loss records

Pam Grier	Tuesday Weld
20 years old	26 years old
5'8” 120 lbs BMI: 18.3	5'4” 112 lbs BMI: 19.3
38D-22-36	32B-21-33
9th 39pts 19-6-1	18th 23pts 11-14-1

Perhaps Tuesday has jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, going from Martine to Pam. Tuesday claims she is tough and is ready for Pam.
Pam Grier: Thank you, Glamour Fights, for giving me another angelic blonde I can dominate and humiliate. And thank you for putting our fight right next to Martine against Britt. I am going to tear up Tuesday worst than Martine did and I will be able to enjoy how much more I am thrashing Tuesday than she is Britt.   
Tuesday Weld: What’s that saying about counting your chickens before they are hatched. What I say to Pam is “may your chooks grow u to be emus and kick down your donney.”

Martine Beswick	Britt Ekland
28 years old	27 years old
5'5” 128 lbs BMI: 21.3	5'5" 110 lbs BMI: 18.3
35B-25-37	34B-22-34
13th 28pts 14-12-0	25th 14pts 7-19-0

Martine has chosen some heavy boots with high but wide heels. Britt has gone for stiletto heels that are good for piecing leather and feet.
Martine Beswick: As you can see “these boots were made for stomping”! I am going to watch Pam closely and anything she can do I will do better. I won the “beat up the blondes” contest last time and I will win again.   
Britt Ekland: I am a lot faster than Martine. When she tries to stomp my foot I will pierce her skin with my very sharp heels. The big, bragging, bully is going down this time.

Annette Funicello	Senta Berger
27 years old	28 years old
5'3” 118 lbs BMI: 20.9	5'5” 127 lbs BMI:  21.2
36C-22-36	38D-26-36
24th 16pts 8-18-0	6th 43pts 21-4-1

After losing to Jill St. John by a red cxnt hair (the thinnest cxnt hair), Senta will be out for revenge. Can Annette call upon her Italian heritage and show the wild temperament than can defeat Senta?
Annette Funicello: Senta isn’t that big when you get her down. She has thunder thighs but my legs are more than capable of crushing her fat neck. She is blonde this time so I will enjoy it even more.   
Senta Berger: Just look at my legs as I sit on this table. Each thigh is bigger than Annette. She will disappear between them.

Cathy Lee Crosby	Jaclyn Smith
25 years old	24 years old
5'7½” 128 lbs BMI: 19.8	5'7" 118 lbs BMI: 18.5
35B-23-34	34½B-24-35
15th 26pts 13-13-0	29th 6pts 3-23-0

This fight seems to continue the trend in this set of bigger and/or nastier women fighting weaker women. This means there could be lots of one-sided fights or fights where the smaller woman embarrasses the bigger one by beating her. There is often a lot fight  in the smaller woman that more than makes up for any size or strength advantage. Which will it be here?
Cathy Lee Crosby: Jaclyn has zero chance. I am not only stronger and heavier than her but I am the much better fighting. I am going to drag that skank brunette around by her dull hair.
Jaclyn Smith: I think blondie is in for a surprise as to who will pull whom around by the hair. A fist in the mouth will split her lip and shut her huge mouth. Then a kick to the groin will bring her down to size.

Farrah Fawcett	Joey Heatherton
22 years old	25 years old
5'5'½” 113 lbs BMI: 18.6	5'5” 112 lbs BMI: 18.7
33½B-22-33	34C-20-32
21st 20pts 10-16-0	8th 40pts 20-6-0

Farrah nearly pulled off a victory at the last second over Diane McBain. Diane is known for being particularly dirty and nasty but not all that strong. This should be a different type of fight. Joey is athletic and strong and, if nasty, still not in the same class as Diane. I see a very physical fight but with lots of hairpulling to boot. Farrah has chosen to show us that she is an athlete with powerful legs muscles. Is Joey shown us she will dominate Farrah like a policeman does a perpetrator?
Farrah Fawcett: I love this type of action filled fight where we try to show who is more skilled in using their body and in physical prowess. I will show my detractors just how good I am.
Joey Heatherton: Yes, Farrah will show everyone just how good she is – which is not very good. Don’t be surprised if she finds those strings wrapped around her skinny nick.

Adrienne Barbeau	Sharon Tate
24 years old	26 years old
5'3½” 120 lbs BMI: 21.0	5'5” 112 lbs BMI: 18.7
34DD-22-35	36B-22-35
20th 21pts 10-15-1	17th 24pts 12-14-0

Another great blonde vs brunette match up; big breasted vs small breasted; heavier vs taller. Which will win out?
Adrienne Barbeau: You forgot smart cookie (me) vs air-headed blonde (Sharon). Picture this: Sharon sitting on her ass with her legs extended out in front. Me sitting behind her with my legs wrapped around her waist while I pull out every strand of blonde hair.
Sharon Tate: Big talk from someone who is behind me in the rankings. That fat slob is too slow to get behind me during the fight. Some quick combos to her protruding belly will soften her up so I can KO her.

Suzanne Somers	Diane McBain
23 years old	18 years old
5'5½” 118 lbs BMI: 19.4	5'7" 118 lbs BMI: 18.5
35C-23-34	35C-23-34
19th 22pts 11-15-0	14th 28pts 14-12-0

It is my thought that both Suzanne and Diane are capable of finishing in the top half of the rankings. Diane is already there and Suzanne has a way to go to get there. I also see this as a stronger woman (Suzanne) against a more vicious catfighter (Diane). Which one will prevail?
Luciana doubles up her fists in anticipation of battle. Loni stands hands on hips confident of victory.
Suzanne Somers: You underestimate how nasty I can be. I will do what it takes to knock that bitch silly and beat her up badly. She can’t compete when I set my mind to it.
Diane McBain: What mind does she have to set to it? Weak willed and weak physically as I see it. I am going to scratch her eyes out. By the way, she is weaker than me.

Stefanie Powers	Nancy Kwan
27 years old	30 years old
5'7” 118 lbs BMI: 18.5	5'3” 110 lbs BMI: 19.5
36B-25-35	33B-22-35
31st 4pts 2-24-0	30th 5pts 2-23-1

This is a fight for pride to see who will finish above the other and off the bottom. It will be as vicious as a fight for the top spot.
Stefanie Powers: Nancy’s claim t winning is that she knows judo and karate. Well I have practiced these myself. I have the longer reach and the much longer legs so I will nail her before she even gets close to me. Once I get her down I have the weight to keep her there.
Nancy Kwan: Stefanie compared her martial arts to mine is like a no belt compared to a brown belt. I wonder how far I can boot her?

[djcrash]

Pam just walks up and knocks out Tuesday. Kathy Lee has her hands full with Jaclyn, but comes up with the win. Adrienne works hard to smother Sharon.

[byline]

My picks and comments this go round

Pam Grier makes every cm of Tuesday’s Weld body sore.
I’m told we have another battle between Pam and Martine as to the total destruction of a small blonde. They have switched partners. Martine won last time beating Tuesday by more than Pam beat Britt. Pam claims Britt is tougher than Tuesday so now she has no excuse if she looses. Tuesday is a couple of levels below Pam’s class and has zero chance. Pam takes her and systematically works over every inch of her body. The most interesting is the pain Pam causes between Tuesday’s toes.

Martine Beswick has one more inch of Britt Ekland’s  body to batter  over Tuesday’s.
Martine knows she will beat Pam again because she has a little more body to hurt and torture. Britt plans to use her Bond fighting skills to surprise Martine. Fat chance of that happening as Marine was a Bond girl herself. The squeamish would be advised to stay even out of earshot of this fight.

Annette Funicello is spread over the bench by Senta Berger who spanks her ass.
Senta could probably beat Annette as bad or worse than Pam and Martine could their blondes. But Senta still has some hopes of taking the title. Look for her to et Annette to submit quickly and then just sit on her and relax to save her energy and observe her future foes strengths and weaknesses.

Cathy Lee Crosby enjoys beating up the weaker Jaclyn Smith
This could be a classic blonde vs brunette catfight except it is more a blonde dominating a brunette fight. Cathy has added better fighting skills to her already formidable athleticism and strength. Jaclyn is weak and not all that good a fighter. Cathy toys with her and has fun embarrassing Jaclyn. The Angel tries to use moves learned on her show but Cathy easily thwarts tose on  her way to a romp.

Farrah Fawcett pulls an upset over Joey Heatherton
Most consider my pick of Farrah an upset but I don’t. Farrah is more athletic than most give her credit for. And her legs may not be quite as strong as Joey’s but they are strong enough and she is light enough to be a lot faster than Joey. Farrah will give Joey a couple of good hip tosses to soften her up. A kick to the head when Joey is getting to her hands and knees with soften Joey further up for the final kill.

Adrienne Barbeau loses a tough, close fight to Sharon Tate
Adrienne comes out to get Sharon on hr back and smother her with her enormous tits. She is aided by the fact that her gown gives her more freedom of leg movement than Sharon’s tighter gown. She is successful in winning the battle of the take down. She gets Sharon’s face and nose buried deep in her cleavage and her weight helps to keep Sharon down. Sharon struggles in a frenzy and her leg kicking rips her gown. Now Sharon can plant her legs, which are stronger than Adrienne’s and roll them over. They roll back and forth until the stronger Sharon can spread Adrienne’s arms out flat to the side while her legs stretch Adrienne’s in a grapevine. They continue to struggle for awhile but Adrienne is not in as good shape as Sharon and tires without being able to escape.

Suzanne Somers turns Diane McBain into a surfboard
Diane relies on her aggression and her particularly nasty catfighting techniques. Suzanne does a lot of resistance training and is stronger in the arms and legs – particularly the legs. She can also be very nasty and aggressive. She sits down before this fight and meditates on the stabbing in the back she was down by Joyce DeWitt. This makes every muscle in her body ache for aggression and to go out and hurt someone. Diane isn’t brunette, but Suzanne challenges all this anger at Diane. Thus she matches Diane in aggression and nastiness. Hair flies everywhere. Ever way to hurt your opponent, be it legal or illegal is used in this most ferocious and closest fight this set. Suzanne’s strength and greater stamina serves her well as she gets a excruciating leg lock on the exhausted Diane.   

Stefanie Powers unwraps Nancy Kwan
Nancy’s forte is her martial arts knowledge. Stefanie has been studying up and practicing martial arts techniques. She isn’t as good as Nancy but she is bigger and stronger. But Stefanie doesn’t need what she has learned. She easily yanks Nancy’s muff out of her hands. She forces it down over Nancy’s head so Nancy can’t see  a thing. That leaves Stefanie free to slug Nancy’s body all over. Once Nancy is obviously in trouble after all the punching and kicking Stefanie yanks the muff off her head. She times a roundhouse haymaker to Nancy’s jaw just as the muff clears it. Nancy goes down like a rock.

[Vassago]

My thoughts on this round (Martine wins the internal feud with Pam while Diane and Suzanne are involved the closest fight of the lot where the allegedly stronger woman comes up short against pure catfigthing skills of her rival   ).

Pam Grier vs Tuesday Weld
There is only one thing on Pam's mind, that is to exceed Martine's winning margin from the previous round. She has an easier task cause Tuesday got roughed up badly by Martine and poses little threat to Pam. As a result, the fight lasts only a couple of minutes with Pam in full control and pounding on the blonde without no mercy until she thinks she's done enough to overcome Martine's result.

Martine Beswick vs Britt Ekland
Pam's win over Tuesday makes Martine even more upset then she usually is when facing an alleged dumb and weak blondes. Britt Ekland surely falls into Martine's gameplan and there is one-way traffic in this fight with Martine punching Britt all over the place. Once Britt falls down, Martine applies the usual hairpulling tactics since she collects blonde hair as winning trophies and Britt screams out her submission once she still has some hair left. Was that enough to get better of Pam in this internal rivalry only time will tell, but you can assume Britt was a weaker rival then Tuesday, so I'll give the edge to Martine in this one  

Annette Funicello vs Senta Berger
This time it's the petite brunette in trouble as Annette's speed makes no impression on the tough Senta who wrecks her in a one-sided contest. After the feud between Pam and Martine, this fight has virtually no history to speak of.

Cathy Lee Crosby vs Jaclyn Smith
The big blonde tries to firmly place the underachiever status on Edy Williams (after all she beat her in their fight) and mops the floor with Jaclyn who finds out that a win over Sherry Jackson was one-off and now it's back to the usual bussiness. Cathy knocks out Jaclyn easily making full advantage of her size and weight superiority.

Farrah Fawcett vs Joey Heatherton
Joey still believes she's more vicious then Pam and Martine combined and rips Farrah to shreds in a rather one-sided contest. Farrah tries to scratch Joey's face but gets pummelled in response and once Joey pins the Charlie's Angel on her back, she easily punches her into submission.

Adrienne Barbeau vs Sharon Tate
A tough fight with both women ripping each other's hair out from the start, but Adrienne proves just a little bit stronger and once she pins the brave Sharon, she continues to pull her hair out while Sharon is unable to do so, being trapped under Adrienne's thighs. Despite her best efforts, Sharon is unable to shrug the brunette off and once she finds out she's missing most of her hair already, she taps out for a submission.

Suzanne Somers vs Diane McBain
If this would turn into a boxing slugfest, Suzanne would have beaten Diane easily, but Diane is too clever to let Suzanne dictacte the fight. She jumps on Suzanne right from the start and both women end up on the floor in no time. Suzanne has teh strenght but Diane's catfighting skills are superior despite a more slender statue. Suzanne wants to trap Diane between her legs and crush her ribs into submission, but Diane's speed enables her to trap Suzanne in a headlock instead and despite Suzanne wanting to get up on her feet, she only gets up on her knees and Diane grabs her hair and yanks her neck so hard, Suzanne can't stand the pain and after a lenghty fight is forced to give up struggling to breathe.

Stefanie Powers vs Nancy Kwan
Nancy's martial arts skills finally enable her to secure a rare victory. This is a fairly even fight with not a lot of intensity as both women have lost so many fights they simply lack confidence. But Stefanie is unable to do anything about Nancy's flying kick that catches her in the jaw and knocks her out for good.

  

[Glamour Fights]

- Senta Berger vs. Annette Funicello. Is the set of one side fights and this match is not exception. Annette’s participation was a big mistake. She must know personally GF because she is not pretty, not strong, not tough (yes buddy, I accuse you in straight  ) so how in hell is here and not other tough and sexy gals? Except if someone (GF) wanted a sack of boxing for the real fighters. Anyway the Austrian redhaired will finish the fight with a matchbox pin after 90 seconds (and maybe I gave many secs in Annette…lol)
, my firend, b

Touché, my friend  , but you can't blame me for this. For the 1960s tournament I went through a long process of several elimination rounds starting with lots of names and let the voters decide who would be in the top 32. Maybe there are a lot of old codgers on this site who were in love with Annette when she was the favorite Mousketeer for several years. She has also won 8 fights and is in 24th place so she isn't the weakest one around. Don't forget she is of Italian heritage. Also years later she was in two fights on Fantasy island and acquitted herself quite well. I do agree that there are many other stronger women who would have been better competitors than Annette and a few others but the voters decided. As far as beauty, that is a matter of taste and so I won't comment. 

[Glamour Fights]

Thanks again for all the comments. It isn’t always easy to write something interesting when big beat downs are expected.

Pam Grier 46 vs Tuesday Weld 31{Pundits 5-0}:
Everyone though Pam would win. Pam did but she must be furious. She has lost both beat down contests against Martine Beswick for beating up hapless, weak blondes. First she lost when she face Britt Ekland and Pam face Tuesday Weld. Then they switch partners and Martine got the bigger beat down again. Pam came in 7th place each time and Martine cam in 5th and now 3rd. Looks like Tuesday put up more of a futile fight than Pam expected. Was that a weapon Tuesday had in her hand? Pam says it was but Tuesday says that is just an excuse, it wasn’t a weapon. Of course Tuesday was barely able to move after the fight but that was no consolation to Pam.

Martine Beswick 51 vs Britt Ekland 2 {Pundits 4-0}:
Everyone also picked Martine to beat Britt badly and she proved them right. Not only did Martine toss Britt easily around by her long blonde hair but she used her boots effectively to stomp all over Britt. Martine was happy to win against Pam in their contest but was somewhat disconsolate to learn that Luciana Paluzzi and Cathy Lee Crosby had bigger beat downs. “What do you have to do to win, kill your bitch? Then I will next time.”

Annette Funicello 27 vs Senta Berger 49 {Pundits 0-4}:
Once again a unanimous decision among the pundits for Senta. Senta is big and strong but is not known to be cruel and nasty just for cruel’s sake. And Annette was a Mousketeer sweetheart so one might expect Senta to do just enough to win. But with four fights left Senta is not statistically eliminated from winning the tournament. So each win is important and winning big is important. Also there is prize money associated with each ranking and it drops off quickly in the top spot. So every higher position means quite a bit more cash. That and pride seem to have spurned Senta on to spare nothing in putting the hurt on the overmatched Annette. Senta even dyed her hair to have a fun blonde vs brunette fight but Annette lightened her hair also. Senta buried Annette’s face so it wasn’t visible between her thighs as she face sat her to get the 4th worst beat down.

Cathy Lee Crosby 50 vs Jaclyn Smith 22{Pundits 5-0}:
Once again Jaclyn was given little chance for a win although djcrash predicted she would give Cathy a tough match. It wasn’t to be. Whether Cathy Lee heard his remarks or whether she had lost fights by taking her rival too lightly, she was really on her game this time. Cathy Lee is only 10 pounds heavier than Jaclyn but her greater muscles and athletic ability made it seem more like 30 pounds to Jaclyn. In every encounter Cathy Lee came out on top and easily did to Jaclyn what she wanted to. After awhile Jaclyn was like a limp doll I Cathy Lee’s hands as Cathy Lee gave her the 2nd worst beat down.

Farrah Fawcett 35 vs Joey Heatherton 37 {Pundits 1-3}:
Joey was favored with only byline thinking Farrah could beat Joey and even he considered it an upset. The other three thought Joey would overwhelm and humiliate Farrah. Turns out Farrah didn’t win but byline was closer to the truth as Farrah gave Joey all she could handle in the closest and longest fight of the round. Farrah proved to be more athletic than Joey expected and quicker. Joey had trouble getting Farrah trapped between her powerful legs. She also found out Farrah has some strong legs as Farrah almost got a submission with a headscissors. Both women were in great shape so stamina was not a question. After almost losing to a headscissors, Joey got ahold of all that hair Farrah is famous for and used it to pull her into a headscissors. Joey proved she had the stronger thighs or at least the better positioning on Farrah’s neck as Farrah had to give up or get her nick crushed.

Adrienne Barbeau 35 vs Sharon Tate 39 {Pundits 3-2}:
The pundits favored Adrienne with Vasago, barbosa, and djcrash favoring her and byline and realisticman picking the winner, Sharon. All except barbosa thought it would be a close fight with there being some disagreement over which was stronger. Realisticman not only picked the correct winner but described the fight perfectly. It was Adrienne trying to use her size to breast smother Sharon under her. On the other hand, Sharon uses her quickness, agility, and legs to keep rolling the over or somehow getting out from under Adrienne. Sharon was in better shape and Adrienne eventually tired so Sharon could pin her and Adrienne was too exhausted to escape.

Suzanne Somers 39 vs Diane McBain 33{Pundits 1-3}:
Byline was the only one to stick his neck out and predict a victory for Diane. It is easy to see why most picked Diane. She is a particularly good and nasty catfighter. She knows how to use her rival’s strength against her in a catfight. But Byline also predicted exactly Suzanne’s strategy. She meditated before hand, not to gain calm and piece of mind, but to work herself up into a frenzy to be more vicious than Diane. She knew you couldn’t hesitate for a split second in going after hair, slapping faces, clawing, punching and kicking or Diane would gain the advantage. Suzanne actually strutted in her red flowing outfit to infuriate Diane which would also not make her think as clearly. It was a vicious fight nonetheless, with both fighters being as aggressive as possible. Matched in aggressiveness, Suzanne’s greater strength was the determining factor..

Stefanie Powers  39 vs Nancy Kwan 36{Pundits 2-2}:
The pundits were spit on this one. Byline and barbosa went with Stefanie whilst Vasago and realisticman went with Nancy. The fight was close, being the 4th closest fight of the round. Nancy thought she would have her way tossing Stefanie around. Turns out Stefanie did some judo and martial arts training for her upcoming roles. She wasn’t as skilled as Nancy but good enough to block some of Nancy’s moves and put on some of her own. Even so Nancy was winning the martial arts contest until they both went down. That allowed Stefanie to get on top of Nancy’s back. She reached over and grabbed the big muff Nancy had brought along. With some effort she forced it over Nancy’s head to smother her out.