[antisocialman]

“There is no such thing as a ‘no good woman.’” A ‘no good man’ makes a ‘no good woman’ a ‘no good woman.’”





“Bitch”

Do you believe a man can change? I’m sure it’s possible, but I don’t believe it right now. I won’t let myself. I remember Jason. I remember the night we were in my car and he tried me. He started rubbing on me and kissing on me… I hate being kissed. He seemed to love my stomach, which I felt could have been toned up a lot better. I’m a petite girl, but I told him I wanted to work out more to tone up. He kept asking me if I was uncomfortable with him rubbing on me and kissing me… he kept asking me that over and over again. He was doubting himself; I realize that now looking back on it. But it was me. I let him rub all over my stomach; I let him kiss my navel over and over again. He asked me why I didn’t seem into it, and I told him that I was not an affectionate person. He kept asking me if I was okay with what he was doing and I kept telling him that I was. He knew something was up with me, but he kept going; he let his id take him. And then he stopped… he looked at me and he said that he had offended me. He said that I wasn’t comfortable with what he was doing and he was right. I admitted it to him and I told him that something happened to me when I was younger, I didn’t say what, but I was having flashbacks when he was kissing my stomach. He went no higher than my solar plexus and no lower than three inches below my navel; he said he wanted my stomach and that’s where he stayed. He reminded me of that when he was through.

He wanted to know why I didn’t tell him how I felt after he kept asking me if I was comfortable and I said that I never met a guy who knew when to stop, so I let him keep going. He seemed really hurt by what I had to say, and he told me that he gained no pleasure from it now because I didn’t really want it to begin with. He was very upset, but not in an angry way, in a sad way, like it was all his fault. I had to console him and then I let him rub my stomach again and I told him it was because I wanted him to, but I was lying and he didn’t believe me. He told me that it would’ve meant more to him if I really wanted him to do it and he told me that it was something he would have to earn. He told me never to let a guy have his way with me and to be a strong woman. Until that point, I thought all men were the same, but I never met a man like Jason.

I remember Daddy; I remember that I didn’t have a daddy. My father thought my Mother was having an affair and didn’t believe that I was his child. He left before I was born. My Mother always told me there was no such thing as a good man, but I didn’t believe her. She told me that the best thing for a woman to be is independent and strong, and that’s what she was. She told me that I never had a father and she guarded me, but you know how girls can be. When I got to high school, I got into those cliques of girls and everything was about who you fucked and all that stuff and have you lost your virginity yet. It’s the same stuff that guys would talk about in high school, and I felt like I needed to fit in. I had a lot of roles at school; I was a very outspoken girl and I wasn’t afraid to put a boy in his place if he got out of line with me. But the girls would always playfully tease me about when I was going to give it up to one of those guys. I couldn’t trust males, but I trusted them and they set me up with a guy named Roy who they told me was interested in me.

I went on a date with a guy named Roy my junior year. He treated me right until we got into his car. He started kissing on me and rubbing my stomach. I didn’t like it and I told him to stop, but he wouldn’t stop. He started biting me on my neck and ears and then he would grab my throat with one hand and rub his knuckles deep into my lower belly. He kissed my navel and pulled his belt off, snapping my belt and yanking up my shirt completely. He ate me out and I sat there and started crying, but he hit me in the face with the belt every time I made a sound.  He raped me right there in that car and my will and my power and strength were all broken. I was defeated; before that night, I was a strong girl and a smart girl, but afterward, I went home a mess. I didn’t file a police report and I didn’t tell my mother; how was I going to? When I got back to school, Roy avoided me, but I knew he told some people about me because I got the reputation as the campus slut. Now, I had a bunch of guys coming up to me rubbing on me and I didn’t resist them. I stopped eating regularly, I stopped working out, and I cut my hair. By the time I graduated, my Mother had passed away from ovarian cancer and I was living with my aunt. My aunt wasn’t like my mother; she drank and went to the casino all the time with her boyfriend. By the time I met Jason, I was deep into college. But I couldn’t enjoy what Jason was doing because the first time was the worst time.

Jason and I became a couple, and he tolerated me not letting him kiss me. I have to admit, there were other guys still trying to get on me, and in some cases, I let them. He didn’t know about it and I felt bad because I felt like he really cared about me. After Roy and the constant assaults that I let happen, I thought they were all the same, I wanted to do nothing more than chop off all their uncircumcised elephant’s trunk looking peanut dicks. A phallic is a symbol of power, and I hated it more than anything. My strength as a woman was gone, but Jason let me have control. I was falling in love with Jason and we were going through college together and living together. Jason had a lot of self esteem issues; he always doubted himself and he was afraid to try. I came from a family without my dad but Jason had a bad relationship with his mother. A lot of times, he’d buy me gifts and try to seek my approval on things. This was a problem sometimes, because I wanted him to take control of the decision-making in our relationship. I have read theories about children growing up without a mother or a father and wanting their partners to assume that role. I don’t think this was the case, but I wanted him to take control. He worked on campus in the game room and he made 7 dollars an hour. I was working at a jewelry store and also starting my own handbag business. I got a lot of money from my mother’s passing and I used it to buy a house. He moved in and we became very close. He would try to touch me on the stomach, but I wouldn’t let him. He would try to kiss me, but I would tell him no. I wasn’t ready yet and he told me in the car that he would never have a problem with it. Like I said, there were other guys, and they had their way with me, but Jason let me be.

Jason was spending less and less time with me after we graduated from school. I was going to graduate school obviously; Jason didn’t have a job now because his work study was over. I let him drive my car and drop me off at school and at work, but a lot of times, he’d be so late coming to pick me up that I’d walk home. I didn’t live that far from the campus, just a few miles. Jason would come home late, a lot of times, he’d have this Windex smell to him, or this old fish smell, I didn’t ask him what that was about. Sometimes, he even came home drunk and with some sort of red markings all over his neck, but I didn’t ask him about it. He’d come home and try to touch me, and I’d remind him of what he said and he would nod, sometimes laughing, and go to sleep. I never thought I had done anything wrong because he did say that if I felt uncomfortable, to just let him know. Sometimes, I let him rub my stomach, but I never let him kiss it, and he told me in that car those few years ago, that his favorite thing to do was kiss a girl on her navel. But that was Roy’s favorite thing to do too, and Jason understood that I wasn’t ready for it and that I may never be ready. Roy would go to the military and I saw only a month after Jason and I graduated, that Roy had been killed in Afghanistan. But that couldn’t get him out of my dreams. That couldn’t stop me from having flashbacks every time Jason touched me. But he understood, it’s better when it’s consented.

That’s where life takes us, you know? You figure, you’ve met the man of your dreams, he’s understanding and loving, he’s a MAN and not a boy, and he’s faithful and he’s willing to work with you. I knew Jason was cheating on me, but I didn’t allow it to become an issue. I just believed what my mother told me; men will be men and they will cheat and hate and hurt. It didn’t surprise me; he had to have some flaw. But I knew that he loved me and I was sure that I loved him. I believed that Jason would be the first man I let truly have me, but I wasn’t ready yet. One night, it was Christmas Eve, he came home and he told me that he didn’t love me anymore. He told me that he thought he could stay with me for this long without touching me, but he just couldn’t do it anymore.

Jason- You know how much I have cared about you. I was there to listen to you and I have tried, God knows I have tried to be patient with you and wait for this, but I don’t feel like it’s ever going to come.

Me- What’s never going to come, Jason? You told me that having sex has nothing on true love… I love you and you love me, so why are you so concerned about it now?

Jason- Because it’s a part of who I am. I told you that my goal was to earn the right, EARN the right to kiss you, to LOVE you, not like those other assholes who you let fuck you! I wanted to LOVE you and you won’t LET ME!

Me- You do love me, Jason. I can’t make you stop loving me and I’m not trying to.

Jason- Not the way I want to love you. I can’t even touch you, but how many hands have been on you? How many guys have you sat there and allowed inside of you, but simply because I choose to be a gentleman, because I AM a gentleman, you DENY me every night.

Me- Jason, you’re not like other guys. When we do it, I want it to be special and I want it to mean more than it ever has, because before you, it meant nothing.

Jason- Before me? I’ve never been there, sweetheart. Men who are less than me have gotten more for free! When will it be my time? When will you show me that you truly love me?

Me- When you stop cheating on me.

Jason- I need it badly. She’s not somebody worth anything anyway; she’s was willing and that’s all there is to say.

Me- She’s been willing; how many she’s are there?

Jason- Just one.

Me- What’s her name?

Jason- Device. She’s a tattoo artist and she works at Hemlock’s Lounge as a dancer.

Me- What kind of name is Device? Apparently, that’s all she is to you.

Jason- Does it matter? I don’t even like her; she smokes and she drinks. But I don’t know if I love you anymore. I just don’t know because you’re toying with me. My unity with you depends on what flashback you’ll have or what mood you’ll be in when I try to make love to you. Are you doing all of this to test my commitment to you?

Me- Commitment, Jason? You’ve been cheating on me with some girl you don’t even like and you talk about commitment.

Jason- Why didn’t you give this attitude to all those men you were sleeping with… no, I’m sorry, all those men you let fuck you? I was the only one who didn’t just take what you were letting me have and I am paying the price for it every day I am with you. What will it take for you to trust me? You told me that it’s never been me, it’s been you… well, you hold the power now.

That night, I let him make love to me and I acted as if I was enjoying it. I wasn’t ready, but I needed him to stay. I let him do what he pleased with me all night and I didn’t enjoy it at all, but I moaned and groaned and sighed and scratched his back and all that stuff I would watch on Cinemax late at night. I gave him everything I had and I did everything physically possible that night to make him stay. I loved him and I could look passed his flaws and his setbacks. I only wanted him to wait until one of mine cleared up. In the morning, he was gone, and that’s when I changed. Jason was the only good man I’d ever met and he had stolen my heart. He promised me he would wait for me and be there forever and he told me that sex wasn’t as important as love. But he cheated on me for sex and he left me for sex when I needed him.

My mother always told me that a woman’s strength comes from her want to achieve and that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. All his stuff was gone when I woke up; he probably slipped me something to make me sleep a long time and the only reminder I had of him was his scent and the scent of the black haired cxnt he had in my red Solara. It all had hit me and I couldn’t stop crying. The years I had spent on this earth, all I had allowed myself was to be fucked over and over again by men. I hated every single one of them. I had started to grow my hair back out and I had gained some weight; Jason and I had been working out together. After that point, I said no more men and I started working out and letting my hair grow long. I was back to my 135 lbs already at 5’7” and I had my figure back and then some. My hair was long, black, and curly and my late mother was Cuban and my father was Black. I worked out and did my school work with ease…. I was back. Guys would try me and I’d threaten to chop their peckers off.

“You know them Cuban girls… they do that shit too man. Let’s go!”

Fucking stereotyping bastards.  I would even go into the strip clubs and reject men just to get practice at it. I carried a taser, mace, and a .25 automatic in my purse and I was ready to die. No man would ever touch me again. It was a year later and I was sitting at a table in Terry’s Tits and Ass Topless Tavern when they made the announcement…

“AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMENNNNNNNN, FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENTTTTTT, WE BRING TO YOUUUUUUU…. THE BLACK WIDOW!!!!”

A tall girl, at least 5’10, with long wavy black hair and what looked like shining baby blue eyes came out. She was dressed in all black and had large breasts and the back out on her outfit. I could see a tattoo of a blue dragon that curved around her body because the front of the black outfit was shear and even in the darkness, my eyes are very good. This girl stripped down and crawled on a giant web they had set up on the stage. She’d bring a guy on stage with her, he’d lay on the web, and she would unbutton his shirt and pants with her mouth. I am almost certain the guys used for this are plants; these people are stupid, but they wouldn’t be stupid enough to let an actual patron on stage with her. I watched her strip down to just her boots; she had a holy runway of black hair going to her crotch, a six pack stomach with a tattoo around her small oblong navel and she had diamond studded nipple piercings in her perfectly artificial breasts. Her stomach seemed to glow in the light like nothing I’d ever seen before; the woman’s stomach was glittery and it accented her muscles and soft underbelly perfectly as she began her routine. She was a constellation; she was a goddess. I got really close to the stage because there was something unique about this woman; something about her smell was unique to me and I couldn’t place it. I let my instincts guide me and I went to the bar and requested a lap dance from her. By that time, I could see her off to the side with a robe on and smoking a cigarette.

Bartender- Yo Device! You got a customer. What’d you say your name was again?

Me- M.

Bartender- Em? Like short for Emma or Emily… okay. Device, come on, money is wastin’ when asses ain’t shakin’!

The booth was dark and cold, but Device was warm and her body seemed to glow a demonic burgundy in the dark blue and black room. I sat on the couch and watched her body move as that blue snake glowed against her red skin and as her body swayed in waves, it was as if the dragon had come to life and was breathing her fire. I’d had a lot to drink and she looked at me with those silvery blue eyes and put a hand on each of my thighs.

Device- You have a friendly face… you see something you like?

Me- I see a lot of possibilities.

Device- I do too. You be M.; that’s what they say you be. So M, who am I and why you need me so badly?

Me- You be Device. And I watched you dance and I saw the way you controlled the men; I saw your power, your inner beast, and I wanted you so fucking badly. I couldn’t help myself.

Device smiled at me and laughed as she reached into the air and pulled out a lit cigarette. She began to grind against me and in my intoxication, I could swear I heard that dragon roaring. It was as if it had come to life on her body and was staring at me. As fast as she was grinding, a watched the dragon’s head with it’s long tongue out and forked, parting the fire as it moved from her neck to her breasts to her navel to her crotch and to her thigh. I could see the red of her skin burning and when she touched me, I could almost just from her white hot skin… what was happening to me?

Device- You be so fine, M. I want to take you home with me… show you all the things you missing.  Touch me… touch me here.

She took my hand and put it on her stomach. I felt her muscles tense and then I felt them go soft as she put her legs around my neck and sprayed cum into my face. I wasn’t aware that women could spray cum, but this was a different kind of woman. I felt myself surrendering to the call of the dragon and I felt her weight, her thighs, pulling me into her.

Device- You got a friendly face, a real friendly face… you know that?

She was forcing it into me. She was running cum into my mouth and it was watering with anticipation, but filling up so fast as she was bucking on me like a bronco. All I could see were her eyes glowing in the dark in the red haze of her body and the dragon growling at me as he feasted on the Aztec Sun that surrounded her navel. The more I rubbed her stomach, the more she came, and I felt my taking, surrendering my strength to the device. Jason… is this how she captured him? As she bucked, my strength was gone… she had broken me and when she knew she had, she got off of me and sat beside me, running her finger down the side of my face.

Device- What you come here for, M? Seemed like you were fighting it; you didn’t just give in. I had to take it from you, no?

Me- Tell me about Jason.

Device- Jason? Who is Jason?

Me- Jason was my boyfriend and he had an affair with you.

Device- Ha, ha, ha! You be one of them, no? You come in here and you say some guy’s name expecting me to remember him above all others. Do you know how many Jason’s I will dominate in one week’s time? Jason? That is just a name, and if there’s a face to go with it, then that is just a face, and that’s a name and face among so many more names and faces. This be a gentleman’s club, but there be no gentleman in this world, cherie.

I was breathing heavily and she reached over and grabbed my right breast, tracing the nipple and pinching it. I hissed and tried to turn away, but she grabbed my breast and squeezed it a bit, and I turned back to her. Her eyes seemed to shine a certain way at my lack of resistance, as if she knew me now.

Device- I do remember a Jason; he had a girlfriend and she wouldn’t let him fuck her, so he came to me. He just loved rubbing my tummy… like this.

She began to rub my stomach on the outside of my shirt and trace her finger around my round deep navel as I began to think of Roy. I thought of all the guys who had started out doing this to me because Roy said it was the perfect way to “get me hot.”

Device- You be so soft right here. You must be her… (smiling) you come here to face me, no? You come here to see what made him want me over you, no?

She yanked my shirt up, revealing my cocoa brown stomach and drove her index finger into my navel, pressing down. I grabbed her wrist with both my hands and tried to pull free, no I didn’t; I grabbed her wrist with both hands and gave a weak yank, then I dropped them to my sides as my flashbacks were coming back and tears were forming in my eyes.

Device- You so delicious, you know that? He told me that you wouldn’t let him fuck you; he just love tummies and navels, and he said something happened to you. But that’s okay, something happened to me too… probably very similar, but I didn’t let it control me; I control it. I am the fuck.

As she continued to stroke the inside of my navel, I couldn’t move and I kept feeling the same feeling of the men with their filthy smells on me. I was covered in my tears and my own sweat as she stuck her long tongue into my navel and I felt the crotch of the dragon rubbing against my inner thigh as her left leg grinded against me.

Device- He just loved doing this to me… you didn’t let him, so he had to go somewhere, right? You said his name was David, no?

Me- His… name is… Jason.

Device- I told you… with so many weak women in the world, there are thousands of you running around looking for a reason why your man left you, when all you have to do is look in the mirror. You are nothing but a waste of cheap pussy.

I’d never hit another woman before… I never needed to, but I brought my right fist around and crashed it against her jaw. She made an “Unnhhh” sound and fell off of me, but as I stood up, she tackled me back down, ramming her shoulder into my stomach and forcing the air from me as I went back down on the couch. For a moment, I had surrendered to her; she had bested my first effort, but as she mounted me---

Device- I’m going to fuck you until you love me.

-- I would not have it. As her hand reached out to squeeze my right breast, I brought my foot up and caught her with a crunching shot against her crotch. She buckled, but she didn’t go down and I panicked for a second, allowing her to yank me to my feet by my hair and slam her fist into my stomach with a submarine punch catching me right below the navel. I let out an “OOF!!” and doubled over. I could see the midnight blue glittery polish on her toenails as it blended in with the spinning strobe lights as I struggled to get my air. She reached her hand further, looking to finger my crotch, but I brought my head up as quickly as I could, smashing into her chin as she staggered back. I could see red blood coming from her mouth; I had chipped one of her teeth and I grabbed her by her arms, pulled her forward and kneed her in the stomach. She gasped loudly as I hooked her around the neck with my arm and begin to choke her in a standing guillotine. She punched me and oh, did it hurt. She hit me right in the pit of my stomach and I let out an “OUGH!” loosening my grip around her neck, but still maintaining it as she drove me back towards the wall. Another harder shot caught me just above the navel and I began to cry as she reached between my legs and tickled my clitoris… I didn’t realize she had undone my pants. One more hard punch to my stomach and I let out an “OUGGGHHH!!!” releasing her and backing up.

My eyes were so wide in their sockets from that punch that I felt like my lashes would split and my eyes would explode. She was coming forward fast and I knew that it was over. I was going to be beaten up and raped again, only this time, by a woman… by a Device of Jason’s affairs. She had broken my womanhood, she had beaten me up, and she had destroyed whatever belief I had in figuring this out. When she came in on me, I let me right leg go up as high and as hard as I could… it caught her right in the heart. Her lips pursed as the dragon’s eyes widened and it lurched back as her body fell to the floor. She grabbed her chest; she was gasping for air and she didn’t know where she was anymore.

“Shot to the heart, and you’re to blame, you gave love, a bad name.”

There are moments of transition that we all go through in life. I thought I had gone through getting over what Roy did to me and I thought that I had gotten over what Jason had done to me. Roy was dead and Jason had moved on, but I was still here and still imperfect. I stood over the device and I stomped hard on her crotch, that thing Jason craved so much. This dirty woman, reeking of cigarette butts and sperm cringed and began to fade. This filthy cxnt that has been the temporary haven to the inner children of so many so-called men, that nasty looking hooked pink headed bastard making device that Device controlled. I kept stomping and stomping and losing myself in destroying this monster.

Me- Traitor!! How many loves have you stolen?! How many families have you destroyed?! How could you live for a dick?!!

I sat on her stomach, that perfect stomach that Jason loved so much and I hit her face. I saw blood spray from the mouth of the dragon as my fingers tore into the flesh of her breasts. I saw the dragon recoil as my fist pounded her heart and I saw her skin turn as blue as her dragon tattoo as I squeeze her throat.

Me- Where is Jason?

Device- Fuck… you… bitch.

Me- WHERE is Jason? Is he still with you?

Device- Ha ha ha… who’s Jason? Why you obsess… over some dick? Why you let… dick control you?

Me- You obviously don’t know me at all, Device.

I punched her and didn’t even notice the teeth marks on my hands as her teeth were being knocked from her mouth by my fists. As I was hitting her, I could hear the dragon’s roar fading and I could feel the wetness of her juices as she was saving one final big cum for the climax. And the climax hit her right in the heart as it stopped beating and I stood up a woman. The device had been broken, but what had I done? I grabbed my coat and put on my pants. I walked out of the room and made my way out of the club and to my car, getting in it and speeding off.

[antisocialman]

I spent that night out of town and called in sick to work the next day. I checked the newspaper for any report of what happened to Device, but nothing was there. I wondered if she had survived, because when I left her, she seemed as dead as Judas Iscariot. Then I saw something in the paper that made my heart jump and cringe all at the same time… Jason, MY Jason.

“-- had a gun, when bystander Jason Washington tackled the assailant and took the pistol from him. Jason was shot twice in the arm, but was the hero of the day by beating the gunman and holding him with only one arm until the police arrived on the scene. Washington’s wife, fitness model and former kick boxer Jennifer “Jenny Bomb” Washington, said that she was worried about her husband for those brief moments. ‘He has always acted like he has something to prove,’ Jennifer said smiling and nudging Jason, ‘But he’s a true hero and a great man.’ Jason Washington was honored by the police department and made a statement: ‘I am just thankful to God for such a wonderful woman like my wife, Jenny. I didn’t believe in love until I met Jenny and we are so happy together. She helped me believe in myself and be all that I could be.’”

Jason…in a year, he leaves Device, meets a fitness guru and gets married? It all just didn’t add up. Love takes time and I thought he knew that… he had to be doing something out of the ordinary; he was a man and men use women and lie and cheat and rape women. That is what he is if he was stupid enough to fall into the device’s trap. There was a picture of the two of them in the paper and I saw both of them on the news. He, a tall brown skinned African American male and she, long straight blonde hair and blue eyes… boy, the southern media just ate that up, I’m sure.

I traded my Solara in and got a white Lexus as my handbagging business had really taken off. I had an attorney and an agent and they felt I was more than attractive enough to be the spokeswoman for my own company, just like Kimora Lee Simmons is the spokeswoman for Baby Phat. But my evenings were spent looking for Jason. Now that I knew where he lived, which wasn’t that difficult to find out after he became a local hero, I would watch him leave the house. He’d be gone all day long and come home late at night, just like he did when he was with me. His stupid blonde wife didn’t seem to pay it any mind. She’d leave not too long after. I decided to follow him one day to see who he was fucking this time. I pulled into the hospital and slowly followed him from behind, making sure that he didn’t see me once we got into the building. I had only met Jason’s mother once, but I recognized her lying on that bed, skinny from what I figured was cancer and Jason, sitting beside her with tears coming down his face.

“Momma loves you, Jason. Momma is so sorry she treated you the way she did when you were younger. I was just confused; I hated men. But look at you; you’d become the best man I know, and the only man I could ever love. I’m so sorry.”

Jason- It’s okay, Momma. I love you. I made some mistakes and I hurt some feelings, but I’ve changed who I am too and I want you to know that I’ll be here every day and you’ll get better and leave this place. We’ll start all over, Momma. We won’t think about what was; we’ll think about what’s now.

“Excuse me.”

A very sweet and polite voice. A tall blonde woman with big breasts and a perfect body walked right passed me, smiling apologetically  and I recognized her from the video shelf at Blockbuster Video as Jenny Bomb, the workout guru, the former kick boxer… but I know her as Jason’s wife. The perfectly tanned blonde haired blue eyed angel that he settled with after he broke up with me and stopped using his device.

Momma- There she is. What a beautiful couple the two of you make.

Jenny- It was truly love at first sight. Jason was at a low point when I met him, and--

Jason- (jokingly) Oh Jenny, Momma has heard the story a million times.

Jenny- (nudging Jason) Ooh, right in the ribs. (whispering) You’re gonna get it when we get home. (Back to Momma) Jason is truly the man of my dreams.

Jason- And you’re the woman I’ve always wanted, Jenny. You took me and gave me back my will and you took me seriously, so I had to take myself seriously. You know what, Momma?

Momma- What that, baby?

Jason- I’ve decided that I’m going back to school to get my Master’s. Jenny and I talked about it, and I think that I can do more than just be a district manager at Macy’s.

Jenny- But you take your time; I’ve got another series of videos coming out and I’m going to be in the next Clint Eastwood directed movie. Plus, we’ve got the trust fund set up for when we’re ready to have children and we’re going in with Brad and Angelina on that Hurricane Katrina rebuilding project in New Orleans East. I can’t wait to see Jason make his speech alongside Brad and Angelina at the United Nations. Your heroic deeds have really paid off, honey.

Jason- That’s because I have the perfect woman to stand beside me instead of behind me, Jenny.

Momma- Oh! Such love… so much happy happy love!

 I left them right there and fought back the tears on my way to the car. For some reason, seeing them together and seeing that he wasn’t the sex-driven asshole that he was when I last saw him made me even angrier. And that blonde bitch wasn’t the snobby stuck-up whore I figured her for. None of it could be possible, could it? I knew what I had to do… Jason broke me as a woman and I vowed that no man would ever break me again. This is what I went in for and this is what must happen for me to be satisfied. Ever since that moment he left, my heart has been frozen. It’s like having short term memory loss, like in that movie “Memento.” All I go back to is the way he broke my heart. I have to take something from him the way he took away my will to live freely and my will to choose. The next morning, I watched him kiss his wife goodbye as he left for work. By this time, I knew he wasn’t cheating on her; he was working long hours, and every time he stopped to get a gift, it was for her. It made me so fucking sick. That morning when he left, that sling still on his arm from the two bullets that made him a hero, I parked my car down the street and made my way to his door. The blonde opened the door and smiled; she was wearing a pink robe and I was in a gray sweatsuit with gray pants, a white shirt, and gray jacket to match my gray and white sneakers.

Jenny- Hi, how may I help you?

Me- I need to talk to you about Jason… your husband.

Jenny- What about him? Is he okay? He just left about an hour ago… ohh, he didn’t get into an accident, did he? His arm is in a sling, and--

Me- He’s been cheating on you.

Jenny- What?!! No… no…

Me- He’s been cheating on you with me. May I come inside?

Jenny turned and covered her face, blindly walking forward and sobbing loudly as she dropped on the beige couch in their spacious living room. I smiled, cracked my knuckles and closed the door.

MAILMAN by Soundgarden

Hello don't you know me
I'm the dirt beneath your feet
The most important fool you forgot to see
I've seen how you give it
Now I want to receive
I know that you would do the same for me

I know I'm headed for the bottom
But I'm riding you all the way

For all of your kisses turned to spit in my face
For all that reminds me which is my place
For all of the times when you made me disappear
This time I'm sure you will know that I'm here

I know I'm headed for the bottom
But I'm riding you all the way

My place was beneath you but now I'm above
And now I send you a message of love
A simple reminder of what you won't see
A future so holy without me

I know I'm headed for the bottom
But I'm riding you all the way


“Bitch” Part 2

Blood falls…
Her head hits that big mirror they have hanging over the fireplace and the glass shatters into a million pieces. I see the red stain and her blonde hair sticking to the wall; and I throw her to the ground. I take time to look at the portion of the glass still remaining on the wall attached to the frame, that greater whole of who I am. I’m strong and I’m dominant and nothing can stop me. I live for nothing, I want for nothing, but I am something… I am woman and I am woman unchained, undefeated and unloved. But I love myself.

Jenny lies on her back looking up at me, sobbing tears running down her face and blood slowly oozing from her broken nose. Around her are pieces of glass and I can see myself in all of them as so many flawed and broken woulda coulda shoulda what if alternate versions of me surround Jason’s so-called perfect woman. I kick her hard between her legs and she recoils, making a loud EEE! sound and then going into a coughing fit.

Me- He’s not cheating on you, Jenny. I told you that just to get into the house. He’s cheating on me with you… because he NEVER told me that he was leaving me!! He just fucked me and disappeared to be with you, you fucking cave whore!

Jenny- Why? Why are you doing this to us?

Me- Because it’s NOT FAIR!! All the shit that happened to me in my fucking life, I did NOT ask for it!! He fucked me and left me, but for you, he’s decided to be a good man!! Well, fuck him and fuck you!!

Somewhere deep inside of every woman, there is a heart of gold. Sometimes, after so much time, that heart can get dusty and even rusty, that heart still perseveres though. But a lot of times, that heart of gold can be melted by a simple spray of sperm. We are the mothers, the sisters, the daughters, the wives and the aunts. We are the soldiers and warriors because we have to battle that glass ceiling that was created by these fucks who think that we are simply here to support them. She struggles to get to her feet and I step on her heart, pinning her back down. A heart of gold between two perfectly artificial breasts… there has to be some sickening irony to that.

For about thirty seconds, we stare into each other’s eyes. She’s looking at me, wondering why I’m here, wondering who I am, wondering what the point of all of this is. I don’t see any evil in this woman. I don’t see the Jenny Bomb cockiness or the post fight bravado from her kickboxing days… all I see is a scared little girl hiding inside of a mature and responsible woman. After what Roy did to me and after those girls setting me up to have guys fuck me over and over again, I could tell an evil woman. Women were the ones I needed to worry about because it was a given that I wasn’t going to trust a man. I look into Jenny’s eyes, and I just don’t see what I’m looking for. You would think that would make me angry… it did a few days ago. But now, it makes me happy. It makes me so incredibly happy because I know what I must do.

She grabs my ankle and twists my leg, causing me to fall off of her and to the floor. I am trying to get to my feet, but she kicks me hard on the inside of my thigh while maintaining her grip on my ankle. It hurts and she gets to her feet first. I did my research on Jenny Bomb aka Jennifer Burris and now Jennifer Washington once I read the article and found out that she was married to Jason. 21-3 as a kick boxer, with her only three losses coming to fighters with the last names Payne, Pritchard, and Apache, and all of them were knock out losses. I don’t really follow fight sports, but what I read about her on wikipedia said that she was a potential star in the sport that burned out. The whole Jenny Bomb thing was just a character for her to play to get hype; she wasn’t really the stupid airhead/arrogant cheerleader type she acted like. She wasn’t any of those things, and when I looked into her eyes, I could see it. This was a woman who built herself from the ground up; this was a caring and loving woman. I had nothing but respect for Jenny when I looked into her eyes… all the passion and the love of a mother and the faithfulness and independence of a good wife. All of this hiding behind a television personality who does workout videos and teaches several self defense classes, classes on health as well as yoga classes. Typically, the big chested blonde haired blue eyed girls don’t fit this description in real life; the race-conscious artists depicted the angels this way and the American Dream has always been painted like this. But I can honestly say that Jennifer is an angel and a good woman. This makes me very happy.

We both stand up and she gets into a fighting stance with her arms raised and her legs slightly bent. I don’t even give her the time and send my right cross crashing into her face; she makes an Unnhh sound and staggers back, but she plants her back foot and gets back into her stance. For a second, I’m a bit surprised because this isn’t the look of the scared little girl I stood over. I send a jab in there and she takes it on the tip of the nose before her arms come in to block it, then I send a straight right to her stomach, right above the waist. Jenny is a high waisted girl; in other words, she has big breasts and long legs and a big butt, but her torso is short and her navel is well below her waist. She looks sick for a second and takes a step back. I move in quickly and I can see she still has that look on her face as to why I’m here, then she springs forward and kicks me right in the pit of my stomach… OUGHHH!!!

I double forward and she backfists me, coming with her right hand down across and on her left thigh and bringing it diagonally upward, nailing me on the right side of my jaw and sending me up and over on my back. I get up fast because I need to take the momentum back from her. I respect her, but I could not live with myself if I lost to her. This is it for me because this is what my life has come down to. No matter what I do, it all comes back to the way he broke my heart and left me for the device and her pet dragon. All the love in the world that I had for him is gone and this perfect woman with her perfectly artificial television persona and her perfectly artificial breasts living in this perfectly artificial world and not realizing the pitiful excuse for a man she’s wasted her time marrying must realize the truth. If I lose to her, then I am wrong and the world is right. If I lose to this woman, then there is no point in living another day. All the nightmares and all the stresses lead my back to that morning after he fucked me and left, but they all end at this moment.

She hits me with a right cross to my jaw, then backfists me, backing me up. She steps in and begins to hit me with left hooks to my ribs as I try to cover up my face. Her punches are hard and they’re stealing the confidence from me… I’m starting to want to quit now as I turn my left side to her and she still slams the lefts into me, only this time, they are uppercuts to the pit of my stomach. Each punch lifts me up on my toes, each punch forces a WUUHH!! From me and widens my eyes as she’s backing me across the living room and towards the stairwell. She doesn’t say anything to me, no “This is such a great workout” or “You need to tighten up those abs, pronto”… none of that from Jenny. She looks at me as my heels are against the bottom step and she batters me with a combination of punches to my face and raised arms until the advancing force sends me down on the stairs.

I look up at her, expecting her to take a kick at me or mount me, but she’s standing there staring at me and she takes a step back. I get to my feet, feeling blood trickle from my nose and I go right at her, but she sidesteps me as my right cross sails passed her, ducks under my left hook attempt leaving me wide open for the one-two she gets right on my navel… I freeze, my arms still outstretched  and my mouth hanging open. I can’t breath and I can’t move and she grabs my left arm, slings me into an elbow to my throat, then  drives the elbow into my belly, forcing an OOOF!!! From me as I double over and she pushes me front first back down on the stairs.  Once again, she backs up a bit and raises her arms. She’s really taken the steam from me and I realize that she’s testing my will. As I try to regain my footing, I see her step forward, and somehow, I don’t want to get back up. My stomach is killing me right now and as I sit and hold it, I can see that she has taken note. This is the woman Jason married.

Jenny- What is this all about? Did Jason really cheat on me with you? Or has he been with you and he married me, but is still with you?

Me- No, you fucking idiot.

Jenny- Then why are we doing this? Why are you here? I don’t know you and I don’t have any idea why you’re in my house fighting me.

Me- I’m here for closure.

I spring to my feet and attack her again. This time I come in low and tackle her, but she sprawls her legs out and leans forward, putting her weight on my back and forcing me to go to my hands and knees while breaking my grip around her waist. She begins to punch my right side, trying to get my liver, with her left hand while I cover up. I can see that married life hasn’t stop her skills from improving and that she’s a very fit woman. This is not going the way I expected it to and I am paying the price. This is truly a dominant woman with a pure heart. I feel her strength as she hooks her right arm under my neck for the guillotine choke as I try to force myself up to my feet. I’m not a wrestler, but I manage to push forward and up and she is on her knees and so am I. I am then able to push her over on her back with me on top, but she crosses her arms in a four behind my head in another choke. I have taken kickboxing classes to stay in shape, but this is just a down and dirty fight now. This is where I take a stand against everything that I have seen and everything that I have fucking felt. This is it.

I throw my rights around and into the side of her head, crashing into her cheekbone and into her lips as she makes these OFF!! and MMPPHH!! sounds. Her lip is now bleeding badly as she breaks her grip on me and I begin to punch her head repeatedly and gain a sitting position on her stomach. I feel the muscles in her stomach tighten as I drop my butt down on her… she feels it, but she lets out a little “ough” when I scoot up on it a little. I grab her by her ears and begin to bang the back of her head into the floor. Every time I see that vacating look in her eyes, I just slam her head into the floor even harder.

“So now I goooooooooo to youuuuuu, with oooopennnn armssss, nothing to hide, believe what I sayyyyy”

Me- What the fuck is that?

“So herrrrre I ammmm, with oooooopen armmmsss, hoping you’ll see, what your love means to me, open armsss”

Jenny- That’s…my… cell… phone… Jason is calling. We… go to lunch… sometimes… he comes home… early.

Me- Jason? Calling you? YOU FUCKING cxnt!!!

I start punching her face with my right hand exclusively. I have tears running from my eyes and blood dripping from my nose. My stomach is weakened and my heart is still frozen in its broken state. I love what this woman is because she’s beautiful, intelligent, and possesses all the qualities that I would want in a man. I love her because she is everything that she’s suppose to be, but I hate that she is with Jason. I hate that she is his, because he simply does not deserve a woman like this and she is a fucking fool to be with him. I batter her eyes for ever laying them on him, for ever considering him worthy of her gaze. I batter her blue eyes until they are nearly swollen shut. I batter her eyes for listening to his lies and his bullshit and believing that he is a good man when all men are no more than talking dicks. I batter her ears for deceiving her and I watch her hiss and moan in pain as the blood seeps from them. I batter her nose so that she can never smell him, his fallacious pheromones and his expensive cologne and Irish Spring Soap and Brut aftershave and his Stay Soft Fro Hairspray and Degree Deodorant. I batter her nose so that she can never breathe all those scents that have reminded me of him; I never asked to smell him and I never wanted to, but he fucked me and left me and as my fists pound her nose until it begins to resemble a volcano, blackened from bruising and gushing red chunky blood, I am reminded of my own state of fury. And I batter her mouth for saying the words “I do,” words that I envisioned myself saying to Jason more than a year ago, not knowing that he was using his device, not knowing that after promising me his heart and his patience, he proved what my mother always told me to be true. I batter her mouth and listen to the sound of her teeth chipping and her tongue slipping in and out and not allowing her to spit blood. I batter her perfect mouth that spoke only kind words and , her perfect mouth that offered consolation to Jason after he found no more use for the device, that perfect mouth, that in a year was able to take the man who broke me as a woman and turn him into the man he kept claiming to be. Yes, I batter her mouth until it is chapped and bleeding and swollen beyond compare.

I pull up her shirt and I look at her stomach. It is so hard in the upper portion, but very soft below the waist with a deep set oblong navel. I wonder… I begin to rub her stomach  and grind my knuckles into her belly, and I here what I expected to hear… moaning, but not painful moaning, moaning as she blindly grinds with me. More tears come as I lean down and kiss her navel and grind my knee against her crotch… she cums and she cums hard, I feel a great deal of wetness against my knee. How inadequate am I if he could find her a year after me and a year after Device? How inadequate could I be if she is so nice and so pure and so kind and giving and I am so vengeful? I must not be inadequate… I am not inadequate because I did not do this, Jason did. I punch her stomach, slamming my fists into it over and over again. I hear sickening “UUUUFFFFFFF!!” “OOOUUUGGGGHHHH!!!” “AAAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!!” and “UUUGGGGHHHH!!!” sounds as I feel her angel soft belly and watch her navel disappear deep into her as I hit it over and over again. Roy punched me in the stomach while he was in the process of ruining me for any man I could ever love… no, no man is worth loving, Jason proved that. 

I grind myself into her, experiencing enough of this love that he has fancied and fucked. She struggles with me… she struggles hard and uses every ounce of strength remaining to try and throw me off, but all her strength is nothing against what I have become. She is perfect spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally, but I the imperfect and so-called flawed thing that Jason could not love… I break her. I take her womanhood and she surrenders, going limp under my power. I now know the feeling so many men have had in this position, and while I loath it and I loath them, I find myself working up to a climax as I continue to grind into the bomb named Jenny… and I cum as I bite her neck and lean down to bite the skin around her navel. Once again, she builds up a big orgasm and lets it go. I hear her breathing slow down and then I hear no more breathing. I step hard on her heart and then I grab her by her bloody long blonde hair and drag her to the front room as I hear a car pulling up in the driveway.

Jason- Honey, you didn’t answer your phone; I got your chicken salad as usual and--- WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!!! JENNY!!!

Me- Hello, Jason. Remember me?

He looks at me and my heart shatters as he studies me as if he’s never seen me before. He looks at his dead wife and the bloody streak down the floor into the carpeted front room. He can’t take his eyes off of her and the food in his one good arm spills to the floor.

Jason- No… no…

Me- I hate you, Jason.

Jason- Who are you? Who the fuck are you?!

Me- You don’t remember me? LOOK AT ME, you motherfucker!!

Jason- M? Is that you, M? You look so different… how… how could you DO THIS TO ME?!!!

He drops to his knees and crawls to his dead wife, her blonde hair still in my right hand as he cradles her, pulling the sling off his bad arm and begins to cry.

Me- You took everything from me Jason, and now, I’ve taken everything from you. You are so weak and this true strong woman gave you strength; that is why you married her so quickly. But I had to take her away from you, you fucking bastard… you didn’t deserve her.

Jason- Why… WHY… WHYYYYYY?!!!!

Me- Because once upon a time, I was weak and you gave ME strength. But you took it all from me, Jason. You left me and now, she’s left you. I hate you, Jason. I did this to take away your smile and now, I have.

Jason- I loved her, M… she was everything to me… how could fucking do this to ME?!!

Me- Because I can.

Jason- Kill me!! You killed her, then kill me!! I can’t live without her; I love her!!

Me- Fuck you, Jason. You’re too weak to kill yourself, and that is the way I will leave you… weak and broken.

I start to make my way to the door.

Jason- M… you fucking BITCH!!

Me- Maybe I am, but what does that make you for fucking me and leaving?

I leave him there sobbing and holding on to what he no longer can call his own. Jason was arrested and charged with his wife’s murder. Jenny‘s family turned on him and believed, despite his not being there and his coworkers saying that he was at work, despite all the evidence, Jenny‘s family is convinced that Jason killed her. The police would not believe that a woman could do that either; they couldn‘t prove that he did it either. He has moved out of town with his reputation destroyed and I haven‘t seen him since. He never told anyone about what happened in that house and the police didn’t bother investigating further. The fact that he knew something and wouldn’t talk only made them more suspicious of him. They figured that if he didn’t do it himself, he had somebody do it for him. I never heard a word about Device. I don‘t know if she survived or not, but Jenny definitely died. My handbagging business is doing great and I am married now. I met him through his mother and he was just my type. I go to work and he stays home and takes care of my house. He never contends with me and he always greets me with a smile. Plus, he’s patient, and that’s because he has to be. And I have a little girl now too. She’s only two years old, but she’s smart and I am so proud of her. I found a poem online and whenever I think of who I am and what I represent, I read it. Jason called me a bitch.

Being a bitch means by Unknown Author
I'm a bitch!
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts,
or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch entails raising my children
to be strong people who have a solid sense of personal and social responsibility,
who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in
and who love and respect themselves for the beautiful beings they are.
Being a bitch means that I am free to be the wonderful creature that I am,
with all my own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it,
I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid,
or when I act a little selfish.
I am proud to be a bitch!
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am
and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated, and determined.
By God, I want what I want, and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.
I love this, I can call myself a bitch now
and not feel bad about it.


I always looked at that word as being negative, and I still do, but if that’s how he defines a bitch, then a bitch is what I am.

THE END

[petelv]

Excellent story.  Thank you for posting it.

pete

[antisocialman]

Glad you enjoyed it, pete. Nice to see the boards back up and running again.

[catfighter35]

great story keep it up champ

[antisocialman]

I'm a little late getting to this reply, but thanks a lot

I'm trying to keep it up and I'm just happy to be able to "come home" again.

[howardcosell]

I'm not feeling so well, guys and I wanted to work on the Bully Beatdown story and advance it. However, here's another story of mine from way back when that I hope you'll enjoy. You all have a wonderful day!

[howardcosell]

I've been plotting a continuation to this story, even though it appears that it's over. Rather than start a new thread, I think I'm going to stick to keeping this stuff in one. I was really upset when I did "Bitch," so I hope the sequel does it justice, otherwise it'll be a waste of time 

[howardcosell]

sigh... as part of finishing what I've started, the direct sequel to this story has finally been started.