Sigourney Weaver got up to the podium and looked at the women only five were there for the press conference. Present on Sigourneys right were Jodi lyn O’Keefe, Camilla Belle and Alona Tal and to her left Stacy Keibler and Jamie Pressly.
“Obviously we are missing two women, yes what Elisha and Rachel fought to be a draw. The reason they aren’t here has nothing to do with the fight ending in a draw but completey with the fact neither has the ability to make it here. Those two little girls aren’t like the women up here minus Camilla. You look at the other four they are multi skilled and fights sometimes there is catfighting aspects to it, the dirty fighting. We knew all along Elisha and Rachel would hurt each other, they were catfighters. Rachel and Elisha’s fight was brutal to watch, made me wince numerous times but they’ll heal faster then Alona and a lot faster than Kristin Kreuk… fact. Another fact is if you were dismayed by the brutality of these fights, well they were rematches of women who despise each other and every fight had this possibility”
Reporter “So how we doing this Sigourney do we ask questions or is it statements?”
Sigourney “Two questions for each lady from the fight order but first let me announce that Rachel Bilson and Elisha Cuthbert was the fight of the night. They picked who they want to fight on the next card and that part we’ll announce at the end to go along with their statements.”
Reporter “Jodi did you ever fear Shannon was going to beat you again?”
Jodi “I’d love to tell you no but I was close to quitting again but I knew deep down I’m simply better than Shannon. Not significantly but I do have more to offer than her in a fight, deep down I searched and found the ability to get out of some precarious positions.”
Reporter “Did she earn your respect?”
Jodi “Shannon Elizabeth and I don’t like each other but I think I finally earned her respect. She beat me twice before and I still owe her one but we are on the same level as fame. Its not like I can go from here and challenge Anne Hathaway I know that. Probably the most famous person I can challenge is Ali Larter but really I like these fights. Woman vs. woman, I’m glad I proved I can beat Shannon Elizabeth but yeah I respect her and I think she impressed more in her loss to me then her win vs Liv Tyler.”
Sigourney “Well said and very true, Jodi has a meanness to her that Shannon used to possess and hopefully found again. For those wondering Jodi was a slight favorite in that fight by odds makers and she proved them right”
Reporter “Camilla what do you have to say about Maggie?”
Camilla started to laugh “I can’t believe she’d challenge me to be honest. Everyone saw her on Californication, she’s beautiful insanely unathletic and a big ol wimp. She has a blood feud with Arielle Kebbel but she challenged me come on Maggie.”
Reporter “Who would be a better fight for you?”
Camilla “With the class they have me in I think I’m #1. Better then Blake Lively, Winstead and a hell of a lot better than Katrina Bowden. Anyones a more competitive fight than Maggie though, well maybe Phoebe Tonkin is at Maggie Grace level of simply not worth the energy”
Sigourney “I have odds makers numbers and Maggie was nearly a 2/1 favorite over Camilla so whoever bet on Camilla good job you made some big cash.”
Reporter “Alona we heard Kristin Kreuk was trying to find you after she woke up, is the issue between the two of you over.”
Alona “There shouldn’t be an issue but there is, I just… and she did… We really don’t like each other and I’m not used to it. “
Sigourey “Wait now Alona, yeah Kristin looked for her and was barely able to walk but wanted a third fight and I have ZERO interest in that fight. Alona was ready to go beyond what is acceptable, Kristin had already done that to Alona. Those two should never be allowed alone. I know what Kristin had done to you and yes you earned the right to equal it but I don’t want to see it.”
Reporter “Alona how do you feel about what you did to her after you knocked her out cold with a weapon”
Alona “She beat me with one and I beat her with one. What I did to her after the fight was basically the same as what she did to me. I’m calmed down right now, back to being normal ol me and I’m not proud of it but the more I talk about it the more I think of Kristin I wish I could still be kicking her legs, stomping her… It’s a little to much hate in me for her.”
Sigourney “Odds makers had this as close as the fight itself was. Alona as a slight favorite with a chance for a draw and I personally thought it could have gone either way.”
Reporter “Stacy were you glad the fight ended quick”
Stacy “My god yes, Anna has a lot of strengths and I prepared for another big time brawl but I felt that I could end her quickly if she found herself near my legs. In our first fight I wanted to prove I didn’t need the legs to get a win and we drew even. This time I just wanted to win and I did”
Reporter “Adriana Lima next”
Stacy “I hope so but to be honest who has she ever beaten. I’ve fought anyone and all Lima does is talk about how tough she is, how much skill she has. We match up well on paper but when I put my legs around you or once I hit you… Let’s see her fight a few people and I’ll fight a few people and we will fight each other unless she’s all talk.”
Sigourney “These odds kind of shock me but yeah Anna was a favorite to beat Stacy it was slight but more then what Alona had over Kristin. Upset but not as big as Camilla’s upset”
Reporter “Jamie how satisfying was it to finally end the Pressly payback”
Jamie “to be honest that was always going to be my easiest fight. I knew it and I think she did as well, our first fight she surprised me but this time around I wanted to hurt her and I did. Brittany Daniel was seriously my toughest opponent of the three and of all the women I’ve ever fought.”
Reporter “Including Jennifer Morrison”
Jamie “Excluding her, I would love to have a full fight with her I think no I know she is great at this. All those skills, striking on par with me and sick subs. She proved she’s tough not just now but against Minka Kelly, I would love to have a well prepared fight with her. I’m not on her level of fame and I know she has a long list of tough, skilled TV actresses who want to fight her and dream fights Sigourney and others have for her.”
Sigourney “That is true, Jennifer always proves to be more impressive every time we see her. Her destruction of Olivia Munn and the solid battle with Minka Kelly who had the look of a fighter and acted like she’d be in top ten but Jennifer is a top five. So to change the subject, Jamie Pressly opened as a 4 to 1 favorite and showed why.”
Sigourney removed a piece of paper “First off Elisha Cuthbert was a five to one favorite over Rachel Bilson with a strong chance for the draw. I’ll read off Rachel’s statement first.”
“I thought I lost, I thought I passed out and she won. I was slightly relieved to find out we both lost, it feels right. I hate Elisha and know she feels the same about me, we in the past have fought others I lost more then she has but we always brought out the absolute worst in the other. If I had the ability to fight like that against anyone else I’d have a better record. I don’t like Elisha and never will but I proved beyond a doubt in anyone’s mind that I am 100 percent equal to Elisha Cuthbert. 100 percent equal in a catfight and superior as an entertainer as I never have problem getting work. I hope Elisha and I never cross paths again, the pain in my body simply isn’t worth a third time of equality. As for winning fight of the night, when I wake up tomorrow I don’t think it’ll be worth this pain but I will name a match up before I go under a tonne of well earned pain killers. My friend was one of the four who were in discussion for the next card. The Over rated Janet Montgomery will find out we don’t believe she’s that tough when my friend Aubrey Plaza fights her.”
Sigourney nodded “Good choice, same height and build. Both Indie darlings, Aubrey gets more mainstream media. Ok so Let me tell you all both Elisha and Rachel are fucked up. No other words can describe the damage of slaps, bite marks, scratches, their backs are red. Legs are the only thing that don’t have a mark on them but neither know how to properly attack a leg. I haven’t’ seen two women close to that since Stacy lost to Erin Andrews but at least then Erin could say it was worth it she won…. Sorry Stacy”
Stacy nodded, she lost and accepted that
“I have to admit I can’t beat Rachel Bilson, first time we fought it was also a draw. Keifer let me go and I got a cheap win. I now can’t enjoy my newlywed status because I wouldn’t say that. It is my belief now as doctors attend to my boob that if I just said that right away I wouldn’t be here today. Rachel and I would hate each other but would know we can’t beat the other so why bother. If you ask me was it worth it just to make Rachel hurt I’ll say no. I didn’t win, its not worth it if you don’t win. I’ll hate her forever but I never want to fight her again. She will never beat me and I’ll never beat her so why bother. As for the next card, well this time around we had all women who hated each other why not two who are friend. Anne Hathaway vs. Emily Blunt, would love to see what they would do as friends to win a fight.”
Sigourney put away both statements “It is what it is, those two anyone could tell you are full of hate for the other. Elisha Cuthbert has had many fights winning most and let me tell you how many have requested a rematch… None, as long as we don’t count Rachel, not one person not Britney Spears who says she’s moved past it. Jordan Ladd thought about it even going as far as inquiring about Elisha’s interest but after Hewitt she wants no part of it. Hilary Duff got her fight with Elisha, lost and now they’re friends again. There arent’ many challenges coming in for Elisha Cuthbert, she is a catfighter who your going to feel pain against if she gets into the gutters. I know there are two women who still want to fight Elisha but one is pregnant and has voided her ‘next in line’ the other has said ‘let her be 100 percent’. I know there is someone Elisha wants to make an example of. As for Rachel she is so small that others think she’s a push over and she’s never going to destroy anyone but the challenges she had before the fight have been rescinded, that is a fact. Rachel destroyed someone thought would be a head case fighter who likes to hurt others in Emile de Ravin. We have some divisions and may rank the overall fighters in each and neither Rachel nor Elisha are top five unless we are talking pure catfighters then they are top five. Right now Alona is number four with Kristin number five in that division. Number one is Jessica Lowndes, then Lacey Chabert and Jenna Dewan. We will release top five rankings in divisions tomorrow, women had to have had at least one fight (written by me or a writer I like)”
(Upcoming fights, a Teresa Palmer fight maybe Naya Rivera, Kelly Overton fight against a co star, Eliza Dushku vs. Lizzy Caplan)
