[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--My name is Donna, a 28-year old single career woman.  It's engagement time of year, and I'm not going to be getting any proposals this time around.  Let's say, hypothetically, I know a couple, and know the guy crushes on me, and they make it thru this year without getting engaged.  Am I free to "make my move" on him?  January 2?  February 15?  Donna

Dear Donna--Your question confuses us.  If he crushes on, why not just ask him if a ring is being offered?  Just like you asked us:  on December 25?  December 31?  February 14?  And if none of the above, why not?  Let is know how it goes.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Donna writing, again.  I wrote to you before the holidays, expecting that a guy who crushes on me, and older guy named Tim, was going to propose to a divorced woman about 10 years older than me, named Jamie.  Jamie and I didn't like each other before what I'm about to tell you happened, but I think I'm REALLY on her shitlist now.  Because, on Monday December 9, I showed up at Tim's place, unannounced, basically letting him know that he could "have his way with me" sexually for an evening, if he wanted to act out on his 2-year crush on me.  He took me up on my offer, it was awesome, and I figured he would move on and propose to Jamie, and I would need to just wonder about what might have been.  But here's where it grts complicated.  Tim wasn't going to just propose to Jamie on Christmas Eve.  He was going to propose to her Christmas Eve, and then fly to Hawaii Christmas Day for a December 28 wedding with her.  Which he didn't feel comfortable going thru with until confessing, to Jamie, his December 9 "date" with me.  Which caused Jamie to break up with him.  And now Tim wants sympathy sex with me to get over his breakup.

I'm of two minds here.  Part of me acknowledges my guilt in mis-reading their status and inserting myself in a situation I had no business getting involved in.  Guilty as charged, please have mercy your Honor.  On the other hand, their wedding was going to be inappropriately rushed for the crumbly foundation on which their relationship was built.  Better for it to be broken up now than after it became official, no?  I think they each have at least one divorce and/or broken engagement on their relationship resume. 

But enough background.  Here's my question.  I return to work with Jamie on Monday January 6.  Are she and I "good"?  Do I "clear the air" with her before the 6th?  After the 6th?  Play it by ear.  I fought all the time in high school and college, but hardly at all since, so I might be a bit rusty.  Donna



Dear Donna--Something felt off in your original letter, but we would have never guessed the depth of the darkness into which you were on the verge of stooping.  Sorry for being so blunt, as we at TABSK normally try to skew to the non-judgmental path when presented the option.  Your mistake on December 9 was to approach a man you knew to be in a serious and committed relationship, and presenting him with the excruciating choice of betraying his partner (Jamie) or humiliating a friend (yourself).  He chose the less moral of the options, but the truth is that either option would have sown profound confusion and regret on his conscience and psyche.

And that's just for starters, Donna.

You initial letter omitted any reference to the generational difference between you vis-a-vis Tim-Jamie, or to your singleness versus their do-over-ness.  That matters because a dip in the Donna pool is not a fair-trade with a swim in the Jamie lane--it's like you in a Mustang challenging an 18-wheel truck to a drag race (or you in the truck challenging the Mustang to a demolition derby).

As to where to go from here:  You can give Tim all the sympathy sex you want.  That will end in tears, be it in a week or a month or a year.  But you and Jamie?  That's not you choice, Donna.  Jamie makes the call on that one.  You're just along for the ride.  TABSK

[femfitefan]

Seems like this could get interesting.  Jamie definitely has a score to settle.  And they work together? Hmmm.....

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--This is Donna, the woman you've been extremely unfair to for, well, coming up a full month now.  The sex Tim and I have been having may have started, partially, as sympathy sex, but has long since evolved into lovemaking.  And, on top of that, he wants to turn it into husband-wife lovemaking.  Not today, not tomorrow, but someday soon.  I approached his ex, Jamie, in the Ladies' Room at work (despite my never liking her), and asked her to give Tim her blessing to offer the engagement ring he bought her for December 24, and the wedding ring he bought for her for December 28, to me.  Not immediately, of course, but at some point in 2020.  She, for some unexplained, unprovoked reason, slapped my face twice, once backhanded and once forehanded, and told me to stay out of her way, at and outside of work.  I was the bigger woman and did not realiate .... for now.  I guess she's uptight from lack of sex.  Anyways, I wanted to show you she's the villain in our triangle.  Not me.  Donna

Dear Donna--You're a piece of work, aren't you?  Unprovoked??  Last we checked, sleeping with a woman's man is #1, #2, AND #3 on the Top 10 list of catfight provocations.  But we digress.  You didn't ask for advice, but we'll give you some anyways.  Cross Jamie again.  At work, outside work, wherever, whenever (to paraphrase Shakira).  Go ahead.  Do it.  Oh, and bring up the topic of ghe two rings again, ok?  Especially if she and you are the same ring size.  Go ahead, Donna.  Do it.  What are you waiting for?  TABSK