[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--My name is Anne.  I'm an 18-year old senior at an upscale Catholic high school in the Midwest, and I'm in a Friends With Benefits love triangle with two other seniors, one male and the other female, at my school--they're named Thomas and Catherine.  All of us have very packed schedules, and don't have time for relationships.  On top of that, all three of us are going away to three different states for college next year, and want to minimize entanglements.  But at the same time, when school started this past August, I was tired of being an 18 year old virgin, so I seduced Thomas at an after school calculus study session at my home, and lost my virginity to him.  I loved it, and let him keep having no-strings-attached fuck-buddy sex with me.  Now, here's where it gets complicated.  Catherine and Thomas can be seen frequently in the hallways at school, and I always guessed they'd been intimate, with their own NSA arrangement of some sort, and I don't want to forbid him from continuing on with her (because then he and I aren't NSA anymore, right?).  But, 2 problems with that:  One, I've caught Catherine snooping around my online social media sites  so I think she's getting suspicious of Thomas and me.  Two, our schedules are very tight, and I've caught Thomas coming to me with Catherine's smell on his body and clothes, which grosses me out.  My question for you is:  how do I arrange a No Drama Catfight with Catherine to resolve our triangle?  I don't want to whole school to find out before or after she and I fight.  Anne

Dear Anne--You seem quite intelligent and well-adjusted and all, but:  A NO DRAMA CATFIGHT?!?!?  WTF are you talking about?  If you've been reading us for any time at all, you should know that catfights are ALL DRAMA, especially in a love triangle.  Moreover, if you knew about her but she's just learning about you, she's going to think of you, rightly or wrongly, as the other woman, and thus might SEEK to escalate the drama.  Now, don't panic--you got this.  Writing to us proves you're mentally preparing.  And your instincts sre right to get this thing settled before the whole world finds out.  But discreetness and drama are 2 different things.  We have control over the former, but not the latter.  Catherine gets a say in the drama department.  Just be grateful that she's in the same socioeconomic circles as you, and has the same motivations you do.  But things will get worse between you and her before they get better.  Good luck.  TABSK

[JT Edson]

Like this. Hope to see more of this and how it turns out.

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Anne, here, again, the 18 year old high school senior whose No Strings Attached arrangement is turning out to be very string-y.  Catherine, my rival, figured out that I'm sharing her boy, Thomas, with her.  I accidentally left my calculator in Thomas's bookbag (or, maybe I subconciously did it on purpose--who knows, but it doesn't matter now anyways).  She snapchatted me the night she found it.  Here's how that went:

C:  Anne?  This is Catherine, from school.  I think I have something of yours, and it's too big to slide into your locker.  Can I return it to you?

A:  What is it??  Thomas's cock??

C:  Not funny ...  and wtf, Anne?  I'm trying to be the mature adult here.

A:  Ok.  Fine.  I'll bite-What is it that you have, Miss Sophiticated Mature Adult?

C:  I have your TI calculator--it has your initials on it.  You left it in Thomas's bookbag, altho I'm guessing you and he study calculus in your bedroom, not your den.

A:  Sorta bitchy comment from a sophisticated adult, no?

C:  Ok, Anne, cut the crap, do you want your damn calculator back or not?

A:  Catherine, think about it.  We can't even text without verbally catfighting.  How exactly are you expecting to meet me face to face without a physical catfight breaking out??

C:  True.  But as long as it doesn't happen at school, who cares?

A:  So you're saying you want to catfight me??

C:  I guess I am.  Do U want to catfight ME, tough girl?

A:  I'm game.  NOT AT SCHOOL, tho.

C:  Fine.  Agreed.  Your place or mine??  When??

A:  U offering??  Ur place, if there's a time.  And I need the calculator in time for school Monday.

C:  Then Sunday.  My family is going to the Bears game.  I'll be home alone.  11am.

A:  Good.  Bitch.

C:  Good.  Slut.

A:  Jealous?

C:  You took MY man--never forget that.  I'm taking him back, tho.

A:  Doubt it.

C:  We'll see.

I'll write back to you, TABSK, Sunday afternoon.  Anne


Dear Anne--Well, we know a few things for sure, right.  You're both losing NSA sex.  And one of you is gaining a boyfriend.  Good luck.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--I'm Bonnie, a 42 year old long-time fan of your column.  I normally am on board with all your catfight advice, altho I must say, you sometimes "whiff" on relationship advice, and your recent take on the Anne-Thomas-Catherine triangle is one of them.  Anne is trying to graduate from Side Chick to Girlfriend, and unless Catherine is a total pushover, Anne is running into a buzz-saw by butting heads with her.  ANY woman would eagerly beat down her man's Side Chick if the Side Chick didn't stsy in her own lane.  Please warn Anne!!!  (p.s.  Anne also doesn't understand that no-strings sex means 'no strings', but thst's a different topic)  Bonnie

Dear Bonnie--Thanks for the feedback, but even upon reconsideration, we're comfortable with our response.  Catherine may be a buzz-saw; or she may be a pushover; or something in between.  But only the crucible of a woman-on-woman catfight can answer that question.  Kudos to Anne for seeking the answer.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--It's Anne, again.  Your reader Bonnie was on to something with her warning that Catherine was out to get me for trying to replace her at Thomas's main study buddy.  It was bothering me leading up to Sunday that Catherine had so readily offered up her house as our fight location--I can't picture ever wanting a fight opponent inside my house when I'm home alone.  But I bought her b.s. about having my calculator and wanting to return it to me, so I closed my ears to the voice inside my head telling me to reschedule my catfight with Catherine to a neutral venue.  When I showed up at her place Sunday morning, I had a gut feel that she wasn't alone in the house, but I again convinced myself to knock anyways, reasoning that "Well, her family did just leave for the Bears game; it's their presence that I'm feeling."  Against my better judgment, I knocked, and Catherine answered, wearing casual fight clothes (jeans, tight top that can't be easily grabbed, hair pinned up in a tight bun; same as me, basically), so I figured we were still a "go" for our catfight.  She invited me in, and the only question in my mind was whether we would start brawling right there in her foyer, or if she had a different room in mind in her large house for our battle.  If I was as alert to Bonnie's warning as I should have been, I would have attacker the bitch there in the foyer--but I wanted my damn calculator back, so I allowed Catherine to lure me to the upstairs bedrooms.  "Lure" is the correct word, because when I got up there, I was confronted with a "Hello, slut" by a slightly older, and slightly taller, blonde woman.  Catherine pushed me from behind into the unwelcome stranger, who jostled me back into Catherine's grasp.  "My name is Trish, and I'm Catherine's older sister.  Glad to meet you."  Seeking to maintain my composure and not show any fear, I replied, "Are you here to watch her and me fight?"  Catherine then twirled me around and hissed in my face, "Oh no, Anne.  You and I fighting would violate our school code of conduct.  I figured, instead, I  .... would watch ....  YOU and TRISH fight."  Catherine then released her grip on me, locked the bedroom door, and took a seat on the bed.  "Fuck her up, Trish," laughed Catherine.  Trish and I squared up.  "Trish, I have no problem with you, I don't even know you.  Let me at Catherine."  "Sorry, Anne," was Trish's reply, "Once Catherine told me about your whoring with her boyfriend, this became personal for me.  You know me now.  So, let's rumble."  I still shoild have run from that house, and that ambush, as quickly as possible, and reported to Thomas what a snake Catherine was.  But I was so relieved that Catherine and Trish weren't planning to gang up on me 2on1, at least not for right now, and were instead letting me take my chances with Trish, that I couldn't rein in the adrenaline that pounding in my veins from anger that I was being deprived of a showdown with Catherine.  The idealist side of me pictured me knocking out Trish, and then dealing with Catherine after all, and I foolishly starting swinging at kicking at Trish with all my strength.  Trish and I locked up in a brawling catball, hissing curses and insults into each others' faces, for several minutes.  As the fight settled into its tenth minute, Trish and I slowing from fatigue, I moved my gaze to the bed Catherine was on, expecting her to intervene and break our deadlock.  To my horror and disgust, she was naked, enthusiastically masturbating to the brawl in front of her.  I was disappointed at her allowing her sister to take the brunt of my wrath, and able to find sexual pleasure in the event.  Disheartened, I lost focus at Catherine's nude body, and Trish took advantage and mounted me.  She worked me over, not by a lot since she was near exhaustion herself, but she lay a beating on me, and Catherine and her then unceremoniously tossed me (and my calculator) in my car, where I did the drive of shame back home.  Do I tell Thomas what happened?  Would he believe me anyways?  Do I call in reinforcements?--I have no sister of my own, but I have older cousins.  Anne

Dear Anne--We often say, our best advice iften comes from our readers, so kudos to Bonnie.  Now, we are glad to hear you mulling a counterpunch--'snake' is certainly the right word for both Trish and Catherine.  Third woman in is NOT COOL, ladies.  But, didn't Catherine unwittingly reveal her krytonite to you?  She enjoys watching either you fight or Trish fight or the combination.  Get Thomas to get Catherine to fess up on which it is.  Then use the prospects of that to lure her into an ambush of YOUR making.  Or ..... just move on and chalk up Catherine/ Trish / Thomas as a bunch of crazies.  Those are your two choices.  Choose wisely.  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--My name is Denise, and I'm a 51 year old long time reader of your column.  I'm drawn to the recent saga of Anne, the brainy-but-not-nerdy private high school senior who finds herself entangled with an annoying rival, Catherine.  While I admire Anne's spunk, I can't help but notice that her sex life has distressing parallels with her catfight life, and not just because of the looming presence in both of Catherine.  Anne wants to have sex, but sets all sorts of contradictory pre-conditions on her partner (she doesn't want a relationship, but wants a steady predictable partner, but isn't willing to let go of it when it isn't working, etc) that she ends up walking into a trap sprung by her worst enemy.  Well, her catfighting approach is just as awkward.  Anne admirably perceives the inevitability of a showdown catfight with Catherine, but again loads up her plate with understandable, but unachievable, objectives:  fight can't happen at school, no socisl media drama with classmates, blah blah blah.  Anne, darling; trust your long-distance vitual "auntie Denise":  you need to choose.  Either walk away from Catherine, and Thomas, both now and for the rest of senior year.  Or, if that's to bitter a pill, make up your mind that the next time you and Catherine are somewhere to two of you won't be separated, walk up to her and inform her that "It's go time."  And then just go and go until only one of you is standing.  By my age, we've all been there--we either "did it" and were happy, or didn't and regretted it.  Time to choose.  Denise

Dear Denise--We suspect there's more than one story there that would benefit our readers.  Maybe at a later time you'll share.  But, for now, since this is Anne's story, we wholeheartedly agree.  Anne will either make it happen with Catherine, or she won't.  Thank you for getting to the heart of the matter.
 TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Anne here, again, the 18 year old all-drama-all-the-time-apparently high school senior.  I don't know if Denise's note to you encouraging me to fight Catherine at school had a subliminal effect on me, or if maybe it would have happened anyways.  But either way, it happened.  There's a restroom at our school that several girls congregate in at the end of the academic schedule at 1:45pm.  Most are there to change out of their Catholic school uniform and into either their athletic clothes if they do a sport or into something more comfortable if they do a club or student goverment, or whatever.  I'm in Chess Club for the current term, and haven't been going there lately, because there were rumors certain girls were going there to vape, and I didn't want any part of any trouble (I hate drama, remember?).  Well, I saw Catherine headed that way one Friday afternoon, and something made me unable to resist the impulse to follow her.  She either saw or sensed me following her, and was waiting for me as soon as the door closed.  About 10 other girls were in there, and could tell from our body language that we were going to fight.  Ond of the girls stood outside to stand guard against any teacher or staff coming into the bathroom, but the 9 other girls made a ring around Catherine and me, waiting to enjoy the show.  My nails were in Catherine's hair in a flash and we were on the hard, cold floor in a tangled catball before I could even exhale.  Both of us were in low heels and were trying to use the pointy part as a weapon into the others' midsection, and my whole body was in sensory overload from Catherine's sharp nails in my scalp, the gross, cold concrete on the exposed skin of my arms and legs, and her shoe poking at my inner thigh and belly.  I was short of breath from us going from zero to catball in under three seconds, and panicked that a girl in the crowd would film the catfight and post it online, killing my chances of graduating.  But I decided that if this catfight was my academic swan song, I might as well win it.  I regained my poise, and got on top of Catherine.  I was about to ground and pound a submission from her, when the girl who was guarding the door ran in and said three teachers were coming.  The ring of spectators around us dispersed as quickly as it had formed, and I ran into a stall to fix my clothes and hair (which were each a complete wreck).  As I waited for the three teachers to finish their bathroom inspection (none of the spectators ratted us out--they must have enjoyed the bout), Catherine texted me, "I just told my sister Trish that you jumped me.  She knows where you live."  TABSK, I know I can beat Catherine in catfight, but can't beat Trish.  I think they know the same.  What's protocol on who gets Thomas?  Trish wouldn't seriously keep beating me up to let her sister keep having sex with him, would she?  Anne

Dear Anne--We doubt Trish herself knows the answer to that question.  Some of our earlier responders to your notes warned that from Catherine's perspective, you're the other woman in the Catherine-Thomas-Anne triangle.  That dynamic is likely what motivated Trish to intervene in the first place; without that dynamic, her inclination likely would have been to let her sister fight her own battles.  Catherine texting you right after your restroom brawl is definitely a shot across your bow that you're in this 1-versus-2 if you choose to continue.  So, as crazy as it sounds, the answer Anne is, Yes.  Yes, Trish would keep beating you up just so Catherine could continue seeing Thomas.  We know what the three of them will do.  What will YOU do?  TABSK

[sinclairfan]

Dear TABSK--Denise here, again .... and .... perhaps more importantly .... Dear Anne:  "Auntie Denise", writing to you, glad that you finally got your hands on that snake Catherine.  But not quite in the circumstances I was recommending you do so.  I told you to have a go at Catherine at a place and time WHERE NO ONE WOULD INTERRUPT the two of you.  Clearly, you and her were interrupted at your school.  And at the worst possible time:  exactly as you were giving her the beatdown which her older sister has been shielding her from FOR EIGHTEEN YEARS.  Catherine thinks she can take your worst and live to tell the tale .... because she hasn't felt your worst.  Get her alone next time.  You-and-her-alone alone, not you-and-her-and-nine-witnesses alone.  Ok?  Denise

Dear Denise:  Or, Dear Super-D.  D, as in Detail.  We, too, think an Anne-versus-Catherine solo Duel, truly solo, is long overDue.  Duh.  TABSK