“Jenn, that girl talking to Brendon is his ex.”
I almost dropped the plates of food I was taking back for Brendon and myself from the BBQ. We’d been invited to a midsummer beach party and up till then it had been a great night. I still knew I didn’t fit in with his friends, I just wasn’t clever enough, nor sophisticated enough, I didn’t know enough about art, music, drama, but I no longer felt stupid. I knew enough to fudge. Anyway, they didn’t just talk about those things, if they talked about economics, politics or the Gulf War- and everyone was talking a lot about them with the Primaries almost over. It was going to be McCain and Obama, and being Chicago , just about everyone was cheering for the favourite son. Even those who liked McCain were worried that he seemed to have swung hard right on so many issues. I’d been able to placate some Republican friends by saying ‘I’d liked him a lot more back in 2000 when he was running against Bush.” No one liked Bush.
Of course my dark side wasn’t happy, “ ‘Placate,’ three months ago you didn’t know what it meant. Now you’re using it. Showing off aren’t you!”
I’d been good all evening; Brendon had asked me not to talk too much about politics, “Jen I know you’re committed, I know you’re passionate about it, and that’s one of the things I love about you- one of the many things- but don’t get impassioned. Not now.” So I’d done what he told me.
And the dark side knifed me again, “You just do whatever he tells you, you don’t stand up for yourself! Weak!”
I told it ,“This way I make friends!” And I was- I hoped. At least Brendon’s friends talked to me, some of them- just starting in their own homes asked me about gardens. I gave them cuttings and helped them. Brendon and I went round and I did some work. And my dark side told me I was buying friends. Still that night –up to then- had been good. The people were friendly, Brendon was sweet. I’d swum, I’d chatted, I’d had fun. I should have known it was too good to last.
And it was, I looked at Brendon, he was looking at this blonde woman, hair hanging down halfway to her waist, perfect figure, with the bikini to match- yeah not a micro bikini for her- almost a modest one- if there is such a thing. I know my mouth dropped further than the plates. It just got worse, she was flirting with him, it was so blatant, she brushed his arm, she turned her head away then back to him, she giggled, she ran her hands through her hair, ..the whole works.
I’d seen her earlier. I’d thought that she was just another bimbo slut, she just looked the part, waltzing around her bikini, chatting with the guys, bugging the girls. I’d seen her make Maryanne Campbell’s night a mess. I think that night was Maryanne’s first out after she’d had her baby. And her husband shouldn’t have had eyes for anyone except Maryanne. She was a lovely looking full figured brunette, and was as sweet as she was good looking, never a bad word for anyone.
And this blonde piece chatted to her husband. I just knew Maryanne was getting furious. I would have been. I had to bite my tongue hard to stop speaking out or telling the bimbo and Bruce Campbell what I thought of them both. I restrained myself.
And now I wanted to kick myself because I had held my tongue. This bimbo was talking to Brendon, this bimbo was flirting with him, -yes I could see Brendon wasn’t exactly encouraging her but that wasn’t the point, this bimbo was his ex. And she was just so much better looking than me. I could have – and then I stopped, because what could I have done? I wasn’t fighting any more. This was the new me. Yes, I’d had a few false starts but the new me didn’t fight, didn’t drink too much, wasn’t promiscuous, wasn’t into the D/s scene.
I tried to shut out my dark side telling me the new me was boring and I’d not last another month without breaking out. I tried instead to focus on what Lisa was telling me. “Sorry Lisa what was that? You shocked me. I’ve never asked Brendon about his prior relationships.”
My dark side sneered, “Prior relationships! What sort of double speak is that. You mean you don’t want to know who he was fucking. And you sure don’t want him to ask you- do you think you could even remember who you’ve fucked over the years and you sure can’t count that high either.”
I told my inner critic it to shut up and again tried to listen to Lisa “They had known each other since college. Rowena is an accountant in one of the big firms. We used to see them at the opera together, they sailed- they came third in some big race – I don’t remember the details now. They were pretty serious for a while. Or at least Rowena was, she thought – we thought- they were going to be engaged. It all ended suddenly- there was some little tiff, and the next we all knew, Brendon was dating you. And Rowena has never been quite the same.”
I didn’t want to hear that. Brendon and this bimbo, serious? To the point of being engaged? That was too much. And here she was flirting with Brendon– no I was wrong she wasn’t flirting, she was trying to get back with him.
Shivering with anger-yeah nothing else; I was not afraid of this bitch, nor was I cold. I wasn’t afraid of anyone; the bonfire kept everyone warm. I walked back to give Brendon his plate. We sat on the sand and he introduced me to “Rowena”, he said nothing about their past relationship. She kept talking to him, he didn’t answer much, he ate his dinner and he kept bringing me into the conversation. At least until she started talking about some friends- well I guess that’s what they were. I didn’t know them. I tried to change the subject, Brendon gave me a sharp look, I guess he thought I was rude, until then he had been talking as if the woman was a mile off, he was cold and distant with her, warm and –yes- loving with me. He thawed a bit to Rowena. I stared at her.
Looking back I wonder if she was just trying to rile me, or if she was just talking about what had happened in the past, sad and without any real hope that their relationship would ever get going again. Hell I’d been like that often. But right then, and having seen what she had done with Maryanne Campbell, under my breath I cursed her for a man stealing bitch.
And right then she saw my stare. Our eyes locked. She stood up and I breathed again –thinking she was about to leave. But no, she tugged at Brendon’s hands, “Let’s go for a swim, the water’s not cold.”
I don’t know now whether she was just trying to torment me or whether she seriously thought Brendon would go. I should have known he wouldn’t go with her. No, I did know even then he wouldn’t because he didn’t move. And I know –hell I knew then- I shouldn’t have got mad, but I snapped. Just like my dark side told me I would. I stood; I hissed “Leave us alone.”
She smiled, “that’s not very polite is it?”
“It’s not polite to push in where you’re not wanted.”
“I’ve been talking to a friend who I’ve known for years. Did he ask me to go away? No he did not. He replied. He talked to me, he made me welcome. I know he likes swimming, I invited him for a swim. How is that rude?.”
I couldn’t stand it, I shoved at the bitch. She turned and glared. I stepped closer till our swim suits touched. “You slut" I slapped Rowena’s face hard “ Leave my guy alone, he doesn’t deal with whores like you. And while you’re at it leave the Campbells alone too."
“Oh so now you’re telling me not to talk to my cousin.”
I turned red. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. How could I have been so stupid? She would have won right there and then except that she turned back to Brendon. I know she wanted to rub it in. “What rock did you find such an angry, aggressive woman under?” She turned to me. “You need to cool off. Go and have a swim while Brendon and I talk!”
“You don’t give me orders slut!” I shoved her, my arms on her shoulders. “Fuck off.”
She stepped back, for a moment she stood there. I wondered then if she was backing down. I was stupid enough to say so, “Oh scared are you, scared you’ll get your ass whipped!” She had made me so mad I was seeing red.
Later my dark side reminded me of how I had resolved to be a new person, it told me I had so lost it then. It told me that perhaps Rowena wasn’t backing down, that perhaps she really didn’t want to fight- just as I had said I didn’t. It told me that if I hadn’t insulted Rowena the whole thing might have been over then, that sure I’d have a difficult time explaining things to Brendon but that nothing else would have gone wrong- perhaps it sneered- you and Rowena might have ended up in some civilized fashion.
But as it was, I should have known no woman would put up me calling them a coward. Certainly not in front of their ex boyfriend. Rowena swung her hips bumping against me. She pushed me hard. I staggered, I’d not expected anything like this. She was stronger than she looked.
I shoved her again, this time putting my weight into it. “Yes! “ I crowed as she stumbled, I stepped forward , I wanted to seize the advantage, she dodged me.
Some of the guys yelled out “cat fight, cat fight” Yeah I guess guys are the same all over, they just like to see women fight- no matter what social group they come from.
Some of the girls encouraged me, “Kick her ass Jenn” It seemed Rowena wasn’t very popular. For about three seconds I wondered why. She was looking at Brendon, I almost smiled, she had broken the first rule of fighting: never take your eyes off your opponent. I stepped forward, and right into a pile driver of a punch that slammed into my chin.
I had broken the second rule: don’t underestimate your opponent.
My head snapped back, I was dazed, I stumbled. Rowena followed her blow up with jabs to my side and tummy which I couldn’t defend properly and which left me gasping. I back peddled as quickly as I could. She cackled “Aww did that hurt? She punched again, again the punches hit home. She kept it up, I was reeling. I launched a jab, more to keep her at bay than to do her damage. I was lucky; Rowena must have been over confident, she didn’t defend; my punch hit her hard.
Rowena retreated, I must have hurt her – more than I expected to do; I thought I might be able to regroup. She rushed at me and it was then I had some hope- she seemed inexperienced ,she yanked at my hair, jerking my head back and forth. Stupid slut! Anyone would tell you that was no way to win a fight against someone who knew what they were about. Sure it hurt, sure it would make some weak bitch cave in but no hardened fighter would do it. And I didn’t. No, I pounded her body, packing punches down to damage her. The fists would do so much more than her jerks on my hair. She gasped, she groaned, she let go of my hair, she wrapped her arms round her body. Sure she was a bitch, but perhaps she didn’t know much about fighting after all.
But I did! I muttered, “Bitch! you are going down” as I closed on her. Clapping my hands on her shoulder I pushed hard even as my foot snaked behind her leg, yes the same trick I so often used, that I had perfected ages ago. And just as I expected Rowena stumbled, she landed hard on her back, her breasts bounced, her hair swayed. “Even in defeat she looks sexy, and you never look sexy” sneered my dark side.
Spurred by some jeers- at least a few of the girls in the crowd were on my side Rowena got up quickly- too quickly for my taste, she just rolled to her knees and reared up. More than ever I couldn’t decide whether she was a seasoned fighter. “You’re just out of touch” sneered my dark side, “too much sucking up to Brendon, too much playing Ms Nice.”
Half bent at the waist, her arms out, looking for an opening, she circled me- or rather she half circled me. I soon found out why, the bitch had out maneuvered me. I was now between the fire and her. She was in the dark. I had the light behind me, she could see me clearly I almost had to peer into the gloom to see her.I moved in quickly jabbing with both fists aiming at her belly with my left, her ribs with my right. She blocked the jabs, she could see so much better than I could! I kept jabbing, even though I was starting to pant. This bitch had been so lucky. She couldn’t have been that smart- she was a blonde bimbo.
If only I could turn this around so it was the other way round. I was sure I could, I just knew I was a better fighter. If only I could make her retreat as she was making me retreat. Perhaps that might happen- no perhaps I thought – it would happen, if I made it happen. She might end in the fire. Nothing would be better than scorched blonde!
I moved to the side. I hit at her side. She came sideways to escape my punches. I turned a little more. I kept jabbing at one side, slowly we moved so we were side on to the fire. A bit more and I’d have her between me and the fire.
She must have realized what I was trying to do. She dived, tackling me about the legs. I was astonished. I fell back on the sand half winded. She clambered on top of me, “I’m going to kick your ass bitch”. She seized my head and pounded it into the sand. Several times. I was groggy. I tried to wrestle her off, it didn’t work. I feared- yes I feared she would get Brendon from me, she would humiliate me, she would destroy me. And I remembered what Brendon had said the first time he saw me fight, that my determination had turned him on. She was so much better looking than I was, she’d been to college so she was much smarter, she had known all his friends for ages, I didn’t.
Yes she had it all over me and the bitch was walking all over me! I looked up as I struggled and squirmed under this bitch. Somehow our eyes met. She smirked, yes smirked, she loved being here pounding me, she loved the cat calls from the girls, she loved some of the guys cheering her, but most of all she loved –oh yes I knew it- she loved pounding me in front of Brendon- showing him I was the trash she and I knew I was.
I aimed a punch at her chin. IT hit, hard. The bitch was too busy gloating to concentrate. It snapped her head, back, I followed it with a punch to her belly. I twisted, she rolled off.
I knew it was a lucky punch, she had all the advantages she was on top, its hard to punch from below, she was pounding my head, it’s hard to hit right when you're dazed. but it did the job. Again I wondered what Brendon was thinking But not for long - the red lust that drives me whenever I fought took over. I was up on my knees, seizing her neck, trying to wrestle her down. And there were a few men cheering for me too - perhaps they were decent men who wanted to see this whore done for! I bent her over, she wrapped her arm round my waist, she pushed me; it was then I knew just how strong she was. For all my weight, for all my own strength she was pushing me back, bending my spine, she was forcing me to break the hold. But instead I brought my knee up- yeah balancing on one leg was bold- even foolhardy but I had to take risks. And this one worked for I slammed my knee into her tummy. “I’ll make you squeal bitch”
She groaned, she gasped, she lost balance, she rolled back on the sand, her hair sprayed out almost artistically. She punched out at me. She hit my cheek. I tried to pound her belly again, she deflected my knee. I wanted this bitch’s ass. I had to have it. I so wanted to hear her squeal. She punched again- but my moves were working –the punch had no force behind it. Again I tried to knee her, her body was all but defenceless after that punch, she was wide open. And it worked. She lay there heaving, her hands over her tummy. She groaned, “Fuck you bitches.”
I yanked her left hand pinning it under my knee. I bounced on her tummy, my butt squashing air from it. I reached for her other hand. She evaded me, She tried to push me off, she failed. Every bounce on her belly, every second she struggled, she weakened. IT was so good. I remembered how I’d been there, years ago, a blonde bitch doing to me what I was doing to this bitch. “You wont fuck any one else tonight. Give in you bitch or I will smash you!” I slapped her tits. And now even the guys who were cheering for her had switched to cheering for me. I looked up. Bastards! They only wanted to see some woman hurt, they didn’t care who.
I didn’t feel or see the bitch beneath me start to move, I didn’t sense what she was doing till she tugged at my hand jerking it towards the sand as she rolled. She pulled, she pushed, she got me off her. I was too confident, or I’d broken the rule- never take your eyes off your enemy. For a second I sprawled on the sand then rose slowly. I was tiring fast. My joints ached, my back hurt, I breathed heavily.
Rowena wasn’t, she seemed as fresh as ever, she got up quickly, and while I was still rising, she showed her utter contempt for me by blowing a kiss to Brendon and dusting the sand off her butt and back. She wiggled her butt as she did so.
She backed up, put her arms up, hands in fist, “Ok bitch time to stop messing around I’m going to kick your ass good. Get up and lets see what you got!”
I saw red. I hated this bitch, I hated her good looks, I hated her for dating Brendon, for being clever, for her culture- but most of all because she thought she was so much better than me. “No” snapped my dark side, “You hate her because she is so much better than you. You’re jealous.”
I lunged forward, trying to kick her in the belly. She was so much faster than I, she sidestepped, grabbed my leg, and, running backwards tried to jerk me off my feet. I hopped, I tried to grab her arms, my own arms flailed. Her run stopped just in time for me when she backed into some guy. He grabbed her ass. Rowena just giggled as the guy got a free feel. But she wasn’t giggling at me, the bitch was fully focused. She twisted my leg holding it with one hand on the tip of my foot, the other on my ankle, I squealed with pain. I tried to lunge, hoping to grab her, somewhere, anywhere, any how , desperate to break her hold.
She let go, only to swing an undercut against my jaw. It floored me. I crashed heavily onto the sand. At least she had let go of my foot. I lay gasping, my mouth opening and closing- as useless and as weak as the proverbial fish out of water. And my dark side sneered again, “Fine time to be remembering words like proverbial. She’s got your beat and you know it. Loser!”
Rowena kissed the guy, ”I’ll be back Steve, just got to whip me some fat ass first.”
I’d curled my legs ready to kick if she came too close. She surprised me by trying to dive on me. I rolled away, she landed perhaps two inches from me. I got to my hands and knees even as she squealed. She had fallen hard. She got up spitting sand. I was already on my knees, I put her in headlock, tried to throw her down to the sand. She punched me hard in the ribs and then in my belly. I was fired up, knowing that it was probably my last chance. I used my weight, I shoved hard, I thrust her to the sand. She scratched me, her nails raking my cheeks. I screamed. I knew I would still have bloody cuts on Monday when I got to work. I slammed her head into the sand.
She punched hard, hitting my ribs, my belly, just below my breasts. I thought I had her. I swung my knee up, I rammed it into her tummy. She groaned. I slammed it in again. She gasped again. I moved in closer, only to have her punch me hard just below the neck. I rocked back on my knees. She slammed another punch, it hit me on my chin. I almost fell. She got up. She wiped the sand off her. The girls were cursing her but the guys were once again on her side. It was so cruel. They only liked her cuz she was winning and because she was sexy.
i got up slowly aching in every joint, near exhaustion, puffing for air gasping. Rowena looked so fresh, so active. She looked around. I seized my chance and tackled her. I hurled her to the ground face first. I straddled her, as Maryanne Campbell called out, “Jenn kick her ass!” Clearly Maryanne didn’t like her husband’s cousin any more than I did. Rowena lay there stunned, I’d winded her. Before she could recover I had her in a camel clutch, both hands round her throat, my knee pressing against her spine.
People were trying to capture this on their phones- even in the dark. They must have hated Rowena! She raked my rams with her nails. I hissed, “Give bitch!”
She seized the fingers on one of my hands. I was stupid, I hadn’t properly interlocked my fingers. She bent the finger back. I screamed in agony. I pulled that hand away. She kept hold of my fingers. “Get off me or I will break your fingers whore!” she spat. She bent them back. She pulled on them She pushed, she rolled, I couldn’t stay on her . I fell to the sand. She got up.
I rose, but even as I did Rowena kicked out. Her foot slammed into my belly. I doubled over. She grabbed my hair. She slammed her knee into my belly. I groaned and doubled over again. She rammed her knee into my forehead. I stepped back. I stood upright. I tried to trip her up with a body slam.
It didn’t work, she punched me, several times. I tried to defend my body. She punched my nose. I felt it burst blood. I coughed as my blood poured down my face. Brendon cried out “Jenn, Jenn.”
Rowena grabbed my hair, jerking my face back. “Look your boyfriend is freaking out, give in, kiss my butt and I’ll let you go.” Even as she said this she drove her knee into my tummy. I sank to my knees. She kicked again. She knocked me to the ground. She knelt down, she yanked at the fingers on my left hand- the same fingers she had already damaged, she yanked at them one by one. I screamed in pain as she bent each back hard. She did the same with the fingers on my right hand.
She posed in victory driving her foot into my belly one last time. “Don’t mess with me again. Brendon, I told you I was better than this bitch- I’m even better at her own game. Fighting.” She turned to me. “Fat wimp.”
She walked off.
Brendon helped me to my feet, he led me over to the changing rooms. Maryanne helped me to wash my face, I showered, I couldn’t even dress myself. My fingers were too swollen. Maryanne helped me. I was glad she was a nurse, she looked at my hands, she told me none of my fingers were broken, that I just needed icepacks. She told Brendon too, she said I needed looking after- me, me who had fought for a living, me who had looked after all sorts of subbie girls- and yeah I told my dark self looked after them properly, helped them find jobs, been there for them when they were upset. And now, one blonde bitch fights me- and I need looking after. I was so humiliated. .I cried – I tried to stop – I couldn’t, I was so ashamed, so humiliated. I cried in front of all those people.
Brendon took me home
He walked me to the door. I couldn’t even use my keys. My fingers were so swollen. “Jenn, you need an icepack on your fingers. I am going to make sure you do”
“I can do it by myself.”
“No, I am going to help you. I am going in with you. I will make sure you are ok.”
I shook my head.
“Yes I am, you can’t be by yourself right now.”
He made me coffee, he made me eat something, he fixed the icepacks, he made me go to bed. I thought he would go and just close the door behind him. He said he would. But when I woke up he was there with breakfast. “I slept on the sofa” he smiled.
I looked at him, I looked at the sofa and tears welled up in my eyes. The dark side started to say something and I shoved it back, I shoved it hard. I buried it. I let the tears flow and went to him. My arms around him, I kissed him. “I love you, Brendon. I love you.”
I’d won. Sure I’d lost all the skirmishes and the fights but I’d got what I wanted, Brendon. I gave him another kiss.
