Written around this time in 2007. Happy Holidays!
Twas The Night Before Christmas by Xevioso/antisocialman (the artist formerly known as howardcosell)
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through my house,
Not a creature was stirring, except for my spouse,
The presents were nestled up under the tree
But I couldn’t feel my wife’s body in bed next to me,
I tossed and I turned and I was in pure hell
I was dreaming my wife had left me for Denzel,
But in my restlessness, I finally woke up
Sat up in my bed and yelled, “Honey, what’s up?”
When downstairs in my kitchen, I heard a loud noise
Followed by a very familiar unmistakable voice
Out of my bed, I jumped to my feet
I was in the nude, so I grabbed myself a sheet
When I reached the kitchen, I saw my wife talking to Sam,
They were arguing over how to glaze honey onto the baked ham,
Shakena was sexy but if looks could kill, Sam would be dead
My wife’s face was as red as the hair on Sam’s head
Samantha was decked out in a green sweatsuit and black shoes
My wife was wearing shorts with a sports bra that barely covered her boobs
She looked at the Queen and gave her a slap
Samantha dropped to the floor and looked up at my wife as if she would snap
“Now Samantha The Pampered, stop whining, stop bitchin’
You’re not the Queen of my house so get out of my kitchen
You’re just a jealous whore and I am a woman of class,
So leave before I mop this whole floor with your ass!!”
As great warriors who in battle know they will die
Rise to their fates and do not ask why
Samantha smiled and got up to her feet
Then sent a right cross slamming into Shakena’s left cheek,
And then, with a crash, my wife fell to the floor
Samantha then mounted her and said, “Now call me a whore!”
“Tell me where this line comes from,” Sam said in a rage,
“Shakena, I think I will make you my slave!!”
Out of desperation, my wife kicked out with her foot,
Caught Samantha in the stomach, and the Queen let out an “UUUFF!!”
Shakena advanced quickly, but Samantha caught her with a head butt to her gut,
I thought about breaking it up… but me break this up? For what?
Their bodies, how sexy! Their dimples, how deep!
This was way better than any fight I had dreamt in my sleep,
Samantha was landing punches, but Shakena was not
My wife was OOF-ing and OUGH-ing from Sam’s vicious gut shots
A shot on her round innie navel, and Shakena dropped to her knees
Samantha grabbed Shak by the hair and pulled her back up with relative ease
Shakena was hurt and Sam slapped both of my wife’s hips
Then gave her a huge kiss right on her lips
I saw something in Shakena that moment I had not seen before
I saw hate in those pretty dark blue eyes I have come to adore
Samantha still cocky just laughed at my baby my honey
Then found Shakena’s fist buried deep in her tummy
Samantha let out a deep and very low “uggghhhh!!”
Then Shakena grabbed the back of her head and slammed her face first into the rug
She sat on Sam’s back and for effort, it didn’t take much
Before Shakena had Samantha struggling in a modified camel clutch
Samantha struggled hard, but could only muster a twitch
Samantha said, “You can’t beat me, Shakena, I’m the Queen, bitch!!”
But as she fought, she realized my wife was no pretender
The war was over and the Queen issued her surrender
“Okay Shakena, I give up, I’m no longer able,
Let me go in one piece and please don’t punch my navel!”
Shakena released her and said with a glare
“Merry Christmas, you dumb bitch, and all future opponents… beware!!”
THE END?
