[Kiva]

This is my second thread on writing styles. I’d love to hear from fellow writers. If you are not a writer but enjoy reading stories here, you are invited to comment and tell us what you like and why.

Along with deciding first- vs third-person narration, your other major decision in writing your story is whether your story should be told in the past or present tense. What does that mean?

Past Tense
You tell a story that already happened, relating events that occurred in the past. Unless the time period is important, it is usually not necessary to specify exactly when the story occurred (an hour, a week, a year, ten years ago). This is how we naturally speak when we tell each other stories in everyday life. If you say to a friend, “Let me tell you what happened to me yesterday,” you will tell her a story in past tense. Accordingly, you will be using past tense verbs. The majority of novels and short stories use past tense, although present tense appears to be gaining popularity. A catfight story in past tense might contain paragraphs like this:

Examples:

I struggled to control the butterflies in my stomach as my husband and I walked down the silent hotel hallway, his hand clasping my sweaty palm. My heart pounded harder and faster as I watched the passing door numbers: 624, 623, 622... “619, this is it, “my spouse informed me, “are you ready?” I froze, staring at the foreboding 619. The husbands spent months arranging this event and the moment was finally there. I was about to fight a woman I have never met with our men watching. I swallowed hard.
“Yes, I’m ready,” I could barely squeak out. I tried to slow my hyperventilation as I heard the door handle turn from the inside. Before I could process another thought, the door swung open. There she was, a redhead my size, just as Ron described her. A behemoth of a man stood behind her. We silently scanned each other with our eyes for an uncomfortable moment. “You must be Cheryl and Ron,” the man pleasantly greeted us. “Come on in. I’m Nate and this is Erin.”

A fight sequence might look like this:

Erin drove her knee into my belly, doubling me over. Pain seared through my entire trunk as I felt all the air escape from my lungs. A hard slap to my face sent me stumbling backward across the room. I was disoriented and gasping for oxygen. I knew I was vulnerable and Erin was about to move in for the kill.

Notice these events are described as having already occurred.

Pros:
1.   Easier to write. It has a more natural conversational tone similar to how we actually speak in daily life
2.   Allows easier transition from one scene to another
3.   Time can be manipulated. Story may shift to flashbacks, back to the present or jump to the future more smoothly. Easier to establish background and world building
4.   Can provide different perspectives and insight and more quickly add depth to characters

Cons:
1.   Less intimate connection with characters. Possibly less emotional impact
2.   Action less immediate

Present Tense
Stories written in present tense are happening right now, i.e. in the present.  Most are in first person narration. Because the action is always unfolding in real time, the narrator and characters, like the readers, do not know what will happen next. This can give the story a sense of immediacy. If we rewrite the above paragraphs in present tense, we get:

Examples:

I struggle to control the butterflies in my stomach as my husband and I walk down the silent hotel hallway, his hand clasping my sweaty palm. My heart pounds harder and faster as I watch the passing door numbers: 624, 623, 622... “619, this is it, “my spouse informs me, “are you ready?” I freeze, staring at the foreboding 619. The husbands spent months arranging this event and the moment is finally here. I am about to fight a woman I have never met with our men watching. I swallow hard.
“Yes, I’m ready,” I can barely squeak out. I try to slow my hyperventilation as I hear the door handle turn from the inside. Before I can process another thought, the door swings open. There she is, a redhead my size, just as Ron described her. A behemoth of a man stands behind her. “You must be Cheryl and Ron,” the man pleasantly greets us. “Come on in. I’m Nate and this is Erin.”

Erin drives her knee into my belly, doubling me over. Pain sears through my entire trunk as I feel all the air escape from my lungs. A hard slap to the face sends me stumbling backward across the room. I am disoriented and gasping for oxygen. I know I am vulnerable, and Erin is about to move in for the kill.

See the difference? Which version do you prefer? Which style is best for your story?

Pros:
1.   Readers can feel they are “right there” in the story in real time, like watching a movie
2.   Promotes reader’s connection with a character
3.   Sense of immediacy. Allows for heart pounding edge of your seat action. Reader can be as shocked as the narrator

Cons:
1.   May feel strange to some readers. It’s not how we normally tell stories verbally
2.   Works best for stories with a very short time window, ideally within hours
3.    Leaving the present for flashbacks can be awkward and risks losing the impact of the present
4.   More difficult to set up background when you are speaking in the present
5.   Very prone to errors as we are not accustomed to speaking in present tense. It is super easy to accidently place past tense verbs in present tense stories (I do this a lot.)

My Take:
I use both past and present tense. KFJ is in first person present tense because I want readers to connect with my character as much as possible. Same is true with Fyre’s Fight Journal. First person can be very effective for fight stories by raising the tension and intensity levels. I have broken the rules with present tense by using flashbacks and internal monologues (e.g. KFJ, Goodnight, Snowflake) to give more meaning and depth to my stories and character. I think this has worked out, but runs the risk of breaking up the action. I’ve used present tense to add emotional punch (KFJ, Goodnight, Snowflake, My Little Sherry).
Past tense does allow more flexibility in storytelling and works best for stories that are complex or take place over a prolonged period of time. I took advantage of past tense for Waiting at The Door which did some jumping around in time and involved a character’s alternate reality. The Poacher 3 used flashbacks to add depth to Brad’s relationship with Kristin.

My Advice:
Beginning writers should start with past tense. This will give you all the flexibility you need to develop your background, characters, and plot without the time restrictions and error risks inherent in present tense. There is no reason why a past tense story can’t create indelible characters and deliver an exciting fight scene. Later, when you want to create a fast paced, gut-wrenching story in present tense, go for it!

[sinclairfan]

The past tense is definitely going to be the 'default setting' for most stories, with one exception that I'll mention below.

I would also add that with the past tense, the literal year in the past which is chosen becomes an inextricable part of the setting of the story:  i.e. 1888 Charleston, South Carolina; 1913 Memel, Lithuania; 1985 suburban Rhode Island; 2020 Florida Gulf Coast.  Setting is vital to a catfighting story as the social acceptability of women fighting has waxed and waned throughout cultural history, from the extremes of being socially taboo in Victorian Europe and America to being a rite of passage to adulthood in the YouTube-Snapchat-Mean Girls dystopia we've been trapped in since the first cellphone fights were uploaded in 2009.  Choosing a very specific setting, location-social class-year, does a lot of the legwork for the writer from the perspective of unspoken attitudes of the women in the story.

Now, the 'present tense exception' I thought worth mentioning:  sustaining the present tense for an entire story is indeed difficult.  BUT, it is nevertheless a good tool to have in the toolkit when writing a tangential story-within-a-story (sort of like the play-within-a-play in 'Hamlet' or 'Taming of the Shrew').  A 1st person narrator can be recalling a story from a long ago catfight, and take a momentary sidebar imagining/fantasizing about  how an impending fight will play out, and more importantly how it will feel to her being in the fight.  This section of the story can be written in the present tense.

One final note on setting:  would love to see Kiva tackle that topic next.

[Kiva]

Thank you, @sinclairfan. You’ve done some excellent historical time period stories where the setting is crucial to the story. Yes, I’ll take a shot at creating a thread on settings. I’m sure I can use you help. 

[bigfan877]

This is something I know I struggle with, I'll bounce from describing action as it's happening and the at times explaining things as they had already happen. It's too easy to slip back and forth when writing matches.

[Kiva]

This is something I know I struggle with, I'll bounce from describing action as it's happening and the at times explaining things as they had already happen. It's too easy to slip back and forth when writing matches.

I feel your pain. Sometimes when I read one of my older stories, I’ll find a verb in the wrong tense that I didn’t notice before. Cringe! 

[Damerei]

I prefer writing in the Past Tense. I think this is because, as you say, it is the way that someone would tell a story if they were speaking. I have tried to write in the Present Tense but for whatever reason it never comes out as well for me. That being said I really enjoy reading stories in the Present Tense like yours and Fyrecracka’s fight journals.

I also really like these posts about writing styles. I agree with sinclairfan that setting would be an interesting topic to discuss.

[Kiva]

I prefer writing in the Past Tense. I think this is because, as you say, it is the way that someone would tell a story if they were speaking. I have tried to write in the Present Tense but for whatever reason it never comes out as well for me. That being said I really enjoy reading stories in the Present Tense like yours and Fyrecracka’s fight journals.

I also really like these posts about writing styles. I agree with sinclairfan that setting would be an interesting topic to discuss.

Your stories are very well written!

[Damerei]

I prefer writing in the Past Tense. I think this is because, as you say, it is the way that someone would tell a story if they were speaking. I have tried to write in the Present Tense but for whatever reason it never comes out as well for me. That being said I really enjoy reading stories in the Present Tense like yours and Fyrecracka’s fight journals.

I also really like these posts about writing styles. I agree with sinclairfan that setting would be an interesting topic to discuss.

Your stories are very well written!

Thank you so much! That means a lot coming from one of my favorite writers.

[Lightweightfighter88]

Thank you Kiva, finding your advice on writing very helpful very useful reading your advice and seeing an example. Very generous of you to give out such great advice from an established writer like yourself. Very helpful to would be writers like myself.

[Tiberius J.C.]

One difference I notice between American and European writers is that we (European writers) have (at least) one extra layer of tenses; but the exact rules, even within a single language, vary depending upon the region from which the writer originates and the 'register' (formal or informal prose) adopted. I think this is true of all European languages, but sticking to British English, in the following extracts, whether the past tense or the historic present were chosen for the main narrative, even though the context alone makes the distinction blindingly obvious, British writers would still feel they had to distinguish between the moment the fighters meet and the preparations that (by definition) were carried out beforehand.
This means, if the narrative is written in the past tense, instead of:
I froze, staring at the foreboding 619. Our husbands spent months arranging this event and the moment was finally there. (American)
Brits would write:
I froze, staring at the foreboding 619. Our husbands had spent months arranging this event and the moment was finally there.(British).
If the historic present is preferred, even though in this case the time difference is marked in the American text, we would mark it in a different way. So, instead of:
I freeze, staring at the foreboding 619. Our husbands spent months arranging this event and the moment is finally here.(American)
we would write:
I freeze, staring at the foreboding 619. Our husbands have spent months arranging this event and the moment is finally here.(British)
Not sure where Canadian or Australian writers of English line up on this.
*
A different point: some writers switch in mid-narrative from the past tense to the historic present at the moment the action heats up (i.e. in our case, when the fight actually starts or nears its climax). They may switch to italics at this point (so readers won't think they've screwed up) but it isn't necessary to do so. Sometimes, it's only when re-reading the story, that you notice they've done it.

[Kiva]

Thank you @Tiberius J.C. It does appear that historic present is a European style. I like it. It seems like a clever way to give a story in the past a sense of immediacy. Thanks for these examples.

Americans probably don’t use past perfect tense enough. We are taught that past perfect is preferred when one past event is completed prior to another past event.

I ate breakfast, then I left for work (simple past tense)

I had eaten breakfast before I left for work (past perfect tense)

The second sentence is better.

[MikeHales67]

The Past Perfect tense is also referred to as the ‘Pluperfect’.  Which is what I remember from my Latin classes as just another bloody table of conjugations to learn (amo/amas/amat is permanently burnt into my brain!). Never really understood it until now.

Thank you for that I’ve just spent an evening falling down a rabbit-hole, reading up on tenses ( did you know we have a future present tense? - “The train leaves tomorrow.” ) and adjectival hierarchy, ablaut reduplication and infixing.

I am now going to have to read carefully all the writers and see if they use the pluperfect or not.

What a glorious buggered up mess English is!