Hi all,
It’s been a little while. Last time, we discussed organizing your fight sequence in your mind, particularly, deciding on a winner and which key highlight moments (“spots”) you would like to include. In this post, we’ll discuss integrating your fight sequence.
Reedsy is an excellent blog for writers and has a post and video on tips for writing fight scenes. I recommend checking out either or both. Although it refers to fight scenes in general, the ideas are appropriate for stories in this forum. I won’t rehash much of the material here. Instead, I’ll review the salient points and add my own thoughts.
https://blog.reedsy.com/how-to-write-a-fight-scene/By now, you hopefully have built your characters and plot to have generated tension and a reason why two women are fighting. Your fight scene is what readers have been waiting for and now it’s payoff time. Your fight scene is a story within a story with a start, middle and end. It should be consistent with the context of the story and characters you built up so far. So, before you start, a few things to keep in mind.
1. Remember why your characters are fighting and the stakes. This is the driving force of your story.
2. Recall the individual characteristics of each fighter? Are there differences in size, experience, age, temperament, etc? How will these come into play during the fight?
3. How will the location and environment effect the fight. Whether the fight is in a backyard, hotel room, barn, empty gym, etc., it should have an effect on the fighters. You chose the setting for a reason, so use it.
Use Your Five SensesAs you imagine your fight scene, what do you expect sights, sound, feel, smell, or even taste of the event would be like. Which should be incorporated into your story.
1. Sight – Aside from the obvious action itself, what indelible images do you want to convey? Common visuals about the fighters include glistening sweat, messy hair, red skin, clumps of pulled hair, clothing removed, etc. What stands out about the setting and environment?
2. Sound – screams, grunts, cursing, trash talk, spectators cheering, shouting comments, etc.
3. Touch/Sensation – Pain, sting, slippery bodies due to sweat, oil, carpet burns, gasping for air, the feel of grass, mats, etc.
4. Smell – body odor, perfume, cigarette smoke, musty old building, horse manure, etc.
5. Taste – not much here. “Coppery” taste of blood in the mouth, salty taste of sweat, if your story has overt sex, you could add a few other things.
Elements of a Good Fight Scene1. Action
2. Atmosphere
3. Tension
4. Pace
5. Emotion, emotion, emotion!
6. Did I mention emotion?
7. Eroticism – I am not going to discuss the sexiness of a fight story in this post. Tastes in this regard are very variable. If there is interest, I’d be happy to share my thoughts in a separate post.
So, your task is to weave all of these features in your fight story.
We’ll briefly discuss each one.
ActionWe’ve already discussed action sequence. Now you will need to put it into a narrative.
Common Pitfalls
1. Repetition of names. “Mary and Sue grappled on the carpet, their bodies twisting, legs kicking as they both struggled for control. Mary pulled Sue down to the floor by her arm, but Sue escaped before Mary could take advantage. Frustrated, Mary lunged ad Sue, seizing Sue’s hair. Sue shrieked as Mary, yanked, forcing Sue to bend her neck back.”
The trick here is to find ways to describe the action so your readers can follow, while minimizing constantly repeating their names. Here is where you can take advantage of contrasts between the fighters. E.g. Mary pulled Sue down to the floor by her arm but (her opponent, her adversary, the blonde, The Latina, the younger woman, her boss, her mistress, etc.) escaped before she could take advantage.
2. Dry mechanical narrative that gives facts of the fight like its coming through a teleprompter. E.g. “Mary slapped Sue in the face. Sue retaliated with a knee to the stomach. Mary doubled over in pain. Mary recovers and pulls Sue’s hair”
It’s best to consider the reaction to every action. Remember, every action is experienced by two people. “Mary’s right palm connected to the side of Sue’s face with enough force to turn her head to the right, whipping her blonde straight hair to the side, sending her staggering backward several feet to the wall. Mary, with a sense of satisfaction, rushed toward her, but the blonde using her long legs, plunged her knee into Mary’s belly, doubling the dark-skinned woman over, as she fell to the floor gasping.
3. Detailed blow-by-blow accounts. You don’t need to describe every second of the fight or use overly detailed language. Your fight story could become boring or tedious to readers. “Mary’s right hand grasped Sue’s left wrist. The blonde let out a yelp, as she scissored her legs around Mary’s left thigh.” Sometimes you will need to describe exact body positions, but not always. Sometimes it’s OK to truncate time with general descriptions. “They rolled across the floor, first one claiming the top position, then the other, neither one able to establish control.” “We attacked each other’s throats, hair, flesh, anything we could get a hold of, it was all a blur.” “I closed my eyes, I couldn’t see my wife this way. When I looked again, I couldn’t believe it. She was back on top.”
AtmosphereWe covered this in earlier posts. Remember, you chose the location of the fight for a reason, so use it.
Common Pitfalls
1. Focusing too much on the action and forgetting the setting. Bring the surroundings into the fight. “Mary returned to her corner, nearly choking on the cigarette smoke as she glanced through the hazy air above the rowdy fight crowd.” “The women tumbled to the living room floor, knocking over a small end table, shattering a vase.” Whatever your setting, bring it into the fight. Let’s hear about the mud, grass, hotel room, musty gym, etc.
TensionHopefully, you’ve built up tension before the fight. Now, keep it up during the fight. Prefight stare downs are always a reliable method. Look for points in your fight where you can milk the suspense. This is where you need to slow the action down and focus on the characters.
Common Pitfalls
Again, too much focus on the mechanics of the fight at the cost of missed opportunities for nail biting moments. Maybe one of your fighters is in a compromised position, she’s trapped in a painful body scissors, she can’t breathe, she’s desperate, her legs are flailing. Is it over? Can she make one last surge and escape? Or will she submit? Maybe the fight so far has been a one-sided beatdown? Can she get back into it? Will she turn it around? Or will she just be humiliated?
PaceVery important. Most fights are fast paced, frenzied and chaotic. You’ll want to try to reflect that in your narrative.
Common Pitfalls
1. Too much descriptive language. I see this a lot with AI generated stories. “Their bodies were entwined in a dance of determination and strategy. Their muscles rippled, a testament to countless hours in the gym. Their faces were a tapestry of dedication and fury, their voices a symphony of groans and grunts.” Folks, this is NOT good writing. In fight scenes, it works best to:
a. Keep your sentences as short as possible. This is not the time for “purple prose.”
b. Keep an array of action verbs at your disposal (hit, smack, scratch, twist, tumble, jab, buck, flail, flurry, etc). Use them frequently to keep the action going.
c. Describe the effect the fast pace on your characters. Mention the breathlessness, gasping, screaming, grunting.
d. Avoid having your fighters talk during the fight. They are too focused on the fight. If they do speak, make it short and breathless: (‘Fuck. You. Jolene.” Thank you, FyreCracka). Don’t use more speech unless absolutely necessary to the plot,
e. Be extremely careful with flashbacks and internal monologues. Your characters shouldn’t have time to think. But a well-placed flashback could add to the story as discussed in a previous post. But it could also risk killing your pace and tension. Don’t do it unless it’s an important game changer that gives a character extra motivation or adds emotion.
Emotion Fights are emotional, especially among females, so bring it out. A few things to consider:
1. Remember what is at stake and why they are fighting. Remind your readers. “She couldn’t bare the pain any more. But she couldn’t quit. She was doing this for her husband, her family. Yet, there she was face down with her arm twisted behind her back. Tears formed in her eyes. ‘Give up, loser?’ her tormenter repeated.”
2. Give your fighters emotional expressions and actions (smirking, smiling, laughing, sneering, grimacing, snarling, growling, groaning, grunting, screaming, crying, sobbing, etc).
3. Don’t forget trash talk.
4. Relationships. Who is watching the fight? How do they factor into the fight? Is there a husband or boyfriend? How do they interact with the fighters.
5. Victories and Defeats. The match is over. There is a winner and a loser. Both are very emotional experiences. For the winner, there will likely be jubilation, relief, perhaps vindication, even ecstasy. The loser will at least be disappointed, if not demoralized, devastated, humiliated, etc. You can choose how much depth of emotion to put into your outcomes. You can focus mainly on the winner, loser, or both, depending on your point of view. Personally, I think defeats are more interesting to write about, because there is more emotion to work with. This is from my story “If I Should Fall Behind” (Yes, that’s the title to a Bruce Springsteen song).
So, this is what it’s like. To be beaten, dominated, controlled, humiliated. And pinned. Stuck on the mat like a chewed piece of gum. Helpless. At the mercy of another woman, who conquers me in an act of domination and submission. In front of my husband. My bra is torn but I still wear its remains. My breasts are uncovered in subjugation. This is the moment I feared. I am about to be counted out and stained by the stench of defeat. I can turn my head. I see my husband. I look at his eyes. His eyes look into mine. He doesn’t look humiliated or defeated. His eyes are strength. My strength. My encouragement. My hope. His eyes say, “This will pass, tomorrow is another day.” He was at my side in my victories. He’s at my side now. We will build on this. This is our journey, come what may.
I hope you enjoyed this. As I mentioned, eroticism is another topic and a major part of these stories. As I mentioned above, everyone has his/her own idea of what is sexy. If there is interest, I wouldn’t mind discussing a few general principles in a separate post. Let me know if there are any other topics about writing you’d like to see. My observations of AI generated stories? Why sexfights are unrealistic? Do nurses make good fighters?
Thanks for reading. All are welcomed to comment.
