Dear readers…if there is one thing I love in life, it’s a catfight!
*Blah - Blah - Blah* Goes the readers.
*I nod my head!*
Ok, you’re right dear readers. If there are two things I love in life it’s fucking another woman’s man and a catfight. Ok, you happy now I’ve made that correction? May I continue…
Anyway with my love of the catfight established, we need to talk about Erin. Erin is my favourite kind of opponent, she is beautiful, undeniably sexy and a fantastic dresser. She is as cruel and as nasty as me, her attacks are clinical and precise. Her movements are swift and decisive. If they gave PhD’s in catfighting she would be Dr. Erin Lee. Now before I choke on all these kind words, let me be clear -
I’m better than her! And the thrill of tearing her apart is better than sexYou see I fucking love dangerous opponents and I lust for the risk that comes with a good catfight. If a bitch walked up to be and said:
“Bitch, if you let me scratch your face. I will let you scratch mine”
I’m just gonna smile, lick my lips and say “Let’s catfight then bitch”
Well it’s this reckless nature of mine that gives me the advantage, I will do anything! I will plunge any depth needed to win…Erin will not, she’s not woman enough to join me on shall we say the dark side. So why did need to say all this? It’s a message, to Erin for sure but it’s also a message for every bitch watching us right now! Especially that whore Steph who drops her panties for strangers faster than an electron speeds around the large hadron collider at cern!
Anyway so back to the catfight. Erin did not like having her face clawed and as my nails positioned themselves over her eyes, she knew I was not fucking with her. So it was more than a relief when she released her legs from my waist and removed her forearm from my throat. With my airway clear I gasped and coughed frantically, while my now tenderised waist felt sore, extremely sore in fact. But Erin being Erin did not let up and swiftly repositioned herself into another infuriating submission position. Erin grabs hold of my wrists and rises up and with her right knee firmly planted in front of her, she pulls my arms up and stretches them. While the fucking bitch drilled her knee into the small of my back and spine.
The fucking bitch managed to light up my joints and back at the same time and it was torture. My head bends backwards and I just cry out in pain and frustration. Tears and mascara flowed down my clawed, bruised and bloodied cheeks. I screeched like Lexibabe singing and if you’ve ever heard Lexibabe sing…you know she does a splendid impersonation of a fucking banshee!
“Ow..argh…Erin you fucking Bitch! I hate you..I fucking hate you!!! Ow…ARGH!!!” - I sing like Lexibabe
And then, Erin said something she definitely should never say to me:
“C'mon bitch, you can end this agony right now, just give up, you know you want to"
“I don’t submit you fucking skank!” I snarl and then I act.
With my feet planted firmly into the carpet, I push up and rise just enough to get my right foot where I wanted it. I stamp my right foot wildly into Erin’s right ankle and then swiftly I return my right foot back to the carpet. My previous attack leaves Erin unsteady, so when I push off from the carpet with both feet and send us backwards we fall into….
*CRASH!!!*
Yes, the drinks table. Myself and Erin knock over the table and land amongst a plethora of empty bottles…including Erin’s beloved gin. Which peanut drank Erin’s gin is a mystery worthy Poirot? However while myself and Erin were in floods of tears due to pain we both felt and the heartbreaking loss of so much good alcohol! We both knew that our catfight was finally coming to a close.
*Blah - Blah - Blah* Goes the readers.
Oh the peanuts??? They were devastated! Firstly even they had to accept that me and Erin can only take so much more and that our catfight was coming to an end. Oh and as for the drinks table, Yeah..that hurt, that really hurt them. The peanuts, especially the salty ones absolutely loved cheap German wine, Blue Nun to be precise. Honestly the loss of the alcohol was the most heartbreaking moment for every single one of us.
Yt