Bedroom Boxing:
A Couples Guide to Safe and Sensual Erotic Fighting
By Alex & Susan
Forward
The two of us love each other. We love each other so much we’ll fight for that love. We have discovered an unusual but incredibly powerful way to not only demonstrate our attraction for each other but spark our sex life as well. We are practitioners of mixed boxing, an activity that is both a healthy sport and a very sexy means of foreplay. We have found that fighting each other in a safe and controlled manner has increased our mutual love and respect, provided an outlet for our competitive natures, allowed us to settle disagreements in an equitable manner, and, above all, given us an incredibly erotic means of foreplay and sexual fulfillment. We offer this brief guidebook to share our views on this exciting activity with other interested couples.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 A Philosophical Look at Mixed Boxing
Chapter 2 Scope, Styles and Intensity
Chapter 3 Keeping it Safe…..and Fair
Chapter 4 Settings, Apparel and Equipment
Chapter 5 Basic Rules of the Game
Chapter 6 Boxing for the Beginner
Chapter 7 Winners and Losers…. the End Game
Chapter 8 Sharing the Fun
Chapter 1 - A Philosophical Look at Mixed Boxing
Why would a man and woman want to fight each other? On the surface it would seem a cruel, perhaps even immoral activity…. the use of violent force against a friend, lover or spouse. Under certain circumstances, it could indeed be all that, a legally and morally reprehensible act. If conducted with restraint, within defined rules and with the clear and unambiguous consent of both parties, however, it can be a legitimate, safe and intensely erotic activity for men and women alike. The moral foundation of mixed fighting is based on three main pillars: intent, consent and conduct. Let’s us examine each of these in turn.
Why would two people of the opposite sex engage in such an activity? It may be easier to start with why they shouldn’t. They should never fight one another because of anger, spite or especially hate. These are all negative emotions that can make the fight potentially dangerous, both physically and emotionally. A couple should never engage in this activity as an outlet for negative feelings, emotions or bitterness. Above, all a couple should never fight when they are angry, especially with each other. That means they should not enter the bout angry and should definitely not end it that way. The entire activity must be conducted in a positive, loving manner.
So what are those positive traits of mixed boxing that recommend it to a well-adjusted, loving couple? They are both physical and emotional. Boxing is a very physical sport, one that brings the two combatants in close physical contact with each another. That contact includes not only striking one another, but also clinching and other close body contact. In a word, it can be very arousing. In our experience, however, the physical aspect of sexual arousal is eclipsed by the psychological and emotional aspects of the confrontation.
Let’s be frank; couples are very competitive. As much as they love one another, there is a constant undercurrent of competition in every relationship. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to let this competitiveness play out. To deny it and let it stay bottled up is corrosive, as in letting it seep out in caustic bickering and one-ups-man ship. Each partner would like to win sometimes but will not accept being on the losing end of every argument or petty dispute. That leads to bigger issues, as does refusing to deal with the natural competition in a relationship. Literally “fighting it out” is a natural way to satisfy those competitive urges as well as settle minor disputes. The emotional satisfaction of besting your lover in physical competition cannot be overstated, as long as both parties agree that the fight was even and the outcome fair.
The sexual act can be a tender, gentle affair, or at times it can be more aggressive and competitive, with both parties vying for sexual “dominance” or physical control over the love making. This is both a physical struggle, involving the overpowering of your partner as well as an emotional battle to determine who is the stronger, more dominant lover. The application of force, the infliction of some pain and the eventual outcome of the battle determines the “winner” of that session who can then set the terms for the sex that follows. That said, the fight must be emotionally satisfying for both winner and loser, and the ensuing sex must leave both parties as “winners.”
Psychology has long recognized this sexual tension for dominance and power. Sadism and masochism are the best-known examples of this phenomenon. Without being judgmental, and accepting that S&M is an integral part of this discussion, we feel that erotic fighting is another alternative in the struggle for sexual dominance. It incorporates some levels of controlled violence and the mixture of pain and pleasure inherent in S&M, but also adds legitimate competition structured to allow the lovers to determine, through rough, erotic foreplay, the eventual dominant partner.
The erotic nature of that foreplay is well recognized by clinical psychology which has given it the term agonophilia, from the Greek “love of the struggle.” The Urban Dictionary describes it as follows: “Agonophilia covers a broad range of sexual arousal, from fighting paraphernalia (boxing gloves, trunks etc.) through the actual engagement in fighting (legitimate or fantasy). For those who actually fight the arousal is multi-dimensional. The combination of fighting gear, the physical contact with the opponent, and the actual fight is indescribable. Depending on the quality of the match, the sexual energy between the competitors, and the presence of spectators, some matches go to legitimate knockout, and sexual intercourse may follow with dominant and submissive roles determined by the outcome of the fight”.
Having established that there are legitimate physical and psychological reasons (intent) to engage in this activity, let us turn to the second pillar of the foundation…. consent. What we mean by this is the clear and unambiguous desire of both partners to engage in a physical fight to achieve sexual dominance. Both parties to this activity must fully accept the risks, rewards and consequences of their actions. One of the partners cannot coerce the other to participate in this activity….it must be fully and enthusiastically consensual by both parties. Obtaining this consent from an initially reluctant partner may be a challenge, but under no circumstances should a fight be undertaken without it.
Men may seem to be the more enthusiastic practitioners of this form of sexual combat, given their natural proclivity for physical confrontation. That said, many women today share a taste for rough, competitive sports, as evidenced by the popularity of women’s boxing and MMA. The stereotype of the demure, weak “little woman” has thankfully been mostly discarded by society along with the stigma of female aggressiveness and strength. Do not be surprised if the female partner in the relationship brings up the topic of rough sex….and the best ways to go about it. Whichever partner, man or woman, raises the topic, it must be dealt with honesty and sensitively. Questions must be raised and addressed, conditions set, and above all, safety ensured before both partners can set forth on this exciting adventure. Determining how the fight will be conducted is the final pillar of the foundation for erotic fighting.
Balancing the many potentially conflicting aspects of erotic fighting is the key to making it a safe and sexually gratifying experience. How to effectively strike that balance, and each other, is the primary topic of the remainder of this guidebook. There are a multitude of details that are all important for setting the correct scene; that is, ensuring both participants are in an atmosphere conducive to maximizing the physical and emotional appeal of the fight. We’ll delve into issues like equipment, apparel, setting, all of which contribute to the “mood” of the occasion, preparing the participants for the more important details of safely conducting the fight and bringing it to a conclusion that meets the expectations of both individuals.
Meeting expectations (or exceeding them) is the key to a successful fight. Setting those expectations is the responsibility of both contestants. Man and woman alike must be on the same page when it comes to the rules, desired outcome, and especially, what the level of intensity should be. These are issues that must be discussed and agreed upon beforehand and strictly adhered to, albeit with a willingness to modify them during the course of the fight if required. We will give you rules and suggestions based upon our experiences, but only the man and woman facing off against one another can determine, together, how far they are willing to go. This issue of intensity will be explored in more detail, but suffice it to say it is a narrow line between the excitement and sexual thrill of a hard fought, decisive battle and the injured pride, or even injured body of a fight gone terribly wrong. Setting the rules of conduct will determine a successful outcome.
Chapter 2 – Scope, Styles and Intensity
Thus far we have limited the scope of this discussion to the traditional, straight couple who wishes to engage in erotic fighting. This is not an indication of any bias on our part; it is simply a reflection of who we are and what we’ve done. Gay and lesbian couples who love and respect each other and have these same desires and interests can certainly enjoy this activity as much as any straight couple. In fact, evenly matching combatants of the same sex may be easier than trying to conduct a fair and even mixed fight. While individuals vary in size, weight and strength regardless of gender, there is a better chance that a couple will be closer in these attributes if they are of the same sex.
A friend, who describes herself as “bi-curious,” has had several encounters with both men and women that include erotic fighting as foreplay and a means of achieving sexual dominance. She reports that pretty much the same dynamic exists between two women as occurs in a mixed match. If anything, the encounter is more intense and just as sexually fulfilling as fighting a man. This is just one point of reference from one individual, albeit one with considerable experience, so it may be taken as an endorsement of erotic fighting for same sex couples.
Up to this point, the term erotic fighting has been synonymous with erotic boxing. Again, this is solely due to the authors’ point of reference. We fully understand that other “combat sports” can be used to achieve the same effect with perhaps better results, depending on the outlook and tastes of the participants.
As a couple we have explored a wide range of fighting styles but have always come back to boxing as our first love. We delved into wrestling and enjoyed the intimate and constant body contact but missed the erotic brutality inherent in exchanging punches. We have experimented with our own form of mixed martial arts and savored the unique combination of punching and grappling both on our feet and on the ground. However, we found that our lack of knowledge of the holds and moves that are the core of this sport limited our scope, though we have incorporated the very sexy “ground and pound” aspect into some of our boxing matches, allowing a fighter to try and finish their downed opponent with punches on the ground. We have even tried bare-knuckle fist fighting, but the obvious safety issues here limited us to less than satisfactory “belly punching” contests.
For us, at least, boxing is our combat sport of choice, and we decided it should be the focus of this guidebook. We have found it to be the most flexible of fighting styles, allowing us to modulate the duration, venue, and especially the intensity of the fight based on our energy, location and desires. Others may not find it to their liking and prefer other forms of combat; that is a personal decision we obviously support and respect. For us, however, nothing compares with standing toe to toe exchanging solid punches or being locked together in a sweaty clinch as we hammer each other’s bodies with our gloved fists, then finally deciding the contest by putting your lover down for the count. To us, this is the essence of the “sport.”
When we say boxing could be “modulated” we mean it can be customized to fit the specific conditions desired by the participants. We want to focus particularly on modulation of the intensity of the contest. Intensity is the level of physical effort needed to achieve the desired pleasure (and pain) in a safe and sensible manner. The level of intensity can be proportional to the level of injury risk, but we will discuss ways to mitigate risk through rules and other safety procedures. For the purposes of this discussion on intensity, we will examine several defined “levels” of erotic boxing, from low intensity/no risk, to high intensity/low to moderate risk.
Choosing the level of intensity you and your partner wish to engage in while you fight is a decision not to be taken lightly. Aside from determining the risk involved, it also can also be vital in defining the amount of physical and emotional pleasure derived from the contest. As in most things, getting the right balance between risk and reward is the key to success. We never want to condone high risk behavior, but neither do we want to deny the pleasure that rougher, more intense levels of fighting can deliver. In the end, it comes down to choices made by knowledgeable, consenting adults. We want to give you the knowledge to allow you to make the right choices for you and your partner. The following are a spectrum of erotic boxing styles in ascending order of intensity. We’ll briefly describe each in turn and try to assess the level of risk associated with each.
Level 1 Fantasy Fighting - No Risk
Very light “playful” boxing. Punches landed without force. No attempt to inflict any damage by either party. Effects are purely for show.
Level 2 Body Boxing - Minimal Risk
Punches landed only to the body (above the waist and below the shoulders) by both parties. Force of blows can vary by agreement. Effects can vary from light to moderate pain, depending on where blows land. Slight bruising of body may result, depending on gloves used. The fight can end when one contestant is either knocked down or gives up.
Level 3 Full contact with pulled punches - Minimal Risk
Similar to Level 2 but punches are allowed to the face and head with the understanding that both parties will “pull” their punches aimed at those locations, meaning no punch will be delivered there with any force sufficient to cause damage. Effects are similar to body boxing with the understanding that punches above the shoulder are not thrown for effect, only to give the impression of a “proper” fight. While this adds realism and erotic excitement, caution still must be exercised in delivering any blows to the face and head. The fight can end in a “faux” knockout if either party chooses to act out the effects of a punch to the head.
Level 4 Full contact with restrictions - Low Risk
Similar to Level 3 but one party (usually the man) agrees not to punch to certain places on his opponent’s body (usually front of the woman’s face and/or her breasts), while leaving his opponent the opportunity to strike him anywhere with moderate force. This is usually applied as a means to equalize disparities in size, strength or skills between the two fighters. Effects can be significant if care is not exercised, and the fight may end in a knockout.
Level 5 Full contact - Moderate Risk
Similar to Level 4 except both parties agree that they may both deliver punches anywhere above the waist with or without restrictions on force. This level of fighting is only for the most experienced and dedicated practitioners of the sport. Significant damage can be inflicted, blood may be drawn and the fight could very well end in a true knockout. Extreme caution MUST be exercised with this level of fighting, and it should only be attempted when a man and woman are close in size, strength and boxing skills and are willing to accept the risks involved.
We have fought at Levels 2 through 5 and found that couples will tend to start at lower levels and work their way up as they build confidence in themselves and each other. Even though we often fight at a full contact level, we are careful to avoid injuries by employing proper equipment and modulating the force of our punches in the face area. Even with these precautions, both of us end most fights with knockouts.
Chapter 3 - Keeping it Safe….and Fair
As we have tried to emphasize, there are inherent risks in this activity. Without proper regard for the safety of both participants, we could never recommend it to anyone. While not an inherently dangerous sport, boxing nonetheless can inflict light to moderate injuries, and every precaution must be taken to minimize this possibility. While both parties may expect and even welcome some level of pain and even the occasional bruise or minor cut, no one wants to be injured in an activity that is supposed to deliver so much erotic pleasure and emotional satisfaction. An injury can quickly dampen the enthusiasm of both participants and cause them to walk away from an otherwise fulfilling activity.
Another factor which can cause people to leave the sport is the inability to conduct a fair and even fight. Part of the attraction of competition is that each individual, be they man or woman, feels they have a good chance of besting their opponent, even if there are significant differences in size, weight and skill between them. The ability to conduct a fight that evens out those differences and gives both combatants a fair chance of victory is critical in maintaining interest, and most importantly, safety. We shall examine both of these interrelated factors.
SAFETY FIRST, SAFETY ALWAYS! We cannot overemphasize this point enough. All precautions must be followed to keep this a safe and sane activity. Safety starts well before you pull on the gloves. The following are a few important points to follow to ensure a safe and rewarding experience:
Assess your intentions – Make sure both of you want to do this for the same reasons and plan it accordingly.
Attain consent – Make sure your partner is fully in agreement with the entire plan.
Take a hard look at yourself and your emotions – If you have any questions about your ability to control yourself and your actions, as well as stick to the agreed upon plan, STOP NOW.
Assess your health – This can be a strenuous physical activity, do not undertake it if you have serious health issues.
Communicate with your partner – Make sure both of you are completely clear on what you are going to do and how.
Agree to the rules – Fighting by rules you both agree to will help keep the fight safe and fair. Stick to them!
Choose a safe word - If either of you feels things are getting out of hand, uttering that word will immediately stop the fight.
Use the right safety equipment – A gum shield is a must if any head punches are allowed. Use of padded head gear is an option. Proper gloves should always be worn. More on equipment can be found in the following chapter.
Make sure the setting is safe – Do not conduct a fight in an area that has obstructions, hard surfaces or anything that could hurt you if knocked down.
Never get angry – Even if you get hit hard, don’t lose your cool. Always stay in control of your emotions and the fight.
Use common sense – If either of you is obviously hurt, overly exhausted or just not into it, STOP THE FIGHT IMMEDIATELY!
This is supposed to be fun and erotic – If either one of you is not enjoying the experience or is not aroused by it, STOP!
Safety is paramount to a good experience, but so is fairness. Even though a couple may be fighting by the same rules, the physical differences between them may make it difficult to conduct a fair and safe fight without some adjustments or handicaps to even things out. In amateur and professional boxing, the contestants are paired into classes by weight. Obviously, in erotic boxing this is not possible, unless you are as fortunate as we are to be close in height and weight. In order to give both fighters an equal chance at victory, we need to discuss appropriate adjustments.
Size does matter - Matching opponents of significantly different sizes should always include an adjustment to make up for that disparity. Often, but not necessarily always, the man will outweigh and be taller than his female opponent. If there is a gross mismatch in size, don’t even attempt to conduct a fair fight…stick to fantasy boxing and enjoy that experience.
Strength may not matter – Boxing is more about speed and finesse than strength. The seemingly weaker partner can outfight the stronger one by skill and speed.
Skill does matter – It’s not a fair fight if one person has significantly greater boxing skills and experience than the other. We encourage couples to take boxing lessons together so they can advance at the same pace with equal skills.
Gender shouldn’t matter – This is a sticky issue. Society tells us a man should never hit a woman. We totally agree, if that is done as an act of rage or callousness. In erotic boxing though, both parties have agreed to exchange punches to achieve shared emotional and sexual goals. With the proper use of the adjustments outlined below, a man and a woman should be able to compete on equal terms. Each couple will have to decide on their own if societal taboos preclude participating in this activity. Whatever you decide, we feel that one of the greatest appeals of erotic boxing is allowing men and women to fight as equals. It is gender equality in action.
We have previously discussed the primary means of adjusting disparate size and skills in our discussion on boxing styles and their levels of intensity. These can be readily mixed, matched and tailored to provide a more even playing field. For example, a smaller, disadvantaged female fighter may be allowed to fight at Level 4, while her larger male opponent would be restricted to Level 3 rules.
In our case, Alex outweighs Susan by about 15 lbs and is two inches taller. Though not a great disparity in size, we both agree that the difference is significant enough that to ensure a fair fight, we should adjust the rules to limit the power of Alex’s punches to Susan’s head and only allow strikes from the side, not straight to the face. Susan has no restrictions in that regard.
Adjusting the size of the gloves used is also another excellent way to even out disparities in size. There will be a more in-depth discussion of gloves in the next chapter but suffice it to say Alex uses 14 oz while Susan fights in 8 oz gloves. We have found this to be an excellent way to ensure equality in punching power and effect.
The two combatants may also have differences in fitness levels, stamina and age. While age need not be a factor (within reasonable limits) variances in stamina should be accounted for. Numbers of rounds and their lengths, rest times and other factors are detailed in Chapter 5 Basic Rules of the Game, should always be set to the tolerances of the weaker fighter.
Chapter 4 – Settings, Apparel and Equipment
Much of the erotic appeal of this kind of boxing is evident before the first punch is thrown. For us at least, the whole “atmosphere” of a mixed fight exudes an aura of brutal sexuality. This atmosphere is enhanced by many seemingly small details that add up to substantially increase the sexual tension before the fight and add to the physical and emotional power of the contest itself. We call this “setting the mood” and we believe it is essential to the overall quality of the experience. One of the most important is setting…. where will the fight take place?
The true erotic thrill of the fight should begin in the initial planning phase. It’s a turn on just to sit down with your partner and talk about the fight and how you want it to play out. You can build sexual energy by changing into your fighting apparel, opening a bottle of wine and spending an hour or two before the fight lounging around, exchanging good natured trash talk.
By the time both of you are aroused and ready to get it on, you should already have chosen and prepared your location or venue for the fight. Picking a suitable place to conduct the contest is important not only to the overall mood of the affair, but also its safety.
A good venue is one that provides sufficient space for both of you to move freely, defensively as well as offensively but provides sufficient boundaries to constrain the action and the participants to a defined area. For safety reasons the area must be free of any objects that could cause injury. The floor of the area should be soft enough to cushion a fall. Plush carpets are adequate, but you must be aware of dreaded “rug burn.” A better option is to lay out exercise mats, but make sure multiple mats are secured together to prevent them from separating and creating gaps which might pose a tripping hazard. Duct tape is your friend.
Most of the time you will be fighting in the privacy of your own home. As the name of this guidebook implies, the bedroom can make an excellent venue. It makes for a very short transition from fighting to fucking. If your bedroom is not suitable, other, larger rooms in the home can be adapted, just make sure the area is clear of furniture and other obstructions.
For those with extra space, such as a basement, rec room or even a garage, a more elaborate and semi-permanent fighting area can be constructed. We are big fans of fighting in a ring. Aside from the obvious advantages of a constrained area and the safety of ropes and soft flooring, we like the feeling of realism a ring brings to the contest. Both of us enjoy making the fight as realistic and professional as possible and fighting in a proper ring is a key element of that. You need not spend a lot of money on a commercial boxing ring. We have designed one made of foam mats on a plywood base which can be quickly erected in a garage/basement, with padded ropes secured to the walls. Nothing beats the excitement of fighting up against the ropes.
On occasion we’ll splurge and rent a real boxing ring for what we call our “championship fights.” For these we go all out, securing a referee and corner helpers and even videotape the action. Events like this make for an eagerly anticipated vacation with many exciting memories.
You are only limited by your imagination when selecting suitable venues. Two of our favorites were outdoors. During a camping trip we found a lovely clearing amongst tall pines, and the soft needles on the forest floor provided a wonderful place to have a very memorable fight. On another occasion, we fought each other on what we thought was a deserted beach, only to find out in the thick of the action we were being observed by some obviously interested beach combers.
Just as the location of your fight adds to the experience, so does what you wear. Your choice of fight clothing is limitless, and totally up to you in regards to comfort and appeal. Some like to fight in swimsuits or athletic apparel, others in underwear, while a few prefer nothing at all. Obviously, the choice of clothing can substantively add to the sexual and emotional atmosphere of the event. We are traditionalists who like to preserve the flavor and realism of a real boxing match, so we both usually prefer to wear short satin boxing trunks. These are available in a multitude of colors, and we find them very comfortable and incredibly sexy.
Susan has often fought topless, and that certainly adds to the erotic appeal of the fight. We have found that low cut, push up bras can be a very sexy piece of fighting apparel for women. A note of caution on these, however. Susan discovered the hard way that a punch can drive the underwire of the cup up into the breast, with painful results.
Satin robes round out our fighting apparel. We find these perfect for pre-fight activities and again add to the realism. While there is a range of boxing footwear available, we usually prefer to fight barefoot.
Boxing requires only a minimum set of equipment. Obviously foremost are the gloves. Boxing gloves are available in a wide variety of makes, styles, colors, sizes and prices. Do not skimp on quality as these are the essential tools of the sport. Be careful not to purchase “bag” or “training” gloves if you intend to engage in serious fighting. Invest in two good pair of gloves and make sure you dry them out after each use. This will prolong their useful life and keep them supple and comfortable. For ease of donning and removing, we recommend gloves with Velcro closures.
The big question about gloves is which size to use. Boxing gloves are sized by their weight in ounces. Gloves generally come in 16, 14, 12 and 8 ounce weights. The extra padding of the heavier gloves generally makes them physically larger and more unwieldy to use, particularly for smaller fighters. Given that the lighter weight gloves deliver more power to a punch, with greater potential impact, care should be taken to select the proper size glove. As we noted earlier, mixing and matching glove sizes is a good way of equalizing size differences between opponents. We have found 12 oz gloves to be a good compromise for general use with 8 oz for the smaller fighter.
Hand wraps are another recommended item. While not absolutely necessary, they do protect the hand from impact forces and also help keep the inside of the glove dry. We like to wrap our fists as part of the all-important pre-fight ritual.
Gum shields (also called a mouthpiece) are absolutely essential if any punching is permitted to the face or head. These are inexpensive insurance against a costly injury. A bloody nose or cut lip will heal on its own, while a broken tooth costs hundreds in dental bills. Use your gum shield!
Another item to consider is padded headgear. Obviously, this is only necessary if head and face punches are agreed to. We do not have firsthand experience using them as they seem hot, bulky and unattractive. You may wish to use them if want to fight full contact and are unable to moderate your head shots.
While we never intentionally punch to the genital areas, accidents can happen. Men may want to consider a cup, but we’ve not found it necessary to use women’s groin or chest protection.
Other small items you will need include a simple kitchen timer to record round times, water bottles and towels. All in all, a very simple equipment list for any sport.
Chapter 5 – Basic Rules of the Game
Mixed Boxing is not a brawl, it’s a sport for discriminating men and women looking for something special to spice up their sex lives and provide an outlet for their competitive spirit. Like any sport, there are rules designed to protect the participants and make the game competitive and enjoyable to play. We have tried to adopt good, common-sense rules, many borrowed from regular boxing, to make our fights fun, safe and decisive. While we absolutely insist that the safety and fairness guidelines outlined earlier in the guidebook be strictly enforced for all erotic fighting activity, you will have to set specific rules that fit your own individual needs. Below, we provide some examples for your consideration.
Obviously, any match needs to have some time limit. We have used a “fight to the finish” format where we battle until one of us gives up from exhaustion or is unable to continue the bout. These are fun but tend to end quickly due to fatigue. We have found that agreeing to a proscribed number of rounds with rest intervals in between allows us to fight longer and harder while prolonging the excitement of the bout. The standard we use is 10 three-minute rounds, we like the three minute format as it allows sufficient time to render decisive blows to your opponent before the round ends.
Three-minute rounds can be rather long and exhausting. We compensate by doing three-minute breaks between rounds. This is a nod to advancing age and the desire to be fresh for the next round. We have found that rest time to be ideal for some heavy petting after the excitement of a hard-hitting round. Obviously, this formula can be modified in numerous ways. The number of rounds, length of rounds and rest intervals are all variables that can be tailored to fit your individual preference.
You will need some sort of timing device to keep track of rounds and rest intervals. There are some sophisticated programmable timers out there, but we just use a simple kitchen timer. Our “three and three” minute round and rest cycle make it easy to keep the clock rolling with just the touch of a gloved fist. We have also used a cassette tape recorder to set out an entire fight in timed intervals with prerecorded bell tones. Use whatever works best for you.
Once the action begins, specific rules need to be applied. Unless there is a referee present, these rules must be enforced by the fighters themselves. First to consider is separating from the clinch. In a professional boat, the referee will separate the fighters shortly after they clinch up. In an erotic fight, however, clinching with your opponent is an integral part of the game. Pulling your lover against you and tying them up in a rough, sweaty clinch is incredibly erotic, as well as a great opportunity to land some short, hard punches to their body. We have found that some of the most effective and telling damage in a fight can be inflicted in these close, rugged encounters. Generally, the fighter that is losing the inside fight will push out of the clinch to gain some separation and reinitiate the battle at longer range.
Another important rule to follow is the standing eight count. This is an important safety rule that also allows the fight to pause after a hard blow has dazed one of the fighters. If one of you has obviously stunned their opponent and they are unable to defend themselves, it is sporting (and safe) to afford them a standing eight count, meaning the attacking fighter will count to eight, allowing the hurt fighter the chance to recover and continue, or give up without receiving additional punishment. If your partner agrees to continue, then the fight resumes.
Without a referee present, the two contestants will also have to self-enforce the knockdown rules. If one fighter knocks the other to the ground by way of a blow or combination of punches, then the downed fighter must be given ample opportunity to regain their feet and resume the bout. The standing fighter will initiate a slow but steady count, generally to ten, but you may vary this by agreement. If the downed fighter can get to their feet and is willing to continue, the fight will resume. If they are unable to continue, the bout ends with the standing fighter being declared the winner. Consideration should also be given to enforcing the “three knockdown” rule. This means if one contestant is knocked down three times in a single round, the fight is terminated, and he or she is considered the loser. This is an important safety rule that prevents too much punishment from being absorbed by a fighter.
It must be abundantly clear that either fighter can end the bout at any time of their choosing, for whatever reason. This is considered a retirement and must be gracefully accepted by their opponent.
Methods for decisively ending the fight will be discussed in Chapter 7, Winners and Losers….the End Game.
Chapter 6 – Boxing for the Beginner
Before jumping in the ring with your lover and throwing leather, you should acquire a working knowledge of the fundamentals of boxing. You don’t need to have the skills of a professional fighter, but you will find it a much more rewarding experience if both of you know the basics of throwing a punch and defending yourself. We’ve provided a very brief overview here of basic offensive and defensive techniques. This in no way should be construed as a complete lesson on how to box, but it does provide a point of departure for the basics. You and your partner should practice these basic moves together before you fight. Practice sessions will not only sharpen your skills but give both of you the confidence to take the next step…. facing each other in a real erotic boxing match.
If you are serious about becoming more proficient with your boxing skills, there are many books, articles and instruction videos available. Sharing these with your lover and practicing together is a great way to acclimate both of you to the sport and build enthusiasm for the inevitable confrontation. An even better way to learn and grow together is to take lessons at a gym with a qualified instructor. Knowing that both of you have mastered these skills will give you the confidence to fight harder, safer and more equally.
There are four basic punches in boxing: the Jab, Cross, Hook, and Uppercut. If a boxer is right?handed, the left hand is the lead hand, while the right is the rear hand. The following techniques apply to a right?handed boxer. As stated previously, a right?handed boxer is commonly described as orthodox, while a left?handed boxer is called an unorthodox boxer or a southpaw.
• Jab – a quick, straight punch thrown with the lead hand from the guard position. The jab is accompanied by a small, clockwise rotation of the torso and hips, while the fist rotates 90 degrees, becoming horizontal upon impact. As the punch reaches full extension, the lead shoulder is brought up to guard the chin. The rear hand remains next to the face to guard the jaw. After making contact with the target, the lead hand is retracted quickly to resume a guard position in front of the face. The jab is the most important punch in a boxer's arsenal because it provides a fair amount of its own cover and it leaves the least amount of space for a counter?punch from the opponent. It has the longest reach of any punch and does not require commitment or large weight transfers. Due to its relatively weak power, the jab is often used as a tool to gauge distances, probe an opponent's defenses, and set up heavier, more powerful punches. A half?step may be added, moving the entire body into the punch, for additional power. Despite its lack of raw power however, the jab is often considered to be the most important punch in boxing, useable not only for attack but also defense, as a good quick, stiff jab can interrupt a much more powerful punch, such as a hook or uppercut.
• Cross – a powerful straight punch thrown with the rear hand. From the guard position, the rear hand is thrown from the chin, crossing the body and traveling towards the target in a straight line. The rear shoulder is thrust forward and finishes just touching the outside of the chin. At the same time, the lead hand is retracted and tucked against the face to protect the inside of the chin. For additional power, the torso and hips are rotated counterclockwise as the cross is thrown. Weight is also transferred from the rear foot to the lead foot, resulting in the rear heel turning outwards as it acts as a fulcrum for the transfer of weight. Body rotation and sudden weight transfer is what gives the cross its power. Like the jab, a half?step forward may be added. After the cross is thrown, the hand is retracted quickly and the guard position resumed. It can be used to counterpunch a jab, aiming for the opponent's head (or a counter to a cross aimed at the body) or to set up a hook. The cross can also follow a jab, creating the classic "one?two combo." The cross is also called a "straight" or "right." The cross has been widely disputed as one of the most powerful, if not the single most powerful punch in the boxer's arsenal.
• Hook – a semi?circular punch thrown with the lead hand to the side of the opponent's head. From the guard position, the elbow is drawn back with a horizontal fist (knuckles pointing forward) and the elbow bent. The rear hand is tucked firmly against the jaw to protect the chin. The torso and hips are rotated clockwise, propelling the fist through a tight, clockwise arc across the front of the body and connecting with the target. At the same time, the lead foot pivots clockwise, turning the left heel outwards. Upon contact, the hook's circular path ends abruptly, and the lead hand is pulled quickly back into the guard position. A hook may also target the lower body (the classic Mexican hook to the liver) and this technique is sometimes called the "rip" to distinguish it from the conventional hook to the head. The hook may also be thrown with the rear hand.
• Uppercut – a vertical, rising punch thrown with the rear hand. From the guard position, the torso shifts slightly to the right, the rear hand drops below the level of the opponent's chest and the knees are bent slightly. From this position, the rear hand is thrust upwards in a rising arc towards the opponent's chin or torso. At the same time, the knees push upwards quickly and the torso and hips rotate counter?clockwise and the rear heel turns outward, mimicking the body movement of the cross. The strategic utility of the uppercut depends on its ability to "lift" the opponent's body, setting it off?balance for successive attacks. The right uppercut followed by a left hook is a powerful combination.
These different punching types can be combined to form 'combos', like a jab and cross combo. Nicknamed the one two combo, it is a really effective combination because the jab blinds the opponent and the cross is powerful enough to knock the opponent out.
The figure above shows the correct stance for a boxer to assume before initiating any action. The different punches previously discussed and illustrated are all thrown from this basic stance. As important as striking your opponent is to the outcome of the fight, just as vital is avoiding his or her punches. Basic defensive techniques are discussed in more detail below.
• Slip and/or Turn – slipping (or turning) rotates the body slightly so that an incoming punch passes harmlessly next to the head. As the opponent's punch arrives, the boxer sharply rotates the hips and shoulders. This turns the chin sideways and allows the punch to "slip" past.
• Bob and Weave – bobbing moves the head laterally and beneath an incoming punch. As the opponent's punch arrives, the boxer bends the legs quickly and simultaneously shifts the body either slightly right or left. Once the punch has been evaded, the boxer "weaves" back to an upright position, emerging on either the outside or inside of the opponent's still-extended arm. To move outside the opponent's extended arm is called "bobbing to the outside". To move inside the opponent's extended arm is called "bobbing to the inside".
• Parry/Block – parrying or blocking uses the boxer's hands as defensive tools to deflect incoming attacks. As the opponent's punch arrives, the boxer delivers a sharp, lateral, open-handed blow to the opponent's wrist or forearm, redirecting the punch.
• The Cover?up – covering up is the last opportunity to avoid an incoming strike to an unprotected face or body. Generally speaking, the hands are held high to protect the head and chin and the forearms are tucked against the torso to impede body shots. When protecting the body, the boxer rotates the hips and lets incoming punches "roll" off the guard. To protect the head, the boxer presses both fists against the front of the face with the forearms parallel and facing outwards. This type of guard is weak against attacks from below.
• The Clinch – clinching is a rough form of grappling and occurs when the distance between both fighters has closed and straight punches cannot be employed. In this situation, the boxer attempts to hold or "tie up" the opponent's hands so he or she is unable to throw hooks or uppercuts. To perform a clinch, the boxer loops both hands around the outside of the opponent's shoulders, scooping back under the forearms to grasp the opponent's arms tightly against their own body. In this position, the opponent's arms are pinned and cannot be used to attack. Clinching is a temporary match state and is quickly dissipated by the referee or the fighters themselves.
Armed with a basic knowledge of the techniques of how to fight, we will now turn to the next step…how to win.
Chapter 7 – Winners and Losers…. The End Game
The physical act of fighting, especially with someone close to you who you find attractive, is in of itself very satisfying and arousing. The physical part is obvious, two scantily clad lovers, in close contact with each other, their bodies in constant motion for each to see and enjoy, coming together in bursts of violent energy, separated by only a short distance where emotions are clearly visible. Add to this the moments when the two fighters lock up in each other’s arms in a clinch and the level of eroticism climbs as two sweaty bodies strain against each other, limbs intertwined as they battle for dominant position. The sexual appeal is obvious.
What makes erotic boxing so special is not just the physical proximity of the participants. The act of delivering a blow to another person can be an extremely exciting experience, especially when that individual is someone you love and care about. The thrill you get from striking that person is restrained by the love you feel for them. This conflict of emotions is very powerful and is the fulcrum upon which we try to balance the entire act of erotic fighting.
One of the most important balances that must be achieved is that which exists between pleasure and pain. That which excites us, the striking of another, may also inflict some level of pain on that individual. As the psychology of S&M has shown, under the right circumstances, the recipient of the pain derives as much pleasure and satisfaction from it as the one delivering it. Harnessing that shared pleasure and pain creatively should be the goal, managing it safely the imperative, sharing it equally the objective, achieving it competitively the mission.
Words like “hurt,” “punish” and “devastate” can have a very negative connotation, and rightly so. However, they can also elicit very strong sexual emotions. The saying “you always hurt the one you love” is quite true; and there is a certain perverse pleasure in that. If both of you share that feeling, then hurting your lover and being hurt by them can bring intense erotic pleasure and fulfillment, if and only if it is confined to inflicting minor physical pain. Emotional pain is a different story. Emotions are extremely powerful, and great care must be taken to excite the positive, erotic emotions and not inflame the negative emotions associated with “hurt” and “pain.” Only the couple can sort his out and it can be the most challenging aspect of erotic fighting.
Boxing is a competitive sport and so is its erotic counterpart. The goal of both is to achieve victory, through similar methods but for different ends. The means of achieving victory is to hurt your opponent more than they hurt you. Pain must be inflicted and sufficient damage done to their body and will so that a clear decision can be reached and a winner declared. Managing the amount of pain inflicted and the level of bodily damage incurred has been our focus thus far. Hopefully we have made it clear that this must be pain that both find pleasurable and emotions that both see as positive and fulfilling. Let us turn next to those most powerful of emotions, winning and losing.
Almost every aspect of life is competitive, and in any situation, there are winners and losers. Part of living is being able to accept not being successful in every endeavor, winning every battle and achieving dominance in every situation. Being able to accept failure and defeat and managing the submissive situations these put you in are a necessary life skill. Our sex lives are no less competitive, with one notable exception. As our look at S&M indicated, pain and pleasure can be mutually enjoyable, as can winning and losing, as well as dominance and submission. In some strange quirk of human psychology, we have been given a unique opportunity in the sexual realm to turn negatives into positives, pain into pleasure and hurt into love. If only this were possible elsewhere in our lives.
If both parties in a close and loving relationship understand the competitive nature of their life together, they will want to celebrate and enjoy it to its fullest. Any healthy sex life that exists in this competitive environment will be subject to similar dynamics, though altered by the unique forces at play in this most mysterious of emotions. This is where erotic fighting can bring together the turbulent mixture of love, lust, competition, sex, pain, pleasure, the desire to win and the ability to revel in defeat.
How do you win a fight and exact the most pleasure and enjoyment from it, and how do you lose that fight and get just as much pleasure and fulfillment? Here again the answer lies in the shared emotions of the contestants. If we accept that both man and woman want to win this “battle of the sexes,” but each will accept a legitimate defeat because both results will achieve similar pleasure and fulfillment, then the issue is how to achieve this best of both worlds.
It has always been conventional wisdom that men have a much stronger desire to win than women. This is just plain wrong. Women today are every bit as competitive and crave victory as much as men; even more so if that victory is achieved over a man. If that man is their partner and lover, it is all the sweeter. We think we have described the physical conditions by which both sexes can compete equally and achieve victory in this sport. How that victory is achieved is vital to the emotional and psychological interplay of the entire experience.
In boxing, a win can be earned in several different ways. In professional and amateur bouts, the most common means of determining a winner is through the decision of a panel of judges using an agreed upon scoring system that rates both fighters by their activity level and the number of punches each lands in a round. Given that on most occasions a couple will be fighting with no judges present, they would be left to agree between themselves as to who the eventual winner and loser is. This is both subjective and certainly open to debate. If you do choose to fight with others present (more on this in the next chapter) then perhaps an impartial decision can be rendered by the spectators. Still, there is something rather unsatisfying and subjective about winning this way. Of course, a fighter may, for whatever reason, stop the fight at any time and concede defeat, this being a “retirement.” This too is a rather inconclusive way to terminate the proceedings.
The most decisive path to winning in a boxing match is the “knockout.” The very word has come to denote total victory and has very powerful erotic connotations as well. The word knockout is used to describe a very attractive woman and being “knocked out” by her beauty and sexual appeal. In terms of boxing, it means the fight is stopped due to one fighter being too incapacitated to continue. This can be by the determination of the referee, in which case it is termed a technical knockout, or the inability of the fighter to get up after being knocked down by his or her opponent, usually after a count of ten, which is the classical sense of the term.
In mixed boxing, the erotic connotations of the word “knockout” can have tremendous emotional power. The ability to end the fight decisively is very appealing to both contestants. It means there is no ambiguity over the outcome. One person, be they the man or the woman, has emerged as the undisputed victor, and must be seen by both as the better fighter and dominant partner in the sexual activity that is sure to follow. This decisive outcome can also be used to settle minor domestic disputes (who has to take out the garbage) as well as extract concessions from a reluctant partner (If I win you have to take me out to that nice restaurant). The physical and emotional appeal of this total victory of one sex over the other should not be understated.
Achieving a knockout victory in an erotic fight should be the goal of both participants, though only if done in a safe and emotionally satisfying way. The classic knockout means inflicting sufficient damage on your opponent, so they are unable or unwilling to get up and continue to fight after you have knocked them down with blows from your fists. This could be from injury, fatigue or just an unwillingness to face further punishment. The downed fighter is given a count of ten by the referee (if present) or the standing fighter. If they cannot regain their feet at that time and resume the fight they are declared “out” and the fight is over. There is one form of knockout that occupies a darker corner of the sport. That is striking your opponent sufficiently hard that they are rendered unconscious for a brief period and unable to rise for the count. This is a scary (though not necessarily dangerous) event that should be avoided in erotic fighting because here the risks, both physical and emotional, far outweigh the pleasure. By following the guidelines we have laid out and applying common sense, you should never have to face this eventuality. Alex and Susan have fought each other many, many times without a serious injury and without ever knocking each other out cold. In all honesty, though, this has become a kind of forbidden fruit for us. We both know each is physically capable of rendering the other unconscious. We have openly discussed this and recognize the erotic appeal, and are willing to take the risk, but to date, it has been an emotional bridge we have yet to cross.
The erotic appeal of winning by a knockout is undeniable, so how do you do it and how should you react to it? Any good, clean fight can end in a knockout if one party is able to land enough good punches to take the will and capacity to fight out of their opponent before sending them to the ground with a finishing blow. That said, with the rules and limitations we insist on in erotic boxing, it is not always a given that one fighter can finish the other that way. In this case, a little understanding and cooperation is required by both participants. Each knows that the pleasure of the activity can be greatly enhanced by ending it decisively, so if either finds themselves losing the fight and feeling they cannot reverse the situation, they can play towards a knockout finish. This is not to say they should “take a dive” as the parlance goes; that would be contrary to the spirit of the contest and could spoil the emotional satisfaction of winner and loser alike. What we mean is, if the opportunity arises for a realistic ending of the contest when your personal situation warrants it; take advantage of it. If you are exhausted and don’t want to go out for the next round, or feel you’ve taken enough punishment, summon the courage and strength to take one more good punch and then go down and stay down for the count to give your opponent the satisfaction of earning a decisive knockout victory.
When you have the opportunity to stand over your lover and count them out as they lay slumped at your feet, you’ll understand the feeling of elation and arousal that comes with beating them in a fair fight. If you are the defeated fighter, looking up at your partner towering over you, their gloves raised in victory, you’ll not feel the sting of the loss so much as a sense of pride in your lover’s accomplishment and a keen anticipation of how they will exact payment for their win.
Men and women may react differently to being in both situations, victor and vanquished. A woman, used to the submissive role, may not react as negatively to a loss as a man. As long as she feels the fight was fair and she gave a good account of herself, she will be accepting of the outcome. A man’s ego may not be so felicitous after being beaten by a member of the “weaker sex” however. The sign of a truly caring and loving man would be for him to be not only magnanimous in defeat but very proud and congratulatory of his lover’s accomplishment. If the man wins and it was truly a fair and even fight, he should not feel guilty or ashamed of beating a woman. The woman in turn should feel justifiably elated in her ability to defeat a man in what both agreed was a fair contest. At the end of this Battle of the Sexes, both man and woman should feel proud of themselves and each other, and incredibly aroused and ready to consummate the undeniable lust that has built throughout the fight.
This is not a guidebook on great sex. Others have written with much more expertise on that topic. We can say with confidence, however, that the greatest sex we have ever had has been immediately after the decisive conclusion of a rough fight. All the emotions that went into that epic event reach a crescendo at the final, concluding moment when one of us declares victory over the other. The erotic trappings and blatant lust combine with the pain, fear, elation and sense of satisfaction to bring (hopefully) both fighters to a state of maximum sexual arousal that must be immediately satisfied. The decisive outcome of the fight leaves no doubt who should take the dominant role and who should be submissive. If the fight was conducted carefully, both will be delighted with their respective roles and will embrace them enthusiastically.
How each couple crowns their fight with lovemaking is a personal choice. The possibilities are limitless. Personally, we enjoy both tender and rough sex. We use our fights as a means to set the stage for the rougher side of our nature. After a hard-fought battle our need to consummate our lust is so urgent we like to make love on the floor of the fight venue, the winning fighter immediately mounting the loser. Suffice it say with emotions running so high, the sex is incredibly intense. Sometimes we’ll leave our gloves on and continue the fight on the floor until we punch and fuck each other into a mutual climax. The entire experience leaves us totally drained, completely satisfied and more in love than ever. As private and intimate as the lovemaking is, the erotic and emotional state achieved in erotic fighting can be shared with others. We’ll investigate that issue in the next and final chapter.
Chapter 8 – Sharing the Fun
Who doesn’t like to watch a good fight? Aside from those prudes who would be horrified at the thought of it, many folks would very much enjoy the spectacle of an attractive, evenly matched man and woman fighting each other. Most would never admit it, but if given the opportunity to watch, few would turn away; its different, intriguing and very erotic.
There is probably a little exhibitionist in all of us, but we are naturally reserved about sharing our sex lives with others. Some do enjoy, however, giving those close to them a peek at what goes on behind their bedroom door. For those who get a thrill out of showing off a little, mixed boxing is the perfect outlet. It’s exciting and sexy without being crass or vulgar, and it shows you off at your best. If the idea of having spectators at your fights intrigues you and makes the event more exciting, by all means invite some friends to share your experience. Everyone will have a good time, and some may even be inclined to try it themselves.
As long as you have people at the event, you might as well put them to work. As we have said, making the fight as realistic and professional as possible enhances the appeal of the experience. Put another person in the ring as a referee to get that extra dimension, though make sure they know and understand the rules they are supposed to enforce. Each of you can ask a friend to work in your corner, to not only get water and towel you off, but coach and encourage you during the bout. This makes the event feel even more like a “real” boxing match.
For those couples who wish to expand their erotic fighting experience beyond the confines of their relationship, there are certainly ways to go about that. What we have tried to emphasize here is the very intricate web of physical and emotional trust, understanding and confidence that must be built between couples to make this a viable, enjoyable activity. You cannot bring just anyone into this mix as a possible alternative opponent for either of you and necessarily expect a positive outcome. Without the bonds built through years of close interaction and affection, the potential results could range from disappointing to dangerous.
If both of you are willing to take this step and agree that fighting others would be a positive and fulfilling addition to your relationship, then it is certainly something that can be pursued. Engaging another stable, like-minded couple as opponents in a “couples tournament” may hold some appeal as both of you will have the chance to take on a different opponent. As in any “swapping” arrangement, however, this would require a great deal of trust and understanding from all parties. Alternatively, you could invite individuals of either sex to box one or both of you as a means of broadening your fighting experience. If you decide to bring outsiders into this very special part of your lives, you should know them intimately or vet them very carefully. Above all, they MUST adhere to safe and sane practices like those outlined in this guidebook.
Make it fun, exciting and sexy, and above all, keep it safe!
About the authors: Alex and Susan are a middle age North American couple who are in a stable, loving, long term relationship. They hope to be able to continue fighting for many years to come.
