Sick again, guys… can’t really sleep because of the pain and it’s noisy in this house anyway lol… being Superdad is hard. Anyway, I thought I’d write something off the top of my head and see how far I can go. I doubt this is going to be a very long one, guys; I’m sorry. My mind just isn’t there.
The Toughest Girl In the World
I can’t believe this… her legs are squeezing the fight right out of me and I’m looking right at him, not able to breathe… he’s looking at me with that same awkward look… this is what it’s come down to? This is how a broken heart feels? She tightens her arms in the full nelson and shoves my head forward and I’m staring right at my sneakers… for the first time in my life, I can say that I feel defeated… I feel beaten… all because I’m in love. And not just any kind of love… I’m in LOVE, L-O-V-E… the kind of love that makes me cry in the middle of the night for no reason, the love that you feel in the corners of your eyes when you see him, and you can’t breathe, like I can’t breathe right now, and you feel this hollow but fuzzy feeling deep in your belly… and you’re walking and you don’t even know your toes are curling because you can’t feel your feet on the ground. All I’ve done is eat, breathe, and shit Nathanial Norwood.
“Come on, Mandy!!” the kids are cheering me on, but if they could see the tears welling up in my eyes, if not for me closing them hard and gritting my teeth, they’d know that I’m just not into this fight. I’ve been fighting all my life; don’t let my 5’3” 120 lb frame, with my long curled blonde hair, friendly blue eyes, and baby face fool you… I’m a bad ass, first because I had no choice, and then, by acceptance. I grew up in a trailer park; I’ve had an awful relationship with my mother, who can’t stop dating every man she comes across; I’ve ran away from home and gotten arrested… I’ve even beaten up a cop, knocked out a trucker, and beaten every person who’s been dumb enough to try me. I learned how to fight and how to wrestle because that’s all I did. The guys who’ve tried to flirt with me and talk to me have called me “The Toughest Girl in the World,” but they have no idea how close to true that is. I can’t remember the last time I’d cried before I fell in love. I’ve layered my emotions and my rule was always “pretend to be mad or be mean before being honest about your feelings.” That was before I realized I was in love.
I could see myself on a rainy day, rolling around in the mud and winding up on top of a girl twice my size, pounding the crap out of her and putting her in an ankle lock, screaming for her to tap out. I could see myself at the pool, jumping in with my tank top and shorts on, then knocking out the jerk lifeguard who tried to pull me out. I could see myself with a homeless man in a headlock and his barbed wire beard scratching my arm outside of a 7-11 when we were both begging for change during one of those times I was homeless. I’ve done it all and I mean it; I’m not some pretty blonde who’s talking a bunch of crap… this was my life. But I met some cool friends and started getting myself together. See, I never took myself seriously, but they took me seriously… they cared about me and I had to take them seriously. Nathanial was one of them; he was just the biggest geek I’d ever met and the old bully in me kicked in. I punched him and made fun of him; I tried to make him cry… and he took it and when he’d go back at me, I’d go harder. I guess that’s kinda how I got attracted to him. He stood up to me, but not in the way that he would yell back at me. He’d make little comments, like if I said, “Hey geek wad” he’d say, “at least I don’t have a rap sheet as long as the Great Wall of China.” And I’d say, “I’m proud of my rap sheet,” and he’d say, “And therein lies the problem.” See what I mean? I could beat him in a fight; he knew that, but I couldn’t beat him in an argument. And that was so sexy… as much as I’d hate to say it, losing to him made me like him.
He’d have girlfriends; I’d have boyfriends… we didn’t know how picky we were about that type of stuff until it didn’t work out and of course, we’d mock each other about it… but I was always there to scare off a bully who tried to pick on him and he was always there to do my homework for me. Then, we talked and he told me all this stuff about how I needed to shape up because you only get one life to live and… just a bunch of stuff about my attitude. He wasn’t talking about the way I was treating him; he said life wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t mess with him, but he said I wasn’t taking life seriously enough and I had to start thinking about my future. There was a huge test coming up and I was making so-so grades. He was doing my homework for me so that I wouldn’t fail, but he was also using it as ammunition for our verbal sparring contests and I decided to try doing my own work and not turning it in with bacon grease, ketchup or Doritos residue on it. I got serious about studying and those three weeks he spent tutoring me were hard, but it paid off. I got an A on the test and I almost cried… and that’s when I grabbed him by his shoulders and kissed him. He couldn’t believe it… and neither could I. That’s when I realized that I was in love with him and I felt so weak inside. I just couldn’t be without him. But I didn’t tell him… I threatened to beat him up if he told anyone about the kiss or even mentioned it to me.
He went off to college. I wanted to go too, but I didn’t have a high enough GPA and I fell back into my old ways for a while. I got into more fights; I started drinking and a lot of times, I’d wake up at a friend’s house not knowing what I did the previous day. I would eat and eat and eat and then, go work out and all could think about was Nathanial. I just couldn’t stop and I would sit on the toilet seat at my apartment and cry and not know why I was crying. He’d come into town and we’d all hang out… but I couldn’t tell him. He had been working out too and he had some big arms now and he got contacts to replace the glasses. We’d go out and have beers and we’d armwrestle like old times, but it was a lot harder to beat him, though my little butt still did. We would even wrestle for real; he said he was taking some jiu jitsu classes and he wanted to show me what he knew. But while I never took a fighting class, I knew how to fight heh heh and I showed him I knew more about wrestling than he did jiu jitsu. Then… he brought HER to town with him… Wilma Watson, 5‘8” 135 lbs, shoulder length brown pigtails, brown eyes, looked like Anne Hathaway… the “Geek Freak.”
Wilma was another jiu jitsu student with an annoying geeky voice, a snorting laugh, and a habit of changing the subject to something no one was interested in or something totally random or disgusting. I was telling Nathanial how I had gotten myself some new boots, and Wilma says, “You know, *snort snort* Coca Cola is trying to buy space on the moon because they want to put their logo on it.” What the hell did that have to do with anything. I’d see him with her and I’d want to puke up my kidneys. And what make me sicker than anything… she kept asking me about him… kept asking me about how she could get with him. He had told her about me; he liked me back in high school, but he was too afraid to tell me. She said she took his virginity… she was a “geek freak” and that’s a woman or girl who’s attractive and associates with or has sex with geeks. Like a geek groupie or something. I couldn’t take it; I felt the air go right out of me when she told me that and she laughed right in my ear. I was still in love with Nathaniel and I should’ve told him back then, but I was the toughest girl in the world… yeah right. Now, he was hanging around this dork, and she kept laughing that snorting laugh and driving deeper and deeper into me that I had missed my chance.
Then, she really started getting under my skin. We went to the arcade and she beat me in air hockey after swearing she’d never played before. Then she beat me in pool… she beat me in bowling… she beat me in darts. And she would do that annoying laugh and Nathanial would laugh too. You’ve got to understand; I OWN everybody in those games. I beat everybody and to have some geek freak show up and humiliate me in front of the man I was in love with hurt me badly… but I just told her I was going easy on her. Then she started touching me… I’ve got fat cheeks, but I don’t like people messing with my face and that bitch pinched my cheeks and snorted out a laugh every time I made a joke or said something she thought was funny. And most of the time, I wasn’t even making a joke. I was reading the menu and she was laughing. But what hurt me more was that he was laughing too. I tried my best to hide it, but I just wanted to run away and cry. Seeing them together made me sick and I really wanted to rip her head off.
“You must be going easy on me, huh Mandy?” she says with the snorting laugh right behind it. Her legs continue to cut off my air and her arms are like steel beams in the full nelson she’s got me in. How’d this happen? I hit her right in the mouth… I hauled off and punched that bitch right in the mouth because I was tired of her. We’re in a park and it’s wet and starting to rain and she kept on talking and talking about disasters and body counts and all kinds of stuff that I didn’t want to listen to. So, I decided I would change the subject to her jiu jitsu and I hit her and told her she wasn’t prepared. When she went down, she looked like she was about to cry and then, she got up. Nathaniel was like, “Many don’t hurt her, don’t---” and I saw his face turn to shock when she kicked me in the stomach and I doubled over. I’m as tough as they come, but getting caught off guard and getting the wind knocked out of me are not a good mix. I moaned loudly when she kicked me; I heard it and so did she and I didn’t straighten myself up immediately. It was a new feeling for me. I had been hit in the stomach during a fight before and I could shake it off for the most part, but she kicked me and let’s face it; everything she had said and the way they were acting was like a kick to the gut. She pulled my arms apart and stood me up in a full nelson, then she locked her legs around my waist and pulled me down on my back and that’s where I am now.
More of our friends are here watching and I’m feeling humiliated because she’s turned me over and shoved my face in the mud and grass. I know Nathaniel’s watching and that’s what’s beating me… not Wilma. I know I can power out of this, but I don’t know if I want to. My stomach is hurting and it’s softening more than it already was because of her body scissors. Nathaniel used to make funny of my bellybutton because it’s tiny, but it sticks out a bit and he poked it once and that felt like an electric shock… I almost went down from it and I put him in a hammerlock for it. Now, I feel her damn heel rubbing against it because my shirt is riding up. I can hear our friends chanting my name. They’re expecting me to power out of this Hulk Hogan style and beat Wilma down. They don’t know who Wilma is or what she’s capable of, and I guess I didn’t either and that’s why I’m where I am. No… that’s wrong. I did this to myself and I guess maybe I want to lose… maybe all I’ve ever been in life is a loser and the second I realized that the guy I was constantly making fun of and kicking around was the reason I felt like a winner, it was too late. He had found someone else…
I bring my arms down hard and break the full nelson while throwing my head back into hers. I hear her scream and feel her legs loosen, so I squeeze myself free. I turn over and try to pin her down; I’ve wrestled everybody down to the ground that I’ve faced and she may have caught me off guard with that kick and drained me with that hold, but despite the pain in my stomach, I’m going for it. And then she nails me with a forearm to my nose… Unnhh!! Before I could even reach up to block the next blow, she grabs my head with both hands and pulls it forward and I feel her legs tighten around me just below my armpits… double arm triangle hold or some variation of it. I watch a lot of mixed martial arts and I know Gracie/Brazilian jiu jitsu deals with submissions and ground fighting primarily, but experiencing it is on a whole ‘nother level and it’s a level I don’t like. Submission holds are how I like to finish someone I’m fighting too. You can beat them up with your fists or throw a kick to the gut or take them down and ground and pound… but getting them to quit? That’s what’s up. But as I feel myself blacking out, I’m so frustrated. Nathaniel is watching and he’s not moving to break it up… that makes my stomach ache badly. Normally, I wouldn’t want anybody getting involved in a fight I’m having, but I love him and I guess, I want him to save me. Kinda dumb, huh?
I’ve always been unusually strong for my height and that comes in handy because I’m able to power out of the hold… being choked out feels like you’re off medication. You don’t want to go to sleep and lay around, but without your meds, your body does it. I don’t know if that makes any sense but I’ve been in enough hospitals for people thinking I’m crazy to know. I get to my feet and she slowly gets up. I just gave her a world of confidence because I’m the one covered in mud and I’m the big shot ground and pound tough girl and by getting up, I just told her that she’s better on the ground than I am. I raise my fists and I figure I’ll just punch her out… but she pops me with three jabs to my face and then OUGH!!! Straight right to the pit of my stomach and my legs buckle. I throw a left hook, but I realize midway through that she already was inside of the range, ducking low and picking me up, then slamming me on my back in the mud. I feel myself exhale right as she pulls my right arm into an armbar and I try to pull free and succeed, turning away and trying to get back up, but she’s tackles me and I just noticed that she’s barefoot and her feet have mud all over them. She’s got her legs around my legs and her right arm is locking up both my right arm and my neck in a front dragon sleeper or arm triangle or something and she’s punching my right side with her left arm. I know it hurts back and I roll on my back and she starts hammering my stomach. I lower my left arm to protect myself and I can look up and see Nathaniel watching… he’s got a look of disbelief on his face and I know how weak I’m looking right now.
“I love you, Nathaniel,” I say, and I don’t know where it’s coming from inside of me or why I‘m saying it now, “I always have loved you. OOF!! UMM!!! GUUUUH!!! UGHHH!!!! OUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!”
That last shot was on the bellybutton and it hurt more than anything. I realize as she mounts me and starts raining down punches that as much as it would benefit me to get up, I can’t bring myself to. The punches hit my face, swell my cheeks fatter than they already were, bust my nose and when I bring my arms up to protect myself, she turns and slides her legs around my neck, then yanks my shirt up and starts pounding my stomach. Her legs are going under my armpits and over my shoulders, locking at the ankles on my throat so that her muddy feet are in my face.
“Suck the mud off my toes and I’ll stop,” she says, snorting out a bunch of laughs. I see more people with cell phones and I know this will be on youtube and everyone will see me and see my weakness. My arms are draped and I’m spread eagle… even if I wanted to mount a comeback, I couldn’t… I’m a beaten woman and I know it and she knows it. My mouth is open and I’m gasping for air and I have to admit; I’ve never lost, but losing feels so good. I’m really turned on by it, but I’m also devastated at the same time, and I know that’s what love is. She shoves her toes in my mouth and I lick the mud off because I don’t have any choice. I don’t even have the strength to bite her foot. She stands over me and stomps on my stomach WHOOOOOOOOOOSH…. I curl up in a fetal ball and she grabs me by my hair.
“Something you want to tell me, Mandy?” the geek freak says, and yes, she snorts
“I’m done,” I say, “You beat me… you can have Nathaniel.”
“Wait” that’s Nathaniel’s voice
“Wilma, give me a moment with Mandy,” and he pulls me up. At first, I’m thinking he may hit me in the stomach too… I read a belly punching story once where two girls fought at a beach over a guy and he was refereeing and when one girl beat the other with stomach shots, the guy hit her too. But that’s not like Nathaniel; as much as I put him through, he grabs me and kisses me deeply and I feel myself weightless in his arms as he lifts me up and carries me.
“I love you too, Mandy” he says, and he carries me, his geeky butt carries me to his car while the geek freak sits on the back seat. She sits back there while we talk like we haven’t talked in ages and he drops her off at her hotel while we go to my apartment. That night, he breaks my virginity… yes, I was a virgin. People called me The Toughest Girl in the World, but someone said that you’re not tough when you want to be; you’re tough when you have to be. I don’t know if taking a butt-kicking from Wilma The Geek Freak Watson was tough; but maybe finding the guts to tell the man you love that you love him, even when it seems he’s moved on did take some toughness. I have a feeling that Wilma isn’t done with this by a long shot. I’ve actually started taking mixed martial arts classes to work on my skills. I can’t be anything else and fighting seems to find me wherever I go, so I may as well be a fighter, right? And yes, Nathaniel is as supportive of me as ever… so supportive, we’re now engaged. Yes, he’s very much a worry wart and yes, I still pick on him, but he can put me in my place. Wilma’s turned pro after going to Brazil and winning some jiu jitsu tournaments. She’s ranked pretty high now and she still calls Nathaniel, bothering him. There are some tryouts for that Ultimate Catfighter show and she mentioned that. I think I may try out too. After all, how hard could it be, right? I’m the toughest girl in the world.
The End?
Believe it or not, being forced to watch iCarly with my girls inspired this story, though it isn‘t about the show or anything like that show. Strange where the inspiration comes from… thank Heavens Jennette McCurdy is 18, huh?
and for the record, this is a picture from the 2011 Kids Choice Awards where this actress is eighteen. I had to check and make sure because I have no desire to post pictures of anyone underage.
