The Bishop is having great difficulty wrapping his head around his Boss The Pope being the first Pontiff in more than 7 centuries to abdicate. The perks alone would seem to ensure one’s Holy Ass stays on the Sedia gestatoria, flashes the Ring of the Fisherman and rocks the triregnum until Cardinal Angelo Scola pries it from your decaying corpse.
But this is nothing compared to the difficulty the Bishop is having trying to conceive of Kathie Lee Gifford, Kelly Ripa, Wendy Williams, Hoda, Leeza Gibbons and Rachel Fucking Ray as journalists.
The Bishop, being a solutions-oriented cleric, suggests the following as a more tasteful and certainly more accurate group, and hotter, to boot:
1) Mandy Drury
2) Trish Reagan
3) Norah O’Donnell
4) Alex Wagner
These will indicate to any sharp observer that the Bishop wants his financial news, like his morning double espresso, delivered with a pleasing touch of sweetness. The Bishop will also admit to being sweet on Alex Wagner, and would personally like to give her something to confess about.