Flashback 1931: Clara Bow vs Joan Blondell
The two battlers sat on the floor, Clara wrapping her legs around Joan's waist from behind and locking on a crushing scissors. As the blonde's hands frantically tried to pry her tormentor's gams apart, Bow slammed a rabbit punch to the back of her opponent's skull, dazing Blondell.
Then Clara executed a little trick she had learned from pro wrestling champ Jim Londos: her powerful legs lifted the blonde up into the air, and then brought her down again for a 'Keister Bump', the painful impact shooting up from Joan's tailbone to her spine, causing her to moan sharply. Smiling at the result, Bow repeated it, eliciting an even louder yelp of pained protest from her victim.
But you can go to the well one time too often. The brunette leaned forward for the leverage to lift her adversary even higher the third time, but that brought her close enough for Joan to suddenly piston her elbow once, twice, thrice into the side of Clara's head. Now it was Bow's turn to be dazed as she fell to her back and her legs unlocked around Blondell, who hurriedly scampered away. On her knees facing her opponent, who was slowly sitting up, Joan panted hard for breath, her hands massaging her aching ribs, and her face a scowl of fury.
Both battlers got to their feet and warily circled one another in crouched positions. Suddenly as if on some silent signal they sprang at each other; clasping hands, they engaged in a test of strength, their voluptuous bodies trembling from the exertion of every ounce of raw power they could muster. The advantage swayed back and forth, as first one beauty would start to drive her rival to her knees, only to have the situation reversed a minute later. This resulted in stalemate, until finally they broke apart simultaneously, each giving a gruff grunt of frustration.
They stood stock still for the span of several heartbeats, and then they lunged once more at each other, this time their hands reaching for manes of hair, their fingers entangling near the scalps. As they stumbled around the room, gasping and whining as they tore at one another's locks, they again seemed locked in stalemate...until suddenly Clare threw a knee up into Joan's belly. Suddenly winded, the blonde doubled over at the waist, her hands slipping from Bow's dark hair. Clare let go of Blondell's mane and slammed a forearm blow down across her adversary's back, dropping Joan to one knee with a groan.
Clasping her hands and raising her arms above her head, Clara leered with a devilsih grin as she prepared to deliver a devastating blow to her opponent. In her best Brooklyn sneer, Bow says, "I told'ja yer no match for me, ya doxy tramp!"
But before the finishing blow can be delivered, Blondell suddenly bellows an Amazon's cry and vaults up from her kneeling position, wrapping her arms around the brunette's waist and pressing her shoulder into Bow's belly as she drives the startled battler backward, until finally Clara's back slams up against the wall. Seething with fury, eyes blazing with anger, Joan begins hammering away at Clara with her fists, slamming blows to her face, belly and chest, as the brunette withers under the brutal assault.
Adrenaline pulsing through her veins, Blondell grabs the bewildered brunette by her tangled mop of hair and drags her on wobbly legs to the center of the room. Then, dipping her knees, Joan pulls Clara's across her shoulders, stands upright, and with a cruel laugh starts to whirl around and around, subjecting her unwilling passenger to an Airplane Spin. Her senses reeling, Bow wails in dismay, until finally she shrieks,
"STOP! I GIVE UP! SHTAAAAAAAAPPPPP!"Heaving her victim from her shoulders, Joan lets Clara drop heavily to the floor; the brunette tumbles over and lands against the wall, dazed and dismayed and not at all certain of just how her certain victory turned so swiftly into defeat.
Meanwhile, the victorious Blondell shoots a glaring look at her beaten rival, blowing a lock of unruly golden hair from her eyes...
...and is then led on wobbly legs over to a leather chair and handed a glass of the finest bootleg champagne to accept the toast from the spectators for her triumph.
