It's more Christmas in July, courtesy of the Walkin' Dude!Scarlett Johansson vs Lucy Hale
Before: Scarlett nearing the end of her MCU / Disney fighting commitments and while no one has accused her of phoning it in (save for a few Twitter ‘journalists’ in the pocket of Warner Brothers) some comments given to the press suggested she was ready to be done with the phenomenal grind of big studio AHW bouts. Not that she was going easy into that good night, mind you, the curvaceous redhead was coming off grueling victories over Jennifer Love Hewitt and Chloe Bennett in JMD and Boots & Bottoms bouts respectively in as many weeks.
The announcement that Lucy Hale would be her next adversary on the
‘Black Widow Farewell Tour’ raised more than a few eyebrows, though considerably less in certain inner circles where it was a poorly-kept secret that Lucy had been chosen for the bout after an exhaustive mud-wrestling victory over her nemesis Vanessa Hudgens the weekend prior. Disney execs understandably disappointed as they were far more eager to promote a clash of home grown stars, but they changed their tune when at least one of the Powers That Be pointed out how Hale had spent the last five years of her fighting career carving out a niche as one of, if not thee single most tenacious flyweight on the circuit. Win or lose, this executive noted, Lucy would provide Scarlett sustained minutes for her highlight reel before the perky little pixie inevitably succumbed to Johansson’s vaunted juggs. Thus assuaged, there was minimal ‘big timing’ of the small screen star, though under no circumstances was she to wear red, black or white, as these were Scarlett’s colors. For her part, Lucy nodded and smiled through it all, the one-time ABC Family afterthought clearly delighted and eager for what was without a doubt the biggest match of her career.
Come fight night she’s out first (of course) sporting not the traditional pre-match robe but a short gray hoodie emblazoned with the ‘Gritty Little Lucy’ moniker that’d been catching on various social media platforms as of late. The hoodie only offered peek-a-boo glimpses of the brunette’s bottoms, but once removed she earned a murmur of approval for a matching set of leopard print bra & panties done in shades of turquoise and gold.
That murmur grew to a full-on roar when Scarlett made her entrance, the A-Lister immediately commanding every eye in the room with her red silk robe and black crushed-velvet bra & panties. Offering a quick nod and smile to her gathered supporters, Johansson’s expression grew carefully neutral when she turned to Lucy. Out of her robe in a single effortless shrug, Scarlett tapped the red hourglass insignia emblazoned on the right cup of her top, then pointed a finger at Hale and beckoned her forward. Still smiling, Lucy obliged her.
Early: The opening minutes were exactly what you’d expect for this match: Scarlett imposing her will and Lucy working to deny or thwart as quickly as possible. If Johansson wanted a handful of hair, she grabbed it. If she wanted to slap Lucy’s face, she slapped it. If she wanted Hale moved to a different part of the carpet, she simply wrapped the brunette up tummy to tummy and marched her into the desired position. Not that Scarlett acted with complete impunity, mind you. Hale’s counter hair-pulls were just as energetic as her foe’s efforts and one tart little paintbrush of a slap across the mouth connected with enough force to narrow Johansson’s eyes in ‘how could you’ fury.
Still, it played out just as the nameless executive had predicted, with Lucy providing just enough competition for it to not feel like piling on when Scarlett bodied the brunette against the floor to ceiling windows on one wall and smec-smec-SMECKED her fireplug frame against Hale’s tummy and tits with a trio of truncated Splashes. Johansson forcing brazen eye contact in the aftermath, the redhead making Lucy carry every bit of her weight to ensure the ‘starlet’ knew who was in charge. Interlude ended with Johansson snatching a handful of hair to bounce the back of Lucy’s head off the glass, but not before she leaned in to whisper something that contained the words
‘not in my league.’ Later: Scarlett encounters her first real problem just after the nine minute mark. She’s got Hale smudged up against the wall on the far side of the living room waiting for her fifth Knife-Edge Chop when Lucy abruptly twisted out of the way, leaving Scar Jo’s hand to CRACK painfully off the elegant, cream-colored plaster. Redhead instinctually wheeled around to protect her hand only to discover Hale’s got another target in mind. Catching hold of Scarlett’s waistband, she reeled her foe in and clouted her across the lower back with a Forearm Smash. Two more follow before Johansson’s able to free herself, but the answering slap was nimbly avoided as Hale kicks it into hummingbird gear to get behind the heavier wrestler.
Just like that she’s got a shoulder to Scarlett’s back and the redhead can’t get her hands up in time to prevent Lucy from plowing her into the wall! Hale ignores the surprise from her opponent and the guests, she’s entirely focused on the forearm braced along Scarlett’s shoulders and the broadside Kneelifts she THWUMPED inches above the waistband of her opponent’s briefs. Johansson frees herself after half a dozen impacts and though she looks none the worse for wear, there’s a certain wariness present that wasn’t there a minute ago. Lucy knew she could hurt Scarlett, now Scarlett knows it too.
Finale: It took almost thirty minutes, but Scarlett Johansson finally learned the frazzling, maddening contradiction that is Lucy Hale. Namely, how can someone who moved like a hummingbird while upright transform into a goddamned millstone when things sprawled to the ground? The action had remained vertical for another five or so minutes after the missed Chop and though Johansson landed her fair share of shots (including a massive overhand stereo SLAP to Lucy’s modest assets) she never really regained the control she’d enjoyed in the early going. Now she was chasing after Hale and more often than not missing as the brunette dipped away at weird angles just to double back and land a few stinging shots to her opponent’s increasingly achy back.
The tide turned for good (though no one knew it at the time) when Lucy swept Scarlett’s legs out from her to send the redhead to the carpet in a facedown sprawl. Hale pounced at once, straddling the pits of Johansson’s knees, then leaning forward to slip her arms around Scarlett’s midsection. Kneeling Bear Hug, Lucy Hale to Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett too woozy from the landing to respond at once, though she began to groan and writhe when Lucy dug those knotted fists into her navel.
Head turned so she could rest a cheek against the center of Johansson’s back, Hale worked the hold in complete silence for almost a minute before she asked, “Give?”
“Kiss my ass.”
Lucy nodded, tightened her grip and earned her first real boisterous applause of the night when she barreled Scarlett back and forth across the carpet with an energetic Gator Roll! Utterly disoriented by the unexpected trip, Johansson couldn’t capitalize when Hale released the Bear Hug and scrambled into a seat in the hollow of the redhead’s weakened back. Lucy could’ve grabbed opposing biceps for what came next, so it was rather telling that she chose a double handful of hair instead. Yanking Scarlett’s upper body off the floor, she threaded the other wrestler’s arms over her thighs, then laced her fingers under Johansson’s chin and craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanked with all her might.
Credit the resolve of Scarlett Johansson, she endured the Camel Clutch for more than three minutes, but aside from one bout of frantic wriggling very early on, there was never really any indication that she’d escape the hold, especially after Hale relinquished the Chinlock in favor of gaudy, greedy handfuls of that fight-winning rack.
“Give.” Scarlett huffed not long after Lucy began clapping her juggs together over and over.
“Huh? Could you repeat that?”
“Give!”
Hale smiled, kept working. “I don’t think the folks at the bar can hear you.”
“I SAID I GIVE, YOU BITCH!”
After: Scarlett’s handlers try to move in as soon as the ombudsman sounds his chime in an effort to end this debacle as quickly as possible, but damned if they’re not intercepted by none other than Florence Pugh, who’d been watching the whole bout with a close eye. “Let’s just see how this plays out, shall we?”
Unaware of this interjection, Lucy got to her feet, grabbed Scarlett by the bra-straps and pulled her upright for what was presumably a galling Walk of Sha-- Hale dipped a shoulder, threaded that arm between Scarlett’s legs and let out a cavewoman bellow as she muscled the redhead onto her shoulders in a Fireman’s Carry! Beaming under the weight, Lucy slowly turned in a circle, then a second, third and fourth, each rotation growing progressively faster until she ground to a halt and tossed Johansson to the carpet with a single effortful grunt.
Scarlett was a beautiful shipwreck, all fluttering tummy and jostling jugg, but Lucy wasn’t finished quite yet.
Shooing some flabbergasted suits off the closest couch, the brunette made her way onto the armrest and waited there to make sure she had everyone’s attention. She did, even Johansson’s handlers had paused to see what Hale had in-- Lucy leapt from her perch, executed a flawless mid-air toe touch, then stretched out full length to
THAWHAM down across Scarlett’s defenseless belly!
Jackknifed by the big Splash, Johansson flopped onto her side and curled into a ball, the redhead unaware of everything save her own agonized respiration and the faint press of one dainty foot atop her conquered hip.
Beaming in the wake of this stunned almost silence, Hale struck a Rosie the Riveter pose over her defeated adversary and held it until Johansson’s team finally made it to their client. But by then her point was made. Gritty Little Lucy was legit and no one, not even the A-List, could deny it any longer.
