Jessica Alba turned 43 on Sunday! Here is the story of her long-running birthday feud with Eliza Dushku.
2004: Jessica Alba’s 23rd Birthday
“Come on Jessie,” mocked Eliza as she mounted her prostrate opponent. “I thought you were meant to be the new It Girl.”
Eliza had invited herself to Jessica’s birthday bash hellbent on teaching her a lesson for eclipsing her own success. The brawl had been even at first, but Eliza had asserted herself ruthlessly the longer it had gone on.
Eliza laughed as she pulled Jessica’s hair cruelly and drove her left fist into the gut of the Dark Angel star but Jessica had other plans. With a tremendous effort, she managed to push her assailant off of her and roll away from the surprised Eliza.
“You’re… just a D-list bitch,” gasped Jessica as she hauled herself up using the nearby buffet table. “That’s all your irrelevant ass will ever be.”
Angered, Eliza approached again. She punched Jessica in the guts once more, took her by the hair, and slammed her face first into Jessica’s own birthday cake! Cream and frosting went everywhere as Eliza continued to grind her enemy’s face into the remains of the cake.
“How does it taste, loser?” snarled Eliza as Jessica’s limbs waved uselessly. “How does it feel to have your ass kicked by someone as irrelevant as me?”
Eliza opened an adjacent champagne bottle and took a swig before spitting it into Jessica’s face. She then poured the remnants all over the Latina’s body, ignoring her screams for release.
Finally, Jessica offered no more resistance as her body lay on the table. Seeking nothing less than abject humiliation for her more famous rival, Eliza yanked Jessica’s jeans and black lace panties down around her ankles. Jessica’s bronze perfectly formed ass was like a red rag to a bull for Eliza. The former Slayer undid the leather belt of her own jeans and struck a menacing pose with it.
“This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it’s gonna hurt me, Jessie,” she smiled. Poor Jessica was struggling for breath, still rubbing the cake and champagne out of her face. She was completely unprepared for what was about to happen.
THWACK!
Eliza brought the belt down hard on Jessica’s butt, drawing a scream and a quiver from the birthday girl. Eliza was in no mood to let her off lightly.
“That’s one,” she said evilly. “But you’re 23 today, right? 22 more to go!”
Eliza continued her onslaught with the belt. Jessica felt pain course through her reddening butt with every vicious THWACK! She bawled for mercy but was up against a woman who had no such thing in her. Eliza wasn’t satisfied until all 23 smacks had been delivered, until she was sure that Jessica had learned that she was no match for her.
10 years later
It was now 2014 and Jessica had invited Eliza to her 33rd birthday party. Jess had done a lot in the intervening 10 years but one thing she knew she still had to do was to even the score with the bitch who had so tormented her back in 2004.
Their clothes had long been discarded or torn off in a fight that was even more physical than their previous encounter. Jessica’s friends were in attendance, cheering for her as they knew how much it meant to her to conquer Dushku woman to woman.
Jessica tackled Eliza, knocking her off her feet and pinning her to the ground.
“Do you know how much I’ve longed for this?” asked Jessica as she forced Eliza’s wrists to the floor.
“Longed to get your ass spanked again?” grunted Eliza through gritted teeth. She had assumed Jessica would be just as easy prey as last time but was growing concerned that the Latina might be tougher these days.
“No,” purred Jessica. “Longed to put you in your place. Longed to pay you back for what you did to me. Longed to end your tough girl act once and for all.”
“Dream on, loser,” said Eliza before being cut off as Jessica rammed a knee into her crotch. Eliza’s eyes watered as she gasped in pain. Jessica did it again as her friends in attendance cheered. Eliza struggled as much as she could, but Jess had her pinned in place. Another knee to the groin had the proud Eliza crying out in pain.
“What’s wrong, tough girl?” smirked Jessica. “Bitten off more than you can chew?” Quick as a hiccup, Jessica twisted herself around so that she was now facing Eliza’s legs with her opponent still pinned beneath her.
“I seem to remember you targeting my ass back then. It’s payback time, bitch.”
Jessica slid her awesome butt backwards so that it fully covered Eliza’s face, with only the thin fabric of her panties between Eliza’s airways and Jessica’s holes. Eliza’s arms thrashed wildly but Jessica held the pose for some time, revelling in the laughter of the crowd and in the revenge she was exacting on her humiliated rival.
Not content with this, Jessica began to batter Eliza’s stomach with her fists. Eliza’s toned abs were strong, but it didn’t take long for them to tenderise. The muffled cries heard from beneath Jessica’s ass took on a different tone, going from enraged to pleading as the pain became unbearable.
When Jessica did eventually stand up, she revealed something nobody has seen before: an Eliza now broken and sobbing, completely defeated. Jessica hauled her once-formidable opponent up by the hair.
“You have served your purpose here,” Jessica told her firmly. “Get your pathetic ass out of my party and never bother me again.”
Eliza nodded desperately and made her way to the nearest exit as quickly as she could, the crowd laughing at her the whole way and cheering uproariously for the victorious Alba.
10 years later
Eliza had avoided Jessica for the entire decade. Her career had been stagnant, her reputation destroyed and her pride battered. But when she realised that the 10 year anniversary of her humbling was almost upon her, she swore she would have her revenge and re-establish her dominance over her hated foe. She turned up yet again at Jessica’s birthday party, determined to make Alba sorry she’d ever made an enemy of Eliza Dushku.
But now she was crawling away. This hadn’t been a close battle like their previous encounters – in fact Jessica had completed dominated Eliza! Dushku tried to beat a hasty retreat on her hands and knees, only for Jess’ hand to seize her by the waistband. Eliza felt fear welling up deep inside her stomach.
“Come back, wimp” laughed Jessica as she dragged the scrambling woman back towards her. She slapped Eliza’s face hard, delighting in the panic in the eyes of the woman who had tormented her so long ago.
Jessica pulled Eliza backed to her feet and slapped her repeatedly across the face with rights and lefts. The Latina continued to advance towards her while Eliza just stumbled clumsily backwards, unable to escape.
“The young girl you crushed is long gone,” explained Jessica while continuing to slap her rival. “I’m a fully grown woman now and I don’t take crap from anyone. You, on the other hand, are still the same poser brat you were 20 years ago, desperately in need of being put in your place yet again.”
Eliza could only whimper as she was forced back into a chair. Jessica’s fierce slaps stung her face but the truth behind her words stung just as much. Perhaps Alba was right. Perhaps Jessica had evolved into something Eliza wished she could be. Whatever the case, it was painfully clear to Eliza that she was no match for Jessica now. That she could never salvage her revenge on this woman.
Jessica had produced a set of ropes from somewhere and was promptly tying Eliza to the chair she had almost fallen into, but Eliza wasn’t even resisting anymore, such was the obvious futility in her fighting the inevitable.
“You’re a laughingstock, Eliza, it’s not even worth my time to humiliate you,” said Jessica with disgust. “You just sit here all night and enjoy the party.”
Finally, Jessica bent down and wrenched the sock off Eliza’s left leg. Alba gagged Dushku with the sock, tying it tightly behind her head and this is how she remained all night. She endured the taunts and laughter from other partygoers, Jessica’s friends, and had to listen to people wax lyrical about Alba’s greatness all night, helpless to do anything about it. Jessica herself didn’t give her even another thought. She was nothing more than an irrelevance to her now.