Kiva's having a banjo-playing dog puts me in mind of that 'duelling banjos' scene in
Deliverance …
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s73flj1t38… and suggests a whole new plot line: for their summer vacation, Kiva and her dog decide to canoe down a river in some remote region of the Appalachians. After a few days, they stop to get provisions at a settlement that's little more than a store with a bar attached and a few shacks. Kiva, with her cute face and sweet butt, is soon attracting appreciative wolf-whistles and the jealousy of the woman behind the bar, who spots Kiva's dog and says: 'reckon your dog's hot shit on the banjo, do you? Wait till you hear mine' and she whistles and an Irish wolfhound appears with a banjo slung round its neck. 'Enos,' she says (her dog's called Enos), 'show these city folk what you can do!' and, of course, Enos strikes up a tune, and he's pretty good, but then Kiva's pooch joins in and he's flipping Paganini! All the hillbillies are clapping, hollering and dancing, and Zadie behind the bar is livid - I mean livid! And, of course, she pulls a Trump and claims her dog won bigly, and you say nothing, but even her own folk are saying your dog won, so she strips off her apron and comes out from behind the bar and walks outside, and stands in the centre of the ring of huts and beckons for you to join her.
"Come on, city girl. You and me. Let's get this on."
And she thinks Kiva's going to be easy meat 'cos she looks sweet and she's well spoken and a nurse and comes from the north east 'like all them Microsoft nerds and grunge hippies' but there's a vein of steel in Kiva's character she hasn't reckoned with.
The hillbilly, in her Daisy Mae jeans cut off at the shins, and checked shirt strips to the waist and Kiva does too, drawing more appreciative whistles, and the fight's on, no holds barred, on the dry and dusty patch of dry earth in front of the bar. To the barmaid's fury, most of the locals are cheering Kiva because Zadie, although quite good looking, is still outclassed in the looks department and a total bitch with it.
At the start, the fight seems to be going Zadie's way and she manages to get on top of Kiva and grabs her by the hair and keeps pulling Kiva's head into her crotch and saying 'how d'ya like that, nursey-nursey? Stick yer thermometer up that!' only Kiva bucks to distract her and brings her legs up quickly and wraps them round the hillbilliy's neck. In the end, Zadie manages to break free and they're fighting on their knees when Kiva surprises her with a left hook that has the woman's eyes rolling into the top of her head and finishes her off with a right.
Stunned silence.
Kiva stands up. The hillbilly's out cold on her back. No one expected this. Then Kiva's pooch strikes up the Dead March, you know, the third movement of Chopin's second piano sonata, (der, der, deder, der / der, der, deder / de, de, deder, de, deder, deder, de deder)…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oL_HFnnywEU… and the Irish wolfhound joins in - even her own dog's making fun of her! - and someone passes Kiva a fire bucket full of water telling her 'Zadie there looks like she could do with a drink' and Kiva empties the bucket over the unconscious woman to bring her round before peeling off the other woman's jeans, rubbing them in the mud and wrapping them round her neck as a kind of scarf and pulling the knot tight: "So whose pooch won?" she asks, and the woman's face is changing colour and her eyes are bugging out, and she can't speak but she points to Kiva's pooch, and everyone cheers, and the Irish wolfhound, who's a better sport than his mistress, shakes hands (paws, rather) with Kiva's dog and gives him an appreciative pat on the back, and they exchange addresses and promise to write. And someone passes Kiva a flagon of hooch, and she takes a swig (since she's not on duty) and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand before loosening the knot around Zadie's neck, putting her foot between her loser breasts, and emptying the rest of the hooch over her loser face, leaving her spluttering on her loser back in the middle of the settlement.
Then Kiva puts her shirt back on, gathers her provisions and she and her pooch make their way back to their canoe escorted by cheering hillbillies, while the other woman scrabbles around in the mud looking for her shirt and muttering curses.
