When Two Rock Chicks Clash - Part 3
So now I’m 25... Life is pretty good. I never thought it would be again. I thought my life was over. When the doctors told me of my narrow escape 4 years ago I wished for the longest time they failed. Death would have been so much easier to take. I didn’t try to kill myself or anything but back then… If the doctors told me they couldn’t save me and I was going to die? I would have thanked them. That’s dark I know... it’s also incredibly selfish to have no appreciation for something as wonderful as life. But that’s how I felt. And I’d be lying to you if I said I felt any different.
I’d lost the only person in the world I loved and it hurt. It hurt far more than my broken body. It hurt far more than my lacerated kidney, broken ribs, blunt abdominal trauma, torn hamstring and fractured cheekbone ever could. I actually got sympathy from some people and I was amazed to be honest. In the 2 years I was with Terri, people had started to accept me but I thought that was just to keep her happy. I honestly thought that the second she was gone they would all turn on me in a heart beat, but that never happened.
I had to move back home for a while because I couldn’t look after myself and I dreaded it. As I hobbled down the streets to go to the shop or get some air I felt the familiar eyes of the locals watching me again. Just like they did for 12 years… staring in wonder and fear, but this time they had pity… they had sympathy. Everyone knew what happened and some people even sided with me. Not that I wanted that. I threatened to kill one girl all because she said “I can’t believe what that crazy slut did to you!” I snapped and lashed out. Not physically of course, I was a wreck. But the cold hard girl I used to be reared her ugly head and my acid tongue lashed out and stung the poor woman.
Throughout it all, I still held Terri on a pedestal. How could I not? She made me who I was. Where I was sullen, stubborn and reclusive she was joyful, engaging and the life of the party and through her I became a better person. She ripped down the walls I’d built around myself and opened me up to a world of new experiences, to passion, love, romance, joy… she was enthralling. But once the walls were down it left me open to other things… pain, humiliation, suffering, loss...
For a while I became the girl I used to be. I retreated and defended. Where people would come up to me and ask me how I was doing I’d laugh their concerns off with a bullish attitude, feigning strength and solidity and I’d pay them no notice when they questioned my resilience. But despite my bravado, every night I cried myself to sleep in my lonely room. I came to the realisation that I can’t go back. Terri changed me and I should embrace that change. Be a better woman. I mourned her loss like that of a loved one who passed and after my grief, I moved on.
Time heals all wounds they say… well… I don’t know who ‘they’ are, but they certainly talk a lot of shit. To this day I feel that loss. But I guess it’s not as bad as it used to be… Time did heal my body right. I became stronger than ever. I started working out, I loved running, I went to the gym at least 3 times a week and I even started a boxing class. I was never the slightest bit interested in physical fitness before but I’ve convinced myself that I started doing it in memory of Terri. I convinced myself because it made me feel good. It gave me confidence and empowered me just like she used to.
On the same sunny day in August I go back to Trefforest and up the mountain. It’s not the same as it used to be, the University has gotten bigger now and the houses in the village are either full of students or old people who refuse to leave their town. The town has prospered financially more than it ever did, there are more businesses and opportunities but it lost some of it’s heart. The Primary school has closed down because families don’t chose to move to Trefforest anymore. Because of that, nobody ever goes up the mountain. It was always the kids or the families walking the dog that marched up there but now the trail is overgrown. My stubbornness means I manage to get up every year on the same day without fail nether the less.
I remember the first year well. My stomach was twisting and turning so much I felt sick. I clung onto the childish notion that maybe Terri had the same idea. Maybe I’d find her there in my clearing. Of course she wasn’t and I sat down and cried for the entire day. Year two of my twisted anniversary and the same thing happens. I’d given up on my childish ideas by then of course, I knew I’d never see her again but I made my pilgrimage all the same. And again in year three there was walking… there was sitting and there was crying.
On the forth year The weather was awful. The clouds were darker than I’d ever seen them and without the suns bathing light, the tree’s all looked ominous and threatening. You could still see your way around fine but the shadows were much darker and the world was grey - like an old movie. The rain beat down so hard it almost stung as I fought my way through the overgrowth. My white blouse was soaked through revealing the outline of the bra underneath and my knee length skirt and heavy boots were caked in mud and filth. But I climbed up the steady incline anyway, knowing what awaited me there was a wet afternoon of tears and regrets but my stubbornness wouldn’t let me give up. No matter how much Terri changed me, she could never get rid of my stubbornness. At least it was still warm. I was soaked to the bone but it was a summer storm and the heat meant I was sweating profusely too. I powered up the hill and reached the top. Now was just the long walk along the narrow peak then the cut back down the hill a little to my secluded spot.
The ferns all rustled in the wind and they sounded like they were shrieking at me. The trees shook and the sky cracked. A large roar of thunder overhead filled the sky and drowned out the callous, shrill cries of the ferns and the wilderness. This was going to be a storm of epic proportions. I LOVE storms! As if on queue the sky was awash with a crackling energy as the first lightning bolt struck the ground. I counted the seconds like I used to as a child
1.…..
2.…..
3.…..
4.…..
5.…..
6.…..
BOOM! The thunder rumbled menacingly. The storm was 6 miles away. I chuckled to myself. I had no idea if that was true or not but when you hear something as a kid, you just reckon it to be fact! The weather couldn’t get more foul but I enjoyed it. I’d always taken comfort in the rolling hillsides more than I ever did with people and it felt like mother nature was sharing my pain as I completed my journey.
I walked passed the large bolder as I have done countless times in the past and stepped into the clearing just as another heavy rumble cracked overhead. I was smiling to myself, thinking back all those years how I used to almost sprint to the clearing hoping she’d be there. I wasn’t that naive anymore and trundled over in a happy walk. Caked in wet mud and filth, soaked through to the bone but still warm with the summers heat the weather had actually lifted my spirits some and as I looked up and saw the girl standing in front of me I continued to smile.
The girl… my smile faded… I saw her but my mind didn’t register her at first, or maybe couldn’t register her… As reality sunk in my smile turned into a quivering mess as all the memories and emotions of the last 6 years tore through me. My stomach lurched and tightened like someone had thrust their fists right through my flesh and gripped it with both hands squeezing with all their might… I jumped with a sudden gasp as another bolt of lighting illuminated the grey afternoon sky and her rain soaked face shone in the sudden flash.
I ran. I covered the 15 foot distance as fast as I my legs could carry me and our bodies smashed together as the Thunder cracked above our heads. The sky sounded like it was being torn asunder as we ran our hands all over each others bodies, our lips mashed together roughly and quickly, as if we were trying to catch up on four years worth of lost passion. I took in every detail, my hands ran through her dark, rain soaked hair as I took in her scent, My hands then explored the curves of her body, working down her hips and around her back. I pulled her in close to me, our bodies pressing against each other. My breasts pressed against hers as our legs intertwine and I feel her thigh push up and rub my crotch and I groan as her tongue wrestles mine. The Thunder roars again, and I feel two palms gently push against my shoulders and I stumble back and take in a sharp breath now my lips are free from her own. We stare at each other for 10 long, silent seconds. Just the noise of the heavy rain and warring clouds above surrounds us until I finally open my mouth
“You came back!” I cry, my heart bursting with joy as I smile like a love struck fool
“You… you look good Gemma” she reply’s nervous and awkward. I don’t know if it was a conscious decision or random chance but she’d dressed almost exactly the same as she was all those years ago… in her green denim mini skirt with a black vest top. She looked stunning, the rain making her top cling to her body so tightly but I could see her eye’s were red and puffy… coming here wasn’t an easy thing for her to do… I don’t know what it is she wants to say but those eyes of hers don’t fill me with hope… I try to make her smile. I’m so desperate to see that smile again…
“You look every bit the angel I remember sweetie! My god… I’m so happy you’re here!” I beam with a huge smile. She smile back. But it doesn’t carry the same warmth or joy I remembered. The muted tone in the air is punctuated with yet another deafening base line from the heavens as the thunder rolls on relentlessly. I’m suddenly painfully aware of how I must look, rain soaked and dishevelled from my long trek. Covered in mud and filth. I start adjusting my clothes and try in vein to fix my sodden hair.
“There you go again, always trying to make me happy” she chuckles and for the first time I feel the warmth of her smile on me. I release a heavy sigh as I realise I’d held my breath waiting for her response. My mind is tortured, is she here with good news or bad… I want to ask her so many questions but I couldn’t… what if she has bad news… Childishly I skit around any conversation hoping this moment would never end… but of course, it will…
“Gemma… I…”
“I can’t believe how good you look!” I gush trying to make her smile again
“…I need to…”
“Did you finish your sports science degree? You’ve never been so toned!” cutting her off mid way
“Gemma… I just have to…”
“I always liked you in that skirt, it shows off your legs and those sexy calves….”
“GEMMA!!!” she screamed with anger in her voice and my smile dropped as I stared at the ground like a child who’s being castigated. I can’t hold off the truth any longer so I face it. I look up and stare into those dark, troubled eyes and ask
“How did you know I’d be here?” She paused for a while, her temper was up now and I don’t know why she’s so mad… she thinks about ignoring my question and finishing what she came up here to do but in the end decides to answer me.
“………Carli told me. The girls all said you come up here the same day every year. Why? Why do you do that?” she asks and I’m almost reluctant to tell her…
“Mourning” I answer quietly. She stares at me long and hard, I know she wants more of an explanation than that, so I give her more. “This is the day I lost the only thing that was good in my worthless, shitty life. So I mourn it’s loss… I mourn losing you.”
As I stare at her I can see the words wreck their terrible damage. Her face turns and twists as if I’d rammed a hard uppercut into her gut. She tries to hold in the tears and chokes on her heart
“I’m so sorry.” She gasps, still choking on her emotions as she can’t keep them buried any more and bursts into tears. I remember the first time I saw her burst into tears as I lay bloody and beaten on the floor. Now I’m standing, in the best shape of my life and I’m in much more pain than I ever was then…
“Oh honey… you don’t ever need to apologise to me!” I comfort as I step into her and hug her, she buries her face into my shoulder and squeezes me so tight. Feeling her body against mine again was sheer bliss. I could feel her body shake as she sobbed onto me and I held her tight. The storm showed no signs of slowing down as the wind ravaged the countryside and whipped the trees and ferns into submission. Our soaked hair was blown all around our faces and each other.
After 5 minutes she breaks away from me again, her sobbing has subsided now and she stares at me with a softness in her gaze.
“I am sorry. I shouldn’t have left the way I did…” she finally speaks and I quickly interrupt her
“You shouldn’t have left at all!” I snapped, my anger showing through a little too much. I see her take a step back and I immediately regret it. I soften my voice but I still need an answer…
“Why did you leave me? I thought we were stronger than that” I ask, almost choking on my painful words
“I almost killed you! I thought you‘d never want to see me again… I was honestly scared that the first thing you‘d do when you saw me today was kick my arse…” she answered, she seemed amazed that I even needed to ask and I guess if anyone else beat me like that and left me hospitalised, I wouldn’t want to seem them again. But for Terri to think that I wouldn’t want to ever see her again… that really hurts. I stare at her, jaw open as the rain pounds down heavier.
“… Babes… I’d take a beating like that once a week if it meant I got to be with you for the rest of my life… How could you ever think that I’d never want to see you again… I’m nothing without you…” again my words hurt her… It was plain to see from her face… I didn’t mean them too but the realisation that she spent the last 4 years in exile, longing to be with me but choosing to punish herself and stay away. Now being told that she was wrong and I’ve wanted her embrace every day was brutal. I’ve learnt the hard way that life is brutal… but sometimes… it’s an absolute cxnt.
“You’re hear now!” I cry out hopefully over another blast of thunder. I smile again as the possibilities race through my head, of recapturing the long lost love of my life “We can put all that behind us!”
“Oh Gemma………”
I wait with baited breath for her words
“you need to shut the fuck up and listen for once in your life…” Her tone takes on a harsh edge and her words offer me no comfort, but I comply and hear her out.
“I am sorry that I left you… but most of all I’m sorry I ever met you…”
My legs turn to jelly as this time I’m on the receiving end of some painful truths. I almost drop to my knees and my eye’s start to well up as I choke and hold in the tears.
“My life has been HELL!!! I dropped out of university through fear of ever running into you again… I moved cities and ended up in a shitty dead end job just to make sure we never saw each other… I can’t speak my mind or open up anymore I’m so fucking damaged and because of that the only partners I’ve had have all been abusive, oppressing arse holes… for 4 long years I hid from you… and now I need to face my daemons… I need to put you down Gemma…”
I was stunned into silence… is this really happening? It took me almost 4 years to get over this woman and now she’s back, she wants to destroy me?
“Are you FUCKING CRAZY???” I scream “It took me years to get over you and the fucking wreckage you left behind when you ran away!!! I never asked you to go!!! You just abandoned me!!! And now you come here and blame ME for everything that’s gone wrong in your life? FUCK YOU TERRI!!!!” FUCK YOU!!!!”
I stand there breathing heavy as the storm rages… perception is a funny thing… moments before, the storm lifted my spirits as I watched mother nature in all her glory… now it feels like the heavens are at war, like they’ve taken sides and scream and shout as they watch our battle unfold. I can’t believe she blames me…
“My life’s been no fucking picnic the last 4 years BITCH! But then again, I didn’t have a choice… you say you’ve been to hell? Well so have I… the only difference is YOU put me here and there was no fucking way for me to get out… you could have came back anytime you wanted… we could have embraced and moved on with our lives together the second you returned but for 4 years your fucking cowardice shone through and you hid. YOU made your life hell you fucking cxnt! YOU made both our lives hell!”
She steps towards me and her breasts press against mine as she stares into my face with a look of pure rage
“I’ve been hurting myself for 4 long fucking years bitch… and if you think I came here to start getting punished by you as well? You’re in for some disappointment… I am going to beat you tonight just like I always have…”
“Are you going to run away again after you do? That’s what your best at isn’t it? Being a fucking coward?” I growl back pressing my body hard against hers. She doesn’t answer, she just raises her arms and shoves my shoulders so I fly back.
I don’t fight it, instead my left fist lashes out like a whip as I stumble backwards, clipping her nose and rocking her head back slightly. I can see a small drop of blood run down from her right nostril and I know it’s on…
We circle each other on this familiar spot but this time my stomach is ripping itself apart with conflicting emotions… Last time I lost the fight and I lost the love of my life… this time I don’t plan on losing, but even if I win, can I get her back… do I want her back? Yes… that was a stupid question. I’d do anything to have her back in my life.
She jumps at me with grace and speed grabbing my left wrist with both hands I throw out a hard right hook towards her face but she ducks it releasing my left wrist and slams a fist into my exposed right had side. “UUuuggghhh… Uugggnnn…ooommmpphhh…” she launches 3 more heavy blows there and I twist quickly clipping her jaw with a left hook. It didn’t have the force I needed to floor her but she starts back pedalling to safety. My punch clearly shook her. I can see it in her eye’s and it crushes me…
I burst into tears and sob uncontrollably and Terri stares confused…
“I don’t want this! Why are you doing this?” I cry out over the thunder and she hesitates for the briefest of seconds… maybe there is some of the woman I left still in there “I’m not fighting you!” I state lowering my arms in the heavy rain
She approaches me with her arms up still, unsure what to do
“Don’t be fucking stupid! I’m not going to stop you know!” she shouts out, angry at my lack of compliance… her anger boils over and she smashes a heavy right into my belly and I step back gasping but keep my arms lowered. She backed off after the punch expecting a retaliation but when none came she got even angrier
“JUST FUCKING FIGHT YOU PUSSY!!!” she screamed running forward and gripping my hair painfully. She held my hair and wrenched my head from side to side whilst throwing in vicious knees to my unprotected belly. I gasped and I coughed as her punishment rained down. One brutal knee sank deep into my navel and I doubled over coughing and crying before she pulled me up straight by my hair with her left hand and cracked a solid right against my left cheek bone. I would have staggered back but she still held my hair tight. Still my arms were lowered. I would not attack her… and this drove her hate and fury to fever pitch… she convinced herself that this would be the turning point in her terrible life and from her point of view, I was preventing it.
My jaw dropped and my mouth opened wide in a silent scream as the white hot pain flashed through my body followed by a huge throbbing agony. She’d pulled my hair up with both hands staring right into my eyes, inches away from me and SLAMMED her right knee deep into my cxnt. Brutalizing my pussy and forcing me to choke and gasp on the pain. I felt my hair get released and she backed off… still within striking distance but far enough to survey the damage.
I was hurting bad. My lip was split from one of her punches and my left cheek was swelling up. My ribs were aching, my abs were tender and the pain in my crotch made me want to throw up. But nothing compared to the hurt inside…
“Listen… if I win here, I’m leaving you a beaten, bruised and broken wreck on this mountain and I’ll walk away forgetting you ever existed… I don’t care what you think… I don’t care that you wont defend yourself … I’ll pound you until your unrecognisable from the mud and dirt on the floor… So if you really love me… If you want me back in your life like you say you do… you better not lose…”
Her words were awful! How could she put me in this position… to stand any chance of keeping the girl I love I have to beat her into submission? My body trembled with anger… she wants to fight? I’ll give her the worst fight she’s ever known…
She comes at me again but I dance to her left circling her, keeping her wrong footed… I see her slip on the mud and she windmills her arms to stay upright and I strike out like a viper. Seeing the opening in slow motion I launch a heavy right fist forward, it smashes into the right side of her mouth and rocks her back violently. Her lip is busted open wide and she flies backwards splashing down mud and grass. She lays there a second dazed, her arms and legs spread wide as the Storm washes down on her. The blood running from her lip diluted by heavy rain water as it pours down. She didn’t get much time to rest as I threw a vicious kick to her cxnt. As the toes of my heavy boot smashed her delicate womanhood, her entire body shot up of it’s own accord, reeling from the terrible blow. Her hands flew to her pain and she screamed a blood curdling cry. Her eye’s weren’t focussed, she was in shock and she didn’t see me step to her right and fire out a brutal right footed kick to her chest. Her breasts were crushed against her ribs and chest plate by the impact and she was flung back hard against the uneven, rain soaked floor again, gasping and coughing as my kick robbed her of oxygen as well as savaged her breasts.
I circle her and start to throw kicks into her ribs, she’s curled up on the mud and grass, covered in filth and her face is scrunched up trying to contain the pain she’s in. that’s nothing compared to what I’ll put her through… I straddle her chest pin her arms to her side and stare down at her. I can see the fear in her eyes as I a bolt of lightning silhouettes me. I start raining down heavy fists against her chest and breasts. I don’t punch her face, I want her conscious and in pain. My blows wreak a terrible toll on her body as she thrashes and struggles to free herself. Her breasts and ribs get pounded over and over and over again as tears stream down her face. I was so focused on hurting her I never felt her hand get free until she dug her nails viciously into my pussy.
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKK!!!!!!!!!” I scream out and the heavens roared with me. Another blast of thunder rumbles as the sky shares my pain. I roll off to her right hand side, my hands trying to pry her left hand away as she brings her right hand across and thumps it into my solar plexus I gasp as I struggle to breath. My lungs and diaphragm temporarily paralysed by her blow and she mounts me while I’m still gasping and frightened. A right hook crashes against my jaw followed by a left into my cheek. Over and over again she beats her fist into my face, my nose is bleeding, my lip is split wider and my face is starting to puff up as she beats me senseless. I can’t believe I’m losing the fight… with every harsh blow, the woman I love slips further from my grasp as I teeter on the edge of consciousness. She pounds me so hard and for so long, she starts to tire out and instead grabs my hair and lifts my head high only to ram it down into the mud. The ground is far to wet and soft to hurt but my hair and scalp are on fire. She gets off me pulling me up till I’m standing, although I’m barely upright, my legs are so shaky. She cracks my jaw yet again with a right hook, the punch landing with a solid thud and rocks me so hard I spin around, staggering and now facing away from her.
She rams a deep uppercut into what she thinks is my right kidney and I scream. She’s heard me scream before but this was different… this scream had all the pain and terror behind it of a thousand lost souls. As her punch smashed into me my body is pushed forward, my arms reach out to the side clawing at the air and my head is thrust back as I scream at the sky. After I scream she punches me again and again in the same spot she pounded me 4 years ago. I beg her to stop
“Please!!! Not there… AAAGGGHHH!!!… oh god please stop!!!”
“What’s wrong BITCH! You’re back hurting you cxnt?” she growls menacingly then punches me again.
She rips my top up, wanting to see my back as her fist slams into it and readies another hate fuelled punch and then chokes… she staggers back as she sees the deep and horrible scar stretching across the right side of my back and ribs…
“what the… what the fuck is that???” she gasps fearful of my answer… but she already knows… she was a sports science student for 2 years, she knows the human body better than most. I turn to face her, tears mingle with rain and blood on my bruised face and I rub my tender back and my old wound carefully… I can’t look at her, I turn slightly to my right, so my left hand side is facing her and my tender right had side is safe…
“that is where my kidney use to be… the one you annihilated 4 years ago… around the same time you deserted me when I needed you the most… you see… it wasn’t just my heart you broke…” I saw the impact my words had on her… the painful truth ripping her apart. Tears burst from her as she breaks down completely… I won the fight, that’s for sure… she’s a wreck. She cries so hard her tears fight to drown out the heavy rainfall.
The mud slips a little…
But not enough for me to lose purchase…
I push off the ball of my right foot up to my toes as I shift my weight across to my left foot…
My torso soon follows as my hips and then my shoulder rotate towards her…
My right arm flies true, slicing a path across the rain as it travels with all the speed and power I have ever thrown…
As my fist smashes the left side of her stunned jaw, the shock and impact causes it to open as I power through…
Her jaw cracks, and is forced to her right under duress from my fist…
Her head soon follows and my punch continues it’s path, spraying spittle and blood in a curving arc outwards from her mouth…
As my fist leaves her face and finishes it’s journey, her head is still snapping sideways, the force of the blow obliterating her…
As her head twists it’s soon followed by her long dark hair which whips out away from her…
As her hair lashes out, tiny beads of rain are flicked from it and travel in a clean arcing sweep like the blade of a sword, distending from her…
She crashes face down into the mud and filth, out cold and broken. Her heart smashed in to pieces by the realisation of her own actions and her jaw possibly broken by my vengeance and fury. I stand over her, shaking my right hand as it throbs and watch her laying face down for a few moments. I kneel beside her and twist her onto her back and with the help of the pouring rain, wash the black mud off her face. She looks so serene and peaceful and my mind can’t help but wonder back to all those times I watched her sleep in my bed and I cry. Not in my entire life have I ever cried so much over one girl… or over anything in fact. Through the last 4 years I’ve cried and cried more than I have my entire life and every tear has been for her… yet despite the pain and misery I feel… I still want her. I still need her. Because all this pain and suffering I have inside me is worth it to feel just a moment of joy in her arms.
I lay there next to her, hugging her for a while until she starts to wake… my heart is in my mouth as she turns to face me… her eye’s are groggy and she smiles at me.. It’s eerie… like her concussed brain hasn’t even registered that we ever split up and acts like we’ve just woken up in bed on a Sunday afternoon and then the pain hits her… soon followed by the recollection… her mind clears and she stares at me… she goes to say something but she cries out, her jaw aching badly.
“It’s alright… you don’t need to say anything right now… just please… please don’t leave me again…” I finish and start to cry.
“Ooohhwwweee… I guess you won… ooohhhh fuck…. My jaw… jeez…”
I lay next to her in silence fearing her next words…
“…look Gemma… I… I’m not…”
My heart stops beating as time freezes. The sky starts to clear and the rain finally relents. Daylight is visible for the first time and I still hold my breath waiting for her words…
“I’m not going anywhere honey...”
