Jessika was always such a good sport when it came to how she was portrayed in my stories, so I decided to do an entire card of fighting in her honor. Marie B. also participated in this by doing the first Marie vs Too Sexxxy match which everybody loved. Some folks have asked for more on Alicia Christmas, Samantha, and Jasmine. They are all in matches here and there's a barnburner of a match between Marie and Glory. Reading this again, I have to laugh at some things. Kayla and Samantha being nice to each other, Samantha and future IQ stablemate Justine Credible in a fight and Jenn Peccavi as a referee. Happy days lol!
Jessika's induction ceremony in the female fighting hall of fame.
About two hours earlier...The crowd is all a buzz at Jessika's home town in South Africa. The 6'2" 170 lb Glory, wearing a nice green dress and heels and with her hair down and wearing her eyeglasses, walks up to the podium. Jessika is seated in the middle, with Kayla, Siena, Marie B., Rachel, Alicia Christmas, David and Jolene Rictor, Serenity, Lady Jasmine, Jenn Peccavi, Laila Ali, and many many others in attendance.
Glory- "Great fighters come once in while. Real fighters are born in middle of conflict, but rise because fighting is what they do. Jessika is a really great fighter. In the sport of female fighting, Jessika has set new standards and new heights. She was the most brutal, suicidal, homicidal, genocidal fighter in perhaps the history of the sport. Her career has spanned over 30 years of blood, sweat, and tears, and matches that are priceless and stories that are timeless. She is truly a warrior woman, a real life valkyrie, a mother figure, a champion, a friend. Jessika has always made her opponents better, and everyone who's survived a match with her can attest that she is one of the best of all time at what she does. And what she does is KICK ASS! With this said, it is my honor to induct my friend, my ally, my sister in blood and guts, Jessika, into the female fight hall of fame and award her the OPW Lifetime Championship belt! (crowd cheers)
Fast forward passed all the speeches to now. The ring is ready and awaiting an action-packed card in honor of an all-action star. Most of the fans don't know who's even fighting, but they know who's here and they know that these tribute shows tend to have every match as a main event level match between two of the best. Jessika will be wrestling in the main event tonight, so she's got her gear on under her clothes as she sits up on the stage and watches.
"Search And Destroy" by Metallica plays and out comes Glory. Glory is wearing a midnight blue one piece, blue gloves and black boots. Her hair is back in it's traditional mohawk as she enters the ring to chants of "GLORY GLORY GLORY!!" from the South African crowd. She climbs the top turnbuckle and raises her fist to them. Then she climbs the opposing turnbuckle and raises her fist, pointing at Jessika and winking.
"Shine On" by John Lennon plays and out comes the 4'11" 92 lb Marie B. Marie is wearing a red bikini and is barefoot as usual as she gets into the ring quickly. Siena isn't by Marie's side tonight; Siena has a match later on that she is preparing for. Marie looks at her much taller opponent as Glory gives her the sinister grin. Marie looks determined and focused as Glory offers her a handshake. Marie looks at the hand and shakes it, then backs up as the bell rings.
Glory starts the match by raising her hand high and offering Marie to challenge her to a test of strength. Marie can't reach up that high and doesn't want to, but does fake like she will. Marie grabs Glory's hand and bicycle kicks her, hitting the black girl in the chest, neck and face. As Marie flips over, she hooks her legs around and front dropkicks Glory in the stomach. Glory staggers back as Marie kicks her in the thigh. Glory seems unaffected by the thigh kick, but Marie is able to bend her with a spinning kick to her stomach, Marie hears Glory make an "ough" sound and blow out air. Marie bounces off the ropes and charges Glory, but as Marie leaps in the air, Glory grabs her and flings her over her head in a back body drop. Marie crashes to the mat and is in pain as Glory yanks her to her feet. Glory whips Marie hard into the corner, but Marie jumps out of the way when Glory tries to ram into her. Glory's body slams into the corner and Marie is on her, jumping on Glory's back, pulling on her chin and securing her knees on Glory's back while Glory is still standing. Glory spins around and slams Marie into the corner. Glory sits Marie on the top rope and grabs her by her throat. Marie kicks Glory hard in the stomach and the big black girl gasps and lets go; then Marie hooks Glory's head under her arm and jumps off the top rope, spins and drives Glory's head into the mat. This is called a top rope tornado DDT. Marie covers Glory, 1, Glory bench presses Marie off of her.
Marie gets to her feet quickly and as Glory rises, Marie dropkicks her knee. The black girl buckles a bit and backs up more into the corner as Marie does a dropkick to Glory's body, well below the navel. Glory is in the corner now as the crowd is shocked at how Marie is doing so well in this match. It seems as though Marie found a weak spot on Glory somewhere and the black girl is winded. Marie moves in on Glory, but Glory grabs her and clotheslines her over the top rope. Marie is sent out of the ring and gets some of the wire from the ring apron as Glory kneels and catches her breath in the corner. Glory doesn't know it but Marie ties Glory's ankle to the ringpost in the corner. Marie climbs to the top rope and grabs Glory from behind. Marie applies another choke on the bigger woman, but Glory grabs her underneath her armpits and flings her forward, but the gymnast Marie lands on her feet, backflips and upside down dropkicks Glory in the face, sending the black girl into the corner. Glory tries to go forward but realizes that her foot is tied. Glory sneers at Marie as Marie slips out of the ring and yanks Glory's leg out from under her. The Mohawked Mocha skinned Marauder falls on her stomach and ample breasts as Marie grabs her feet, and using her new found strength, yanks Glory's crotch right into the ringpost in a wishbone split! Glory is known for shaking off blows to her womanhood, but this hurts even her. Glory rolls on her back, her legs still hanging over the ring apron.
Marie steals a page out of Rachel's book and crosses Glory's legs into a four shape, then puts the figure four around the ringpost on her. Marie is hanging upside down as the added pressure on Glory's legs is immense. Glory sits up and reaches down, grabbing Marie by her stomach and squeezing. Marie cries out in pain and lets go as Glory yanks her right-side-up and into the ringpost! Marie wraps her body around the ringpost while Glory proceeds to untie her ankle. Glory looks pretty pisses off as she slides out of the ring, grabs Marie by her back, and flings the small fighter off the ringpost and slams her into the steel barricade! Glory pulls Marie up, but Marie slips free and does a drop toehold, tripping Glory and sending her face into the top of the barricade. Marie jumps onto the top of the steel barricade and balances herself, jumps into the crowd, slamming her elbow down on the back of Glory's head and slamming the black girl's face into the steel barricade again!! Glory is bleeding now, and Marie begins to stomp on her stomach. Marie mounts the larger woman and begins to pummel her face with punches. Glory pushes Marie off of her; the push sends Marie's back into the ring apron and Glory charges her, slamming Marie's body into the ring apron with a clothesline!!
Marie's head was knocked all the way back with that one and Glory pulls Marie back and yanks her forward, ramming her knee deep into Marie's stomach and forcing the air from her lungs. Glory whips Marie all the way into the steel barricade by the announce table. Marie hits her knee on a chair, collides with the timekeeper, and hits her chest into the steel. Glory wipes the blood from her face and smiles. She approaches Marie, but the little warrior slams the heel of her foot backwards between Glory's legs. Glory bends but quickly stands herself up and shakes her head from side to side as she smiles at Marie. Marie has kicked Glory full force in the womanhood before, and she knows that Glory isn't weak there. Glory bends Marie backwards over the steel and sends a very hard open palm strike to Marie's chest. The "BOOM" sound is very loud and Marie's eyes start to tear up as the bigger woman lifts her up and slides her across the announce table.
Glory climbs onto the announce table and pulls Marie up. Glory smiles as the fans rise to their feet and Glory grips Marie around the throat. Marie desperately hurts Glory with a knee to the stomach and as Glory lifts her, she stops Glory by biting her face, then she hooks Glory's head under her arm and drives Glory down onto the announce table in a devestating DDT!! The table is broken as Marie drives Glory's head through it and the fans begin to shout "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
Marie stands and struggles to stay on her feet and she climbs back into the ring. Glory rolls over on her back and begins to slowly get to her feet. Marie bounces off the ropes, does a cartwheel, and launches herself at Glory, but Glory sees her coming and moves. Marie's head is heading right for the steel barricade, but Glory puts herself in the way and Marie crashes into her as Glory pulls Marie's head out of the way of brain damage. Only people who know wrestling can see what happened, otherwise it looks like Glory was trying to catch Marie for a move and got nailed instead. Glory rises and Marie slips behind her and using all her might, drives Glory stomach-first into the ring apron "OOOUUUGGGHHH!!!" cries Glory as tears roll out of her eyes and Marie pushes her into the ring.
Glory is lying on her back in the corner and the speedy Marie quickly climbs the top rope and does her gymnast pose, then does a spiral flip off the top rope and drives her feet into Glory's weakened stomach "UUUGGGHHH!!! You got my stomach, you little thing!" Marie lands in the perfect Y pose and stands on Glory's stomach while the ref counts, 1,2, Glory kicks out! Marie is too concerned with the match the realize the magnitude of what she's doing to Glory. Marie pulls Glory up and tries to whip her to the ropes, but Glory reverses and kicks Marie in the stomach "OOF!!" then DDTs her! Glory kicks herself to her feet as the crowd goes wild. Glory bounces off the ropes but Marie gets up and using Glory's foreward momentum, Marie shocks us all again by gabbing Glory and flipping her into a powerslam!! Glory has a 90 lb weight advantage on Marie, but thanks to Siena's training, Marie has managed to bodyslam Glory! 1,2, Glory violently rolls Marie over and slams her elbow into Marie's stomach a decimeter below Marie's penny sized round navel. Marie may have done an amazing thing, but Glory has been slammed by much bigger women and the impact is great, but not enough. Glory grabs Marie by her blonde ponytail and tries to slam her head into the turnbuckle, but Marie slips out, runs up the turnbuckle, backflips over Glory, hooks her head under her arm, and pulls Glory down on her back as the black girl was still coming forward. Marie quicly locks her legs around Glory's neck in Marie's trademark headscissors. The air from all of the stomach blows and the pressure on her throat is causing Glory to flirt with unconsciousness as Marie really tightens her legs around the black girl's throat.
Glory in desperation reaches up and grips Marie around her ankle and squeezes, then rotates Marie's foot counter clockwise. Marie screams as Glory gets a grip around Marie's throat with her other hand and squeezes. Marie lets go of the hold, but Glory stands, lifting Marie by her ankle and throat and holds her high above her head... then drops the small blonde stomach first across her knee!! Nothing is heard from Marie except the sound of air whooshing out. Glory begins to pound Marie above her eyebrows and opens her up. Marie is busted open and bleeding now as Glory lifts her up and chokeslams her! Glory places her foot on Marie's body just like she did the last time they fought, 1,2, Marie shocks everyone and kicks out!! Glory puts her hands on her hips and stares at little Marie. Glory reaches down, but Marie grabs her legs and rolls her up, 1,2, Glory kicks out and both women scramble to their feet.
Marie bounces off the ropes, goes for a flying clothesline but Glory ducks under it. Marie lands on the bottom rope as Glory charges her, Marie backflips off the bottom rope over Glory and lands on her feet. Glory comes back off the ropes, Marie tries to duck, but Glory posts off Marie's arm, hooks Marie's head under her arm and drives it into the mat with a float over DDT!! Marie scrambles to her feet as Glory kicks her hard in the stomach, reaches across her, lifts her up and drives her down for The Rock Bottom!! Glory covers Marie, 1,2,3!! Glory has beaten Marie B. in a battle that makes Jessika very happy! Glory stands and immediately pulls Marie to her feet. The two bloodied women stare at each other as Marie is barely able to stand and Glory smiles at her and grabs her. Marie's eyes widen as she thinks Glory is going to give her another Rock Bottom, but Glory hugs her. Glory has tears running down her face as she raises Marie's arm and the fans cheer. Glory points back up to where Jessika is seated with her family and friends and says "That was for you! I love you!!"
Glory applaudes Marie B. and backs into the corner while Marie takes a bow and waves at Jessika. Both women embrace again and they know that tonight, the tension in OPW is on hold to pay tribute to Jessika.
COMING UP SOON: Samantha vs Kayla for the OPW World Title with Jenn Peccavi as the special referee. And later, Rachel vs Alicia Christmas, Siena vs Justine Credible, and she's gonna give us one more big memory, the new member of the female fighting hall of fame, Jessika vs hall of famer, the 22-year old legend Lady Jasmine in a No Holds Barred match!!
Jessika Tribute Show Fight 2: Samantha vs Kayla for the OPW World Title.
Jenn Peccavi is in the ring wearing her black and white striped referee attire. The crowd is still buzzing from the war that was Marie B. vs Glory. On the big screen, Lady Jasmine’s mask is shown backstage and the crowd goes wild. Jessika can only smile from her seat as a feminine manicured hand grabs the mask.
“Ambitionz Of A Riddah” by Tupac Shakur plays and out comes Samantha Angelica Pritchard. The 5’9” 142 lb 26 year old with honey skin, red hair and green eyes is dressed in a black sportsbra and black spandex shorts with blood red shoes and black trim and laces. She gets into the ring with a mixed reaction from the crowd, looks Peccavi up and down and then climbs the corner and raises her arms with a smile on her round face and dimpled cheeks. Samantha looks out where Jessika is sitting and smiles then turns around and leans back on the turnbuckles.
“Simply The Best” by Tina Turner plays and out comes the unified OPW People’s Champion and OPW World Champion, the 5’9” 140 lb black haired green eyed South African Kayla. Everyone gets on their feet and cheers loudly for the hometown girl, as she is defending her title here for the first time. Kayla gets into the ring and does her traditional blown kiss and wave. The crowd chants “KAYLA KAYLA KAYLA!!!”
The noise is deafening as Jenn calls for the bell to be rang. Samantha seems very nervous as she and Kayla lock up. Samantha puts Kayla in a headlock, Kayla pushes Samantha off of her and to the ropes, Samantha bounces off and tries a clothesline but Kayla does a split and Samantha jumps over her, bounces off the opposing ropes and Kayla jumps up and gives her a dropkick. Samantha quickly gets to her feet but Kayla takes her down with an armdrag. Kayla pulls back on Sam’s arm while keeping her knee in the black girl’s back.
Samantha- “You’ve got me now, huh champ?”
Kayla pulls Samantha down on her back and proceeds to knee Samantha in the ribs and side, forcing her former nemesis to groan loudly as she tends to do during fights. Samantha manages to punch Kayla in the face a few times before Kayla releases the armbar and grabs her nose. Samantha pushes Kayla on her back and mounts her. Samantha proceeds to place both her knees on Kayla’s stomach and pulls Kayla’s head forward… this is a MMA moved called The Can Opener. Kayla feels her Alicia Christmas battered neck stretch as Samantha pulls with all her might for the submission. As Peccavi is on her knees watching closely and asking Kayla if she gives up, the South African fans begin to clap and stomp for their hero. Kayla reaches up and grabs Samantha’s ample breasts and squeezes with all her might. Samantha screams and yanks herself off of Kayla.
Kayla stands and pulls Samantha to her knees, then Kayla knees the black girl hard in the stomach “OUGH!!” Samantha is then pulled up and whipped hard into the corner. Kayla backs up and charges, but she misses when she goes for her jumping bodysplash. Kayla’s head hits the top turnbuckle hard as Samantha slips behind her and hits her with a german suplex, 1,2, Kayla kicks out! Samantha pulls the white girl up and places her head and arm across the bottom rope and over the ring apron. Samantha bounces off the opposing ropes and jumps on Kayla’s back, slipping her entire body over Kayla, through the ropes and out of the ring as if Kayla were a human slide. Kayla is stunned and still draped across the ropes as Samantha punches her with a hard right hand that sends Kayla off the ropes and to the mat. The crowd boos loudly as Samantha pulls Kayla’s legs out of the ring and slams both of them into the ring apron! Samantha rolls into the ring to break Jenn’s count on her and then rolls back out. Samantha slams Kayla’s legs hard three more times as the champion cries out in pain. Samantha pulls Kayla out of the ring and tries to whip her to the barricade, but Kayla reverses it and clotheslines her!
Kayla stops to bend and check her now bruised calves and the she gets on the ring apron. Kayla runs and jumps off the ring apron, driving her elbow into Samantha’s heart! The black girl is whimpering as Kayla whips her into the steel barricade and follows her with a knee to her sensitive stomach.
Samantha- “You are beating the shit out of me. I don’t know if I can hang with you.”
Kayla doesn’t know how to respond to that, but she tosses Samantha into the ring and covers her, 1,2, Samantha kicks out. Kayla stands and pulls Samantha’s legs apart, then gives her a dropping headbutt to her stomach, “OUGGGHHH!!” Kayla rises and goes for another headbutt, but when her head crashes into Samantha’s stomach, not only does the sexy black girl groan in anguish, she wraps her legs around Kayla’s head and neck in a headscissors!! Samantha sits up and begins to pulls Kayla’s head back and begins to punch her in the face. The black girls looks very determined now as Kayla’s face is starting to look helpless and panicked and Samantha is beginning to smile. Kayla slams her fist hard on Samantha’s outie navel “OOOH!!” The blow forces Samantha to loosen her legs and lie flat on her back. Kayla rolls Samantha’s legs up and pins her, 1,2, Samantha manages to roll backward onto her stomach and ends up on top of Kayla, who rolls with her. Samantha rises and drops her supple ass on Kayla’s stomach, forcing the air from the South African, 1,2, Kayla kicks out!
Samantha goes for the same move again, but Kayla gets her knees up and they slam in between Samantha’s legs!! Samantha rolls onto her stomach and shakes her head from side to side as Jenn asks her if she quits. Kayla pulls Samantha up by her long red hair and places her on the ropes. Kayla proceeds to work over Samantha’s stomach with lefts and rights, all the while looking Samantha in the eyes and listening to the biracial girl’s groans and moans. But Samantha breaks up Kayla’s fun with a huge kick right to Kayla’s womanhood. The “EEEE!!” that comes from Kayla is accented by the “OHHHHHH!!” of the crowd as Kayla grabs her sex and begins to fall, but Samantha pulls Kayla’s head between her legs and piledrives her to the mat!! Kayla is on her back and Samantha pulls Kayla and places her head over the ring apron. Samantha balances herself on the top rope over Kayla and looks down.
Samantha- “You want my pussy, Kayla? Here it is!!”
Samantha jumps off the ropes and drops the weight of her butt and sex right on Kayla’s face and head. This hurts Kayla’s neck even more as Samantha’s body crashes down on Kayla’s head and she lands outside of the ring and Kayla falls out on the top of her head as well!! Kayla is now bleeding as Samantha pulls her up to her feet. Samantha faces Kayla around the waist and lifts Kayla leg, locking it into the hold as well. Samantha falls backwards and throws Kayla over her head and to the floor, this move is called a cradle suplex, but because of the way it looks with the one leg up and the crotches on each other, Samantha likes to call it the Sexyplex. Kayla lands hard on the floor as Jenn is in Samantha’s face telling her to get back into the ring. Samantha pushes passed the 5’5” Peccavi and goes for Kayla.
Samantha rolls Kayla into the ring and lays her on her back near the corner. Samantha climbs to the top rope and lands on Kayla with a Shooting Star Press, one of Samantha’s finishing moves!! Oh, uhhh… yeah, I better tell you what a Shooting Star Press is. Samantha jumps off the rope and backflips, but her body goes forward as it flips backward, get it? She crashes across Kayla, 1,2, Kayla’s foot is on the ropes. Samantha complains to Peccavi as Kayla rolls her up from behind, 1,2, Samantha rolls and reverses it, 1,2, Kayla kicks out! Both women get to their feet quickly, Samantha grabs Kayla and goes for a swinging neckbreaker, but Kayla reverses it, kicks Samantha in the stomach, and powerbombs her. Kayla lifts Samantha’s leg up and pins her, Peccavi counts the 1,2,3!! KAYLA WINS KAYLA WINS KAYLA WINS UN-BE-LIEEEEEEVABLLLLLLE says the South African announcer as the hometown hero prevails over her rival. Samantha is down, but gets to her feet as Kayla celebrates another successful defense of her title. In all three of her defenses, Kayla has found herself bloody and battered, but she has found herself victorious. Samantha approaches Kayla and the two go face-to-face.
Samantha- “You beat me, Kayla … again. You are the better fighter tonight. Congratulations. Admit it though, I had you, didn’t I?”
Samantha shakes Kayla’s hand, but Kayla pulls Samantha into a hug. The two former enemies share a kiss as Kayla eyes shed tears. Tonight is a special night for her friend, lover and mentor, Jessika, and Kayla is more than happy to be a part of it. Jessika stands and applauds both women’s efforts as Jenn Peccavi, Kayla and Samantha bow and blow kisses at Jessika.
NEXT: Two of OPW’s most accomplished stars face off as Rachel Apache battles Alicia Christmas. Then later, OPW owner and hall of famer and the most popular OPW star in history, Siena Blaze goes up against the self-proclaimed most exciting fighter in OPW history, the highflying highrisking human highlight reel, Justine Credible!! And of course, in our main event, new hall of famer Jessika meets the toughest fighter in OPW history, 22-year old hall of famer Lady Jasmine in a no holds barred match. There is a lot of barbed wire backstage and there are ladders and chairs under the ring. I don’t know why, but I think it has something to do with this match.
The referee comments to the press:
Peccavi- That was one hard match between two former foes of mine. As you saw it swayed, there were moments when I thought I would have to eat my words about Samantha but in the end she was just not good enough. Another defeat for her! And for Kayla, it shows you can be fair and clean and still fight successfully, something which Marie B needs to learn. Both of them were and are sexy women. Both hard fighters, both bi, I'd not be surprised to find something happened between them after the match. My first match as a referee, you know me, I am a street brawler, all this business about rules and so on is a bit beyond me. I hope I did ok.
Jessika Tribute Show Match 3: Rachel vs Alicia Christmas
“Flashdance” by Irene Cara plays, and out comes Alicia Christmas. The 5’10” Barbie blonde is wearing her traditional white one piece with white boots and gold tassels and she is visibly limping as she approaches the ring. Alicia suffered thigh and groin injuries in her ladder match with Kayla and has her left thigh taped up, but Alicia is still smiling and is still going to go through with the match, even though she’s in Kayla’s hometown and being booed out of the building by all the Kayla and Jessika fans. Alicia gingerly enters the ring and waves at Jessika, who fights back the urge to laugh at the buxom blonde overly optimistic conservative.
Alicia- “What an honor it is for me to be here in South Africa at this wonderful event. I am so happy for Jessika to be entered into the Female Fighting Hall of Fame because Jessika is a woman who has turned her life around for the better. We athletes sacrifice so much in this brutal sport, and Jessika finally realized the errors of her ways to become a successful member of a convent. And I will fight for Jessika and for all of you beautiful people here in South Africa because I am a champion, I am a strong and intelligent woman, and you may not like me, but you goooooooooootta love me!!”
“Silence” by Enigma plays, and out comes Rachel to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Rachel has a very good reputation worldwide, and despite some of the verbal jabs she and Kayla have taken at each other, Rachel is still cheered by many of the fans. The 5’11” Rachel is dressed in her traditional purple sportsbra and purple shorts, but tonight her attire is of a darker color; the purple is more of a blackish purple, very dark. And she’s wearing black shoes and gloves instead of white ones. Rachel gets in the ring and stands in ring center with her arms folded as she always does as Alicia Christmas watches from near a corner.
The bell rings and the two women circle each other. The 26 year old Rachel and the 41 year old Alicia Christmas are two of OPW’s greatest stars, but this is only the second time they are facing each other in a singles match. Rachel throws several punches at Alicia’s body that the blonde backs away from, then Rachel goes for a front kick to Alicia’s stomach, but the blonde catches her foot. Alicia yanks Rachel forward by the foot and grabs her around the waist, then Alicia spins Rachel and slams her with a belly-to-belly suplex. Alicia immediately switches her position to Rachel’s neck and applies a dragon sleeper, hooking Rachel’s head and throat under her left arm and locking up Rachel’s right arm under her right arm. Alicia pulls Rachel up to a seated position and slams her knee into Rachel’s upper back, then presses the knee on the back of Rachel’s neck. Rachel uses her strong legs to push up from her calves, then she gets her feet under her and stands up, forcing Alicia to stand as well. Rachel is being bent backwards in the dragon sleeper now, but Rachel grabs Alicia’s back with her right arm and throws her own body forward, lifting Alicia off the mat and bodyslamming her hard, 1,2, Alicia kicks out.
Rachel grabs Alicia’s left leg and flips her over on her stomach. Then Rachel steps on the inside of Alicia’s knee, grabs Alicia’s foot and throws herself backwards almost parallel to Alicia, stretching Alicia’s knee. Alicia is in pain but she doesn’t cry out and Rachel locks her other leg to Alicia’s and twists Alicia’s leg below the knee counterclockwise while still stepping on her knee. Rachel places her hands on Alicia’s calf and forces it down in the nine o’clock position on the mat, then Rachel does a mini-handstand and drives both her own knees into Alicia’s calf. Rachel stands and turns Alicia over on her back, then goes for a figure four leglock, but as Rachel is turning, Alicia kicks her in the backside and sends her tumbling front first into the ropes. Alicia is up quickly and Rachel is draped across the middle rope. Alicia grabs Rachel around the waist and legs in a wheel barrel position, then Alicia pulls up and falls back on her butt. The result is that the back of Rachel’s neck is shot into the top rope and then her throat falls across the middle rope!
Rachel is hurt by this move as Alicia pulls the black-haired goddess up by the back of her neck and puts her head under her arm. Alicia looks around at the crowd and smiles, gives a thumbs-up, and then lifts Rachel up in a standard suplex, but throws Rachel foreward, front suplexing Rachel stomach-first across the top rope!! Alicia hears a little ‘whoosh’ from Rachel as the wind may have been taken out of her trademark sixpack abs. Rachel is doubled over the ropes as Alicia bounces off of the side ropes, runs and grabs Rachel around the neck, twists her neck and falls, pulling Rachel’s neck and head off the top rope and to the mat… modified swinging neckbreaker! Alicia pulls Rachel away from the ropes and covers her, 1,2, Rachel kicks out! Alicia once again puts Rachel in a sleeper, but it’s a simple one, then Alicia stands Rachel up and backs into the corner while still maintaining the hold.
Alicia holds the sleeper in place with one arm while using her legs and her right arm to step up the rope backwards and sit on the top turnbuckle. Alicia then uses both of her arms to pull Rachel off the ground and squeeze the sleeper in deeper. Rachel is hanging in the sleeper as Alicia demands the ref ask Rachel if she gives up. Of course Rachel can’t shake her head because Alicia’s grip is so tight that Rachel can’t turn her head. Rachel manages to hook her feet to the middle rope to the left of the corner. the referee tells Alicia to break the sleeper, so Alicia lets Rachel go completely, causing the black haired Persian’s head and torso to slam down on the mat hard. Alicia follows up on this by jumping off the top rope and driving the back of her leg across Rachel’s face! Alicia hooks both of Rachel’s legs and goes for a pin, 1,2, Rachel quickly rolls Alicia over and locks up her legs, 1,2, Alicia barely kicks out! Rachel stands up and Alicia is to her feet and drives a hard knee into Rachel’s stomach, “OUGH!” cries Rachel as she backs into the corner. Alicia lowers her head and rams her shoulder into Rachel’s stomach. Alicia can see the rare look of pain in Rachel’s eyes as Rachel’s mouth is open. By her own admission, Rachel can’t fight if she can’t breath, and Alicia is really trying to restrict Rachel’s breathing as much as possible. Alicia smiles at her foe and then goes for another shoulder ram, but Rachel jumps, does a split and flips over Alicia. But before Rachel can roll Alicia up, Alicia sits on Rachel’s body, 1,2, Rachel kicks out, and when she does, Alicia is sent face first into the bottom turnbuckle!
Rachel stands up and doesn’t look very happy as she grabs Alicia from behind. Rachel whips Alicia in the direction of the opposite corner, but instead reverses her momentum and sends her torso first into the nearest corner! As Alicia staggers back, Rachel bounces off the ropes and nails Alicia in the face and chest with a cartwheel kick! Rachel is considered the greatest athlete in OPW history and she is showing why tonight. Rachel pulls Alicia up and whips her off the ropes while bouncing off the opposing ropes, Rachel plants her feet and prepares for a front dropkick, but Alicia counters by grabbing Rachel under her arms and using Rachel’s own upward momentum, pushes her further up in the air. But Rachel throws her legs forward and still dropkicks Alicia right in face, only from a higher angle thanks to Alicia.
Rachel and Alicia are both up fast and they both rush each other. Rachel misses a roundhouse kick as Alicia ducks under it, Rachel misses a sweep as Alicia jumps over it. Alicia throws a front kick a Rachel, Rachel catches Alicia’s foot, and Alicia jumpkicks Rachel with the other foot in her trademark enziguri (Alicia does this move in all of her matches and it never ceases to amaze me how even the fighters who have genius level IQ’s like Rachel and Serenity still fall for it). Rachel is down and Alicia grabs both of her legs and turns her over on her stomach into another trademark Alicia Christmas move, the Boston Crab. Despite all the pain Alicia is in, she is showing a toughness tonight that contrasts greatly with her personality. Rachel’s back in legs are hurting badly as Alicia is really bending her, Rachel reaches the ropes, but Alicia pulls her off and easily walks Rachel to ring center. The South African fans begin to stomp and clap as Alicia starts yelling “ASK HER!!” to the referee as Rachel continues to shake her head from side to side.
Rachel constricts her own body by reaching back and grabbing Alicia’s left ankle. Showing off her great strength, Rachel yanks Alicia’s left leg right out from under her, causing Alicia to fall forward into a forward split and strain her already injured left thigh and groin. Alicia rolls over on her back and grabs her leg, but Rachel is up and steps between Alicia’s legs, tries to hook on the sharpshooter, but Alicia kicks Rachel in the stomach and then kicks her off. Rachel slams into the corner, the back of her head hits the top turnbuckle and her hand gets twisted on the middle rope. As Alicia rises to her feet, Jessika cringes as she sees Rachel pop her dislocated left index finger back into place and kicks Alicia in the stomach, “OUGH!” cries the blonde as Rachel grabs her up under her arms and tosses her head first into the turnbuckle. Rachel rams her shoulder into the small of Alicia’s back. Rachel spins Alicia around and sits her on the top rope. Rachel climbs up there with Alicia and the fans rise to their feet. Rachel lifts Alicia up in a suplex, but when Rachel falls backwards, she drops Alicia on the top of her head… this is called a brainbuster, but since it’s off the top rope, it would be called a top rope brainbuster. Rachel rises and bends forward to concentrate her breathing, but Alicia reaches up, pokes Rachel in the eyes and pulls Rachel down, rolling her up, 1,2, Rachel kicks out! The South African fans applaud the two women as they both are lying down. Rachel is up first, and as she pulls Alicia up, Alicia bends forward, grabs her around her waist and throws her over her head, but bridges her own body backwards and pins Rachel… northern lights suplex, 1,2, Rachel still kicks out! Alicia pulls Rachel up and backs up to the ropes, pulling Rachel with her. Alicia hooks Rachel around the waist and it looks like Alicia is going to go for an overhead belly-to-belly suplex; if she hits this, Rachel will be sent over Alicia’s head and out of the ring.
Rachel breaks the hold, hooks Alicia around the neck and shoulders, and Rachel falls backwards into one of her own trademark moves, the downward spiral! Alicia’s neck rams across Rachel’s shoulder and she pops up and falls on her back!! Rachel slowly rises and pulls Alicia up. Rachel stands beside Alicia, hooks her left leg with Alicia’s right leg, reaches around Alicia’s shoulder with her left arm and prepares to give Alicia a side Russian leg sweep, but Alicia elbows Rachel in the ribs, turns and knees her in the stomach, then pulls Rachel’s legs out from under her. Alicia crosses Rachel’s legs into a four shape around her left leg, lies down, and presses her right leg across Rachel’s crossed right ankle… figure four leg lock. Rachel can try to back into the ropes to break the hold, but Alicia is backing herself and Rachel to the middle of the ring… which is exactly what Rachel wants.
As Alicia tells the referee to ask Rachel if she submits, Rachel rolls to her right hard, turning Alicia and herself on their stomachs and putting the pressure on Alicia’s left leg. But Rachel doesn’t stop there; she pulls Alicia’s legs up as she stands up and crosses them around her left leg and sits back… the sharpshooter. Alicia is in agony and because of her own doing, she is in the middle of the ring and can’t reach the ropes. Alicia has only submitted twice in her career, once to Siena Blaze and once to Lady Jasmine. She takes the sharpshooter for nearly fifteen minutes before she finally taps out, completely spent and crying!! Rachel has defeated Alicia Christmas and becomes only the third person to beat Alicia by submission! Rachel rises and pulls Alicia up; Alicia is on one leg and Rachel shakes her hand. Alicia hops out of the ring to a lot of boos but much applause while Rachel stands in the middle of ring with her hands on her hips, looking at the fans with a near grin on her face. No one was fighting outside of the ring and no one got bloody and busted open. It was a great technical wrestling match and the South African faithful appreciate both women’s efforts. Rachel looks up at Jessika and bows in pure stoic martial arts form, then she takes her leave.
Marie B. vs. "Too Sexy" Howard Cosell
Oooooooh! Here I come, struttin’ down the aisle toward the ring. I’m stylin’ and profilin’ and looking just… ....oh-so-cool!
That’s right, it’s me…..Too Sexy, known to many of you folks as Howard Cosell. Tonight, I’m gonna be fighting Marie B.
What’s that, you ask? Isn’t Marie a girl’s name?
Damn straight, it is. And why am I fighting a girl?
Because she was foolish enough to accept my challenge, that’s why. I have to admit that I never expected she would. I figured she would run and hide when she heard me call her out. Y’know, saying it was her time of the month or something.
But, no. Instead, she not only accepts the challenge, but demands two matches. I was taken aback, I confess. I was conspicuously confused. My mind was ablaze with conflicting conflagrations.
I mean to say, the girl is so small. She gotta stand on her little tiptoes to get above 5 feet tall. She weighs 90 pounds. Ninety pounds! Man, my left testicle weighs more than that!
Me, in the meantime, stand a majestic 6’1, y’know? And, at 146 pounds, I’m pretty thin, but wiry. I’m put together in a perfect series of planes and angles. I am the ideal of every woman and the idol of every man. I am so sexy that I have to get a doctor’s prescription occasionally for some antibiotics because my sexiness is like a fever….. almost an infection that must be contained. If I didn’t medicate it periodically, you know what would happen? All the women in the world would leave their husbands and boyfriends and show up at my front door. I don’t think my wife would care for that, and even an ultimate man like me has his limits. Though, my limits are exceedingly high.
But I have no limits when it comes to fighting a woman! It’s true that there are a handful of men that could defeat me, but no woman in the world has a snowball’s chance in hell. So I’m gonna beat Marie tonight. The girl actually thinks she has a chance against me. She assumes that her speed and wrestling knowledge are greater than mine. That’s a silly mistake though, Marie!
You want to talk about speed? Well, I’m so fast that I can turn off the light switch and jump into bed before the room gets dark! And fighting knowledge? It happens that the Encyclopedia Britannica has a section for “wrestling” and it has my picture at the top of the page! Oh, Marie, you don’t know what you’re lettin’ your bony little ass in for.
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Anyway, I keep strutting toward the ring. Most people are cheering, but some are looking me strangely, as if they never saw anyone dressed like Shaft before. What’s the matter……you folks got something against polyester?
Walking behind me are my two boys, Fritz and Waldo. Don’t worry, I don’t need them to help me with Marie, but they are here to keep an eye on her trainer, Siena. A pre-match stipulation we’ve agreed on is that I’m gonna spank the little bitch when I beat her…..right in the center of the ring! Then, there’s a stipulation that only I’ve agreed on. It’s that I’m gonna suck and lick her navel after I beat her. I challenged Marie to wear a two-piece outfit tonight, but I know she won’t because she knows I intend to visit her Navel Academy.
At any rate, Fritz and Waldo are here to make sure that neither Siena nor anyone else tries to rob me of the rightful spoils of my victory.
I reach the ring and climb in, prancin’ and dancin’ my way back and forth across the squared circle. Most everyone is cheering at the top of their lungs. They’re all shouting “Boo!” which I take to mean “Beautiful!” Crowd noise can be a funny thing, y’know?
Anyway, as I strut around, I’m careful not to touch any part of my body with my fingers. Why? Well, it’s because I’m so hot that touching myself might cause second-degree burns! Got to watch it.
*********************
I can now spot Marie B. coming down the aisle, accompanied by her washed-out trainer Siena. Marie is acknowledging the crowd by waving, but her eyes are fixed on me. She is unaccustomedly wearing a robe and this puzzles me for a moment until the reason pops into my head; she’s afraid to show that she’s wearing a one-piece outfit under the robe, with probably a belt over the waist. She is scared of my “navel-prowess” and knows I’m gonna lambaste her when she gets in the ring. I laugh out loud at her timidity.
She enters the ring and dances lightly in place, her eyes still burrowing into mine. At this close range, I’m struck by how tiny she actually is. For gosh sakes, she’s 14 inches shorter than me and 56 pounds lighter. I ruminate over the easy victory that awaits me and yet a grain of concern nags at me. Has she got some secret weapon or tactic that I don’t know about…..something that could do damage to me? No, I’m not talking about a foreign object that she might have brought into the ring to hit me with. I’m talking about some intangible that I haven’t even thought of. Finally, I decide…..NAAAAHHHH! Marie’s got nothing; she’s just here on a wing and a prayer.
(Upon being introduced, Marie removes her robe and reveals the figure of a little-girl gymnast. It is a feminine shape, but there is so little of it. Many of the fans in the arena, seeing that she is about to wrestle a male, groan aloud when they see Marie’s ribs stick out in vivid detail….she has no meat on her bones, no excess fat on any area of her body. The reason they can see the ribs is that Marie has indeed worn a two-piece bathing suit. The moment she disrobes, she sneers at Too Sexy, pointing at her navel, then deliberately wags a finger back and forth, as if saying “Here it is, and you’re not gonna get it, Too Sexy.”
In response to that, Too Sexy smiles and rubs his two hands together in an obstreperous fashion as if to say, “Lunch is served!” )
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The bell rings and we move toward ring center. I verbally assure her that I have no intention of punching her. I’m not even sure why I felt compelled to say it; after all, why lock myself into a promise like that when she wasn’t looking for it? At any rate, she doesn’t respond to it, she just starts bouncing around the ring, circling me, then changing motion. Moving fast, then slowing it down and feinting toward me as if she plans to rush me. She is very active and it’s hard to know exactly how to attack her. After all, homeys, the most important thing in a setting like this is to look cool. I don’t think any one of you could disagree with that, right? And blindly chasing this little runt around the ring wouldn’t look cool.
Plus, in addition to everything else I’ve said, I know one other vital fact….. anything that I connect solidly with is going to hurt her. It will only take one good shot to spell the end for Miss Marie B. Bubblehead. Whereas, she could hit me 1,000 times and not do damage. I’m too strong, I’m too tight, I’m too bad. Oh…..and did I mention Too Sexy?
So we maneuvered around each other for about a minute as I waited for her to initiate something. Just as I thought she wasn’t going to, she grabbed my left wrist and tried to pull me forward. She couldn’t move me, but I was surprised she tried, given that my right arm was free. I sent it whooshing toward her (Yeah, I know I said I wasn’t gonna punch her, but hey!….it was only gonna be a forearm smash.) Marie easily ducked under my right arm and leaped forward in a flash, head-butting me on the left side of my rib cage. I didn’t expect it, it’s a very sensitive area of the body, and it hurt like hell.
I stepped backward, trying to laugh out loud but having a hard time doing it. I was tempted to hold my ribs with my hand, but intelligently resisted the impulse to do so….it would have shown her that I was hurt. As it was, she knew it anyway, stepping forward quickly (Good Lord! I never realized how truly fast she was!) and stomping her bare foot into my stomach. I foolishly turned to the side to avoid a second stomach kick, and quickly realized that I had fallen into another trap she had set for me; I had left exposed the left side of my rib cage again. Sure enough, there was Marie’s foot, crushing painfully into my ribs, forcing me back to the ropes and in a slightly breathless condition.
With my back against the turnbuckle and my ribs hurting, I used straight punches with both hands to keep Marie off me. I was afraid she would charge me and try to exchange punches when I had bruised ribs. But she was too smart to do that, knowing that trading punches with a stud like me would be the fastest way to get clobbered. Instead, she was feinting with her legs, dancing around and probing for an opening. My defense was pretty tight, and the extra time it gave me started to work in two ways:
First, my ribs were hurting less and I got my breath back. And second, I was getting pissed off…..after all, I had been held at bay in the corner by a little girl more than a foot shorter than me. And a nineteen-year-old kid, no less! What the hell was I thinking of, being cautious of her? I’m a man, y’know!…… a solid specimen of masculine perfection.
I’ve got tons of strength for my length, more brains than I can contains……and more soul than I can control!
Where is that little blonde shit? Let me at her!
This time, I do chase her around the ring, sacrificing some “cool” in order to put an end to the little thing’s evening. I catch her by the arms as she tries to dance by, and Irish whip her into the ropes. As she rebounds and comes shooting toward me, I have a clothesline ready for her. But, figuring she can avoid it, I instead deliver a body block to her shoulder that sends Marie flying and landing on her side. I hit her hard enough that she scrapes along the canvas a bit after she hits. She jumps up quickly (admittedly more quickly than I thought she would be able to) and walks around the ring, rubbing the abrasion on her arm.
This was my first offensive maneuver, and I’m surprised and a little hurt to hear the loud “boo’s” coming from the crowd. Sure, I knew that the fans didn’t want to see a little girl hurt by a supreme fighting machine like me, but I didn’t believe the whole arena would be thinking that way. I mean, some folks had to be rooting for me, right? I spotted my wife sitting at ringside. She, at least, was happy at my success.
“Yeah, baby,” she smiled. Don’t show mercy. Don’t give her a chance. You’re the best, T.S.!”
“Right at ya, darlin’” I smiled at her. “You’re on my side. You’re always on my side, baby!”
Marie continued dancing around me, probing for a way to get inside, to get me down on the canvas where our size difference wouldn’t be as much of an impediment to her. I simply kept my arms up and swatted away at her, keeping her at a distance while landing occasional slapping shots to her face.
The frustration was beginning to show on Marie, despite the pleas coming from Siena outside the ring for her to be calm and take her time. I stood there and realized what Marie was now coming to plainly see: she had no way to beat me or even hurt me. If she got too close, I would clobber her. At the same time, she had no way to move me even if she did penetrate my defense.
I dropped my upraised fists and half-smiled into her face. I knew she was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed…..which is different than the way women usually feel after I love ‘em…….then, they feel pleasured and overwhelmed. Oh man, I am the Doctor of Desire!
Anyway, I watched Marie and felt these joyful feelings. I felt the inner glow of physical superiority……and I felt it all right up until the point where everything went wrong.
***********************
Just as Marie and Siena had predicted in the weeks leading to the fight, my problems stemmed from underrating Marie. I was sure that she couldn’t overpower me, and I was right…..but I never stopped to consider the things she could do.
Marie charged at me wildly….recklessly, I thought, which was unusual for her. Then, she slowed down just as she reached me, which seemed really strange. Her hesitancy gave me the time to grab her by the waist with both hands and hoist her in the air, high over my head. Even as I was puzzled by this offensive maneuver, I knew that the most devastating thing I could do now would be to back-body-drop Marie. It would send her over my head and hurtling to the canvas from a height of over seven feet. The match would be over, I just knew it. I effortlessly held her over my head for a moment to increase the suspense, and was again struck by how tiny she really is.
The fans in the arena, seeing me prolong the agony like that, started booing viciously and I no longer thought they were saying “beautiful” to me.
“Ay, let the little goil go.”
“Hey, ya bastard, would you want someone doin’ that to your little sister?”
“Let her down nice and easy, ya bully. You gonna end up killin’ her.”
I heard everything they said but it was just making me mad. Everybody was on her side; what was that all about? She wanted to fight me, didn’t she? She thought she could win, didn’t she? Hell, she’s just another opponent….that’s how she wanted to be treated, so that’s what I’m gonna do.
At the height of her apogee, I dropped her back over my shoulder and didn’t even turn around to watch, figuring I’d hear the inevitable crash of her body on the mat. As it turned out, I didn’t hear it, but that’s because the crowd was screaming up a storm. Most of it seemed to be shouts of hatred toward me, so I strutted around the ring with my back turned to the unconscious Marie and my arms thrust high in the air in victory! It felt great. I continued to prance around, playing to the audience in front of me.
(Unknown to Too Sexy, Marie hadn’t landed on her back the way he had intended. Instead, she was tossed high enough in the air that it allowed her gymnast’s instincts to take over. She measured her position while airborne and performed a twisting layout which allowed her to land on her feet. Marie, who was perfectly okay, turned and saw Too Sexy's back to her as he was playing to the fans. Getting a running start, the small girl launched a flying drop kick into the small of Too Sexy’s back. Caught totally unaware, he stumbled forward to his knees, with his arms draped over the second rope. Marie immediately jumped on his back, wrapping her legs around his head, his right shoulder, and the rope. For balance, she held the top rope with her hands. Then, Marie squeezed for all she was worth.)
Owwwwwww! Owwwwwwww! Aghhhhhhhh! Man, does that freakin’ hurt! Good God, how did Marie ever get power like that in her legs? If she keeps squeezing my head like this, my brains are gonna come popping out the top of my skull. I’m feeling dizzy, there’s no doubt. Ain’t enough oxygen reaching my thinking machine. I’m squirming and fighting but I can’t get free. I can barely describe the intensity of the pressure this little girl is putting on me. Am I gonna lose this match?
But, no! Look at them fans sitting right in front of me at ringside. They’re laughing and pointing at me! This cannot be happening. I will not allow myself to lose to a girl. So I use all the power I’ve got and stand up. As I figured, Marie kept her grip on my shoulders and head, but by me standing and hanging her body precariously over the top rope, her balance is upset. Her leg scissors loosens slightly and it gives me the leverage to grab her head with my arms. I pull and she resists, but eventually her whole body slides over my shoulder onto the ring floor. I slapped her down hard enough that I figure she’ll lay there for awhile, but she shocks me by bouncing right back up and grabbing me in a surprisingly tight headlock. I’m still a little woozy from her headscissors and can’t stop her from tightening the headlock, even as she maneuvers her body so that she is climbing onto my back. Thankfully, Marie doesn’t have good enough position to lock her legs completely around me; I know that it would cause me trouble. As it is, I’m staggering around the ring with a 90-pound weight attached to me, trying to bring me down. Just as I feel my legs start to weaken to where I might actually fall, I swiftly thrust us backward so that her body is mashed between mine and the turnbuckle. Marie wilts in pain and slips to the mat.
She is hurt this time, for sure. Marie starts to crawl away from the ring corner, not wanting to be trapped there. She seems helpless now. My spirits lift and I prepare to finish her off. Strutting over confidently, I lean down, bending at the waist in order to pick her up. Suddenly, Marie lashes out with a quickness I thought she no longer possessed. She uses her arms to pull down my head and simultaneously entwines her arms and legs around both of mine. Thrusting us both to the side, she wraps me into a “small package,” and my shoulders are flat on the ground, in pinning position. I squirm frantically to keep at least one shoulder up while I paw at her arms and legs in an effort to break the hold. Marie surprises me again; she has a grip of iron. In utter desperation, I power out of the hold, brutally thrusting outward with both arms and legs. The hold was perfect, but she simply didn’t have the size to keep me in it. She flies halfway across the ring but rolls and shoots back at me before I can get to my feet.
I do manage to get partially turned away from her because I think she’s going for my face. She adapts quickly, coming from behind me and wrapping her legs around my head and face. I’m lying on my side and watching Marie lock her ankles in front of me, thereby increasing the pressure of her latest scissors hold. I can’t believe it; she got me again! This time, the scissors is super-tight as the back of my head is braced by her crotch.
Marie giggles slightly and points at her toes. Immediately, I understand the implication; she is forcing me to look at her bare feet even though she knows I hate feet. I double my efforts to pry myself free and can’t budge her an inch. Seeing that she has me trapped, Marie decides to sacrifice a little of the tightness by crossing one leg back toward herself. I have no idea what she has in mind until she bends the foot far back enough that her toes are mashed against my face. She rubs them on my nose, mouth and eyes while giggling the whole while. I’m disgusted. I hate freakin’ feet! And I hate it even worse because she is fulfilling her pre-match promise to do this to me. Ugh, feet!
So I decide to abandon a pre-match pledge of mine. I’m gonna punch her in the face. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do. My arms are long enough that it will be an easy shot; if she wasn’t so small, I wouldn’t be able to reach.
I make a fist and launch it. Marie never sees it coming. I use all my force and smash her high on the forehead. Her legs immediately lose their grip and I break free of her scissors hold. She remains sitting on the canvas as I get up. Marie is still stunned and can’t defend herself as I easily pick her up with a crotch lift and hoist her above my right shoulder. Seeing what I’m about to do, the crowd reacts violently, yelling obscenities at me and throwing debris in the ring. I parade around the ring with my prey helpless in my hands. When I’m done “entertaining,” I raise Marie and body-slam her to her back as hard as I can. It’s a harsh way to treat a 19-year-old girl, but hell, look what almost happened to me when I was still underrating her.
This time, there is no way for Marie to make an adjustment while in the air. She lands with a sickening thud and lays still; unconscious.
I make my way over to her and, while still standing, step one boot onto her chest and hold it there while I raise my arms and smile.
The referee counts…..1-2-3……and the winner by pinfall is Too Sexy!
OOOOOOOOOHHHH! I am the greatest! I am the king of kings! I am the king over queens, too! Everyone drink in the greatness that is TOOOOOOO SEXY! Oh, I am overwhelmed with my fantasticity, by my grandiovisity, by my conclaviousness.
After I calm down a little, I move back toward my victim. I know I was just supposed to put her over my knee and give her a spanking…..and I’m gonna do that, yes. But first…..first…..there’s that navel. Marie is still lying on her back and that exposed navel is on display for the world to see. WOOOOOEEEEEE! It’s just the way I like it. A satiny, smooth stomach, flat as a pancake…..with a bodacious bellybutton just waitin’ for this Bayou Boy! Rama-lama-ding-dong!
I give an eye signal to my boys, Fritz and Waldo, and they grab Siena to make sure she can't interfere with any of what I’m about to do. Siena struggles but can’t help her friend now.
So I bend down, lick my lips and get ready to start lickin’ and lovin’ when a quiet voice says to me:
“Cosell.”
I turn, and when I see who it is, I am surprised, but still manage to say;
“Why, Kayla, as I live and breathe. What you doin’ here, m’lady? Came to get my autograph, sweet thing?”
“No, Cosell, “ she answered, “I came to make a delivery. Here it is.”
And before I could move a muscle to defend myself, Kayla side-kicked me with such force that I was later told that I went flying out of the ring and into the third row of seats.
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(THREE HOURS LATER)
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(Too Sexy is getting into his car.)
Oooooooohhhhh! This is a humbug! Listen to me! Listen, because the world needs to know that I beat Marie fair and square. They need to know that Kayla had no business attacking me! I was supposed to spank the little blonde bitch, and I was gonna do it just as soon as I had my way with her intriguing “innie.”
Well, there’s a second match coming. Y’all hear me? A second match….and I’ll beat Marie again, and this time all of her friends will be barred from ringside so I can enjoy the spoils of my victory.
This is a humbug! This is an injustice! I am acrimonious! It just ain’t fair! It just isn’t right! I will have what’s mine! I will…….…..
Shaking her head sadly, Too Sexy’s wife closes the door of the Lexus, cutting her husband off in mid-rant.
They drive off into the night………….the now blessedly quiet night.
“Back In Black” by AC/DC plays and out comes Too Sexxxy with his lovely wife, the 5’7” 135 lb Toni Braxton looking Shakena. Once again, TS is booed by the crowd, a feeling that he isn’t quite that use to, but Shakena is cheered, and the brown-skinned goddess is smiling and waving as TS holds the ropes apart for her to get into the ring.
TS- “It’s me, it’s me, it’s that T-double O, Sexy!! I decided to come back because after my match with Marie, there are some things I need to get off my chest. I have to tip my hat to Marie, she fought hard, she fought well, but she still lost. She still went down to the original Sexy Boy! And she better damn well admit it, too. I beat Marie B. just like I said I was and now you people can SUCK IT!! However, the way she lost is what bothers me. You see, I was an active competitor in OPW about eight years ago and I fought a lot of women and a lot of men. But I NEVER hit a woman in the face. I’ve NEVER done that in my entire life… and that’s where I have a problem with what happened. Whether you love me or you hate me, I always keep my word. The one thing that separated me from all the other chauvinist pigs and self-absorbed members of the Luvaboy Movement is that I have honor. I have my word and my balls. And now, I’ve broken it… I have disgraced myself as a gentleman and as a competitor because I broke my word. I SAID I WASN’T going to hit Marie in the face, but in the heat of battle and in the heat of you people booing me, I hit the little girl in the face… I’ve never done that before in nearly twenty-seven years of living and I’m NOT happy with myself about it, and I want Marie B. to come down to the ring now so that I can do what I need to do as a man. There's something special about little Marie that I just can't stop thinking about her.
Crowd continues to boo….
TS- The way she put her legs around me, the way she giggled and her little tummy shook and moved when she was breathing. I had to hit her, because I just... I just had to get her away. This match I’ve got coming up with her, it’s going to be my LAST match as an active competitor in OPW because I can’t trust myself to honor myself anymore. And this match will have a stipulation, one that I haven’t quite figured out yet, but if I lose, I will lick Marie’s feet. I know you people are having a hard time understanding that, or maybe you just don’t care, but my integrity means a lot to me, and if I don’t have that, then I may as well put the mask back on and call the matches. Now, there’s something else that happened… Kayla kicked me. This is something that just flat out pisses me off. Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in. Marie lost to me fair and square and I was cashing in my victory prize and here comes Ms. Superwoman Suck-up Sore Loser Kayla. Is it just me or is OPW centering itself around making Kayla look good the same way it tried to make Glory look good. I know Marie and Siena sure as hell are. I’m sick of people walking on pins and needles around Kayla, but I don’t do it, so I let them do what they please. I'm just a commentator; I just ask that they leave me the f**k out of it, but Marie calls for her friend to bail her out again, despite the match being between just she and I. Glory interferes in main events all the time, I guess Kayla’s new respect for her has made her copy another person’s act once again. I would’ve preferred Siena kick my ass over that girl any day of the week. And Siena is really losing her skills any time an athlete of her supposed calibur is held in check by two hired guns. I guess she thought they had some money to receive her trademark Siena Suck. I’m not going to waist my time dealing with Kayla; Kayla and I go waaaaaaaaay back and I’m gonna just let her off the hook this time. But that’s the second time you’ve attacked me, Kayla… that’s strike two. Attack me one more damn time, and I’m going to do a hell of a lot worse than sending Samantha and her friends after you. You’ve got waaay too many willing enemies and I’ve got waaay too much money. Catch my
